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PreshusSmurf
So in love with my little guys
Member since 1/07 2963 total posts
Name:
Jess
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VERY SMALL SECOND UPDATE - W W Y D ? (cut from the wedding list after going to the e-party?!)
Here's the situation:
DH went to college with the groom, they were roommates ... and they kept in touch after, and stayed very close friends. Up until last year, they spent every football Sunday together watching the games with DH and another friend they are both close with.
They only stopped watching the games together because his FW has a child, so he opted to spend the weekend with them instead. Ok, sure, makes sense ... no hard feelings.
Engagement party was last June. All 3 of us went ... bought gifts, etc.
Wedding was planned for June. Originally in Massachusetts, then on LI. Catering hall on LI shut down and they had to find a new place.
We all THOUGHT the wedding was still in June. No change of date was mentioned.
Then yesterday there were Facebook wall-to-wall comments between the couple "5 days till our wedding I love you :)" 
At first I thought maybe it was just a civil ceremony this weekend, and the "real" wedding was still in June (trying to give the benefit of the doubt). But through some online detective work looking up their registry, I now have the proof that their wedding is this weekend.
So now I'm  that we were invited to the engagement party, gave a gift, etc .... and were apparently cut from the wedding invite list without even a word?! I also feel  for my DH ....
Would you say anything? Just cut ties with them? WWYD?
SMALL 1st UPDATE:
DH's other friend who never got an invite either, but also attended the e-party wrote on the bride's wall:
"5 days? did I mess a memo?"
I really can't wait to see what comes of this ...
SMALL 2nd UPDATE:
A couple of small things to update, but we still really don't know what the story actually is ...
#1 - Bride responded on our friend's FB wall:
"[Groom] will explain how are you doing miss you give us a call some time"
So far no word from the groom though ...
#2 - Bride's most recent status update says:
"... getting ready to leave 2 days and 12 hours left till its time :)"
Message edited 1/8/2009 8:50:31 PM.
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Posted 1/6/09 11:29 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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maybeamommy
Blessed beyond belief
Member since 10/07 17048 total posts
Name:
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Re: W W Y D ? (cut from the wedding list after going to the e-party?!)
That's a big etiquette no-no.
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| Posted 1/6/09 11:31 AM |
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LoveyQ
Stalkers, get a life.
Member since 11/07 12820 total posts
Name:
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Re: W W Y D ? (cut from the wedding list after going to the e-party?!)
ITA with Hayley... I guess they had to cut some people off the list - maybe they are doing a family only thing instead? Who knows. I would feel sad and upset too! 
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| Posted 1/6/09 11:33 AM |
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PreshusSmurf
So in love with my little guys
Member since 1/07 2963 total posts
Name:
Jess
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Re: W W Y D ? (cut from the wedding list after going to the e-party?!)
Posted by hayleyandsteve
That's a big etiquette no-no.
That's what I thought ... I was totally shocked!
DH is so non-confrontational.
And I'm the opposite ... I totally don't have a problem speaking my mind.
I sooooooooooo want to post something on one of their FB walls. Probably something passive-aggressive, I just don't know what to even say I'm so taken aback by this!!!
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| Posted 1/6/09 11:34 AM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: W W Y D ? (cut from the wedding list after going to the e-party?!)
I would definitely say something about how disappointed you were to find out about the wedding and that you won't be there to share it with them.
Do you know anyone else going?
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| Posted 1/6/09 11:34 AM |
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kristinel
Steinbeck
Member since 5/08 1224 total posts
Name:
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Re: W W Y D ? (cut from the wedding list after going to the e-party?!)
1. It would bother me.
2. I would leave this to my DH to confront his friend (if he chooses to).
Sorry about this. 
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| Posted 1/6/09 11:35 AM |
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kristinel
Steinbeck
Member since 5/08 1224 total posts
Name:
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Re: W W Y D ? (cut from the wedding list after going to the e-party?!)
Posted by PreshusSmurf
Posted by hayleyandsteve
That's a big etiquette no-no.
That's what I thought ... I was totally shocked!
DH is so non-confrontational.
And I'm the opposite ... I totally don't have a problem speaking my mind.
I sooooooooooo want to post something on one of their FB walls. Probably something passive-aggressive, I just don't know what to even say I'm so taken aback by this!!!
You could say something like "Congrats. Too bad DH and I won't be there to celebrate with you."
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| Posted 1/6/09 11:36 AM |
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MrsPJB2007
MBA at your service!
Member since 7/06 12020 total posts
Name:
MJ
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Re: W W Y D ? (cut from the wedding list after going to the e-party?!)
wow...that stinks.
do you know where the wedding is? did they cut the guest list dramatically to include only close family or something? maybe that's what happened? (just playing devil's advocate)
i would probably be hurt by that too--but not sure how i'd handle it since its DH's friend and i'd want him to deal with it.
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| Posted 1/6/09 11:38 AM |
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Mere09
So Dam* Lucky
Member since 10/08 6368 total posts
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Re: W W Y D ? (cut from the wedding list after going to the e-party?!)
Posted by Blu-ize
I would definitely say something about how disappointed you were to find out about the wedding and that you won't be there to share it with them.
Do you know anyone else going?
I would also say something like this to them. I wouldn't post it on their FB walls though--I don't know, I guess it just seems petty to me.
They definitely should have said something to you regarding the wedding if you guys ended up getting cut from the invite list. I would definitely be ****** but I would try and stay open minded until I found out exactly what happened. If it was just that they cut you and that was that, then I would probably cut ties with them at that point.
That really stinks, I'm sorry.
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| Posted 1/6/09 11:39 AM |
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PreshusSmurf
So in love with my little guys
Member since 1/07 2963 total posts
Name:
Jess
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Re: W W Y D ? (cut from the wedding list after going to the e-party?!)
Posted by Blu-ize
Do you know anyone else going?
I know our invite wasn't "lost in the mail" because DH's friend also was apparently cut from the list after attending the e-party.
DH knows one of the bridesmaids from college, but they don't really keep in touch. I am not friendly with her, so I couldn't ask her anything.
He's not really sure who else would have been invited from their college/fraternity friends.
ALSO, THE GROOM WAS IN OUR BRIDAL PARTY LAST NOVEMBER!!!!!!!!!
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| Posted 1/6/09 11:41 AM |
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2BEANS
wow time is going fast.
Member since 9/07 16106 total posts
Name:
Tina
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Re: W W Y D ? (cut from the wedding list after going to the e-party?!)
hmmm not sure. I guess its something you would have to ask them... maybe there was a more personal reason to why they cut the list... money problems possibly? I wouldnt get tooo mad, upset yes, but not really mad until I knew why i wasnt invited.
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| Posted 1/6/09 11:43 AM |
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Celt
~~~~~~~~~~
Member since 4/08 7758 total posts
Name:
colette
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Re: W W Y D ? (cut from the wedding list after going to the e-party?!)
HOOOOOOLY Cannolli Jess, that's incredible!!!! All I can think is that maybe the 'new' hall wouldn't accomodate as large a crowd??? But then that begs the question, why would they pick it???
Maybe she didn't like your engagement gift?? 
REEEEEALLY tactless, I'm with you on the passive agressive FB post... Hmmm how about:
"Warm congratulations to you both!! I wish we had known about the revised date, we would have loved to send you a gift!!"
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| Posted 1/6/09 11:44 AM |
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HeathKernandez
Our Ron is an awesome Ron
Member since 4/07 9091 total posts
Name:
baby fish mouth
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Re: W W Y D ? (cut from the wedding list after going to the e-party?!)
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUCH.
I wouldn't say anything, since it's DH's friend... but I would sure as heck make a stink about it to DH...
and dare I say it... I think it is SOOoOOOOo *tackY* to invite people to an engagement party and not the wedding.
Message edited 1/6/2009 11:47:06 AM.
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| Posted 1/6/09 11:44 AM |
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HeatherRose
Life is Good :)
Member since 11/07 6605 total posts
Name:
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Re: W W Y D ? (cut from the wedding list after going to the e-party?!)
wow! cut ties and I would tell my DH since I tell him everything anyway and it is his friend. But I would be done with them.
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| Posted 1/6/09 11:49 AM |
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PreshusSmurf
So in love with my little guys
Member since 1/07 2963 total posts
Name:
Jess
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Re: W W Y D ? (cut from the wedding list after going to the e-party?!)
Posted by HeatherRose
wow! cut ties and I would tell my DH since I tell him everything anyway and it is his friend. But I would be done with them.
DH is well aware of the situation ....
I just don't know how we should handle the couple, if we should say anything or just cut ties without a word.
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| Posted 1/6/09 11:51 AM |
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Kara
Now Zagat Rated!
Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
Name:
They call me "Tater Salad"
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Re: W W Y D ? (cut from the wedding list after going to the e-party?!)
I'd be really hurt. That's a really horrible thing to do.
Is it possible they majorly scaled back on the wedding because maybe they lost money when the LI catering hall closed? Do you talk to this guy on a regular basis? And he never said anything about the wedding date being changed or canceled?
That's very weird. I'd probably give him a call to say you saw something on Facebook and are wondering if the wedding is still on for June or if the date changed or something... I certainly wouldn't be passive aggressive about it. That generally does no good.
Message edited 1/6/2009 11:57:33 AM.
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| Posted 1/6/09 11:56 AM |
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Cpt2007
A new love!
Member since 1/08 5946 total posts
Name:
Liz
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Re: W W Y D ? (cut from the wedding list after going to the e-party?!)
i don't know what to say! I would totally say something but I think it is up to your DH to say something since it is his friend.
gah.
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| Posted 1/6/09 11:56 AM |
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Shorty
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Member since 5/05 30390 total posts
Name:
really
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Re: W W Y D ? (cut from the wedding list after going to the e-party?!)
ugh that's even classier than no-showing!!!  What is WRONG with people?!
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| Posted 1/6/09 12:00 PM |
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HoneyBadger
YourWorstNightmare.
Member since 10/06 15979 total posts
Name:
BahBahBlackJeep
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Re: W W Y D ? (cut from the wedding list after going to the e-party?!)
Posted by Kara
I'd be really hurt. That's a really horrible thing to do.
Is it possible they majorly scaled back on the wedding because maybe they lost money when the LI catering hall closed? Do you talk to this guy on a regular basis? And he never said anything about the wedding date being changed or canceled?
That's very weird. I'd probably give him a call to say you saw something on Facebook and are wondering if the wedding is still on for June or if the date changed or something... I certainly wouldn't be passive aggressive about it. That generally does no good.
I agree with this...
I, too, would be hurt and angry especially since you guys went to their engagement party.
I agree, there's a possibility that they lost out on money and couldn't afford to have the same size wedding they were originally anticipating.
Having said that, I think if that is the case they were INCREDIBLY wrong for not sending out some kind of letter letting those who were originally invited to the engagement party that unfortunately they had to scale back their planned celebration and would not be able to invite anyone who wasn't a family member.
I understand money being tight and unforseen issues popping up (like the catering hall closing) but I still think it's rude to not at least give people a heads up.
They could have done that much. I'm sure being friends you (as anyone else in your position) would have understood.
I'm sorry this happened to your husband that sucks.
ETA: I also agree with calling them and not going the passive aggressive route. I think, especially in a situation like this, it's best to confront the situation head on and if your husband doesn't want to, well then you need to respect his wishes.
Message edited 1/6/2009 12:17:59 PM.
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| Posted 1/6/09 12:16 PM |
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Re: W W Y D ? (cut from the wedding list after going to the e-party?!)
I am going to be the odd one out .... but it doesn't seem like it was intetionaly. If the first LI hall closed down they most likely lost what ever money they put towards that and might have needed to cut back the guest list to only family and people who they are still very close to.
Now, if they are having a large party then I would be annoyed for sure.
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| Posted 1/6/09 12:20 PM |
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JessInCA
live laugh love
Member since 8/06 5082 total posts
Name:
Jess
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Re: W W Y D ? (cut from the wedding list after going to the e-party?!)
I'd be wondering if something happened, especially since they moved the date up as well - maybe they had to make it much smaller, or family-only, or something??? But even if that were the case, I think they should've gotten the word out to their friends before posting things on Facebook...
I wouldn't cut all ties with them before finding out what actually went down, and make my decisions from there. And I'd let DH do the asking since it's his friend and he'd probably be able to approach it the best since he's known the guy for so long. But I'd be just as surprised and upset as you.
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| Posted 1/6/09 12:21 PM |
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HeathKernandez
Our Ron is an awesome Ron
Member since 4/07 9091 total posts
Name:
baby fish mouth
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Re: W W Y D ? (cut from the wedding list after going to the e-party?!)
Posted by JessInCA
I'd be wondering if something happened, especially since they moved the date up as well - maybe they had to make it much smaller, or family-only, or something??? But even if that were the case, I think they should've gotten the word out to their friends before posting things on Facebook...
I wouldn't cut all ties with them before finding out what actually went down, and make my decisions from there. And I'd let DH do the asking since it's his friend and he'd probably be able to approach it the best since he's known the guy for so long. But I'd be just as surprised and upset as you.
yeah, I totally understand if something happened... but I would be SO apologetic towards friend's I couldn;t invite... you know?
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| Posted 1/6/09 12:25 PM |
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PreshusSmurf
So in love with my little guys
Member since 1/07 2963 total posts
Name:
Jess
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Re: W W Y D ? (cut from the wedding list after going to the e-party?!)
Oh, and I just remembered ...
We got a fargin' christmas card from them this year!!!!!!!!!
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| Posted 1/6/09 12:31 PM |
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Kara
Now Zagat Rated!
Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
Name:
They call me "Tater Salad"
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Re: W W Y D ? (cut from the wedding list after going to the e-party?!)
Posted by Seles81
I am going to be the odd one out .... but it doesn't seem like it was intetionaly. If the first LI hall closed down they most likely lost what ever money they put towards that and might have needed to cut back the guest list to only family and people who they are still very close to.
Now, if they are having a large party then I would be annoyed for sure.
I don't doubt that PreshusSmurf and her DH would be MORE than understanding if the friends explained that they could no longer have a bigger wedding, etc., etc. I think they are annoyed that they were invited to the June wedding, got no word that the date changed, and now without ANY word from the couple they find out the wedding is this weekend. I think it's the lack of communication, not the fact that something may have happened... and there's no excuse for that.
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| Posted 1/6/09 12:33 PM |
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kimbalina
Bring on the glitter and bows!
Member since 6/08 15158 total posts
Name:
Kim
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Re: W W Y D ? (cut from the wedding list after going to the e-party?!)
Posted by kristinel
1. It would bother me.
2. I would leave this to my DH to confront his friend (if he chooses to).
Sorry about this.
ITA.
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| Posted 1/6/09 12:42 PM |
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