serious seperation anxiety!

for both mommy and baby?!?!?!

We live in a VERY VERY small 2 room apt. (wil be moving in a few weeks) im a SAHM so i spend ALOT of time with my dd, who is now 9 months old. Needless to say we all share a room, abby has ALWAYS slept in her crib and is a great sleeping the past week shes had a nasty cold and has been up multipul times a night and was so bad the last 2 nights we've allowed her to sleep in our bed so that we can all get some sleep.

anyway abbys had some serious seperation anxiety for a few months i cant leave a room for a split second with out her going completely bonkers. i mean like the whole stop breathing crying with no sound huge crocadile tears. it absolutely breaks my heart but at the same time is VERY frustrating because she needs to be pretty much attached to me at all times. i try talking to her continuously while i leave the room so that she understands that i havent left her and she just screams louder. Any advice???

second part of the post... I have my own seperation anxiety issues with my dd. I have yet to leave her with any one but my DH and my mother. and even still both are VERY limited. id rather just take her with me or not go! im so embarrased to admit that i just feel like no one knows her better then me or DH. noone will follow our rules, standards like we do. I will constantly make excuses as to why i cant go places where dd cant/shouldnt be so that i dont have to leave her with someone else. Having her in our bedroom due to living situtaions has eased the anxiety at night because shes RIGHT THERE. BUT heres where im starting to freak. when we move in a few weeks dd will have her own bedroom finally. im so happy for her to get her own room and for DH and i to get our 'romance' back since its pretty much dead since shes in our room. but i cant help but worry and pretty much get small anxiety attacks about her not being in our room, in a new place, and better yet on a differnt floor then our room. i forsee a lot of slumber parties for a little while till we both get used to things.

this is pretty much the first time ive admitted this to any one so id appreciate some advice if anyone has any on how to ease my fears and dd's. or just some being a parent is HARD!

Re: serious seperation anxiety!

First

I hear this is a normal age anyways for separation anxiety...plus with what you write about you guys together all the time, it seems like it would naturally happen for both of you. Can you put her in a sling? If it were me I'd let her throw her tantrum and ignore it




ETA: About your anxiety, can you do something to help release your anxiety? Exercise? Read a book? A stress ball? See a counselor if its really bad?

Message edited 4/12/2010 10:17:32 PM.

Re: serious seperation anxiety!

Posted by brownie

First

I hear this is a normal age anyways for separation anxiety...plus with what you write about you guys together all the time, it seems like it would naturally happen for both of you. Can you put her in a sling? If it were me I'd let her throw her tantrum and ignore it

Re: serious seperation anxiety!

I can't help you much on the first part...DS is pretty good about me leaving the room....being gone for more than an hour is another story...LOL...even when he's left with DH!

I have CRAZY separation anxiety when leaving DS. The longest I have EVER left him, is to get a color/cut at the salon! And he'll be 10 months next week! DH is delirious....maybe I don't give him enough credit... but it's hard for me to leave him when he is still asking me which ones are the overnight diapers and which ones are the regular ones The only other person who has ever watched him is my mother....when she is in town...FROM FLORIDA. I can't leave him with my IL's...not that I *couldn't* there's just no way I would, not even if you paid me And we don't really know other people in the area that I trust leaving him with. DH is originally from Queens, and all of his friends are still there. I'm from Florida, and don't have many of my own friends out here.

Just wanted you to know you're not alone

Re: serious seperation anxiety!

Aww, honey....I totally understand...(and if you ever repeat this, I will deny it but.... the first time I ever left the girls was this past december for a wedding...and yes, that includes be4 Kristina was born, and you know how old Samie is!!!) - of course now, we can't leave SamSam (who will check her blood sugar?? ) but still....

Both my girls had seperation anxiety from me as well. I found with Sammie that we just had to let her cry it out b/c she was the kind of kid that if we went in, she would just start all over again and we'd be back to zero. It stunk big time (I cried in my room!) but after two nights, it was better and now, she is an amazing sleeper....

Kristina was a different story...we tried cio and it worked great after two nights (each time I said I would give it an hr max - while nearly throwing up myself - and sure enough the first night, it took 59 mins!!)....for the first three weeks it worked, then it started again with the tears so I would just stroke her face and tiptoe out when she was clam...slowly it got better, now I give her a bottle in Samantha's room, she drinks it and then I kiss her, put her into her crib, and walk out....no tears or anything....not sure how I did it, but wanted to let you know it will happen! My best advice is to turn the monitor low when she's crying (if you go this route!) and remind yourself its helping her in the long run!! good luck and I'm here if you need support!!

Re: serious seperation anxiety!

Posted by katiec618

I can't help you much on the first part...DS is pretty good about me leaving the room....being gone for more than an hour is another story...LOL...even when he's left with DH!

I have CRAZY separation anxiety when leaving DS. The longest I have EVER left him, is to get a color/cut at the salon! And he'll be 10 months next week! DH is delirious....maybe I don't give him enough credit... but it's hard for me to leave him when he is still asking me which ones are the overnight diapers and which ones are the regular ones The only other person who has ever watched him is my mother....when she is in town...FROM FLORIDA. I can't leave him with my IL's...not that I *couldn't* there's just no way I would, not even if you paid me And we don't really know other people in the area that I trust leaving him with. DH is originally from Queens, and all of his friends are still there. I'm from Florida, and don't have many of my own friends out here.

Just wanted you to know you're not alone

Re: serious seperation anxiety!

Posted by wowcoulditbe

Aww, honey....I totally understand...(and if you ever repeat this, I will deny it but.... the first time I ever left the girls was this past december for a wedding...and yes, that includes be4 Kristina was born, and you know how old Samie is!!!) - of course now, we can't leave SamSam (who will check her blood sugar?? ) but still....

Both my girls had seperation anxiety from me as well. I found with Sammie that we just had to let her cry it out b/c she was the kind of kid that if we went in, she would just start all over again and we'd be back to zero. It stunk big time (I cried in my room!) but after two nights, it was better and now, she is an amazing sleeper....

Kristina was a different story...we tried cio and it worked great after two nights (each time I said I would give it an hr max - while nearly throwing up myself - and sure enough the first night, it took 59 mins!!)....for the first three weeks it worked, then it started again with the tears so I would just stroke her face and tiptoe out when she was clam...slowly it got better, now I give her a bottle in Samantha's room, she drinks it and then I kiss her, put her into her crib, and walk out....no tears or anything....not sure how I did it, but wanted to let you know it will happen! My best advice is to turn the monitor low when she's crying (if you go this route!) and remind yourself its helping her in the long run!! good luck and I'm here if you need support!!

Re: serious seperation anxiety!

Been there with Kristina too....to the point that she'd scream with Mike if I was in view! ....get a summer video monitor...I have two ( I kiss the girls on each before I go to sleep and check on them all night!)

Re: serious seperation anxiety!

Posted by wowcoulditbe

Been there with Kristina too....to the point that she'd scream with Mike if I was in view! ....get a summer video monitor...I have two ( I kiss the girls on each before I go to sleep and check on them all night!)