Re: Poll: Do you believe a woman should be at home with her kids?

Re: Poll: Do you believe a woman should be at home with her kids?

I think I should stay home with my children, but I would never dictate what another woman/family should do.....what I've learned from being a parent is to try and not judge other parents for the decisions they make.

Re: Poll: Do you believe a woman should be at home with her kids?

Posted by MrsR

Seaside and Marisa,

I think what bothers us SAHMs is that you are putting very specific dimensions on what is considered a proper stay at home mom? My question to you is what makes you the authority?

You can certainly define what YOU want out of being a SAHM - and what works for you and your family...but really no one has a right to determine what makes someone else a SAHM.

I will tell you this...I am a SAHM. I try to always look presentable. I get my nails done, I drive a nice car, I have a cleaning lady, and there are sometimes weeks that go by that I haven't cooked a hot meal for my husband. OH and the kicker is my child is in school 5 days a week - so I actually have some of my own time that I am not using to work.....so I guess by your definition I dont deserve the title...but I will tell you this.....

I am a D@MN good stay at home mom, and a D@MN good mom period. I love my family, I nuture them, and provide for them, and I am raising my daughter to be an admirable member of society who is well adjusted and empthatic, loving, etc....

Just because I might not "fit the mold" certainly doesn't mean that I am less than - and I certainly don't need YOU determining what a SAHM SHOULD be...that is just ridiculous!!!

eta: Edited to correct the spelling of ridiculous for you ophelia

Re: Poll: Do you believe a woman should be at home with her kids?

It is indicative of a larger problem with society that "everyone has to feel the way I do...and do what I do...and think what I think or they are wrong"

People do not embrace or appreciate people's differences anymore. Everything has become so "cookie cutter"

Domino.....I for one honestly...from the bottom of my heart, am totally 100 % comfortable with my decision to work full-time. I have no guilt whatsoever and when I am home for extended periods of time with my twin 4 1/2 year olds, I am anxious to get back to work!!!

Some will judge me for that. JUDGE AWAY. I say it because I can stand by it and if you (in general) think that makes me a "bad mom" so be it!!!

Re: Poll: Do you believe a woman should be at home with her kids?

we had the discussion when the twins are born as to what Boosh wanted to do. I left it up to her - I added my two cents, but the decision was up to her.

Luckily, we are in a position where she could be a SAHM and with twins, it would be very difficult for her to go back - her job did not offer part time hours - so she decided to stay home for now, and may look for something part time, locally, once they get older and start schooling.

My stance was always that work provided balance, so that she wouldn't just be "mommy" all the time, and maintain some adult relationships through work

Re: Poll: Do you believe a woman should be at home with her kids?

Sorry. This is so weird. I simply said that while being a sahm is the noblest thing I can imagine, there are people who have more "help" and spend less time with their kids than working moms, but still call themselves sahm's and "look down" on working moms. I stand by this. I pointed out that there should bnot be two camps--working moms who are "absent" and sahms who are "there," because that's not accurate. I never revealed my answer to the question because the question is too blavk and white for me. The hard truth is that quantity and quality of time both matter. Many women (including me) opt not to go the sahm route & do a great job. Many sahms are great moms because of what they do when they are with their kids. But to set up camps and absolute "should"'s makes no sense to me when we operate on a aspectrum where each woman spends differing amounts and qualities of time with her kids. This gels with everything that's been said by all of you.
But then certain people started calling out my screen name and Marisa's and calling us arbitors of what's OK & not--when neither of us claimed to be. People also started telling their explicit stories as though something had been said about them--when it hadn't.
My point is simply that I think that people should represent themselves accurately. "SAHM" does not, IMO describe someone who needs as much help and spends as much time away from her kids as a working mom who's enrolled her kids in daycare. End of point. No value judgments about who's good and who's not. Although, that does come down, in my opinion, to a blend of quality and quantity of time. We all have to figure out for ourselves how much time should be spent/allocated to career, hobbies, fun, maintenance, lunch, shopping, exercise, and mommying. Each woman's allocation is unique. I know many working mom's who diverted a lot of time over from other categories and spend as much time with their kids as women without careers. At the end of the day, kids remember the combo of quantity and quality of time---harsh truth, but there it is. How we work it is our own business. I think some people's buttons got pushed by these observations, when no one (certainly no one on here) was being referred to at all, and no one was claiming to have the precsie parameters of acceptability down.

Message edited 9/2/2008 4:00:15 PM.

Re: Poll: Do you believe a woman should be at home with her kids?

Re: Poll: Do you believe a woman should be at home with her kids?

AMEN sister!!! I couldn't agree with you more.

I am doing it all...and doing it DAMN WELL I might add!!!

Re: Poll: Do you believe a woman should be at home with her kids?

I think women should be able to have a choice about it.

Re: Poll: Do you believe a woman should be at home with her kids?

I think in most cases it benefits young children to be home with a parent and raised exclusively by either mom or dad....but if a grandparent or other family member pitches in to watch the kids, I think that's great too.....alot of people don't have too many options due to finances. I'm not a mom yet, but I know we're going to have some very tough choices when our time comes since neither of us can stay home full time. I can only pray to God that my company will allow me a few days per week to work from home!

Re: Poll: Do you believe a woman should be at home with her kids?

Hmmmm...interesting question.

Do i believe a woman SHOULD be at home, not necessarily, but i do think its nice. My mom was a SAHM til i was in middle school and it was really nice.

I would LOVE to be a SAHM and DH would love for me to be also but....well we live on Long Island....need i say more

Re: Poll: Do you believe a woman should be at home with her kids?

I just read through all of these posts, and after seeing all of the back and forth about personal feelings, what is right in society and what is right in the situation I have one thing to say.

My daughter knows that mommy has to work so we can make money to go to DISNEY WORLD.

I work full time and in the end, my daughter thinks I am the greatest mommy in the world. That is all I really care about.

Message edited 9/3/2008 6:53:24 AM.

Re: Poll: Do you believe a woman should be at home with her kids?

Posted by MarisaK

Posted by joenick

ETA- to the poster "Seaside" (I believe). What TV shows are you watching that depict those SAHM's that are out "manicuring" and "lunching" every day?? You must introduce them to my group of SAHM friends, because we don't get out to do ANY of those things without 3 months of prior planning.

I think people are missing seaside's point - I also know a lot of women who 'call' themselves "Stay at Home Moms, or Home makers" - They are anything but!! - They're days are filled with shopping and lunch and day spas while the nanny or Grandma watches their kids - THESE women, seaside is saying, are NOT true SAHM's .....They're Mom's that don't do ANYTHING, they don't work outside the home, they don't care for their kids - they care for themselves and that's about all .........ALL the time (Not to say that any Mom doesn't need and deserve some "me" time) But there's a difference between a SAHM who's spending her days at the park or shopping or lunching WITH her kids, and the woman who's dumping her kids off on a daily basis to go about her social life ...........