Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?

Definitely a favor and I would have to pay them something, somehow etc . There is no way I would expect my parents to take care of my kids full time. They are in their 60's and its time for them to enjoy their retirement and not be tied down. My parents help out my sister one day a week but my sister is home and they basically do a few hours of playing with the kids etc. If they are not available then its no big deal.

Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?

Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?

Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?

i don't think its necessarily an 'obligation' but personally i would be shocked & hurt if they didn't want to. Asking them to babysit weekly i could understand being too much, but every once in a while to help out doesn't seem like too much to ask - esp of a grandparent.

When my mom got pregnant with my older sister, her MIL (my grandma) said to her "I hope you don't assume i'm the babysitting kind of g-ma" My mom was disgusted that that was all she had to say to her son's wife. Nice "congratulations". THAT to me is just plain wrong

Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?

I think it's very generous when a grandparent offers to watch a child, at no cost.

Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?

It's absolutely a favor.

Grandparents don't have to watch their grandchildren or made feel like they should.

Most are older. Retired. They want to enjoy life. I don't blame them. They did not decide to have a NB or toddler at 60+ yo. It's A LOT of work and responsibility.

EXPECTING one's parents to watch kids is really unfair and (I know I will be bashed for that).... a bit of sense of entitlement.

I DO think that grandparents "should" want to spend time with their grandchildren but not necessarily in a one way deal...ie only on the child's parents' terms. I think a nice balance of grandparents volunteering and being asked to babysit once in a while to help out is probably the most healthy relationship. But expecting grandparents to watch kids on a regular basis and being upset if they don't, that's not right!

Many grandparents want to see their grandkids but they don't necessarily want to watch them by themself without the parents present.

Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?

My mother is a very selfless person and will do anything to help her daughters out.

It is a generous gift for her to watch my DS all day. She insists, and has often said that if he wasn't such an easy baby, she doesn't know if she could do it.

It is in no way her obligation though. Even to suggest that puts knots in my stomach.

Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?

Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?

I wrote that I would be offended if my mom or ILs were home full time and didn't offer help - but that doesn't mean I think it's their obligation, nor do I think they need to commit to something regularly, but it makes a world of difference for me, working in the city and having 2 kids in daycare to have back-up support esp when the kids are sick.
I would never say a grandparent is obliged to help, but I would hope they would want to at times to make life easier if possible. I hope when I'm a grandparent I can help my children out - but that doesn't mean that I plan to be their fulltime daycare.

Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?

I would never expect my parents to watch my kids. They raised 6 children, they did their job and they are done. They get a lot of enjoyment out of seeing their grandkids, but wouldn't want it as a job (they both still work anyways). I ask them here and there to babysit and they do so as a favor, very generously.

Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?

I think there is a HUGE difference between 'babysitting' once in a awhile, and being a daycare replacement.
Grandma, babysitting on a Saturday night, to ME, is very different from Grandma having a responsibility to be @ my house (or hers) EVERY Monday (or every Mon - Fri) .......

I DO think as a Grandparets, babysitting on ocassion, IS somewhat of an 'obligation' -
But to me that word obligation' automatically makes it sound like they HAVE to, rather than WANT to - And I would be hurt if they NEVER wanted to babysit a few hours here and there (1. to help me out once in awhile, and 2. to have some 'alone' time w/ their Grandchildren) - But like Tilde, I can not even fathom my family thinking that way ........IL(s), yes, MY family - not a chance.

But watching my kids ALL day so I can go to work? Absolutely a HUGE and generous FAVOR in my book -
My parents would NEVER even consider NOT helping me out - it's just how they are. - They always make themselves available, and only complain when they DON'T get to spend the time w/ him -
but even growing up that way, and knowing full well that my parents WANT to and are HAPPY to help - I still could and would totally understand if they decided it was too much for them or they didn't want it to be a permanent thing - or, if they simply just didn't want to do it b/c they wanted all of their free time to themselves -

I agree that it is unfair to b*tch and moan and complain about it -
I also agree that if you offer to do it, and commit to it - you shouldn't complain about it, OR back out just b/c you 'don't feel like it' anymore -

However, I think that sometimes people are well intentioned, and just don't realize how tired they may be, or that they can't handle it - and then DO have to back out of what they had originally promised.
I wouldn't be upset with my parents at all if they came to me and said they had to cut donw from 2 days to 1, or to 0 b/c a full day was just too much for them -

MIL, on the other hand - got a boyfriend and decided he was more important than her Grandson. - While I STILL do not think she is obligated to babysit on a weekly basis, I know my husband was really annoyed and hurt that she offered and commited to do us this favor, and then totally flaked out on us .........THAT I think is rude. But even then, I'm not mad at her b/c she doesn't really want to do it - I'm mad for a million other reasons, but not that one !!

Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?

An EXTREMELY generous favor!!!!!!!!!!!
And I am extremely appreciative and great full every single day that DH and my family watch DD for us since not working is not an option for us right now.

Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?

Def. a favor...my mother only watches my daughter once in awhile. and when i got pregnant (at 21 w/my first), she told me she will not watch her for me to go hang out, only for me to continue to go to college. and i thought this was totally fair. right now, 6 years later, she only watches her once in awhile still. she has her own life and lots of things to do, she doesnt have timeto always watch her, and i cant get upset at that, shes my child not hers.

I feel like some parents think its an obligation. i believe this is wrong, because you were the one that decided to have the child...not your parents. so why should they be obligated to watch your child

Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?

Lily's grandparents are a huge part of her life. 4 days a week, she's with my father, and one day a week, she's with my mother-in-law. And she has sleepovers at my parents' house pretty often.
They LOVE watching her and we TRULY appreciate all that they do for her. We know they don't have to, and we know they raised their own children, and we know how lucky we have it with them.
So we give them gifts to show our appreciation often!

Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?

People who expect their parents to watch their kids for free are greedy.

This is there time to relax and enjoy themselves, not be personal servants for their children and grandchildren.

If they want to help out that is wonderful and if they don't nobody should say a thing about it.

Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?

Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?

My mother watches DD during the week while I work. It is extremely generous because dealing with my DD is not an easy task, especially for someone who hasn't dealt with a toddler full time for over 30 years. When I went back to work, I felt a tremendous amount of guilt on my mom's part because she was putting her life on hold with doing things that she wants to do just to watch DD. Both of my parents are retired and every month they would take trips to AC or she would go on little day trips with her friends. I've spoken to her about putting DD into daycare and she wouldn't have it. I'm also fortunate that my MIL who still works full time can take a half day off from work each week to watch DD to give my mom a break. Anytime that my Mom needs to take a day off from watching DD in order to handle some things, MIL will take the day off and watch DD.

If DH and I have to go out on the weekend, I don't have my mom watch DD. I think 5 days from 6:30am til 6pm is plenty and I would never want to impose. For instance, we had a family party for DH's cousin. I opted to stay home with DD, but my mom did offer to stay with her.

Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?

Complete favor. They raised their kids.

Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?

My mom and MIL each watch our kids 2x a month (they alternate Tuesdays). It gives us a break in the daycare bill and gives them 2 days of alone time with the kids per month. I do not think it is something they HAVE to do - we are so extremely grateful for it.

They take to it differently though. I mentioned I was thinking of requesting a reduction in hours at work and my mom - who I thought would say "that's great" - got all quiet. Two days later she finally said "are you not going to need me to watch them anymore? " haha.

My MIL is infinitely more burdened by it, but does it just the same. That's just her personality; she's mentioned that if it were for 5 hours 2x a month, it would be better for her but obviously if she's watching them so we can work, 5 hours isn't really helpful. She does it but if / when the time comes that she is no longer willing, we'll appreciate the time she put in and find an alternate arrangement.

I do not think it is their responsibility whatsoever, which is why we try to keep it to the 2x a month - it's more quality time than babysitting (just a loooong day of quality time )

Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?

Generous Favor...My mom is Retired NYC teacher and this is her 2nd year retired. She didn't have to dedicate 3 days to watch DD while shes retired, she could of been traveling and doing other things.

There was no question when I asked if she can watch her, she loves DD to death and would watch her everyday if she wanted to, but luckily I have my in-laws watch her once a week. She is also such a good baby so it's not that bad.

My Grandma was a Huge help to my mom when we were kids, and thats why I am extremely close to my grandma and I hope DD has the same relationship with her grandma.

Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?

"Obligation" has very negative implications.
BUT it depends on your family's culture.

I am "expected" to take care of my parents when they get too old to be independent. This means no nursing home (me being the nurse/nurse assistant). My parents take care of my grandmother now & all that it entails and I am "obligated" to do the same. I am fully ready to retire early/take a long leave of absence if this is the case earlier than I would expect....(I'm hoping for them to live into their 80s).

When I was looking through childcare options (DH and I work at demanding, FT careers), my mother told me that there is no way she would NOT take care of my child (note: she and my father are quite a bit older and both retired for over 5 years). While it is, in my eyes, an enormous favor, in our nuclear family culture, it is her "obligation."

Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?

HUGE favor!

Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?

Its def. a favor; I dont believe anyone is obligated to do anything for me!

BUT with that said...it does sometime "sting" when no one WANTS or is WILLING to help...

In the end... I would rather pay for childcare where people will respect my wishes, follow my schedule and wont bail on me last minute! I like knowing I (we) are independent and dont NEED anyone...

As far as date nights and stuff; we usually ask family first, but have paid babysitters as well... USUALLY (the once in the very blue moon we go out w/o kids) the grandparents look forward to hanging out with the kids...

Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?

I don't think there is anything wrong with having a grandparents watch a child everyday, even though it was not a choice I would make for myself.

Once they've committed to it, it is an obligation. Of course it's not an obligation that can never change or be adjusted. Like my employer expects me at work every day, if someone does commit to watching a child, I would hope they would give the same courtesy as I give my boss if I were to change my work schedule.

One of my concerns with finding childcare was to find a place with more than one person. I didn't want to rely on one person watching my child.

Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?