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headoverheels
s'il vous plaît
Member since 6/07 42079 total posts
Name:
LB
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Re: what is a fair price to pay your MIL to watch your kids?
Posted by Palebride
My father watches Lily for us full time.
He was retired before she arrived, but had a small part-time job that he gave up to watch her. So we pay him the money he made with that job. It's not a lot of money....but we appreciate all that he does for Lily and want to make sure he's compensated for it.
I see nothing wrong with paying a grandparent to watch your child(ren) full time. It's not an occasional night of babysitting....it's a full time job!
I would suggest talking to her to see what she would like...
I agree with this. If my MIL ever agreed to watch our kids we would absolutely be paying her, that's a full time job and we would be saving a lot in daycare expenses!
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Posted 2/22/10 8:15 AM  |
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headoverheels
s'il vous plaît
Member since 6/07 42079 total posts
Name:
LB
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Re: what is a fair price to pay your MIL to watch your kids?
Posted by MrsBumbleb
She thinks she should get paid close to (actually used to want the same amount) what we pay for our child care which I think is soooooo nervy.
If she needs the money, and is WILLING to watch your kids, them IMO there is no way she should be asking for anything close to what you'd be paying daycare. No offense to your or your MIL but that's ballsy... and if god forbid she got sick or couldn't watch them one day, at least if your kids are in daycare there is always someone there to watch them.
Maybe you can suggest a flat rate and then reimburse her for gas money?
I wouldn't let your eldest's age affect your decision, because he will be in kindergarten soon enough.
If she's not willing to be paid less than daycare then I'd definitely consider staying home. 
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| Posted 2/22/10 8:19 AM |
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smdl
I love Gary too..on a plate!
Member since 5/06 32461 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: what is a fair price to pay your MIL to watch your kids?
Posted by MrsBumbleb
Thank you all for your responses. We are in a tough spot. MIL does not have a job and needs money. We need cheaper child care. What seems like an easy solution really isn't. She thinks she should get paid close to (actually used to want the same amount) what we pay for our child care which I think is soooooo nervy. I understand in a perfect world grandparents would watch their g-kids for the pure joy but that's just not the case. She would be driving a long distance every day and would work long hours so I think she deserves to get paid. We were thinking about 325.00 a week. I'm sure she'll want more.
DH is really on board with this more so than me. I personally don't think DH realizes what a HUGE commitment it would be and how exhausting it would be for a 61 year old woman to do this job. I also have concerns about my 4 year old who has been in child care since 3 months old. He is so used to the structure, socialization and academics now that I don't think she could provide him with that environment. As I'm typing this I have all these reasons why I'm thinking this is not the best solution. Since all of my paycheck was going to child care I'm thinking maybe I'll build a little nest egg and then stay at home myself.
I"m really just babbling so if you got this far thanks for listening!
Unless you want HER to watch the kids and there may be more flexibility if you run late one day, there is really NO incentive for you to have her watch your kids. Yes, it's grandma, but daycares have activities, toys, other kids. Is she providing all the set up of a daycare?
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| Posted 2/22/10 8:36 AM |
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MrsBumbleb
it's me
Member since 5/05 11234 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Re: what is a fair price to pay your MIL to watch your kids?
Posted by smdl
Posted by MrsBumbleb
Thank you all for your responses. We are in a tough spot. MIL does not have a job and needs money. We need cheaper child care. What seems like an easy solution really isn't. She thinks she should get paid close to (actually used to want the same amount) what we pay for our child care which I think is soooooo nervy. I understand in a perfect world grandparents would watch their g-kids for the pure joy but that's just not the case. She would be driving a long distance every day and would work long hours so I think she deserves to get paid. We were thinking about 325.00 a week. I'm sure she'll want more.
DH is really on board with this more so than me. I personally don't think DH realizes what a HUGE commitment it would be and how exhausting it would be for a 61 year old woman to do this job. I also have concerns about my 4 year old who has been in child care since 3 months old. He is so used to the structure, socialization and academics now that I don't think she could provide him with that environment. As I'm typing this I have all these reasons why I'm thinking this is not the best solution. Since all of my paycheck was going to child care I'm thinking maybe I'll build a little nest egg and then stay at home myself.
I"m really just babbling so if you got this far thanks for listening!
Unless you want HER to watch the kids and there may be more flexibility if you run late one day, there is really NO incentive for you to have her watch your kids. Yes, it's grandma, but daycares have activities, toys, other kids. Is she providing all the set up of a daycare?
That's just it. I have concerns about what she would do all day with them and a dog which she doesn't like. DH says he will give her a curiculum so to speak but seriously, I don't see her being able to do it and don't want them just watching TV all day long.
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| Posted 2/22/10 8:49 AM |
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MrsDrMatt
Live and RUN like a Ninja!
Member since 5/06 3104 total posts
Name:
MrsDrMatt
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Re: what is a fair price to pay your MIL to watch your kids?
Posted by alisha
Wow I am surprised so many of you say nothing.
I would pay my MIL to take care of my three kids FT - it is hard work regardless of whether or not she is their grandmother!
My sister takes care of DD and I pay her what I would pay for a FT day care. She comes to my apt everyday and stays late whenever we ask. It is like I have a nanny for half the price.
I also keep a stocked fridge for her.
Luckily we are in a financial position to do that; if we weren't I would still pay her something that I can afford. Or compensate her in another way (vacations, other big ticket items).
I agree!
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| Posted 2/22/10 8:51 AM |
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dpli
Daylight savings :)
Member since 5/05 13973 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: what is a fair price to pay your MIL to watch your kids?
Posted by smdl
40 hours a week for 3 kids is a MAJOR commitment. She could be working at a job FT.
There is no way I could not pay her for that many hours/kids.
I think $300 is the minimum I would pay her.
If she refuses, it's one thing but I could never take for granted the amount of work it will be for her and assume it would be free.
ITA with all of this. Reading your last post, though, I would say if she wants the same $$ as daycare, I would just keep them in daycare.
For me, if I am going to pay the same amount of $$ as a daycare, the only benefits would be that I could probably still go to work if one of the kids was sick and I don't have to get 3 kids ready and out of the house in the morning. I don't think this would be a strong enough incentive to switch.
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| Posted 2/22/10 9:00 AM |
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MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!
Member since 5/06 14562 total posts
Name:
Marisa
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Re: what is a fair price to pay your MIL to watch your kids?
I agree that she should be paid for a full week with 3 kids - but WHAT is the point of paying her the exact same amount you'd pay for daycare?
At that point, I guess it's a matter of what you feel is best for your kids -
but IMO, it's better for them to be in daycare - with toys, other kids, structured lesson plans - etc. - If you're paying her the same amount you'd pay them...........WHAT is she doing w/ them all day ?? KWIM?
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| Posted 2/22/10 9:01 AM |
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4PsInaPod
My Loves <3
Member since 7/07 10079 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: what is a fair price to pay your MIL to watch your kids?
Posted by MarisaK
WHAT is the point of paying her the exact same amount you'd pay for daycare?
At that point, I guess it's a matter of what you feel is best for your kids -
but IMO, it's better for them to be in daycare - with toys, other kids, structured lesson plans - etc. - If you're paying her the same amount you'd pay them...........WHAT is she doing w/ them all day ?? KWIM?
I agree with this. & even if it's 50 more a week at daycare, I think they'd have more "fun" there, they'd learn more there....not that your MIL wouldn't take good care of them but 3 is a lot for a 61 year old grandmother to take care of
Message edited 2/22/2010 9:05:59 AM.
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| Posted 2/22/10 9:04 AM |
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Re: what is a fair price to pay your MIL to watch your kids?
If you were paying a real daycare center and your entire paycheck was going to the each month, I would become a sahm, honestly.
What about putting the kids in a parttime daycare center and then have your MIL watch them 3 days a week?
My grandmother watched me and my brothers from when we were about Roman's age until I was 10 and my brothers were 5 & 3 and I can you we did nothing. She just supervised us. She did take us for walks and bring us to mcdonalds and that is where we played since it was in walking distance. We never went to parks or anything. Now, my grandmother was off the boat and could barely speak english but still.
My mother watched my 2 for 3 days last year and I think it was tough on her and she was 51.
If your gut is telling you this isn't right then I would find another solution.
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| Posted 2/22/10 9:07 AM |
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Rycois
Blessed with 2blue/2pink
Member since 12/05 13341 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: what is a fair price to pay your MIL to watch your kids?
HOnestly, I would offer her what you're comfortable paying her to do the job and def. think that it should be a "discount" from daycare. $325/wk is good $$ off the books. Yes, a huge commitment and tough job, but what is her background? Would she make much more if she were able to be hired (with today's market) elsewhere?
Plus, I hear your concerns about your eldest. I'm sure this is a tough decision. 
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| Posted 2/22/10 9:07 AM |
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MrsBumbleb
it's me
Member since 5/05 11234 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Re: what is a fair price to pay your MIL to watch your kids?
Posted by dpli
Posted by smdl
40 hours a week for 3 kids is a MAJOR commitment. She could be working at a job FT.
There is no way I could not pay her for that many hours/kids.
I think $300 is the minimum I would pay her.
If she refuses, it's one thing but I could never take for granted the amount of work it will be for her and assume it would be free.
ITA with all of this. Reading your last post, though, I would say if she wants the same $$ as daycare, I would just keep them in daycare.
For me, if I am going to pay the same amount of $$ as a daycare, the only benefits would be that I could probably still go to work if one of the kids was sick and I don't have to get 3 kids ready and out of the house in the morning. I don't think this would be a strong enough incentive to switch.
Daycare will not be an option soon.
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| Posted 2/22/10 9:08 AM |
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Re: what is a fair price to pay your MIL to watch your kids?
Posted by dpli
Posted by smdl
40 hours a week for 3 kids is a MAJOR commitment. She could be working at a job FT.
There is no way I could not pay her for that many hours/kids.
I think $300 is the minimum I would pay her.
If she refuses, it's one thing but I could never take for granted the amount of work it will be for her and assume it would be free.
ITA with all of this. Reading your last post, though, I would say if she wants the same $$ as daycare, I would just keep them in daycare.
For me, if I am going to pay the same amount of $$ as a daycare, the only benefits would be that I could probably still go to work if one of the kids was sick and I don't have to get 3 kids ready and out of the house in the morning. I don't think this would be a strong enough incentive to switch.
I agree. If she wants the same or almost the same as daycare I would leave them in day care. I would rather have the socialization and day care curriculum.
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| Posted 2/22/10 9:10 AM |
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dpli
Daylight savings :)
Member since 5/05 13973 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: what is a fair price to pay your MIL to watch your kids?
Posted by MrsBumbleb
Daycare will not be an option soon.
Not to pry, but are you saying that you just won't be able to afford daycare anymore?
I would consider approaching it that way. If you tell her, "we can't afford FT daycare for all 3 kids anymore, we can afford $325 a week, otherwise I will probably just have to stay home myself" and see what she says.
I wouldn't worry too much about your 4 year old. Next year, he'll be in Kindergarten and I think kids are better with adjustments than we think. If you are strapped financially, you have to do what you have to do. Having them stimulated in a more structured environment is great, but I think the financial stability of your family trumps that. Being home with grandma instead of daycare isn't the worst thing that could happen.
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| Posted 2/22/10 9:14 AM |
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MrsBumbleb
it's me
Member since 5/05 11234 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Re: what is a fair price to pay your MIL to watch your kids?
Posted by JerseyMamaOf2
If you were paying a real daycare center and your entire paycheck was going to the each month, I would become a sahm, honestly.
What about putting the kids in a parttime daycare center and then have your MIL watch them 3 days a week?
My grandmother watched me and my brothers from when we were about Roman's age until I was 10 and my brothers were 5 & 3 and I can you we did nothing. She just supervised us. She did take us for walks and bring us to mcdonalds and that is where we played since it was in walking distance. We never went to parks or anything. Now, my grandmother was off the boat and could barely speak english but still.
My mother watched my 2 for 3 days last year and I think it was tough on her and she was 51.
If your gut is telling you this isn't right then I would find another solution.
DH just started a new job and is not making nearly the money he was. We have great benefits for the family under my job. Paying for pt childcare and paying MIL pt wouldn't make financial sense. I'm thinking the best solution would be to have MIL watch them for a few months and then stay at home.
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| Posted 2/22/10 9:15 AM |
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nov04libride
big brother <3
Member since 5/05 14672 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: what is a fair price to pay your MIL to watch your kids?
That's a huge commitment, and if she needs the money, $350 a week would be the minimum I would give.
But how is she physically? 61 is relatively old, and taking care of three (and one so young) is physically exhausting. My mother is that old and watches only DS 3 days a week, and could not handle any more time or DC. If we have another, we will have to figure out another childcare situation.
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| Posted 2/22/10 9:16 AM |
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MrsBumbleb
it's me
Member since 5/05 11234 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Re: what is a fair price to pay your MIL to watch your kids?
Posted by dpli
Posted by MrsBumbleb
Daycare will not be an option soon.
Not to pry, but are you saying that you just won't be able to afford daycare anymore?
I would consider approaching it that way. If you tell her, "we can't afford FT daycare for all 3 kids anymore, we can afford $325 a week, otherwise I will probably just have to stay home myself" and see what she says.
I wouldn't worry too much about your 4 year old. Next year, he'll be in Kindergarten and I think kids are better with adjustments than we think. If you are strapped financially, you have to do what you have to do. Having them stimulated in a more structured environment is great, but I think the financial stability of your family trumps that. Being home with grandma instead of daycare isn't the worst thing that could happen.
Yes, financially we are at a point where we can't afford daycare anymore because of DH's new job and my check needing to go to covering other things.
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| Posted 2/22/10 9:18 AM |
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sj-girl
Happy Family of 4
Member since 5/08 5654 total posts
Name:
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Re: what is a fair price to pay your MIL to watch your kids?
My MIL watches my DS 2 days a week. We have offered to pay her but she refuses. So we just reimburse her for her gas and make sure there in lunch in the frig for her.
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| Posted 2/22/10 9:29 AM |
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MrsGmomof3
...
Member since 6/08 3290 total posts
Name:
Irrelevant
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Re: what is a fair price to pay your MIL to watch your kids?
IMO, nothing.
Family and money do NOT mix. I would either not pay her, or hire someone else.
She becomes your "employee" once you give her money, and then your relationship changes.
BTDT... trust me 
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| Posted 2/22/10 9:31 AM |
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DRMom
Two in Blue
Member since 5/05 20223 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: what is a fair price to pay your MIL to watch your kids?
Now that you've added new info, how about an in-home daycare? My sister sends her kids to one and she does have a curriculum and scheduled activities throughout the day. It should be cheaper than a regular daycare center. I don't understand if your MIL wants the same money as daycare how it will help you?
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| Posted 2/22/10 9:36 AM |
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KateDevine
*
Member since 6/06 24950 total posts
Name:
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Re: what is a fair price to pay your MIL to watch your kids?
I think that $325 a week for 3 kids 40hrs a week is not a lot of money AT ALL. I mean, I know when was sending one kid to daycare (2yrs ago) it was $250 a week!
Honestly, you need her as much as she needs you right now, so I think that you need to figure out what you would be comfortable spending without cheaping out on her.
Tricky situation, but IMO, if you can't afford daycare anymore, you need to figure out something to make her happy..
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| Posted 2/22/10 9:45 AM |
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pnbplus1
Family
Member since 5/09 5751 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: what is a fair price to pay your MIL to watch your kids?
I read through some but not all of the answers. This is always a tricky issue. I pay my mom to watch my DS. I feel perfectly fine paying her. She never asked for money but I could never just ask her to do it for free. Taking care of a child,full-time, is a huge responsibility and it really affects a person's life. A g-parent who watches a g-child no longer has the flexibility to do everything they used to - even dr's apptmts have to be well-planned out. I actually think not paying them is wrong, they raised their kids already and people act like grandparents should feel privileged that they get to watch their grandchildren every day all week all year when in fact its stressful and hard work.
It doesn't sound like you think your MIL would do a great job watching your kids. If this is the case, you should do what's best for your kids and not your MIL's financial situation. I also have an issue with your MIL expecting that you pay her as much as you pay your current childcare provider/daycare. That's a lot to expect if you are in essence doing her a favor. I think you have some legitimate concerns and that you need to separate these from the finances in order to come to the best decision for your family. GL with this decision.
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| Posted 2/22/10 11:15 AM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: what is a fair price to pay your MIL to watch your kids?
my MIL watches my son and her two granddaughters Gratis.
but she was already retired. and we pay her rent (but we also live in the apt)
if she was working and quit her job to watch them, we'd have to pay her enough to cover all living expenses etc. that is only fair.
however, my MIL, having been retired, refused any kind of payment. so, like I said, we pay her rent and for any trips she likes to take (to her native country, abroad with us, around the states to visit family etc)
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| Posted 2/22/10 11:18 AM |
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wants2bmommy
So in Love!
Member since 11/08 1281 total posts
Name:
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Re: what is a fair price to pay your MIL to watch your kids?
just her gas..... my honest opinion but if she is stopping her job then 200- 500 a week
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| Posted 2/22/10 11:19 AM |
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Aries14
Can't plan life...
Member since 8/08 2860 total posts
Name:
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Re: what is a fair price to pay your MIL to watch your kids?
My mom watches my DD who is 3 months 5 days a week. We are paying her $175 a week. I think for ur situation I would probably offer $250 a week??
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| Posted 2/22/10 11:32 AM |
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BaroqueMama
Chase is one!
Member since 5/05 27530 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: what is a fair price to pay your MIL to watch your kids?
Ok, here's my opinion: she needs the money, you need the childcare.
Pay her and insist on a certain schedule for the kids. I mean, if you're paying her, then you should at least be able to dictate that, no?
I get it, she's your MIL, blah, blah, but she needs the money so she'd be out working somewhere else if not for you, so if she's making the money, it should be a job.
Is there a low cost preK your son could go to half day? I know that it adds extra money, but I know if my almost 4 year old had to go back to being home everyday after being in school everyday, she'd be a miserable mess. I wonder if any local ymca's have programs or libraries? Will your MIL have the means to drive your kids places?
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| Posted 2/22/10 11:38 AM |
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