Please tell me this gets easier...

The last 4 weeks have been rough. I havent had more than 3 hours of sleep a night since DS has been home and DH and i are literally at each others throats from the stress of moving last week and sleep deprivation. I cry at the drop of a hat and feel so stressed out. I feel like I cant keep up with his feedings, changings, laundry, etc. He's been gassy and spitting up alot and wont nap for more than 30 mins at a time the last few days. He wants to be held constantly so i cant even go to the bathroom or eat a decent meal. I feel like I'm such a bad mom cause when he's crying im so exhausted i dont know what to do to make him happy. DH works crazy hours so he cant even help with the middle of the feedings/changings or be around to help the way I need him to be. And to be honest, he has yet to change a diaper in the 4 weeks of DS's life. Last night was his first time feeding the baby and that was only because i needed to eat something! I feel like im doing this all on my own.



So someone please tell me this gets better, easier, or at least tolerable. Because at the rate DH and i are going, the stress of it all will be tearing us apart eventually. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Re: Please tell me this gets easier...

Ok, you are probably not going to like my advice because I know I would have hated it with my first son BUT - you need to give your husband the baby more. He NEEDS to change diapers. He NEEDS to feed the baby. Not only for you to do some things around the house (and to get some much needed rest) but also for him to bond with the baby.

With my first, I wanted to do every little thing (control freak that I am) and I hated the way my husband did things because it was different then my way. This time around I have no choice but to hand off some responsibilites to him. You will feel so much better once you get a break. It can't all fall on you.

As for the exhaustion - I'm right there with ya! I don't make DH get up since he works and the last couple of nights have been rough, I keep falling asleep while feeding the baby Just know that there is an end in sight and it does get better! I can't wait for the day to get 4 hours sleep right now.

Re: Please tell me this gets easier...

It gets easier!!! I use to cry everyday because I was so tired and didn't know why DD was crying so I would hold her and cry too!!!!

DD didn't nap well during the day either @ first but the last 2 weeks (shes 7 weeks today) she has been napping for 2 - 3 hours once a day with a few cat naps. I use to not swaddle her with her arms in because I thought she liked them out, but I found that swaddling her arms in helped her sleep longer. i also found if if I put her in the pack n play with the music on and the vibration on she will fall sleep on her own too.

DH doesn't do any night feedings either, but she is now sleeping longer at night so it is getting easier!!

I hate to say it but it is a big guessing game try things to see what soothe your DC, yesterday for the first time DD fell asleep in the swing, she hated it up until yesterday.

Do you have any friends or family that could watch DC for a few hours so you can get some rest. . . a few hours of sleep can make you feel much better.

Re: Please tell me this gets easier...

swaddling made a huge difference with DD. we actually double swaddled her because she would get out of just one. do you live near any family that could possibly come by for a few hours to let you sleep?

Re: Please tell me this gets easier...

I promise that it gets easier. I felt the exact same way as you when DS was born. The first two weeks he slept all the time and then he "woke up" and wanted to be held all the time. I found that swaddling really helped him when he was cranky. I also felt that DH was not very helpful but I realized after a few days that he was just scared and he needed me to tell him what to do. Hang in there. It gets SOOOO much easier!!!

Re: Please tell me this gets easier...

It gets easier! It does! I'm not sure if we get used to it or the baby gets better but life gets easier, thats for sure. Do you have a swing? That may stretch the naps a bit and make sure you eat fast and then nap too! And dont be afraid to let the baby cry for a few minutes as long as its safe. In the first month when I thought I would lose my mind all alone (DH works a weird schedule too) I would make sure DS was safe in the crib and go outside for fresh air for a few minutes. Its not hurting the baby and its gives you a few minutes of peace and quiet and sanity.

Re: Please tell me this gets easier...

Funny I was thinking the same thing yesterday is she getting easier or am I just use to it now. . .lol

I agree about letting them cry a little (and I mean a little, it breaks my heart when she crys alot). During the first month I would jump when DD would make the slightest sound. Now if I am brushing my teeth and she starts to cry, I finish (not take my time, but at least rinse out my mouth) before seeing whats going on. Go outside alone, or bring the baby out with you, I notice changing it up helps too!

Everyone said it "the first month is the hardest" and it is, it gets easier!!

Re: Please tell me this gets easier...

Check your FM

Re: Please tell me this gets easier...

I promise you it will get better. My DS is 14 weeks now and is finally better. He was exactly like your LO. As soon as he hit 3 months, it was like a switch went off and BOOM I have a new, sweet baby. I am able to go out to the stores with him now without him having a total melt down in the carseat. He lets me put him down in the swing or the bouncy seat, it may not be for an extended time, but at least its long enough to throw in a load of laundry or do the dishes.

Re: Please tell me this gets easier...

Awww! I have been there (have not slept over three hours in 6 weeks). I am crazy and have been the only one to change a diaper and I breast feed so noone but me does feedings. I also let DH sleep at nights. It's tough, but from what everyone says, it gets easier. Just know that you are not the only one. As for Dh, he will do anything I ask, I think they are just nervous and need some guidance. I'm a bit of a control freak and feel that I have to do EVERYTHING when it comes to the baby. The other night my hubby was like, I'll watch the baby go take a nap in the bed. My husband ended up sleeping in the den with the baby in the pack and play and I had the bed to myself with no baby to monitor in the back of my mind!!! This was the first time I did this and it made me feel human again. Then, my hubby brought me the baby about two hours later for a feeding and when It was time to go back to bed I put the baby in the den with my hubby and slept another 2 hours in the bed. It really was relaxing for a change. It is little things like this that help!

Re: Please tell me this gets easier...

I just wanted you to know that I am right there with you. My DS is 5 weeks today and it gets so frustrating when I can't even go to the bathroom.

I agree with another poster that said that you have to give your DH the baby more. Its so hard sometimes because they are going to work, have toget up early blah, blah, blah - but that's so not fair and we need to remember that. Me and my DH have a "rule". He agreed that he'll get up with the baby if he wakes before 3 AM (since he gets up early for work) but I have him the rest of the night. It works for the most part.

Also, I make sure to give DH the baby in the evenings. Sometimes I feel like I'm taking advantage and dumping him on DH but I remind myself that I need to remain sane in order to function and that being home with a baby is hard work.

As for the fighting, we fight more now too. I think that sometimes you have to take a step back, a few deep breaths, and just try to find a calm moment to talk. Fighting when you are exhausted never leads to a good outcome. How are the weekends? Can't he help out more then?

Also, I've learned to be honest about what is going on during the day when I talk to DH. My dad tried to tell me that I shouldn't stress my DH with baby issues during the day but I disagree so I let him know that DS was crying uncontrollably, that I haven't eaten, used the bathroom, etc, etc.

I'm sorry you are going through such a rough time, believe me, I know how you feel. I had a really rough delivery and recovery, wound up in the hospital again after coming home, feel like a failure because I gave up breastfeeding in an effort to just survive I think, and now sometimes feel like my maternal instinct is missing b/c i have no idea what to do with my baby or how to calm him down.

You have to talk your feelings out. I find myself talking to whomever will listen. Keeping it bottled up is not healthy. Feel Better

Re: Please tell me this gets easier...

First things first It DOES get better. It will eventually become second nature to you.
I do agree with whomever said that you need to hand over some responsibilities to your husband.
I, personally, think that men use their jobs as an excuse to not be a hands on parent. I think that's ridiculous. having a baby changes both of your lives, not just yours. If it was me, and when it was me, I didn't give a crap that my husband had to get up for work in the morning. He helped make our daughter, so he was going to help care for her, even in the middle of the night. Maybe I'm a b-tch, but that's how I feel. I think we put the extra stress on ourselves and we need to learn to say NO, I'm not going to let this be all on me.

Re: Please tell me this gets easier...

oh boy the beginning is SO TOUGH you have every right to feel the way you do! i barely felt human both times from like day 1 to the third month. and there are still days i struggle to get through. my DH is not much help as he works crazy hours too and it s#cks. but give him a portion of the baby work! my DH is responsible for them from 8pm to 11 pm so i can sleep or read etc.. and it helps a lot.
i promise in a few weeks it will really be so different and better!!