Need encouragement to take baby out (Long, but please read!)

Message edited 11/15/2010 1:18:59 AM.

Re: Need encouragement to take baby out (Long, but please read!)

It's very scary at first. I realized I had to just suck it up and do it. And it wasn't as bad as I was anticipating.

I just packed a bottle, some diapers, wipes, etc and headed to Target. I figured it was big enough for me to be able to stroll around for a bit but not be overwhelmed, and I knew they had a changing table if I really needed it.

Are you using RTF or powdered formula? With dd we used RTF, so I got some of those small cans to carry in the diaper bag. With ds we used powder, so I'd pre-measure the powder and bring a bottle of water and add that when I wanted to make a bottle.

It will get easier.

ETA: I'm a total loser to admit this, but I used to practice putting the carseat in and out of the car so that I wasn't struggling in a parking lot. And I used to go for drives in the neighborhood to build up my confidence in driving with a baby.

Message edited 12/12/2007 11:14:58 PM.

Re: Need encouragement to take baby out (Long, but please read!)

Where do you live? You may get response with places nearby that are more baby friendly. Here is some advice I got.

Go to Malls with H&M stores, their try on rooms are large and have nice padded benches you can relax on to fed baby and change baby.

The Sunrise mall has a great family room with couches, curtained off areas with nice chairs and ottomans for nursing, changing stations, bottle warmers, a microwave, tv, activities for older kids.

Go for short trips at first and pretty soon traveling with baby will be second nature. DD is 3.5 months old and for short trips in the neighborhood I grab a burp cloth and a toy and go. Outside of that I pack up the diaper bag with the basics and a change of clothes.

I'd go out soon after a feeding rather than right before one, I EBF so I always try to time a feeding right before we have to go somewhere.

I look at driving with her (I switched form car to SUV right before she was born too) this way, I drove with her for 9 months and now she's still in the car - just in the car seat instead of my belly. That was how I kept DH calm on the ride home from hospital too.

In the end remember all you have to do is go home if things get crazy.

Re: Need encouragement to take baby out (Long, but please read!)

I totally remember going thruogh this - in fact, I was thinking how much easier it is to take him anywhere lately!

Heres what I did:

First of all - Right now, after you read this, get one of those diaper bags they gave you in the hospital and fill it up with emergency items that you keep in your trunk at all times and always replenish after using:

Diapers, wipes, etc...disposable changing pads
Bibs
Burp cloths
2 spare outfits
Receiving blanket
A can of powdered formula, bottle, nipple, sealed bottles of water

This was a lifesaver - I always knew I'd be ok with that nearby....

Pack your diaper bag with all of that as well - I always packed the evening before, or several hours before I left. I even wrote out a list to help me...

I went to Starbucks, Barnes and Noble/Borders/Book Revue, and the bagel place when I 1st went out - luckily I had him in April so I was out with him a lot too in the park under a tree....

Go for 30 min, see how it goes. Then go for 40, etc - or start with 20... play around and see what works for you...

The best part about going out with Cailen (and made it worht having to pack as if I'm going away for the weekend....) was after not sleeping all night, the kid not napping, and me feeling like I have no idea how to raise a hamster let alone a human being, people (mostly moms) come up to me and asked me about my baby. Told me how cute he was. Asked me if he was sleeping. Asked me questions - all these questions - about my baby. And then I realized how much I knew about my child. How proud I was to be his mother. How nice it was to talk about my baby with someone. How nice it was to hear that it gets easier, better.

and the wistful looks in those moms eyes when they tell me their baby is 2... 4... 8... 35... etc - and how much they wished they could do it again....

Bleary eyed and exhausted, in pain from my c-section, busting out of my sweatpants, I totally understood why anyone would do it again.

And i understand it more now...

Now, go pack that emergency bag, while I sit here and sob to myself

Re: Need encouragement to take baby out (Long, but please read!)

I completely understand what you are going through. I was like this too until just a few weeks ago. Even though I BF I still had ready made formula bottles in my bag, just in case my breasts stopped working. OY! The first place that got me over it was Babies R Us. They have the mommy room to change the baby and couches to feed. That helped me feel better about myself and my ability to go out. And it was a short trip.

Just 2 weeks ago I went to the mall by myself. I was nervous, but I figured if it was a bad experience, then I'd leave. I LOVED IT!!!!!!!!! I found which bathrooms had chairs, which were nicer. It was glorious!!! I wasn't confined to home! As soon as I got home I decided to see who else wanted to meet for a mini GTG at the mall in the coming days. SO exciting!!!!

Let me know if you'd like to talk more about this. I wish I had more time to type right now!!

Re: Need encouragement to take baby out (Long, but please read!)

I have found that my DD falls asleep for a while when I'm out and when she does wake up she's usually pretty happy. Plus I bf and rarely give her a bottle...so if need be, I just feed her in the car.

Don't be scared - start someplace small - go to Target...I find the supermarket to be a more difficult trip with a baby.

Re: Need encouragement to take baby out (Long, but please read!)

It is scary at first, but once you do it a couple times, you'll be fine.

DD always falls asleep in the car and if she fusses when I first get her in, she calms down as soon as we start driving.

I would go to the mall. Since it's the holiday season, I would try to go earlier rather than later. I always plan to leave the house shortly after a feeding and I try to plan to be home before the next one, but I have fed DD out, and it was easier than I thought. Nordstrom has great bathrooms.

As far as packing a lot of crap - just take the essentials. A couple diapers, a change of clothes and a bottle for one feeding just in case. We had an "explosion" once and it was so bad, I wound up throwing out the onesie she was wearing.

And bring a pacifier!!
Good Luck

Re: Need encouragement to take baby out (Long, but please read!)

I feel this way too & I'm just starting to get comfortable. I still save my small errands (where I have to go to a million different places) to the times when dh is at home with him but I am trying to get out more.

The first places I went were to people's houses. It's still a trip out but you not really. The supermarket didn't work because ds woke up form the cold air & screamed until I took him out of the carrier(I think it was too much stimulation from the lights & noise).

I actually made my first trip to the mall just the other day to take pics with Santa & he was so stunned by everything that he just looked around quietly & then fell asleep.

I'm not 100% comfortable yet but I am taking him to Florida for a week by myself on Sunday so maybe that will help.

ETA: It's also hard for me because ds is ebf & he won't even take a bottle or pacifier. I hoping that'll change soon though

Message edited 12/13/2007 1:08:24 AM.

Re: Need encouragement to take baby out (Long, but please read!)

Once you do it for the first time, you will see how easy it is. Just pack your bag the night before, you don't need to bring EVERYTHING, just bring some formula, a change of clothes, diapers, wipes some toys. Thats all you need.

Why not go to the cinema with the baby, thats a nice easy outing. I think there is a Reel Moms type thing on LI.

Malls are very stroller friendly, as are town centres. ONce you get out you will see a MILLION other people with babies and almost all bathrooms have baby changing facilities.

Message edited 12/13/2007 4:39:40 AM.

Re: Need encouragement to take baby out (Long, but please read!)

Kerie, I can totally relate...the first 6 weeks or so it seemed I always had my mom or his mom or DH come so I could get out for a little bit or run errands. Then at some point DH told me I needed to be comfortable to take the baby out & he pushed me to do it (which was a good thing).

Initially I would always feed baby right b4 we left so I knew I had a good 1 1/2-2 hours. I packed her bag & would put it in the car when she was sleeping or would put her in her swing & run down.

The first place we went was.......the park (which I drove to)! To me that was a big deal (granted it was August) but you should have seen me trying to get the infant seat to snap into the stroller & then afterwards trying to get the stroller to fold. Yet like LIza said there was no better feeling when I was sitting on the bench & I had other moms come up to me watching their children play & them ask me how old she was & is she doing this/that & for them to recall memories of that age w/ their own child.

After a few go-rounds at the park I ventured out to Babies R Us & then finally the mall.

I thnk a lot of it is truly just feeling the confidence to do it & getting over that invisible hurdle. I know it was there for me & until DH pushed me to do it, I was fine avoiding it.

Now I don't think twice about throwing her in the car for me to run to Target or go food shopping. I also feel so much more comfortable handling her now & reading her & her needs.

Kerie, as you've heard many times before it does get easier & you'll get so much more comfortable....just do it Granted you don't have it easy now either w/ the winter & all the extra stuff you have to lug around & also the fact he was a preemie. Yet you can do it!

Re: Need encouragement to take baby out (Long, but please read!)

Its really not that bad. My child is formula fed, so I always wait until after he eats to go out. Then I know I have 3 hours to get home and be ready for the next meal. I carry around the diaper bag but I have never really had to change him. I keep a small rtf bottle of formula in the bag just in case ( and the one time I needed it I didn't have it). You can always start out small and go to Target, just put the infant seat in the big part of the cart. DC will probably sleep most of the time anyway.

Re: Need encouragement to take baby out (Long, but please read!)

Target is a great place to roam around and some Targets have a starbucks to get a cup of coffee.


My only concern...and this is just me... I would be very careful going out during the holidays... so many pepole and germs... but that;s just me....

I remember going to my parents house for the day and it took me an hour to pack the car because of all the "what-if's"... once you start doing it, it gets so much better.

FM me if you ever want to meet up somewhere...

Re: Need encouragement to take baby out (Long, but please read!)

Kerie, I completely understand your post...I feel like I could have written alot of it myself. DD is 11 weeks and I still get flustered when we have to go out. She really hasn't been too many places (thanks to a VERY conservative pediatrician because of flu/RSV season) but I am trying to do small trips. I leave after she eats (I'm BFing) and pray that she doesn't have to eat before I get back. It's lame, but I go to my Mom's to drop off or pick up something, to my Dad's for a short visit, my aunts, etc. I did the mall once before they opened with a friend but if I hadn't had a pumped bottle, I would have panicked, seriously....I can't BF in public! I am dreading the day when I actually have to, I'll probably be in the back of my car.

Anyway, don't feel alone, we've all gone or ARE going through this...It's another hurdle of motherhood, so I'm told, so hang in there!

Re: Need encouragement to take baby out (Long, but please read!)

I was scared at first, but then it came so second nature. When I was on maternity leave, I walked to Starbucks almsot every morning. I read my paper while he slept in the carriage and then I fed him his bottle. There is a changing table in the starbucks

Re: Need encouragement to take baby out (Long, but please read!)

I was definitely feeling more and more this way and forced myself (with strong encouragement from DH) to get out sooner rather than later because I knew the fear would just build up. All the tips from PPs helped me (eg Tine73's tip on the Nordstrom bathroom actually helped me survive his first diaper change in public without having a panic attack since the bathroom was decent). Baby steps Good luck!

Re: Need encouragement to take baby out (Long, but please read!)

If you are stuck for somewhere to BF your baby, why not ask at Macy's or another department store if you can use one of their dressing rooms. They are nicer than using a toilet. I wouldn't want to eat in a toilet!!!

Re: Need encouragement to take baby out (Long, but please read!)

I was very nervous at first as well. I had DS in January. Not the best weather and freezing cold out.
I had relatives and friends come to me almost until end of Feb/beginning of March.
It was my own mother who encouraged me to go to her house. My parents live about 10 minutes away. I took my time. Took me about 30 minutes to get all ready and get there.

As he got older, it got easier:

1. Pack a bag ahead of time. Diapers, Wipes, any creme you DC may need (diaper rash), bottle(s) already made.
I also use the disposable changing pads. One change, pad in garbage.

After I went to my parents a few times, I was able to start getting to stores. I'd walk around Target (still do..LOL), Best Buy, and once in a while the mall or Walmart...OOh and of course Babies R Us.

Start out slow. Maybe just start going to your relatives houses and work your way up to heading out into public.

Re: Need encouragement to take baby out (Long, but please read!)

I remember being in this exact situation and how nervous I was to go out with DS...the fear of his meltdown and all the stares.

But the only way to overcome this is to just do it. And yes, your child might have a meltdown but once you deal with it you'll overcome the fear. Remember you can always rush out to the car and go back home.

For our first adventure we went to the mall. For some reason DS could (and still can) sleep at the mall I think it might be the design...the high ceilings...I think they help to muffle all that noise and it seems to have a calming effect. The bathrooms have changing stations but I have also changed DS in his stoller while I sat on a bench.

The first time we went I made sure to feed him before we left and he slept in the car. Just have all of the stuff ready to make a bottle if he needs it. The rest is secondary (besides diaper change supplies).

My son had a meltdown while we were in a store I was trying my best to help him when a woman walked over and told me not to worry. Anyone that has had a baby should understand and anyone that couldn't understand could go to h-e-l-l It helped me to calm down so I could help him.

Re: Need encouragement to take baby out (Long, but please read!)

I would definitly pack the emergency bag and leave it in the car.
then start with going out for a short while to a kid friendly place.
If its a store, maybe the disney store, or someplace big. Not the library or bookstore, just incase the baby cries, you dont want to panic.
Once you get in the swing of it, you wont think anything of it. Most people dont pay much attention to crying babies, its not their fault or yours that they cry. People tend to care less for crying children, then babies.
You just have to start doing it, and you will be fine.

Re: Need encouragement to take baby out (Long, but please read!)

Re: Need encouragement to take baby out (Long, but please read!)

My DD was born around the same time as your DS. I've been taking her out since she was 1 week old. If you don't take him out soon and regularly you'll fall deeper in your hole of being afraid to do so....get out there!

At the beginning I was nervous to drive with DD in the car. I had DH come with us for two short drives so that I was comfortable and have no issues since that. I always keep her diaper bag packed and ready to go- restock it when we get home so that it's not a process. I keep an extra outfit and an extra onsie, a bib, 2 burp clothes, some diapers, wipes, disposable changing pads, anti-bacterial wipes to clean off any public changing table, a few binkies (incase one falls on the floor while we're out), travel size desitin & hand sanitizer.

I started by going out soon after feeding DD...long enough that I didn't have to worry about spit up in the car, but still have a good few hours to be out without a feeding. After I did that a few times I started not worrying about feeding while we're out. I bring a prepared bottle in the Similac bottle ice pack that we got from the hospital. It's cold, but she'll survive it.

We've taken her to 5 restaurants, target, several supermarkets, the mall, tanger, babies r us, toys r us, my parents' house, my ILs house, my IL's house on the beach out east, my uncle's house, etc. Once you start doing it you'll get used to it. Yes, sometimes (s)he might cry a lot and you decide to go home...but most of the time it is great.

Why don't you take a few trips to your parents' house, take a few outings with DH during the evening/weekend first...then you'll be fine.

Re: Need encouragement to take baby out (Long, but please read!)

Thanks so much to everyone---such thoughtful responses!!!!

Re: Need encouragement to take baby out (Long, but please read!)

I couldn't wait to go out when dd was born. She cried most of the time we were out and I just had to deal with it. It took us time and she sometimes cries when we go out and sometimes she is an angel. DD seems to like the mall and I find it easier to sit down and feed her.