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alli3131
Peanut is here!!!!!!
Member since 5/09 18388 total posts
Name:
Allison
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Re: So annoyed and sad for my son - RSVP related
Posted by lynnd126
I also used to always be the one to say that it's only right to invite the whole class, but I didn't do it this year. I invited the kids I know ds plays with and then invited any other kids that he said he's like to invite. That way I got the people I know but didn't exclude anyone that he plays with at school that I may not know. I think you have a better rsvp turnout like that bc it largely cuts people you really really don't even know.
I agree with this. Since August my DS has been invited to 7 parties. And one I forgot to RSVP no. It was during my vacation and had a million and one other things on my mind.....it was also a classmate that I never heard of before and when I asked DS who she was he even said IDK. I def think if it was his little buddy then I would have made sure to RSVP and I probably would have even sent a gift after the fact but when there are so many parties and many of them we don't even know RSVPs fall through the cracks.
Also, The invites get put in the bins at daycare and I have been witness to the stray invite that gets out of a bin gets put in a different bin etc....
I don't do Bday parties but for other major events I def get people who don't respond and 99% of them do end up being nos. It sucks but it is def something that happens more than you would think by the responses on here. People jsut don't RSVP no in many circles.
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Posted 11/10/14 10:03 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
Sash
Peace
Member since 6/08 10312 total posts
Name:
fka LIW Smara
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Re: So annoyed and sad for my son - RSVP related
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by MorningCuppaCoffee
This thread is getting ridiculous now.
No one needs to defend their choices for not attending things.
This doesn't make you a bad parent or less of a community member.
I agree it is turning into a pissing match, and some intent is being lost since this is a message board and posters are taking stuff out of context as usual.
I also think as per usual some people are just commenting with ridiculousness to create drama.
You have missed the point then as there is no common courtesy anymore and it is not just here in this example. If parents are like this, you bet they are not teaching their kids any manners. It is sad what this generation of parents are doing.
Trust me despite my rude ways my son is one of the few kids who says,"No Thank you", "yes please", "you welcome & thank you". He was the only kid who stood up and defended a little girl in his karate who had an accident after the other kids were laughing at her. That's who I'm raising, so chill.
I can't believe how many people are up in arms because I dont take my son to school parties. It's hysterical when there are always many post of people complaining that they can't afford to invite the whole class and they only want to invite about 5 kids, How many posters respond, don't worry a lot won't come?? So statistically, that invite that I find in his folder only has a 20 percent chance of being genuine. Therefore, there's an 80 percent chance the parent is hoping I don't come. And people are attacking me for not taking my son to the party??
As far as no RSVP, I think I explained my logic 100x times over (however flawed and rude it was) and only posted because the OP asked why people didnt respond and if someone could answer. I am one of those people and gave insight. Obviously, knowing how crazy this may drive the hostess and how rude it is, I will RSVP "No" going forward.
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| Posted 11/10/14 10:27 AM |
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Diane
Hope is Contagious....catch it
Member since 5/05 30683 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: So annoyed and sad for my son - RSVP related
That is one of my BIGGEST PET PEEVES, is NOT RSVPing to an event. Its so RUDE!!!!!
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| Posted 11/10/14 10:35 AM |
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kahlua716
3 Girls for Me!
Member since 8/07 12475 total posts
Name:
Keri
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Re: So annoyed and sad for my son - RSVP related
Posted by Sash
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by MorningCuppaCoffee
This thread is getting ridiculous now.
No one needs to defend their choices for not attending things.
This doesn't make you a bad parent or less of a community member.
I agree it is turning into a pissing match, and some intent is being lost since this is a message board and posters are taking stuff out of context as usual.
I also think as per usual some people are just commenting with ridiculousness to create drama.
You have missed the point then as there is no common courtesy anymore and it is not just here in this example. If parents are like this, you bet they are not teaching their kids any manners. It is sad what this generation of parents are doing.
Trust me despite my rude ways my son is one of the few kids who says,"No Thank you", "yes please", "you welcome & thank you". He was the only kid who stood up and defended a little girl in his karate who had an accident after the other kids were laughing at her. That's who I'm raising, so chill.
I can't believe how many people are up in arms because I dont take my son to school parties. It's hysterical when there are always many post of people complaining that they can't afford to invite the whole class and they only want to invite about 5 kids, How many posters respond, don't worry a lot won't come?? So statistically, that invite that I find in his folder only has a 20 percent chance of being genuine. Therefore, there's an 80 percent chance the parent is hoping I don't come. And people are attacking me for not taking my son to the party??
As far as no RSVP, I think I explained my logic 100x times over (however flawed and rude it was) and only posted because the OP asked why people didnt respond and if someone could answer. I am one of those people and gave insight. Obviously, knowing how crazy this may drive the hostess and how rude it is, I will RSVP "No" going forward.
 Don't let them get to you 
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| Posted 11/10/14 11:06 AM |
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Xelindrya
Mommy's little YouTube Star!
Member since 8/05 14470 total posts
Name:
Veronica
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Re: So annoyed and sad for my son - RSVP related
Posted by MrsGmomof3
I have been "that mom" that has forgotten to respond. I have been "that mom" whose kid lost the invitation, or whose invitation got lost among the paperwork of the schoolbag. I have been "that mom" who calls at the last possible second apologetic and embarrassed.
I am not lazy.
Society is not "doomed"
I am not an a$$hole, or rude, or inconsiderate.
I am a working parent. I am not perfect. and I have forgotten.
For the record, people have not RSVPed to my kids stuff too.
I get over it and try to understand and I plan accordingly. I do NOT get "infuriated"... I know that life happens. If a kid shows up who did not "rsvp"... its OK with me! I have a goody bag and we are happy to have them.
Edited to add: no response has ALWAYS meant "no" in my circles of friends/family. It is not "rude" or "inconsiderate"... no response means we are not attending.
THIS!
However................
Last year I invited 30 or so, expected 20 and 8 showed up. I was beyond heartbroken for AJ. But she had a blast with those who showed. I did NOT pay up that fee again this year. Chose CPK instead and figured I'd invite 15 or so with expectations of like 10 kids actually making it. Well that invite list swelled to over 25 easily then 18 actually showed up! 
I managed.
Yet another reason I didn't bother with these party things until last year (at her 5th bday). And why I'm STILL planning smallish for next year. Right now I'm thinking Tea party in someone's backyard or at a park with a playground.
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| Posted 11/10/14 11:10 AM |
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curley999
Family!
Member since 5/05 2314 total posts
Name:
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Re: So annoyed and sad for my son - RSVP related
Posted by Sash
I never respond, I thought no response means I'm not going. School parties are different to me then close family/ friend parties where I would call them. If I'm going i response if I'm not I don't. I thought that was the norm. Oops.
I don't throw school parties but If I did I would only want the people who are going to respond. But I also wouldn't rely on my sons classmates as the entire guest list for his party. I know people don't like to go to strangers parties or parties like these.
I also assume a no response equals a no rsvp and I think most others do as well, just not on this board. I have a 9 and 7 year old DD and have been doing the birthday party scene for a while and it has always been that way, going both ways. We have hosted at least 6 large parties and I dont think I ever got a call or email for a no rsvp. People who could come would let me know. Of course in the end there is always one of 2 who either randomly show up or are no shows and we are always prepared for that with extra food and favors. Honestly only on this board have I seen this ever become a big issue...
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| Posted 11/10/14 12:19 PM |
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Re: So annoyed and sad for my son - RSVP related
Posted by MorningCuppaCoffee
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by MorningCuppaCoffee
This thread is getting ridiculous now.
No one needs to defend their choices for not attending things.
This doesn't make you a bad parent or less of a community member.
I agree it is turning into a pissing match, and some intent is being lost since this is a message board and posters are taking stuff out of context as usual.
I also think as per usual some people are just commenting with ridiculousness to create drama.
You have missed the point then as there is no common courtesy anymore and it is not just here in this example. If parents are like this, you bet they are not teaching their kids any manners. It is sad what this generation of parents are doing.
Trust me, I have not missed "the point" especially when it comes to YOU and what you are stirring up.
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| Posted 11/10/14 12:40 PM |
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hunnybunnyxoxo
this is what it's all about
Member since 11/07 3321 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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So annoyed and sad for my son - RSVP related
my dd is 5 and I haven't hosted a class birthday party for her yet. at this age, we have plenty of our best friends with kids the same age, so we invite our best friends and family only. in the future, when she is older, if she wants to invite a few select friends to her birthday she certainly can.
i have the same fear, wasting money on a party , not knowing if i have 5 kids or 25 kids coming to a party. i don't have money or time to waste on people i don't know. i don't have a class list with parent's numbers, so if i can't track you down for an rsvp, i don't want to even bother hosting a party. sorry you are going through this!! it's a mixed bag of forgetfulness, not getting the invite, or moms just completely oblivious.
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| Posted 11/10/14 1:11 PM |
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MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!
Member since 5/06 14562 total posts
Name:
Marisa
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Re: So annoyed and sad for my son - RSVP related
I can compeletely understand how it slips someone's mind - You get 500 papers and flyers and invitations in the folders every day ......I have been guilty of forgetting, or just sticking it up on the fridge.
I try my best to look at it and decide right then and there if we're attending, or not - and RSVP.
Usually people put their cell # on the invite, so I just send a text. It takes 3 seconds.
I personally don't agree that you don't have to respond if youi're not attending. I think to courtesy of a "sorry we can't make it" is just normal manners ......you at least acknowledge the invite.
But I can see how they get lost, people forget etc .......I've definitely been THAT mom
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| Posted 11/10/14 1:25 PM |
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CookiePuss
Cake from Outer Space!
Member since 5/05 14021 total posts
Name:
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Re: So annoyed and sad for my son - RSVP related
Posted by Sash
I never said I was too busy to RSVP. I posted repeatedly that I assumed no repsonse meant No. Just like a previous poster said in her circle of friends it's the same way. I also posted that obviously im rude and that's wrong. And this was only for school parties not personal family and friend invites to events.
Not taking my son to school parties on the weekend doesn't make me a bad parent just because you do it. I don't do school parties and my son is and will be just fine. I'm not the only one, several moms post on here how they don't go to parties on the weekend because family time is important to them. How come that is ok, and I'm wrong? Because I don't sugar coat it and think there isnt a need for my kid to go to a party every weekend.
As far as extra curricular activities, I didn't mean for it to be a pissing match. I'm sure everyone has busy kids. I was just trying to say even if I would bring him, he would choose that over the party. I didn't mean to come off as I'm busier than everyone.
Eta: 90% of the invites just have a number, it doesn't say cell for you to just shoot a text.
Your child may not care now...because it's kindergarten and only November but if you are planning on staying in your school district...he is eventually going to care about being invited to parties. These new friends at school, will become his old friends in 1st, 2nd, 3rd, etc...Also, all these new parents will be the same ones that you will be seeing each week at inter-mural sports, PTA events, fundraising events,etc... You don't want to be the mom left out.
Treat kindly now if you want your son and you to be treated kindly later.
Message edited 11/10/2014 1:42:20 PM.
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| Posted 11/10/14 1:41 PM |
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Sash
Peace
Member since 6/08 10312 total posts
Name:
fka LIW Smara
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Re: So annoyed and sad for my son - RSVP related
Posted by CookiePuss
Posted by Sash
I never said I was too busy to RSVP. I posted repeatedly that I assumed no repsonse meant No. Just like a previous poster said in her circle of friends it's the same way. I also posted that obviously im rude and that's wrong. And this was only for school parties not personal family and friend invites to events.
Not taking my son to school parties on the weekend doesn't make me a bad parent just because you do it. I don't do school parties and my son is and will be just fine. I'm not the only one, several moms post on here how they don't go to parties on the weekend because family time is important to them. How come that is ok, and I'm wrong? Because I don't sugar coat it and think there isnt a need for my kid to go to a party every weekend.
As far as extra curricular activities, I didn't mean for it to be a pissing match. I'm sure everyone has busy kids. I was just trying to say even if I would bring him, he would choose that over the party. I didn't mean to come off as I'm busier than everyone.
Eta: 90% of the invites just have a number, it doesn't say cell for you to just shoot a text.
Your child may not care now...because it's kindergarten and only November but if you are planning on staying in your school district...he is eventually going to care about being invited to parties. These new friends at school, will become his old friends in 1st, 2nd, 3rd, etc...Also, all these new parents will be the same ones that you will be seeing each week at inter-mural sports, PTA events, fundraising events,etc... You don't want to be the mom left out.
Treat kindly now if you want your son and you to be treated kindly later.
Oh please, I treat everyone kindly and with the respect they deserve. Not going to a party isn't being disrespectful or treating a mom unkindly. If people are going to treat my son like crap becuase he didn't go to a party, then the issue is on them!
The logic on this board is ridiculous.
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| Posted 11/10/14 1:56 PM |
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KarenK122
The Journey is the Destination
Member since 5/05 4431 total posts
Name:
Karen
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Re: So annoyed and sad for my son - RSVP related
Posted by CookiePuss
Your child may not care now...because it's kindergarten and only November but if you are planning on staying in your school district...he is eventually going to care about being invited to parties. These new friends at school, will become his old friends in 1st, 2nd, 3rd, etc...Also, all these new parents will be the same ones that you will be seeing each week at inter-mural sports, PTA events, fundraising events,etc... You don't want to be the mom left out.
Treat kindly now if you want your son and you to be treated kindly later.
This exactly. At a young age the children may not care but they will care when they get older. If people think you don't have the time to answer a simple RSVP then your invites might get less and less until you aren't invited to anything. Kids talk in school about who went to what and you don't want your child to be the only one not invited to things.
Bottom line is that if you get an RSVP, then respond. It's just common courtesy. Of course people forget every now and then and that's fine things happen but as a rule you should always respond one way or the other.
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| Posted 11/10/14 1:59 PM |
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ThreeforTea
Girls just want to have fun..
Member since 5/12 7482 total posts
Name:
Mama
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So annoyed and sad for my son - RSVP related
my friend just had a birthday party for her DD and there were some parents that didn't respond to her. I don't think she felt disrespected, she just counted those that didn't respond as a no and moved on.
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| Posted 11/10/14 2:02 PM |
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CookiePuss
Cake from Outer Space!
Member since 5/05 14021 total posts
Name:
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Re: So annoyed and sad for my son - RSVP related
Posted by Sash
Posted by CookiePuss
Posted by Sash
I never said I was too busy to RSVP. I posted repeatedly that I assumed no repsonse meant No. Just like a previous poster said in her circle of friends it's the same way. I also posted that obviously im rude and that's wrong. And this was only for school parties not personal family and friend invites to events.
Not taking my son to school parties on the weekend doesn't make me a bad parent just because you do it. I don't do school parties and my son is and will be just fine. I'm not the only one, several moms post on here how they don't go to parties on the weekend because family time is important to them. How come that is ok, and I'm wrong? Because I don't sugar coat it and think there isnt a need for my kid to go to a party every weekend.
As far as extra curricular activities, I didn't mean for it to be a pissing match. I'm sure everyone has busy kids. I was just trying to say even if I would bring him, he would choose that over the party. I didn't mean to come off as I'm busier than everyone.
Eta: 90% of the invites just have a number, it doesn't say cell for you to just shoot a text.
Your child may not care now...because it's kindergarten and only November but if you are planning on staying in your school district...he is eventually going to care about being invited to parties. These new friends at school, will become his old friends in 1st, 2nd, 3rd, etc...Also, all these new parents will be the same ones that you will be seeing each week at inter-mural sports, PTA events, fundraising events,etc... You don't want to be the mom left out.
Treat kindly now if you want your son and you to be treated kindly later.
Oh please, I treat everyone kindly and with the respect they deserve. Not going to a party isn't being disrespectful or treating a mom unkindly. If people are going to treat my son like crap becuase he didn't go to a party, then the issue is on them!
The logic on this board is ridiculous.
Based on your replies, you don't come across as being very kind or respectful but that just IMO.
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| Posted 11/10/14 2:09 PM |
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Sash
Peace
Member since 6/08 10312 total posts
Name:
fka LIW Smara
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Re: So annoyed and sad for my son - RSVP related
Posted by kahlua716
Don't let them get to you
Thank you, I don't! I'm going to walk away before I get CPS called on me. 
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| Posted 11/10/14 2:09 PM |
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Seawolf
LIF Adult
Member since 3/14 1336 total posts
Name:
Scrumba
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Re: So annoyed and sad for my son - RSVP related
Image Attachment(s):
Message edited 11/10/2014 2:19:39 PM.
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| Posted 11/10/14 2:17 PM |
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Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: So annoyed and sad for my son - RSVP related
Posted by curley999
Posted by Sash
I never respond, I thought no response means I'm not going. School parties are different to me then close family/ friend parties where I would call them. If I'm going i response if I'm not I don't. I thought that was the norm. Oops.
I don't throw school parties but If I did I would only want the people who are going to respond. But I also wouldn't rely on my sons classmates as the entire guest list for his party. I know people don't like to go to strangers parties or parties like these.
I also assume a no response equals a no rsvp and I think most others do as well, just not on this board. I have a 9 and 7 year old DD and have been doing the birthday party scene for a while and it has always been that way, going both ways. We have hosted at least 6 large parties and I dont think I ever got a call or email for a no rsvp. People who could come would let me know. Of course in the end there is always one of 2 who either randomly show up or are no shows and we are always prepared for that with extra food and favors. Honestly only on this board have I seen this ever become a big issue...
I have had the reverse. Last year, out of 12 who didnt reply, 8 wound up saying yes when I called for their response, and came. So no answer does not assumedly mean no!
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| Posted 11/10/14 2:57 PM |
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sometimesmommy
Always in my heart.....
Member since 11/06 6686 total posts
Name:
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Re: So annoyed and sad for my son - RSVP related
Posted by forevermylilgirls
my friend just had a birthday party for her DD and there were some parents that didn't respond to her. I don't think she felt disrespected, she just counted those that didn't respond as a no and moved on.
This. I just keep it moving. So much bigger things going on in life.
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| Posted 11/10/14 3:56 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: So annoyed and sad for my son - RSVP related
I have been that parent before.
Why?
Because the invitation went into the black-hole backpack & I never saw it.
I would ask the teacher for the class list so you can make your calls.
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| Posted 11/10/14 4:26 PM |
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limomof2
LIF Adolescent
Member since 1/13 845 total posts
Name:
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Re: So annoyed and sad for my son - RSVP related
Well, I was guilty of this TODAY!!!! I got a phone call asking if my son was going and I completely dropped the ball and the invitation completely slipped my mind. Needless to say I felt terrible when I called back.
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| Posted 11/10/14 4:27 PM |
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ChilisWife
God Bless America
Member since 5/05 3572 total posts
Name:
A.K.
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Re: So annoyed and sad for my son - RSVP related
Wow, didnt mean for this thread to get so heated.
Yes, there are bigger things in life to worry about. However my point was that I didnt want my son to show up at his own party and be the only one there. I just wish people thought of a child's feelings. If everyone replied no, at least I could consider rescheduling or inviting others.
Not responding does not mean "no." My family has had many parties - weddings, showers, birthdays - and people who didnt respond have shown up!
Next year IF we do anything, I will clearly write "PLEASE REPLY YES OR NO." Thanks for all the responses.
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| Posted 11/10/14 4:31 PM |
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lynnd126
LIF Adult
Member since 3/11 2630 total posts
Name:
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Re: So annoyed and sad for my son - RSVP related
Posted by Sash
Posted by CookiePuss
Posted by Sash
I never said I was too busy to RSVP. I posted repeatedly that I assumed no repsonse meant No. Just like a previous poster said in her circle of friends it's the same way. I also posted that obviously im rude and that's wrong. And this was only for school parties not personal family and friend invites to events.
Not taking my son to school parties on the weekend doesn't make me a bad parent just because you do it. I don't do school parties and my son is and will be just fine. I'm not the only one, several moms post on here how they don't go to parties on the weekend because family time is important to them. How come that is ok, and I'm wrong? Because I don't sugar coat it and think there isnt a need for my kid to go to a party every weekend.
As far as extra curricular activities, I didn't mean for it to be a pissing match. I'm sure everyone has busy kids. I was just trying to say even if I would bring him, he would choose that over the party. I didn't mean to come off as I'm busier than everyone.
Eta: 90% of the invites just have a number, it doesn't say cell for you to just shoot a text.
Your child may not care now...because it's kindergarten and only November but if you are planning on staying in your school district...he is eventually going to care about being invited to parties. These new friends at school, will become his old friends in 1st, 2nd, 3rd, etc...Also, all these new parents will be the same ones that you will be seeing each week at inter-mural sports, PTA events, fundraising events,etc... You don't want to be the mom left out.
Treat kindly now if you want your son and you to be treated kindly later.
Oh please, I treat everyone kindly and with the respect they deserve. Not going to a party isn't being disrespectful or treating a mom unkindly. If people are going to treat my son like crap becuase he didn't go to a party, then the issue is on them!
The logic on this board is ridiculous.
I get what you're saying, but also you're kind of putting your ideology regarding parties on him. He may say he rather go to sports etc. but at this age they do what they see and know. Do whatever you want (obviously) but I think that a blanket "we don't do school parties" policy can come back to bite your child socially. It's easy to say oh someone who wouldn't want to be his friend over this is someone he doesn't need, but they're just kids and the parties help foster relationships. Just my opinion.
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| Posted 11/10/14 4:59 PM |
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MrsPJB2007
MBA at your service!
Member since 7/06 12020 total posts
Name:
MJ
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So annoyed and sad for my son - RSVP related
Read through everything and those going nuts because a mom says she doesn't like taking her kids to classmate parties is just....wow. To turn it into she is doing her kid some disservice is a bit much as well. Sometimes that whole "please conform and do what everyone else does or else your kid will suffer" feels a bit like an order being sent down from high up. 
"If your kid doesn't attend parties....he sleeps wit da gold fishes..."
Sincerely,
Message edited 11/10/2014 9:31:48 PM.
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| Posted 11/10/14 9:31 PM |
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2BadSoSad
LIF Adult
Member since 8/12 6791 total posts
Name:
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Re: So annoyed and sad for my son - RSVP related
Hi, Im 2badsoSad and I am a recovering Non-RSVPer. I would get invites all the time and I threw them in the "papers to go through" pile, and then more papers go on top of that and then more, and then I would forget. Not on purpose, not bc Im rude, just out of sight of of mind and then before I knew it, the date passed. I NEVER did it on purpose. So now, as part of my recovery, I bought myself a calendar, put it on the damn fridge and I put the RSVP dates on there. That way, I cant forget they were buried in a pile somewhere out of sight out of mind, Im reminded every single time I open the fridge.g
I also have ZERO interest in socializing with the other parents while Im there, Im not a social person, Im just not, never have been. It PAINS me to go, to have to give up the middle of a Saturday afternoon, but I go and I hate every minute of it, but I go.....to some of them.
Also, last year at one of my DC parties, we have ONE person respond out of 15. I was heartbroken for DC. DC was SO excited for his party. I know it gets to be a lot, and I am just as guilty as the next as being "partied out" and skipping a few here and there just bc I dont want to do a party every weekend. After that though, it opened my eyes. We had to have "filler" friends (older cousins, granparents neighbors kids) come so DC had people there. How heartbreaking is that for a small child so think of them, when you are or are not deciding to go.
Message edited 11/10/2014 11:00:23 PM.
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| Posted 11/10/14 10:53 PM |
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nicole97
LIF Adolescent
Member since 6/07 559 total posts
Name:
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Re: So annoyed and sad for my son - RSVP related
Posted by ChilisWife
Wow, didnt mean for this thread to get so heated.
Yes, there are bigger things in life to worry about. However my point was that I didnt want my son to show up at his own party and be the only one there. I just wish people thought of a child's feelings. If everyone replied no, at least I could consider rescheduling or inviting others.
Not responding does not mean "no." My family has had many parties - weddings, showers, birthdays - and people who didnt respond have shown up!
Next year IF we do anything, I will clearly write "PLEASE REPLY YES OR NO." Thanks for all the responses.
I have had this problem with party responded also. This year I did write Plesse RSVP Yes or No. It helped a little lol.
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| Posted 11/11/14 8:12 AM |
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