Moms of 3 year olds - I need some tips

Well, not only is school back in full effect, but unfortunately so is the attitude when I pick him up.

Most days last year he didn't want to get in the car. After I wrestled his butt in the carseat I was able to bribe him with Skittles when he came into the house. Bad I know - but when you are carrying an infant - and dealing with a crazy Toddler you will do anything (at least I will)

Now he gets Skittles for pottytraining so they are losing their effect.

Fast forward to today - first day back at school, thankfully got into the car ok but gave me a fight when we got home. I offered him a chocolate chip cookie if he came into the house like a big boy - I thought it was working but he ran off. I threw Tyler in the pack and play and ran after him. Carried him in - got in the house, and he went to run out again. I smacked his arm (and then cried for a half hour after because I did that)

I need something effective. What is going to work here because I'm being honest here when I'm saying I CANNOT deal with this nonsense for another year.

Re: Moms of 3 year olds - I need some tips

I am not BTDT (DD is only 14 months) but she also screams and cries when I try to bring her in from outside.
Is there any way you can let him run around the backyard for awhile to burn off steam before even trying to go into the house? or is it that he will do this even if you give him that time? Maybe try telling him, Ok, you have 5 more minutes to play out here and then we're going in. ok, 3 more minutes to play, ok 1 more minute to play.etc.
I dont know, just brainstorming and trying to figure out my own strategy for when DD is that age! good luck!

Re: Moms of 3 year olds - I need some tips

I would def smack ds for that. Something else that works is threatening to take away toys. I've even thrown one of his toys out- he hit me with it & i told him if he did it again, it was going in the garbage. Well, he hit me with it with a sneaky grin & i said that's it & threw it in the garbage. He knows i mean it now.

So my advice is to stop bribing & start taking away! HTH

Re: Moms of 3 year olds - I need some tips

I personally would do time out for that type of behavior. It woud only take 1 or 2 time outs for my DD to get that she needs to listen and come in. Do you use time outs? Sorry, not much help. I often bribe her with ring pops :) Mayeb that or a special afternoon treat woud help

Re: Moms of 3 year olds - I need some tips

I just want to say that he is testing you & you shouldn't reward his behavior at all if u think it's unacceptable. He's old enough to know what he's doing & also to control himself. Be more stern & don't try to reason with him at all

Re: Moms of 3 year olds - I need some tips

Bribery doesn't work with Benjamin when he does these things either. Honestly, time outs don't do much unless it's his Dad who puts him in there (don't even get me started on that one).

What does work is taking away toys, as suggested by other posters. Does he freak out? You bet. Does it get the point across and help curb or stop certain behaviors? You bet.

Re: Moms of 3 year olds - I need some tips

Thanks everyone for the advice. I do take away toys...he could care less

Re: Moms of 3 year olds - I need some tips

When you say he won't come in --- does he run AWAY? Off the property?? If you NEED to get inside right away, I think I would make him stay in the carseat until you get Ty in, and then carry him in.

I usually let Ale run around on the front lawn for a bit when we get home -- and I let Scout out so we have a big playfest. Then she will come inside willingly, especially if I tell her we are going to do something fun like watch her favorite DVD or make cupcakes. I do find myself using IF...THEN a lot. "If you don't come in now, then we won't watch Alvin. It's your choice." This usually works,but not always.... 3 is tough!!!

Re: Moms of 3 year olds - I need some tips

You know, I try to have him walk in on his own because quite honestly, if I have to physically get him out of the carseat he will flip his lid, and kick and scream.

He ran today towards the back yard - but he's not doing it in fun. He is obviously ****** - hitting and screaming "NO" He could easily run off the property though. I'm not sure where he was going to run when he tried to run out the front door today.

It's his way or the highway (In his mind) and I am so tired of it. I'm tired of worrying what will happen next. For the most part he's a great little boy, but when it comes to the party ending and having to come home with Mommy and Tyler, it's just not good enough

ETA: Kara - I am SUPER paranoid about him getting hit by a car. One of my most irrational fears I have. I think because Molly got hit in front of our house - even though 5 cars come down a day, I can't help but go crazy. KWIM?

Message edited 9/15/2010 2:17:43 PM.

Re: Moms of 3 year olds - I need some tips

DS is 4 and I've been through this and still go through this. You just have to be dilligent. Time outs, take toys away, no tv. You just have to do it over and over again and don't give in!!!

Bribing never worked for me. Making deals did. Such as...come in now and once the babies go to sleep, we'll go out in the backyard. Or, go inside and we'll play candyland together.

We went through the stage where I could have taken everything away from him and he said he didn't care. It was so frustrating but we just kept doing it and day after day when he had no toys and couldn't watch his shoes, he started listening. (for the most part!)

Re: Moms of 3 year olds - I need some tips

If taking away toys doesn't work, take away an activity he really likes, even if it's missing school one day.

I worry about getting hit by cars too, I hate playing out front.

Re: Moms of 3 year olds - I need some tips

Re: Moms of 3 year olds - I need some tips

Does your son like to help? Maybe he can help bring in the baby's diaper bag or his school bag?

Try simon says - simon says take 2 running steps to the door... maybe start in the car 2 houses before yours - SS touch nose... SS get out of the car like a big boy...

When I know DS has to do something he's not going to like, I get down on his level and say calmly, we have to go to the X today. When we come out if you are good you can have Y.

Before you get out of the car, try talking to him about how he has to get out of the car.

Re: Moms of 3 year olds - I need some tips

i would tell him he can't go to school.
on a day where there is no school, i would fake call his teacher and say in front of him that jack won't be there today or ever again until he can learn how to be nice.

Re: Moms of 3 year olds - I need some tips

Re: Moms of 3 year olds - I need some tips

Re: Moms of 3 year olds - I need some tips

As I posted on another post yesterday, I'm not completely opposed to a spank on the tush.

Re: Moms of 3 year olds - I need some tips

Re: Moms of 3 year olds - I need some tips

TJ is normally really good about coming in the house but sometimes he'll tell me he wants to stay out and have a meltdown. I basically pull him in the house, or carry him if I have to, and send him to his room until he is done with his tantrum. Once he stops screaming he comes down It might not be the right way but it's my way and it works. I dont take no or I dont want to for an answer...I am the boss and he has to know that.

If I can tell he is going to give me a problem coming in I bring Derek in first and put him in the PNP and than bring TJ in.

Re: Moms of 3 year olds - I need some tips

I'm kinda going through the same thing with DD. On her 1st day I had stopped at the bagel store before running errands and grabbed a bagel and small orange juice for when I picked her up.

Well today was the 3rd day of school and both today and Monday DD screamed bloody murder b/c she wanted an orange juice.

Both days she got a time out to "reset" herself which helped.

I would def. try the time out and see how he reacts.

Re: Moms of 3 year olds - I need some tips

can you offer a cookie...he gets in car then not give it to him?
put it on dash while you drive home and tell him it is there for tomorrow when he gets in the car nicely?

Re: Moms of 3 year olds - I need some tips

I also have used the "If,Then" scenarios and they do work sometimes. I also ask tell him I really need his help with his brother and can he please carry his backpack, or open the door, etc. Usually when he feels like he's needed, he'll be focused and do what I ask him to do. There are days, just like all 3 years old, where he will do whatever he wants come hell or high-water.

Re: Moms of 3 year olds - I need some tips

Re: Moms of 3 year olds - I need some tips

DS refuses to come in the house sometimes. I used to let him run around the yard for a short time, but then it seemed even harder to get him to come inside.

A variety of things work. If he says he wants to stay in the car and listen to music, I'll say why don't we bring the CD in the house (or let him finish listening if it's short). Sometimes it helps to remind him of some toy, book,, etc. that he wanted to play with in the morning before we left. Sometimes I tell him I am going to carry him in the house (which he hates) if he doesn't come on his own by the time I count to 3. 9 times out of 10 that works, and he'll come. If that doesn't, I pick him up and carry him in the house. He screams, he cries, he flings himself around, but we get in the house and then he usually has a big tantrum. But then I notice he comes when I threaten him with carrying for awhile afterwards.

Of course, bring your baby in the house first, put the baby someplace safe, and then deal with your older child.

Re: Moms of 3 year olds - I need some tips

Would he fall for it if you made him "help" you with something ?

Like, needing him to carry the diaper bag, or putting the key in the door etc...?

I always noticed with my DS that certain behaviors almost became a habit at that age and if I threw off his little "game" just once, thats all it took to re-set the behavior kwim ?

3 ( and beyond actually ) have been a rough age for my DS ...I'm always looking for new ways to anticipate whats going to be a battle and trying to beat him to the chase

They are tough little boogers to conquer


ETA- Can you "race" him to the car ?? Thats always worked with DS

Message edited 9/15/2010 5:35:25 PM.