Thank you for your advice... will update after I talk to the doc tmrw

Thank you all for your advice and for listening. I will let you know what the doctor says tomorrow.

DH and I talked about it a little more tonight and he understands not going there for a few days, and we will both keep an open mind about next week for Christmas Eve (which is the important day to his family) and possibly even staying over until Christmas day.

Message edited 12/12/2010 7:41:55 PM.

Re: Long vent... need advice... want to cry

I have a hard time believing your dr will give you the OK to do this.

I'm hoping he doesn't... and that will be your out.

I totally feel you and I would feel the same exact way. She is doing better.. you said you would go there for xmas eve. What if you just stay ONE night?

It's too close to your due date for all that. And to be that uncomfortable this close to the end of the pregnancy is A LOT to ask for.

I'm sorry. I read the entire post... and that's all I have to say so far.

Re: Long vent... need advice... want to cry

aw sandra I'm so sorry and I DEF think you have a right to want to stay home. . i would not want to be so far away either and i am very liberal with travel etc. . also I could see how if MIL could not travel and was not moving towards recovery that it might be something that would be worth pushing out of your comfort zone for to have the chance for more time with the ILs esp for DH but it really seems like it would be so easy for them to come. .

I would say as a compromise you could say that DH could go there for two days and bring them back for the rest of the time but honestly i think he should stay with you too! You seem to always be so generous and putting other people in the forefront and I think it is totally okay for this to be your time.

I don't know if I have suggestions. . i guess I would go back to your DH and reiterate how you know how important his relationship with his mom is and how you totally support that in every way but that now it really hurts you to have him feel like your emotions here are about not supporting that, as opposed to making sure that your are doing the right thing for your LO. . ask him at least to talk to his mom and see how she feels first and then you can revisit. .

okay now I am the one babbling and don't feel like I've probably been of help at all but just want to send you a HUGE and I know things will work out!!!!!

Re: Long vent... need advice... want to cry

i really think that your reasoning for not wanting to go there this late in the game is totally justified...i would be very surprised if the doctor even gave you permission to go that far away from your hospital.

i think that if your MIL is well enough to travel they should make the effort to come to you guys. your dh needs to realize that this is no time for you to be so far away from your dr, that doesn't mean you're taking anything away from the fact that he wants to see his parents but in this situation it's in your best interest to be close to home...

i really hope that he/they can all realize that at this stage of your pregnancy long trips from home are not feasible and to be perfectly honest unnecessary...

i hope everything turns out in your favor! hang in there mama

Message edited 12/10/2010 10:12:10 PM.

Re: Long vent... need advice... want to cry

First of all you need hugs. The stress alone makes you sick and hurts the baby. Don't do that.

It's so rough getting in the middle of things. I know that would stay put. Given your family's history of giving birth early, I wouldn't leave the house if it were me. Even if your doctor gives you the ok, I would still lie about it for your own safety.

Stay home. Please.

Re: Long vent... need advice... want to cry

I think you should waiit to see what the doc tells you Monday. Afterwards speak with your DH, let him know your reasons and if its possible he can go ahead and then u can go for xmas. Make it work for you. Unfortunately you can't be traveling too far and be uncomfortable during the last few weeks. Its not ur choice its the baby and your body that needs to be relaxed and ready for the big day.

Re: Long vent... need advice... want to cry

Thank you so much ladies... I really appreciate your advice (and the hugs).

I'm not going to bring it up again at all this weekend. I don't think DH will either. I told him I'd talk to the doctor about it on Monday, so I'll just do that.

It's so hard to stop thinking about, and I can't understand why he doesn't seem to see why I'm so concerned about planning to stay overnight. He seems to think this isn't a long trip. But to me an hour and a half seems like an eternity.

Ok, I'm going to try not to stress about it. I'm going to delay my worrying about it until Monday when I go to the doctor, and I'll see what he says.

DH did say that the ILs will "come out here too" which confuses me... when exactly does he think they're coming and we're going? It's two weeks, and the second week is the week I'm due... and I have a doctor's appointment again on the 23rd, so I can't be out there the whole week next week. Ugh. I'm getting long-winded again.

I'm gonna try to hold off on stressing.

I've already beaten my mom as far as gestational time of children goes... I was born the equivalent of 3 days ago... my brother born 10 days ago.

Heck, I could go into labor this weekend and all this silly worrying will be completely moot... lol... sigh.

Re: Long vent... need advice... want to cry

See what the doc says on Monday-but I would recommend to err on the side of caution. You're a month away from your DD!

You could always talk to your OB about it-and have him tell your DH the risks involved with you being far from him this late in the game.

DH's never argue with the doctor

His parents should really come visit you guys. After all the times you've been there, I think it's more than fair to ask them to come to you. Especially since your MIL is on the mend (thank god!)

I wouldn't tell DH to go without you-god forbid something happened. You guys are in this together, I know you'll find a compromise that works out for everyone.

Hugs for you!

Re: Long vent... need advice... want to cry

Don't be so stress out...Take it easy. I know it's hard to say....

DH should understand and put you & and the baby first even though it's his family Your Doc will probably say No ! 1.5 hrs is too far....

Take it easy...and hugs & kisses. Feel better

Re: Long vent... need advice... want to cry

1.5 is a long ride late in pregnancy. its uncomfy to sit that long ~ your hungry/thirsty ~ you have to use the bathroom - its totally reasonable to want to stay home. that will be a miserable car ride even if you are not in labor.

imo - YOUR feelings need to be on high priority. i experienced an extremly stressful situation the day before i went into labor and i really believe my getting myself so twisted put me into labor. i think you have been a fantastic DIL and have been more than generous with your time and helping MIL with her recovery.

i hate to sound crass but your FIL seems to have no clue what your going through. though his point is true ~ he should also realize that this may be the only christmas where his gift is a grandchild. unfortunately you can apply his point to any one and buses run on both sides of the street. anything can happen.

i would tell dh that you are 100% sure that this isnt the right thing for you to do. you mean no offense towards anyone but you have to go with your gut. there were a few times during my pregnancy where i had to plant my foot down. dh was very supportive during my pregnancy but he is a man and doesnt always get it. he didnt believe i was in labor until they admitted me to the hospital. sometimes you need to demand what you need.

good luck ~ dont let this stress you out ~ you have the right to make the best decisions for yourself because you are making them with your baby in mind.

Re: Long vent... need advice... want to cry

Re: Long vent... need advice... want to cry

I don't think there is anything I can say that the other ladies haven't said. Everyone of us are behind you, and hopefully DH will come to realize what you are saying.

Re: Long vent... need advice... want to cry

eek touchy subject.. it really is ur own personal level of comfort... i travel an hr (without traffic) to my mothers house which is almost unheard of no traffic going to her house..
i am usually on the road for 2 hrs sometimes 2.5 one way..
i go there every friday and stay till sat night. (dh volunteers at the fh so im alone home)
When i was pregnant with ds i went (by myself) all the way to 37 weeks even though at 32 weeks i winded up in the hospital bc i was already 2cm dialated and having contractions...

this time i still plan on travelling there.
Me personally i wouldnt go there for several (bc u said all u do is watch tv there ) but if it were ME i would go for the day and sleep there but then leave in the morning.. but im very laid back with things like this. Especially if my fil told my dh his mother wouldnt make it till next year..

again its personal comfort level,, perhaps u can talk to ur mil or fil and invite them to your home and tell them how u feel..

Re: Long vent... need advice... want to cry

Oh Sandy. This is a tough situation. I understand why DH thinks it's a good idea, but he's not really being reasonable. You are at the VERY END of your pregnancy. Things can happen at any time. You should be resting and as comfortable as possible until the end - not traveling far away from home and staying in someone else's home.

I understand why he wants to do this, but I think he is majorly wrong here. He has to think of you first.

Is there any way MIL and FIL can come stay with you guys for a few days instead?

Re: Long vent... need advice... want to cry

OK I'm going to be tough here, but your DH needs to get a grip..if anything have your OB tell him no way in hell...Towards the end of my pregnancy with DD I didn't want to visit my parents and they're 30 minutes away I understand his mom is sick etc, but honestly I would also think that his parents would say don't travel to us those last weeks we'll come to you...I'm sorry you're in a tough position, but I would really tell your DH to look at the bigger picture~~~

Re: Long vent... need advice... want to cry

I was due on Christmas and wanted to travel to my parents one last time over Thanksgiving. I was almost 36 weeks. My parents lived 2.5 hours away. My doctor was originally going to let me go, but then put me on bedrest 2 days before. It's really up to you and your doctor. I definitely understand not wanting to travel so late in your pregnancy though and I hope your DH's family is a little more understanding.

Re: Long vent... need advice... want to cry

Oh man, this is a tough one...I completely understand how you feel. At this point, there is a need for "us" to not only be near home, but also to be near the hospital. Does your DH know that your MIL commented how much she loves coming to visit you? As well, I'm sure your doctor would not feel comfortable with the idea....it sounds like you have gone above and beyond when it comes to visits with his family.

Re: Long vent... need advice... want to cry

sandra, you and your baby are the priority right now. i am sure your DH is feeling overwhelmed by his mother's illness and his sense of responsibility right now but your health and wellbeing and that of your baby comes first at this moment. i definitely think your doctor would caution you against going too, and once you present this to your DH he is going to have to acquiesce. I am so sorry you are stressed and sad right now. This is going to work out...and in a few weeks your baby girl will make it all a distant memory.

good luck!!

Re: Long vent... need advice... want to cry

Aww Sandra!

If it was me I would put my foot down. I wouldnt go anywhere. I dont see the big deal for your ILs to come and stay with you. I would NOT go to their house for the main reasons you listed.
You're not comftortable there! And as a woman in her 3rd tri with you I know how hard it is to get comfy at this stage. You guys always go to your ILs why cant they come to you once? Can you ask them that?

Re: Long vent... need advice... want to cry

Is there any way you can talk to MIL about it? Do you know why FIL is being so insistent? I say let dh go by himself.. Are the ILs going to be coming out there anyway when the baby is born? I think you totally have every right to not stray too far from home. no matter what the circumstance.

Re: Long vent... need advice... want to cry

Sorry that you have to even go through this right now.


I would certainly not want to stay there if I were in your position. That is a long travel to do and you should be close to home and your hospital.

Also, the last week or two of pregnancy is so tough. I am lucky If I sleep 3-4 hrs a night. You want to be in your own comfy bed and home ...able to relax.

I would let DH share these concerns and hopefully the In-laws will understand. I think the Dr would prob say stay close to home too.



Goodluck!

Re: Long vent... need advice... want to cry

you should tell the doctor how you feel.... i am SURE he wouldn't allow this trip regardless. you have already been having contractions!!!

dh needs to put his foot down and tell his parents that they are welcome to stay with you. but you can not travel in your condition.

i think that is a fair compromise. imagine how excited mil would be if you went into labor that week, while you were all together at YOUR house!!

i hope it all works out for you!!!

Re: Long vent... need advice... want to cry

I read the entire thing and agree with the other posters. I'll be around later if you want to chat

Re: Long vent... need advice... want to cry

Your Dr will definitely not give the OK. Wayyyy too close to your DD. So unless you want to deliver in a strange hospital with a strange Dr I would not go. I would extend the invite to them letting them know it could turn into a baby being born! GL!

Re: Long vent... need advice... want to cry - (now with 2 small updates)

Two small updates in original post... I'll let you all know what the doctor says tomorrow...