Reporting an uncomfortable situation to HR - do you think this was handled appropriately?

This is going to be somewhat long, so please bare with me. I've been working at my current company for 5 years. Earlier this year there was a change made to the dynamics of the building and the area that we "sign in/out" is now only accessible by walking through the warehouse. I work in the front offices. There are 2 hallways that lead to the warehouse from the offices.

So, about a month ago I was walking through one of the hallways from my desk to sign in. I passed a guy who I had never really noticed before who works out in a lab in that hallway. I said good morning (as I always do to anyone I pass in the mornings). I signed in and headed back to the offices. On my way back through that hallway, the man stopped me and complimented my perfume to which I simply said thank you. He asked if it was a certain scent and I said No, but it's similar and walked back into the offices.

About a week later when walking out through the same hallway to sign in, I ran into him again. This time, on my way back from signing in, he introduced himself and asked me if he could "give me something sweet" and tried to hand me a bar of chocolate. At this point I started to feel a little uncomfortable and I simply said that I was flattered, but I'm married. I started trying to avoid running into him by taking the other hallway to and from the warehouse. That worked for about a week until one day (about 2 weeks ago) maintenance was painting the door to the warehouse in that hallway and redirected me to go down the original hallway. On my way into the warehouse I didn't see him, so I felt relieved. On the way back, just as I was approaching the office doors, he comes running out of the lab (he was obviously waiting for me) and called my name. He then proceeds to hand me a tiny ziplock bag with a small cloth - best I can describe it is like the little cloth you use to clean your sunglasses...and asks me if I could spray my perfume on it for him. I was so stunned and uncomfortable I didnt even know what to say. I literally just walked away, walked into the office kitchen, and dumped the cloth in the trash can.

Now for the past 2 weeks since then I've again taken the other hallway to avoid him. I told my husband from the very first encounter so he's known the situation. I debated talking to HR, but part of me felt like maybe he was just awkward and didn't know how to talk to people...I didnt want to get him in trouble. At the same time, I was very uncomfortable. We agreed that if he persisted that I would talk to HR.

Fast forward to this past Friday. I've managed to avoid running into him for 2 weeks. Now I'm in the offices heating up my lunch and I see him out of the corner of my eye walking towards my cubicle. He sees I'm not there and backtracks before anyone else in the surrounding cubicles can see him. Then about a half hour later, my desk phone rings and the caller ID shows his name. He lets it ring once, then hangs up. Then does that one more time before the end of the day.

So, needless to say, I'm a bit creeped out. I went in to HR today and spoke with the Director. I let her know that I was very hesitant to say anything because he's never touched me nor been aggressive, but I'm uncomfortable with his advances and he's being persistent and I just wanted to make them aware of the situation. I explained each encounter just as I did above. She explained that she would have to talk to him, to which I said I understood, but given the situation, I'm not comfortable walking through the warehouse to sign in/out any longer (there is a lab in each of the hallways and I was recently made aware that he actually works in BOTH labs...so i literally cannot get in or out of the warehouse without possibly running into him). I should also add that in January the offices will be switching to a sign in/out system on our computers, so this current system is temporary. AT this point, she said "well....the only reason youre running into him is because he's making sure to run into you, but when I talk to him and tell him to stop that won't be an issue anymore" I pushed back and said that 1) she's assuming he will simply just stop and 2) I think it's a very unsafe and unfair situation to notify him that I've made a complaint about him to HR and then continue to have me walk through an area where he can come in contact with me. I don't understand why we can't make some sort of alternative arrangement for me to track my hours between now and January when the system changes. She also said repeatedly that she thought he was harmless. I agreed that he most likely was, but I also didn't want to continue to perpetuate the situation by putting myself in a place where I know the odds are we will run into each other at some point AND honestly....the guy wanted me to spray my perfume on a cloth for him....it's creepy and weird and I'm not going to take my chances that he's harmless.

We ended it with she is going to talk to him tomorrow and then circle back around to me and let me know how it went. I left her office feeling worse honestly. I felt like it wasn't handled properly at all. There was no sort of procedure in place to report anything, no forms, nothing. I felt that my concerns about walking through that area (which, by the way, when I leave at night the warehouse is EMPTY, so I'm leaving ALONE with no one else around back there) were not only ignored but she almost made me feel like I was being ridiculous for requesting an alternative. I wasn't looking to get the guy fired or anything...I'm simply uncomfortable and wanted to let them know what has been occurring and see if we could work a way for me to not be placed in the situation on a daily basis. Am I overreacting or was this handled poorly by HR?

Reporting an uncomfortable situation to HR - do you think this was handled appropriately?

Did you tell him directly that he was making you uncomfortable? His behavior is odd but does not sound threatening. I think you should give HR a chance to talk to him. As for leaving alone at night- is it possible to have security walk you out?

Re: Reporting an uncomfortable situation to HR - do you think this was handled appropriately?

Re: Reporting an uncomfortable situation to HR - do you think this was handled appropriately?

Just reading that gave me that creepy feeling in my gut. The man doesn’t sound stable. I think you absolutely did the right thing reporting it. I definitely don’t think your director handled that well. How can she assure you he is harmless or speaking with him will make him stop. I would demand some type of security for yourself to be sign out in the evening.

Re: Reporting an uncomfortable situation to HR - do you think this was handled appropriately?

I don't think you are overreacting. The perfume thing is definitely weird. It seems like a pretty easy fix to let you sign in somewhere else for 3 months.

Re: Reporting an uncomfortable situation to HR - do you think this was handled appropriately?

Re: Reporting an uncomfortable situation to HR - do you think this was handled appropriately?

I think HR handled your report carelessly. Not at any time should they try and make YOU feel like you're making something out of nothing. You know how you feel and how it has been affecting you. Hopefully after she speaks to him, he'll get a better hint. In the meantime, is there ANYONE else in the office with you when you leave at night? If so, I'd ask for them to walk you out. I worked nights and used to have anyone who was available see me to the door and watch me as I got into my car and would wave as I drove off. Hopefully there is someone who is willing to do that for you. If not, call DH and be on the phone with him so at least he can listen in on whats going on in case this guy approaches you again.

P.S. I'd carry pepper spray.

Innocent or not, awkward or not - my mind always goes to worse case scenario.. you never know. Be proactive.

Reporting an uncomfortable situation to HR - do you think this was handled appropriately?

Yikes! I would be completely creeped out. How many stories do we hear in the news of people that everyone thought was "harmless", but turned out to be some sick and deranged weirdo? I would not be happy with how it was handled and I would definitely not be working late and leaving alone! I would go back into HR tomorrow, and tell them you have thought more about this situation, and you would like xyz to happen. You would like to an alternative means to sign in/out, and you would like to file a written and formal complaint. They also need to provide some sort of protection for you at night when you are leaving. Or alter your hours so you are not leaving alone. I'm sorry, but I would be very afraid of that situation. I'm sure this man knows your hours. You have told him you are married, he didn't seem to care, and now HR will be speaking to him since you complained. That sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.

Re: Reporting an uncomfortable situation to HR - do you think this was handled appropriately?

The spraying your perfume on the rag thing screams weird. I think HR should be honoring your request to an alternate sign in since at this point it's uncomfortable.

Re: Reporting an uncomfortable situation to HR - do you think this was handled appropriately?

I think he needs to know what he is doing is an issue. 1., because of the way it's making you feel and stops & 2., so he doesn't try that with another employee.

Just food for thought:
People who I've known who have Asperger's that have never been formally diagnosed can come off as creeps, but mean no harm, they just don't realize & haven't been told by someone their actions are weird. So for hr or anyone to include him in what's creating an uncomfortable work environment would be helpful - either way.

He needs to know it's not ok.

Re: Reporting an uncomfortable situation to HR - do you think this was handled appropriately?

Posted by NervousNell

Posted by mnmsoinlove

Just reading that gave me that creepy feeling in my gut. The man doesn’t sound stable. I think you absolutely did the right thing reporting it. I definitely don’t think your director handled that well. How can she assure you he is harmless or speaking with him will make him stop. I would demand some type of security for yourself to be sign out in the evening.

Yeah I am not usually an alarmist when it comes to these things at all. But that whole, spray your perfume on this rag so I can whack off to it at night- yeah um that is the shit Lifetime movies are made of.
That's like a step above asking you for a pair of you dirty panties in a bag.

Is there anyone above her that you can speak with or is she it?

Re: Reporting an uncomfortable situation to HR - do you think this was handled appropriately?

Re: Reporting an uncomfortable situation to HR - do you think this was handled appropriately?

Re: Reporting an uncomfortable situation to HR - do you think this was handled appropriately?

Re: Reporting an uncomfortable situation to HR - do you think this was handled appropriately?

Posted by NervousNell

Posted by mnmsoinlove

Just reading that gave me that creepy feeling in my gut. The man doesn’t sound stable. I think you absolutely did the right thing reporting it. I definitely don’t think your director handled that well. How can she assure you he is harmless or speaking with him will make him stop. I would demand some type of security for yourself to be sign out in the evening.

Yeah I am not usually an alarmist when it comes to these things at all. But that whole, spray your perfume on this rag so I can whack off to it at night- yeah um that is the shit Lifetime movies are made of.
That's like a step above asking you for a pair of you dirty panties in a bag.

Is there anyone above her that you can speak with or is she it?

Re: Reporting an uncomfortable situation to HR - do you think this was handled appropriately?

Message edited 10/1/2018 3:34:19 PM.

Re: Reporting an uncomfortable situation to HR - do you think this was handled appropriately?

Sometimes thats the one thing about HR; they dont know how to handle things the right way. And sometimes makes things worse.

As crazy as it sounds; that simple "good morning" that you gave him the first time a month ago; could've been enough to have an instant infatuation with you. It's like you gave him attention. Maybe he doesnt get attention often... And that is why things have become more and more weird each and every time he sees you. It becomes extremely creepy.

Is he an older man? I assume you know he is not married or is he?

Does anyone else get a weird vibe from him?

Message edited 10/1/2018 4:16:59 PM.

Re: Reporting an uncomfortable situation to HR - do you think this was handled appropriately?

Re: Reporting an uncomfortable situation to HR - do you think this was handled appropriately?

I don’t necessarily believe HR handled it badly, yet. It’s possible they know he has a diagnosis and they know he will cut it out when told flat out to stop. However, if he persists after this, you need to find someone above that person in HR because it’s obvious that things are escalating and I don’t like that you leave alone at night. Personally, I carry pepper spray on my car keys, not sure if NY has laws on it, but it’s something worth looking into and having for protection.

Reporting an uncomfortable situation to HR - do you think this was handled appropriately?

The perfume thing is weird. I probably would have said "why do you want it?" to put him on the spot.

I know you just want to avoid him, but sometimes you need to confront in a firm but not aggressive manner. If he is having trouble reading social cues, next time just tell him - you make me uncomfortable and I would like you to stop. If HR asks what you've done to let him know this is not ok, you can tell them you asked him to stop and he didn't (or maybe you'll get lucky and he will). Keep written notes of the incidents (dates, times, places, details) to provide to HR in the future. I would go back to HR and tell them you wish to file a written report with them so they have a record to document your complaints.

If there is no one else working when you leave, ask your supervisor if you can alter your hours so you leave when others do or if there is someone who will stay to escort you out. They should be made aware of your situation, not just HR.

I had a similar problem but worked at a larger company. Everyone I worked with noticed his behavior and he was ultimately fired for it (among other things). At a small company, I know it can be more difficult and I know its creepy for you, but he won't stop unless you do something. Speak to him one last time (because for people with fixations, any contact gives them hope) and tell him to stop. Make sure when you speak to him there are others around (not necessarily to hear but just so you are not alone).

Reporting an uncomfortable situation to HR - do you think this was handled appropriately?

Super inappropriate, I don't blame you one bit for not liking how HR handled it because they essentially just tried to placate you in what could be a potentially dangerous situation. HR has the responsibility to take every situation seriously and with professional demeanor - not to dismiss your valid concerns. This guy may or may not have Aspergers, but are we really using THAT defense to dismiss a woman's concerns, after the hellllll of this past week's political nightmare most women are reliving right now?

OP - I would look into what your options are for filing a complaint with the labor board; or is there an owner or company president that you could speak to? HR's lack of appropriate response really doesn't sit well with me.

Reporting an uncomfortable situation to HR - do you think this was handled appropriately?

I would definitely ask for someone to walk to the sign-in, in writing.

I'd also for sure put in writing what you said in your initial meeting and email it to yourself or HR so it's time stamped.

Reporting an uncomfortable situation to HR - do you think this was handled appropriately?

Is there anyway you can email HR when you come in and leave to clock your hours for the next few months?

Re: Reporting an uncomfortable situation to HR - do you think this was handled appropriately?

Posted by HomeIsWithU

But the way HR reacted made me question whether I was overreacting or something. She even questioned me as to whether I used to words "not interested" to him at any time. I was like "umm...I didn't specifically use those words, no. I thought saying I'm flattered BUT I"M MARRIED and then actively avoiding him for 3 weeks was the same basic idea". But she made me feel like I was to blame almost because I didn't specifically spell out "I AM NOT INTERESTED"

Re: Reporting an uncomfortable situation to HR - do you think this was handled appropriately?

I do not think that HR handled this appropriately.
They do not know if this man is harmless or not, and I am hoping that he IS harmless.
It is not appropriate behavior, you are doing what you can to minimize contact, yet he is seeking you out. It's freaking creepy.
HR speaking with this man about his behavior is one thing, but what are they doing about guaranteeing your safety ?

Is is possible to alter your hours so that you are not walking this corridor alone either during the morning or in the evening ? Have the warehouse supervisor walk you ?

I agree about getting pepper spray to defend yourself if God forbid you have to. Something you can hit with - a large umbrella or even your keys laced thru your fingers to scratch or stab.
It shouldn't have to come to that though

If HR still continues to make light of this situation, escalate it to law enforcement, speak with a community officer to see what if anything can be done externally.