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pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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SENSITIVE question - re: stillborn
My good friend and co-worker delivered a baby still at 39 weeks about 6 weeks ago
She came into work today and looks and sounds GREAT...she seems to be starting on the road to healing her broken heart
She is coming back to work on September 3rd. I am trying to organize a collection so that we may get her a nice gift, to symbolize her baby, Kennedy
A few of my coworkers were thinking of getting her a GC for a nursery so that she can have a tree planted in memory of Baby Kennedy....I was also thinking of getting a memorial bench that they can leave by the tree
Do you think this is something that would be appreciated by her and her family? Should I talk it over with her first?
Thanks for any insight 
Message edited 8/20/2008 3:32:08 PM.
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Posted 8/20/08 3:31 PM  |
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Tine73
Member since 3/06 22093 total posts
Name:
*********
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Re: SENSITIVE question - re: stillborn
I would talk to her about it first. She may not want anyone to make a big fuss over it, but I think that is a very nice idea.
When my brother died (not stillborm) we planted a tree in my grandparents backyard and watched it grow over the years. It was so sad when they moved last year.
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| Posted 8/20/08 3:35 PM |
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Smileyd17
kids
Member since 5/05 20997 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: SENSITIVE question - re: stillborn
Not too much advice...It sounds nice.
So sad and its good to hear that shes doing ok.
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| Posted 8/20/08 3:37 PM |
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trnity44
I hope you stay beautiful baby
Member since 5/05 8356 total posts
Name:
Liz
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Re: SENSITIVE question - re: stillborn
I think that is a very nice idea.
I have done the same thing for co-workers to honor the memory of a passed loved one. Very nice idea.
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| Posted 8/20/08 3:37 PM |
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emc
The Boys!
Member since 5/05 2065 total posts
Name:
Erin
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Re: SENSITIVE question - re: stillborn
I think they are really thoughtful gifts, but it is hard to know how people want to handle this type of situation, how they want to grieve, remember/not remember, etc. My husband is the type to ignore things and hope they go away. I am the type to think obsessively about things; and grieve quietly, alone. My grandfather died from ALS almost three years ago and his birthday was 8/10. we were all together at a bbq and my aunt bought a balloon for each grandchild to send up to grandpa for his birthday. While I would never say anything, I thought it was a nice idea, but not my preference in terms of remembering my grandfather. I would rather do it alone, by myself. Not sure if that makes sense or not or if its an appropriate example. If you feel close enough to her I would discuss it first, present her with the ideas/meaning behind your gifts and let her decide.
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| Posted 8/20/08 3:40 PM |
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sasha96
lovin' my 2 little ladies!
Member since 5/05 7401 total posts
Name:
Julianne
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Re: SENSITIVE question - re: stillborn
I agree that it is hard to know how she will react and how she would like everyone to approach this upon her return. Maybe get her an Amex GC and say that you were thinking she could use it at nursery. This way she can be flexible with its use should she not want to plant the tree.
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| Posted 8/20/08 3:44 PM |
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WhatNow
Say Cheese!
Member since 1/06 8033 total posts
Name:
A (formerly WhatNow?)
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Re: SENSITIVE question - re: stillborn
It is awfully nice of guys to be thinking of her and trying to do something nice to welcome her back after her terrible journey.
However, IMHO, I don't think you should get her anything baby related. Get her something for HER personally-- a CG for a nice massage etc.
I might be off on this, but i feel this is a very personal pain and it might not be a good idea for co-workers to be bringing up such personal issues as how and if she wants to commemorate her stillborn child.
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| Posted 8/20/08 3:48 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: SENSITIVE question - re: stillborn
I spoke to my SIL. She suggested sending a card for now.
Down the line buy a memorial brick or something at the hospital. She said right now, she's not looking at planting a tree & it may not go over well.
eta. Obviously everyone is different & may react differently. Taking your cues from them is the way to go.
Message edited 8/20/2008 3:59:04 PM.
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| Posted 8/20/08 3:58 PM |
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pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: SENSITIVE question - re: stillborn
Posted by nrthshgrl
I spoke to my SIL. She suggested sending a card for now.
Down the line buy a memorial brick or something at the hospital. She said right now, she's not looking at planting a tree & it may not go over well.
eta. Obviously everyone is different & may react differently. Taking your cues from them is the way to go.
ok, thanks
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| Posted 8/20/08 4:00 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: SENSITIVE question - re: stillborn
Posted by stephanief
Posted by nrthshgrl
I spoke to my SIL. She suggested sending a card for now.
Down the line buy a memorial brick or something at the hospital. She said right now, she's not looking at planting a tree & it may not go over well.
eta. Obviously everyone is different & may react differently. Taking your cues from them is the way to go.
ok, thanks
Most hospitals have something. I know Columbia had a garden that was a huge comfort.
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| Posted 8/20/08 4:02 PM |
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pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: SENSITIVE question - re: stillborn
Posted by nrthshgrl
Taking your cues from them is the way to go.
This is what I was thinking. when she came in today (I had not seen her since the wake), she was talking about Kennedy with a smile on her face, saying how beautiful she was and so forth 
she said to me "I want to talk about Kennedy, that gives me peace"
She seems like she is doing wonderful. I do not want the gift to upset her though, obviously....
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| Posted 8/20/08 4:12 PM |
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littlejoy06
Love
Member since 3/07 6944 total posts
Name:
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Re: SENSITIVE question - re: stillborn
I would talk to her first. I think it is such a sweet gesture, but she might be upset about that.
Personally, I think the tree is a fantastic idea.
Message edited 8/20/2008 4:19:12 PM.
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| Posted 8/20/08 4:18 PM |
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hbugal
Lesigh
Member since 2/07 15928 total posts
Name:
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Re: SENSITIVE question - re: stillborn
Honestly the best thing you can do for her is to simply remember Kennedy.
You never forget and you worry that noone else is going to remember....
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| Posted 8/20/08 5:10 PM |
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curliegirl
He's here!!!!
Member since 3/06 10128 total posts
Name:
Gina
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Re: SENSITIVE question - re: stillborn
That's a very nice sentiment and I think it will be well received.
When my brother's friend's baby was stillborn, we named a star after her and had the certificate framed......
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| Posted 8/20/08 5:55 PM |
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jules
Changing everyday
Member since 1/08 2281 total posts
Name:
julia
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Re: SENSITIVE question - re: stillborn
IMO i think it is a lovely idea.
But i would still ask her about it
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| Posted 8/20/08 5:59 PM |
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jules
Changing everyday
Member since 1/08 2281 total posts
Name:
julia
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Re: SENSITIVE question - re: stillborn
Posted by curliegirl
That's a very nice sentiment and I think it will be well received.
When my brother's friend's baby was stillborn, we named a star after her and had the certificate framed......
wow i love that idea
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| Posted 8/20/08 6:00 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: SENSITIVE question - re: stillborn
Posted by jules
Posted by curliegirl
That's a very nice sentiment and I think it will be well received.
When my brother's friend's baby was stillborn, we named a star after her and had the certificate framed......
wow i love that idea
Just wanted to say that there is no "official registry" for naming stars. I wouldn't suggest it. While it's a beautiful gesture, it's just a piece of paper with no official authority.
http://www.space.com/spacewatch/mystery_monday_030915.html http://www.iau.org/public_press/themes/buying_star_names/
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| Posted 8/20/08 7:29 PM |
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