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Kissy331
My two miracles!
Member since 5/06 17826 total posts
Name:
Kristen
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Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?
A generous favor & definately not an obligation IMO. I honestly come from the teachings that "my parents raised me & my kids are not their responsibility to watch."
When DH & I decided to have kids, we had the understanding that even if I did return to work, we would be putting our DC in daycare even though his mom is home full time. It is not her duty to watch my kids full time nor would either of us expect us to do it. They are in the time of their lives to enjoy & not be tied down to an everyday watching of my kids.
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Posted 3/14/11 1:10 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?
not an obligation by any means in MY mind.
but my MIL believes it is her god given right to that much contact to her grandchildren.  to her, it is simply the circle of life.
I am beyond grateful for it.
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| Posted 3/14/11 1:11 PM |
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sunflowerjesss
Mommy to 3!
Member since 10/05 20369 total posts
Name:
Jesss, duh.
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Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?
I am a SAHM so my opinion may be different.
My parents work. My MIL doesn't, my FIL works overnight.
With that being said...ANY time they babysit for us I am grateful. I am 34 weeks pregnant with twins. And this pregnancy has brought on A LOT of doctor appointments in which I cannot bring DS to for various reasons. One example is I had to have 3 different fetal echos done and each appointment was a minimum of 2 hours. There is just no way my 2.5 year old would sit through that.
Either my inlaws have watched DS or my mom. And I am grateful every.single.time. If they didn't I'd be forced into finding a babysitter and paying $$ that we really shouldn't be spending right now.
And if for some reason I came across a point where they said no to me, for whatever the reason may be, I would understand and get a babysitter. No questions asked.
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| Posted 3/14/11 1:13 PM |
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MrsA714
Baby #2 is here!
Member since 8/07 8806 total posts
Name:
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Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?
Posted by Tilde
No, it is not an obligation
BUT them NOT wanting to do it SO different from anything I have experienced, that I honestly cannot wrap my head around it.
ITA! It is definitely a HUGE favor but I know we are very lucky to have the parents we do. My MIL watches DD during the week and I know my mother would definitely do the same if she didn't work. It is extremely generous of them and we are so thankful.
I have a friend whose mother is never thrilled about watching her kids and usually complains about it when she has to. I always feel so bad for my friend when she tells me about this but luckily she has some other friends and family she can count on.
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| Posted 3/14/11 1:15 PM |
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GioiaMia
Let's Go Rangers!
Member since 1/07 14818 total posts
Name:
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Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?
Posted by maybebaby
It's not that i woudln't do anything for my boys...I would! If they needed me, i would.
But right NOW in my life i get exhausted just thinking about taking care of grandkids all day..however years from now i may feel entirely different!!
I have these dreams of getting back to a good career once i'm done with being a SAHM and who knows where life will take me..
Oh yeah I am pooped too - I am hoping that goes away in ten years or so, so I can recharge and get ready for the next wave of babies
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| Posted 3/14/11 1:15 PM |
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gporka23
:)
Member since 11/08 3783 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?
I think its a very generous favor & would not be hurt if they couldn't or didnt want to do it.
I would be hurt if they agreed or offered to do it and then acted like it was a burden
My mom watches my DS full time but I made the decision recently to put him in day care 2 days a week to give her a break bc I feel guilty that she has no time to herself.
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| Posted 3/14/11 1:17 PM |
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Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?
I don't think it's a favor or an obligation, I think they should want to watch/see their grandchildren. Maybe not full time, that's a lot, but sometimes.
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| Posted 3/14/11 1:25 PM |
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2PreciousBlessings
The Perfect Pair
Member since 5/06 19861 total posts
Name:
Best Wife & Mommy
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Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?
Posted by LeShellem
Totally a favor. Not an obligation. They raised their kids and if they want to live the rest of their lives w/o any commitment it is definetely their right - they earned it.
ITA!
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| Posted 3/14/11 1:28 PM |
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sj-girl
Happy Family of 4
Member since 5/08 5654 total posts
Name:
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Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?
My MIL watched DS because she WANTS to, and it also helps us out. She also know that at any time it becomes to much, to let us know. We wouldnt be upset at all.
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| Posted 3/14/11 1:32 PM |
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MrsPJB2007
MBA at your service!
Member since 7/06 12020 total posts
Name:
MJ
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Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?
100% not an obligation -- just a generous favor.
My parents have made it clear that they are not, and never will be the kind of grandparents to watch their grandkids full time. They both work still, but when they retire in the next 2 or 3 years, they plan to move to Puerto Rico and say c'est la vie to NY. They have every right to enjoy their retirement in that way.
We are fortunate that my MIL will wind up becoming our full time day care provider, but that is because she wants to, and in the end, we will support her financially. But I would never expect it at all.
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| Posted 3/14/11 1:34 PM |
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Lucky
Growing up fast!
Member since 4/07 12683 total posts
Name:
Dawn
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Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?
I do not think it is an obligation. I love the idea that my parents would pitch in and help out but I would never expect it of them or be upset if they said no. My parents have worked their whole lives to provide for my brother and I & I am grateful for that. Now they are retired and I love the idea that they can enjoy the freedom of doing what they choose.
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| Posted 3/14/11 1:37 PM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?
Posted by MrsA714
I have a friend whose mother is never thrilled about watching her kids and usually complains about it when she has to. I always feel so bad for my friend when she tells me about this but luckily she has some other friends and family she can count on.
boo that makes me sad.
my MIL is great with my son. but she is also free to do what she wants when she wants. I had my son and he is my responsibility.
I take off for every dr. appt and make sure I am home when she has someplace to go. we also pay for her to vacation wherever and whenever her heart desires.
we take care of her b/c she takes care of us. that is to me what family is about and like Tilde, I am  to get the opportunity to pay it forward to my son in hopefully 30 or so years.
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| Posted 3/14/11 1:42 PM |
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BethanyLynn
Love these munchkins
Member since 10/09 6295 total posts
Name:
Bethany
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Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?
Posted by Ophelia
not an obligation by any means in MY mind.
but my MIL believes it is her god given right to that much contact to her grandchildren. to her, it is simply the circle of life.
I am beyond grateful for it.
Same here.
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| Posted 3/14/11 1:44 PM |
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CaMacho
Sisters :)
Member since 7/06 15112 total posts
Name:
Jess
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Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?
Posted by Tilde
No, it is not an obligation
BUT them NOT wanting to do it SO different from anything I have experienced, that I honestly cannot wrap my head around it.
Same here. Before DD was even thought of, my MIL/FIL offered to watch our kids when we had them. To us, it's the most generous amazing thing they could do for us, but family is everything to them so it's their pleasure to watch DD full time. My mom lives 1200 miles away and works full time but she would give it all up in a second if she could to be with DD every minute of every day!
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| Posted 3/14/11 1:51 PM |
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Mkr09
.....
Member since 5/05 7550 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?
My parents and my ILs raised their kids. When I was pg with DD#1 and my ILs offered to watch her we were extremely grateful. Now they watch both DDs. My mom watched them briefly but it was too much for her so we went back to my ILs watching them.
My ILs have really helped us out a lot in other ways too. We are currently living with them while we get our finances in order and they have been great.
We really do appreciate everything they do. I don't feel like they had to watch our kids but it has really helped.
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| Posted 3/14/11 1:54 PM |
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Disneygirl
Disney cruise bound!
Member since 5/05 8126 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?
Most definitely a favor but if they were home and didn't offer from time to time I would for surely feel a little hurt inside.
That being said knowing my mom and MIL I would never rely on either of them as f/t childcare. Actually my MIL has only watch DD#1 once solo and I would never let her do it again but that's a whole separte topic
When we lived w/my mom she was only an occasional date night babysitter and she is the type that would complain if she felt we were taking advantage. Personally I would rather pay for good childcare.
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| Posted 3/14/11 1:55 PM |
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jerseychick
LIF Adult
Member since 4/09 3923 total posts
Name:
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Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?
Posted by katiebug
Posted by KartveliT
Posted by Goobster
Or do you feel that it's not their obligation and it's alot of work so you could understand if they did not want to watch your DC on a regular basis?
this
Ditto. They have raised their kids. I can understand not wanting to make that big of a commitment and wanting to spend their time doing other activities.
Exactly. My parents loooove spending time with DD, but I do not expect their help, even a little. Every time my parents come to help out, I thank them a million times because I see it as a favor.
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| Posted 3/14/11 1:56 PM |
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LovingLife
Blessed
Member since 8/06 2818 total posts
Name:
Blessed
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Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?
Posted by cgdg61606
A very generous favor, regardless of their situation.
I agree...
My mother offered to be stay with me for the first 6 months after DS was born - she ended up staying for 2 1/2 years and I thanked God everyday for her!!
I'm pregnant now with DC#2 and she offered to stay for the first 3 months - I secretly hope she stays longer but do not expect her to.
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| Posted 3/14/11 2:00 PM |
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CaidensMommy
My 3 Miracles!
Member since 5/05 5777 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?
Posted by nferrandi
It's a generous favor. That being said, if they commit themselves to that, then it is a commitment and they shouldn't just back out.
I agree with this. My mom has been generously for years watching my kids 2 days a week for a while now. As much as I appreciate my mom watching the kids, it always comes with a price as well as any other favors. Several times before she has threatened to not watch the kids anymore and said to do it yourself and on a couple of occassions she has just out of the blue change her schedule so the childcare issue would change and I can't be flexible like that working FT. Like she recently said, oh I can't get so and so from the bus on Wednesday anymore. Uh, well, you already committed to it and I can't get him into an affordable afterschool program anymore, it's too late? The problem is that she knows we can't afford FT childcare so she takes advantage of that and uses that against us. I do have to say that we have NEVER asked her to watch the kids, not once. She ALWAYS offers!
In all honesty, if we could afford it, the kids would be in daycare/preschool FT. It's just not worth the aggravation. Having to depend on her SU@KS big time! 
Message edited 3/14/2011 2:05:01 PM.
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| Posted 3/14/11 2:04 PM |
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emomma17
All My Girls!
Member since 11/08 4392 total posts
Name:
Mia
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Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?
I feel like it's a generous favor!! My mother watches DD 1/2 times a week and my mother in law just retired and now watches DD the other times and sometimes all week but she explains that is what she is here for and the reason she retired. She talks about watching the twins too. I am EXTREMELY appreciative for the both of them!
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| Posted 3/14/11 2:06 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?
Is this a serious question? I can't imgine anyone feels their parent is obligated to watch their children. I had my children. DH & I are solely responsible for their care.
Even though it was offered to me, I would never take a relative up on watching my child on a regular basis. I want them to remain grandparents not caregivers. I know how difficult I was when I was a new mom. I'd rather be annoyed at strangers than my MIL or mom. For me, it's one of those things that is a blessing & a curse.
I'm grateful to have my mom help out for school holidays & whenever she is able to. I think often grandparents overcommit themselves & don't realize how difficult it can be to watch a child day in & day out. Still doesn't need to be posted on FB though.
Message edited 3/14/2011 2:09:07 PM.
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| Posted 3/14/11 2:07 PM |
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carlowlou
loving my babies!
Member since 4/08 4594 total posts
Name:
Jen
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Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?
of course it is a very generous favor. My parents both work full time and MIL lives in another country so even if I wanted them to watch DD full time, they couldnt. I am beyond grateful anytime my parents watch DD. I feel like I am always asking them on weekends or evenings when I have to do something (I also go to class once a week at night) and I know they dont mind at all but I would NEVER assume it was their obligation.
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| Posted 3/14/11 2:11 PM |
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Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?
Posted by nrthshgrl
Is this a serious question? I can't imgine anyone feels their parent is obligated to watch their children. .
Yes. Absolutely. I know someone who feels it is their parents obligation to watch their grandchildren (and it's not me), that it's a grandparent's job (esp if they do not "work"). And they aren't even grateful for any help they do receive and it boggles my mind. I think there may be others who feel this way but probably would not admit it.
Message edited 3/14/2011 2:15:43 PM.
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| Posted 3/14/11 2:12 PM |
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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?
A very generous favor - I wish I had parents who were willing and able, but I don't hold it against them. What I do hold against my mother is the general lack of time and attention that she dedicates to my children, only seeing them for a few hours every 2-3 months or so. My MIL, on the other hand, goes above and beyond when she is here from Israel.
I plan on helping my daughters with their babies as much as they will allow me - Alex already talks about the fact that Mommy is going to take care of her babies so she can work, because I've been telling her that since she was about 2 years old If they won't oblige me, I'll have to retire and work in an infant center to get my baby fix!
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| Posted 3/14/11 2:15 PM |
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Diana1215
Living on a prayer!!!
Member since 10/05 29450 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?
I am a SAHM:
It is absolutely a favor, and a very generous one.
My parents work full time so they cannot watch the boys. My dad will come here a few hours every week and I'm so thankful when he does.
My inlaws are retired, but they are older. They will watch the boys if I have a doctors appt or something like that - but never for more than two hours at a time.
If my mom ever retires she would help out with the kids a few days a week so that I could go to work PT. She would only do that because she wanted to see the boys and I would never ask for fulltime because she would never go for it
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| Posted 3/14/11 2:19 PM |
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