Please tell me it gets easier

I had 2 weeks ago. This is all I ever wanted. I went through 3 years of IF and IVF to get them.

I knew it wouldn't be easy, but I find myself crying a lot. I know it's baby blues. My hormones are all crazy, DH went back to work this week. Thank god my mom has come every day for most of the day to help me.

They are on a 2 hour feeding schedule, so needless to say there's not a lot of sleep going on here. I'm also breastfeeding and pumping in addition to formula. My mom is so great with them and tells me to take a nap while she is here, but I have a hard time sleeping during the day. I find myself feeling guilty all the time (I don't know why) which doesn't help with the crying.

DH is also so great with them. When he came home last night I was a blubbering mess. He felt so bad he did the midnight feeding with me (I do the night feedings so he can sleep for work). Then of course I felt guilty.

I have 2 great babies. They only cry if wet or hungry. I can't imagine if they were difficult. I know it's only been 2 weeks and we are all going through a major adjustment, but please tell me it gets better.

Re: Please tell me it gets easier

As a fellow twin boy mom, I PROMISE you, it does get better!!!!!!!!!

Utilize your mom as much as possible!
Try to take a shower every day!
Force yourself to leave the house, even if only to take a quick walk or run to 7-11 every day/ almost every day.

Hopefully you'll be able to stretch their feedings to every 3 hours in the next few weeks----that will help a lot!

Hang in there mama....you'll get there!

Re: Please tell me it gets easier

Posted by skinny

As a fellow twin boy mom, I PROMISE you, it does get better!!!!!!!!!

Utilize your mom as much as possible!
Try to take a shower every day!
Force yourself to leave the house, even if only to take a quick walk or run to 7-11 every day/ almost every day.

Hopefully you'll be able to stretch their feedings to every 3 hours in the next few weeks----that will help a lot!

Hang in there mama....you'll get there!

Re: Please tell me it gets easier

It gets better, mama! We've all been there.


Those first few weeks are HARD!! Very demanding, especially with breastfeeding, but that too gets SOOO much easier. Plus, we have our hormones all over the place and we are sleep deprived! It's alot!

I'd say I started feeling more comfortable and like me around 5 weeks. I wasn't as nervous with her and was more confident in my ability as a parent and breastfeeding wasnt hurting like it was at first. Also, she wasn't eating every 2 hours anymore.

So, know that it will soon be better and this will just be a memory. Let people help you with whatever you need. My mom helped with a lot of the cleaning which made a big difference.

Try to sleep (I know it's hard and I could never really nap in the day either!), and if you cant sleep,at least try to relax and cuddle with the babies!

Just keep reminding yourself: this is just a stage and will get better soon!!!

Re: Please tell me it gets easier

I went through the same exact guilt feeling during the first month of my daughter's life and i only had ONE baby! It'll get better!! Trust me!! It was SOO crazy for me in the beginning since my DD has acid reflulx and kind of colicky in the beginning!! it does get better! Hang in there! Take all the help that your family is offering!!

Re: Please tell me it gets easier

Hang in there...it does get better!!

I remember feeling like a slave to the "schedule" in the beginning. Feeding, then diapers, then playtime, then nap. Then do it all over again. Getting anythng done around the house was impossible, forget about showering or doing my makeup...some weeks I would go almost the whole week without getting dressed. I was ALWAYS holding DS (he would cry if I put him down and refused to sleep). I remember crying a lot.

But after a few months we all settled into a great routine and he became a little more independant. The baby blues faded and our bond became much stronger.

Congrats on your and dont worry - everything your feeling is normal and just give it some time

Re: Please tell me it gets easier

Thanks ladies. It helps so much not thinking I am crazy. I know I am very lucky to have such a good support system. I find myself terrfiied to be alone with them. DH leaves for work at 6 and my mom usually comes by 10 am and I dread those few hours so much. I'm getting better and can't believe I love these little guys so much and that makes me cry too..

The funny part is I am not really a crier, which is why I think DH was so shocked to see me crying all the time now. I am definitely going to try to shower every day. My mom has told me the same thing about getting out of the house. She even said just take a walk around the block.

I'm actually getting a mani/pedi with my friend Friday. I haven't had one since about a month before I delivered so I desparately need it.

I know I should be enjoying this time now while they are so small because it goes by so fast but I feel like I'm in survival mode just trying to get through each day wishing for them to be a little bigger.

Re: Please tell me it gets easier

A newborn is no walk in the park, let alone 2 of them!!!

I agree with PP. Use your mom as much as you can and don't feel guilty about it! When I had DS I had my mom come help me for a minimum of 2 hours a day every day for the first 6 weeks.

With the twins, she still helps me 3x a week for bath time and they are 8 months old.

While it is a major adjustment with time you will get back your groove. The best advice someone ever said to me was, "Remember, life will never be the "normal" you knew before. You just need to find your new "normal"

Re: Please tell me it gets easier

I think the first few months it total survival mode and I was the same as you and the guilt was horrible. I couldn't wait for someone to come help me. My mom would sometimes run out of work bc she just heard the despair in my voice. I used to just stand in the shower and cry and every chance I got I would go take a shower just for a few minutes by myself!

You are totally normal and sleep deprived! I promise it does get better and everyone will find a groove, especially once they stretch out their feedings a bit. You will feel normal again!!

Re: Please tell me it gets easier

That could have been my post the first week or 2 they were home from the nicu. It does get easier, it is still rough, but it does get easier. I had baby blues or ppd, it was so bad my dr was not sure. mine were and still are on a 3 hour feeding. pumping, bfing, bottles. I totally get it!
fm me if you want to commiserate!!!

hang in there

the best advice I was given was ask for help! I sent out an email asking friends and family to basically cook and clean and they did. it gave me the time I needed to spend with my girls.
getting out of the house is very important as well

Message edited 12/7/2011 10:03:39 AM.

Re: Please tell me it gets easier

I only have one but I want to say it does get so much easier Lack of sleep can make anyine batty and I am sure that is playing a huge role in your sadness..once they start to sleep better it will make a world of difference. At 2 months my DS is sleeping for longer periods throughout the night and I am back to myself CONGRATS on your boys!!

Re: Please tell me it gets easier

I dont have twins, but 1 was enough for me to feel overwhelmed in the beginning. It gets easier to handle, but one thing that is extremely important is SLEEP...you need to get enough b/c lack of it can contribute to the baby blues/depression. Also, taking a shower, getting dressed for the day, even puttin on a little make up really makes a difference. I did feel guilty too, when other people would help, but you need it in the first few weeks. Hope you feel better soon.

Re: Please tell me it gets easier

Oh, my goodness. I pumped and EBF one baby, and was going to lose my mind. Can't imagine how you're functioning with two. Why are you pumping? Once I stopped that, and DD started sleeping in longer stretches, I felt 1000x better. Take naps whenever you can and shower! A snooze and a warm bath can change your whole outlook on life.

I tell my CF friends that having a baby is like having an earthquake hit your life. That said, it DOES get better. There's always a new challenge to tackle, but you'll figure it out (sometimes with the help of some Mommy friends). You'll be great, Mama!!

Message edited 12/7/2011 11:44:43 AM.

Re: Please tell me it gets easier

I hated pumping..... Maybe keep up with nursing and just supplement formula. As your supply builds over the next few weeks you'll notice that you'll be supplementing less. Once I stopped pumping I was a much happier person.

Re: Please tell me it gets easier

Awww, hang in there. I can barely remember the first few weeks with my twins, it is all a blur now. Things got much better when they started sleeping through the night. For us that was around 14 weeks. What you are feeling is totally normal. And if you have help, take advantage of it!

Re: Please tell me it gets easier

I promise promise promise it all gets better. I nursed and pumped my twins for 6 months and it is hard. But it is just the beginning..you will get into a groove and then the really hard times will be a distant memory. Hang in there

Re: Please tell me it gets easier

I just want to give you a big hug! We all go through some crazy hormone action after having babies. I did when I had DD and then again with the twins. It does get easier!! Network with other twin moms! It really helps! I was crying thinking about leaving work, then I cried thinking about leaving the babies to go to the store. It takes a lot of adjusting! You are doing great and you will feel better once your body starts getting back to itself! Meet with friends too, it helps! I'm here if you ever want to talk!

Re: Please tell me it gets easier

Re: Please tell me it gets easier

I have to say the first 3 months were HELL for me here with the trio then it got alot better at 4 months when they STTN and began dropping nite feedings...its does get better until the next stage.... You have twins its going to be more difficult than having one baby but trust me you will make it thru and you will be surprised at how well you did.....

Re: Please tell me it gets easier

IT SO GETS BETTER I felt the same way and only had ONE! I can only imagine its double I will never forget how terrible I felt- sad, anxious(especially when the sun went down for some reason), sacred- all of the about.

Hang in there- it will be ok

Re: Please tell me it gets easier

not a twin mommy but as a new mommy, I know for me it got better by 2.5 months. It's so hard...the hormones are KILLER! so is the sleep deprivation...it does things to your mind and makes you feel crazy. it does get better.

Re: Please tell me it gets easier

Posted by teaforthree

Posted by BBmaking
It just wasn't how it was supposed to be, right?

Good luck!!!

Exactly. That is what got me so hormonal. I felt guilty for NOT being elated, and NOT feeling what I was "suppose" to be feeling. Everyone oohhh'd and ahhhh'd and would say things like "isn't it wonderfullllllll, isn't it JUST the BEST!!! aren't you loving every second" And I felt like screaming back - actually no its not great, I haven't slept in weeks, im covered in throw up, poop, pee, constantly, all i do is feed and change, I am chained to my couch and they scream in my face all day long. It was ROUGH. I missed my old life in a way, i missed my husband, i missed eating in peace, i missed having ME time. Little by little, I embraced my NEW life and stopped thinking how things should be and just accepted my life the way it was. I wasn't going to sleep, I couldn't just jump in the car whenever , etc. Life was harder and NOT about me doing what I wanted anymore. I loved them so much but at the same time, I was getting use to a LOT of change.

My twin boys are 4 months and it has gotten much better. They don;'t just lay there and scream at me They started to give back. They smile at me and my heart literally swells with love. When they first started to roll over, I cried, laughed, jumped, all at once, I couldn't have been more proud if he had solved world hunger

The first few months are such an adjustment period. Your whole world has been flipped upside down. In time, it gets to be your new norm and you aren't so overwhelmed.

Don't feel guilty for your feelings, even if no one talks about it, most women go through it.

Re: Please tell me it gets easier

you've gotten great advice here i'm not a twin mommy but just want to say that those early months/days are the hardest and it truly truly gets SOOOOOO much better! you're going to feel so differently in a few months esp. when they are sleeping consistently and not eating around the clock. Hang in there!

Re: Please tell me it gets easier

Not a twin mom but I cried for 2 weeks straight after DD was born. Anything and everything would make me cry. I was SO hormonal! It did get better for me after 2 weeks which I believe is norm. If it continues much more for you, you could have a case of post-partum depression - I'd speak to your doctor about it if these feelings continue.

Hang in there and good luck!
I promise you things will get better though. Having a baby/babies is a HUGE adjustment. It's normal for you to feel things - your life has so drastically changed. Don't feel bad about anything you are feeling!

Re: Please tell me it gets easier

IT does get better! I have twins too and those first few weeks were just sooo hard. Pumping was the worst - I actually stopped doing it for a month or two and it was one of the best things I did for myself. IT was just way too time consuming and stressful. I only nursed and supplemented with one bottle of formula at bed time so that DH could help with that feeding. If you have a twin nursing pillow I definitely recommend trying to use it. They are still little but you can give tandem nursing a try. Once you get the hang of that you will be so relieved because you will start feeling less like a cow! I remember those days - you'd finish nursing one, nurse the other, and then it would be time to feed the other one again! With tandem nursing, you'll cut that in half and have an hour or so to put the boobies away! Also it is so nice when they just fall asleep on the pillow there and you can sit back and relax for a bit.
I know it is hard but try to take a nap if you can, a bit of sleep will make you feel like a new person!
Hang in there mama!!