my mother called me to tell me i'm a bad mother

let me preface this with:
my son has a learning disability. he's a "simpler" kind of person.

my son is spending a week with my mom. i dropped him off on sunday. since then, all she has done is call to complain how he's not what she thinks he should be.

today, as i'm having cereal to head for work, she calls me to tell me how i'm a bad mother because my son is not "more awake" to the world around him. she went on to give me a list of all of my son's shortcomings and how i'm to blame for all of them.

she even went on to say that if i don't "wake this kid up" i'm asking for trouble because this is the kind of kid who likes to live in his fantasy would and could do harm later... SHE INSINUATED THAT HE WOULD GROW UP TO SHOOT UP HIS SCHOOL!!!!

i know my mother can be half-baked sometimes, but this is really disturbing me. it's making me want to not have him spend more time with her.

Re: my mother called me to tell me i'm a bad mother

ps.

i know i'm not a perfect mother, but my son knows that he is loved every day of his life!

Re: my mother called me to tell me i'm a bad mother

Wow, Im so sorry she said that to you. I would be very VERY upset if my mother had said that to me.

Re: my mother called me to tell me i'm a bad mother

If my mother said that about DD she would never see her again.

Re: my mother called me to tell me i'm a bad mother

Wow, is your mom related to my mom?! I truly know how you feel and I'm sorry you have to deal with that My son has some developmental delays and when my mom comes to visit, she says he needs to be spanked and he's a brat

Re: my mother called me to tell me i'm a bad mother

Wow...if I got a call like that I would be over at my mothers so quickly picking up my child her head would spin! Oh and I would not have my child spend time with someone so toxic in the future

Re: my mother called me to tell me i'm a bad mother

Oh. My. God. If my mother dared to say something like that to me, I would never ever let her see my daughter again. That is just horrible.

Instead of reflecting it all on you, why doesn't she get some more information about his disabilities so she has a better understanding? Maybe you can send her some links, or some brochures? Could this just be a REALLY BAD case of total ignorance?

Re: my mother called me to tell me i'm a bad mother

wow...omg...you are NOT a bad mother and SHE is a bad mother for saying that

Re: my mother called me to tell me i'm a bad mother

Re: my mother called me to tell me i'm a bad mother

Posted by JenBenMen

wow...omg...you are NOT a bad mother and SHE is a bad mother for saying that

Re: my mother called me to tell me i'm a bad mother

I don't think I would let my son spend time with her if that's how she feels. I can't believe she would say such a hing to her own daughter!

Re: my mother called me to tell me i'm a bad mother

wow..i am so sorry that she is treating you that way! at least YOU are there for YOUR child!

Re: my mother called me to tell me i'm a bad mother

Re: my mother called me to tell me i'm a bad mother

you're right!
i should have driven there to pick him up, but i just started a new job and am still on probation.

the original plan was that i would pick him up on sunday. i'll be picking him up tomorrow (working half-day before the holiday).

she did make one valid point in all the cr@p she said, but the delivery and tone was so hurtful. i will take that grain of validity and use it. as for the rest; well, she's going to have to come down to central jersey if she wants to see her daughter or grandson.

every year, i slowly pull away from her to keep myself away from her toxic views. this one really came out of left field.

Re: my mother called me to tell me i'm a bad mother

Wow what a shame your mother cannot appreciate her grandson for what he is. NO child is perfect, learning disability or not! I think you should go pick him up immediately
If you want to give her a snarky comment back, tell her that you are glad she can appreciate all the wonderful parenting skills that you learned from her.

Re: my mother called me to tell me i'm a bad mother

wow, I'm sorry you have to deal with this from your own mother!

Re: my mother called me to tell me i'm a bad mother

Posted by JenBenMen

wow...omg...you are NOT a bad mother and SHE is a bad mother for saying that

Re: my mother called me to tell me i'm a bad mother

You should tell her, "Well I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, huh Ma?"

Seriously- I am so sorry that you have to hear that from your own mother.

Message edited 7/2/2008 9:44:23 AM.

Re: my mother called me to tell me i'm a bad mother

OMG I'm so sorry you have to deal with that!!! I definitely would keep my child away from my mom if she spoke to me that way.

Re: my mother called me to tell me i'm a bad mother

Posted by Karebaby

I don't think I would let my son spend time with her if that's how she feels. I can't believe she would say such a hing to her own daughter!

Re: my mother called me to tell me i'm a bad mother

Wow...like she's the perfect mother?
She's not the best grandmother for saying that to you about your son.

I would stay away for a while.

Message edited 7/2/2008 10:06:14 AM.

Re: my mother called me to tell me i'm a bad mother

I would have been short and sweet and said "thank you for ruining my day and trying to make me feel like an horrible mom".

FYI... She would not longer see my son.

Re: my mother called me to tell me i'm a bad mother

i'm sorry she said that. i hope you can sit her down and talk

Re: my mother called me to tell me i'm a bad mother

Posted by Karebaby

I don't think I would let my son spend time with her if that's how she feels. I can't believe she would say such a hing to her own daughter!

Re: my mother called me to tell me i'm a bad mother

Does she understand he has a learning disability? Does she understand what that means?

If so, I agree with others--tell her your son is just fine, and you are doing a good job as a mother. she is the one with the problem.

I am sorry for you though, this must be painful.