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spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?
My parents raised their kids already.
They are done.
They are entitled to enjoy their lives now- their dues are paid.
They LOVE watching my DD and spending time with her- but I would never ever EXPECT them to watch her.
If they do- for us to go out to dinner or what not, it's a favor and I am extremely grateful to them for doing it.
As much as they love seeing her, I could never expect them to watch her full time so I could work, or whaterver.
My parents are NOT responsible for the care of my daughter. Me and DH are.
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Posted 3/15/11 9:23 AM  |
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peabody
Love green icing!!!
Member since 5/05 4691 total posts
Name:
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Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?
Definitely a very generous favor. My parents watch G Man 2 days a week and my MIL 1 day a week.
When I go back to work, on maternity leave now, it will be the same except plus a Aa.
I am looking into a mother's helper tp help them out.
It is so very generous and we are so lucky.
My parents also watch my brother's girls 1 day a week, so 3 days are dedicated to taking care of their grandchildren.
My dad is retired and is in good health and really think he enjoys it, he picks G Man up from preschool and then they go to McD's, the playground etc... He missed all of this when we were young because he was working, so it seems like he really enjoys it. During my maternity leave, he actually brings G to preschool too which is so super generous. I keep telling him, I can do it, but he says no, he'll do it.
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| Posted 3/15/11 9:26 AM |
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GioiaMia
Let's Go Rangers!
Member since 1/07 14818 total posts
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Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?
Posted by MrsH
Posted by nrthshgrl
Is this a serious question? I can't imgine anyone feels their parent is obligated to watch their children. I had my children. DH & I are solely responsible for their care.
Even though it was offered to me, I would never take a relative up on watching my child on a regular basis. I want them to remain grandparents not caregivers. I know how difficult I was when I was a new mom. I'd rather be annoyed at strangers than my MIL or mom. For me, it's one of those things that is a blessing & a curse.
I agree with this completely. My parents busted their butts their whole life to take care of me and my sisters. It is there right to enjoy their retirement in anyway they want-even if that means they want to sit and do nothing all day long. It wouldn't even occur to me to be upset that a family member didn't offer to help out even occasionally as some have said. I can count on one hand how many times we have had a babysitter at night so we could go out and my son is three years old.
If we asked, I am sure one of my sisters or nieces would help us out but we never do. We are both teachers so in the summer we send our son to daycare twice a week, to keep him in a routine and to give us some time together. Those are our "date days".
I have seen many grandparents that watch their grandchildren and it ages them so much. It is their choice and they do live for their grandchildren, but that is all they are living for. They have no interests, hobbies, anything for themselves and it has taken a toll on their health. It's sad.
Don't be sad - in my family, grandparents get great joy from their grandchildren. It does not age them, it keeps them young!
And they still do what they want, and take my DD with them. This week they are going to the outlets, the park and to Hicks!
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| Posted 3/15/11 9:28 AM |
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MrsGmomof3
...
Member since 6/08 3290 total posts
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Irrelevant
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Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?
I think its a favor NOT an "obligation".
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| Posted 3/15/11 9:29 AM |
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MrsA714
Baby #2 is here!
Member since 8/07 8806 total posts
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Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?
Posted by Tilde
Don't be sad - in my family, grandparents get great joy from their grandchildren. It does not age them, it keeps them young!
I was just thinking the same thing. I definitely think it keeps them young. My MILs favorite hobbies are cooking and gardening - God bless her  ..both of which she can happily do with DD. She is so excited for the nicer weather so that she and my FIL can take DD out to her yard and garden with her  . She's already getting on my FILs case about getting a playset or swingset for their yard. lol
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| Posted 3/15/11 9:34 AM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
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remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?
Posted by MrsA714
Posted by Tilde
Don't be sad - in my family, grandparents get great joy from their grandchildren. It does not age them, it keeps them young!
I was just thinking the same thing. I definitely think it keeps them young. My MILs favorite hobbies are cooking and gardening - God bless her ..both of which she can happily do with DD. She is so excited for the nicer weather so that she and my FIL can take DD out to her yard and garden with her . She's already getting on my FILs case about getting a playset or swingset for their yard. lol
no need to shed a tear for us either.
my MIL is going on 78 years old and is in better shape that my mother who is 25 years younger than she is.
she has her church group and she goes out 3 days a week. as far as i know, she doesn't miss much. now that the nice weather is here, she'll be going out a lot more often.
there ARE people who think spending time with the family and saving their kid a **** ton of money in day care expenses is worth missing bridge on tuesday with Tilly for, with great joy. con GUSTO. 
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| Posted 3/15/11 9:43 AM |
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mamabear
LIF Adult
Member since 3/08 4539 total posts
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Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?
I certainly think it is favor and not an obligation, but I think it goes a little deeper than that. It's not like asking your best friend down the street to help. I don't feel my job with my children ends when they are 18 or 21. They are my children and I am committed to helping them for the rest of my life, no matter how old I am. It was my choice to have them, and while I guess I could technically say my responsibility to them ends when they are a certain age, I personally don't feel that way. I will do everything and anything I can to help them as much as possible and to make their life better for as long as I live. I cannot/could not be happy if they were not happy. So, when the time comes, if my children need help watching their children, I will gladly and happily do it. Not to mention, I never got to be a SAHM, so I would also love the chance to SAH with grandkids one day.
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| Posted 3/15/11 9:44 AM |
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bicosi
life is a carousel
Member since 7/07 14956 total posts
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M
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Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?
Posted by jerseypanda
Absolutely NOT an obligation IMO. If they can do it, that is wonderful. If not, then that's fine because I would never expect it.
Ditto to this!
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| Posted 3/15/11 9:45 AM |
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maybesoon
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 5981 total posts
Name:
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Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?
I would be really upset if grandparents were home and didn't offer to watch the kids. my inlaws watched DS until he was 10 months, and we were in an amazing financial position because of this. and i had total peace of mind bc they love my kids to pieces. they did not believe in leaving baby in daycare bc they trust noone but family.
my mom on the other hand works but gets out early. it annoys me that she never offers to come over and help.
of course it's a favor but you can help so much( financially) if you watch grandkids for free
Message edited 3/17/2011 8:04:17 AM.
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| Posted 3/17/11 8:02 AM |
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Annie91606
Brotherly love
Member since 12/07 1816 total posts
Name:
Anne
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Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?
I will start off by saying it is definitely a privilege to have your parents watch your kid(s) if you are working, they are not obligated. My Mom offered, I did not ask. She was burnt out after working as a nurse for over 30 years, and was ready, mentally and financially, to retire.
I was fortunate to have my Mom watch my first DS while I worked FT. When he was 14 months old, we moved OOS for my DH's new job and now I am a SAHM. That time was a wonderful bonding experience for my parents and their first grandchild. They had no issues striking a balance between being the disciplinarians, as well as the grandparents who spoiled with gifts.
My parents NEVER considered it a burden to watch my child while I worked. In fact, the opposite. He brings them so much joy. My Mom told me it is different taking care of a grandchild as opposed to her own children. She said it was much more fun, everything he did amazed her, she loved watching him do things and was so excited telling me about their days.
Yes, it was tiring. That is why she rested on the couch at night, reading, while I did bath, put him to bed washed bottles, etc. She was done when we came home, as it should be.
I also did not consider her "raising my child". It was not like we were drug addicts and the state gave custody to my parents, and they had to raise their grandchildren themselves. THAT could be stressful and age people. My parents still enjoy their retirement years to the fullest. They travel internationally, go to NYC often, attend cultural events, spend lots of time with friends, etc.
Bottom line, my Mom did not consider watching her grandkids to be a burden and a chore, she considers it a reward for raising her own kids.
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| Posted 3/17/11 8:57 AM |
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MrsScott
So in Love
Member since 1/09 3356 total posts
Name:
Shawna
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Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?
It's a very generous favor and I thank God for my mom she watches dd happily she loves their time together she is the best.
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| Posted 3/17/11 10:38 AM |
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GioiaMia
Let's Go Rangers!
Member since 1/07 14818 total posts
Name:
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Re: spinoff - grandparents watching grandchildren (do you believe it's obligation or a favor)?
Posted by Annie91606
I will start off by saying it is definitely a privilege to have your parents watch your kid(s) if you are working, they are not obligated. My Mom offered, I did not ask. She was burnt out after working as a nurse for over 30 years, and was ready, mentally and financially, to retire.
I was fortunate to have my Mom watch my first DS while I worked FT. When he was 14 months old, we moved OOS for my DH's new job and now I am a SAHM. That time was a wonderful bonding experience for my parents and their first grandchild. They had no issues striking a balance between being the disciplinarians, as well as the grandparents who spoiled with gifts.
My parents NEVER considered it a burden to watch my child while I worked. In fact, the opposite. He brings them so much joy. My Mom told me it is different taking care of a grandchild as opposed to her own children. She said it was much more fun, everything he did amazed her, she loved watching him do things and was so excited telling me about their days.
Yes, it was tiring. That is why she rested on the couch at night, reading, while I did bath, put him to bed washed bottles, etc. She was done when we came home, as it should be.
I also did not consider her "raising my child". It was not like we were drug addicts and the state gave custody to my parents, and they had to raise their grandchildren themselves. THAT could be stressful and age people. My parents still enjoy their retirement years to the fullest. They travel internationally, go to NYC often, attend cultural events, spend lots of time with friends, etc.
Bottom line, my Mom did not consider watching her grandkids to be a burden and a chore, she considers it a reward for raising her own kids.
ITA! with everything!
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| Posted 3/17/11 10:41 AM |
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