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Lizzy
Carson's Mama
Member since 2/08 2430 total posts
Name:
Elisabeth
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What is your plan for help once the baby comes?
My DH can only take a week off once the baby comes and now we are trying to figure out who can stay to help me during the day.
I didn't realize it was going to come to this, but it's become a battle between the grandmas.  I, obviously, would prefer if my mom was there during the day because I feel like I can be myself around her and I also feel like I can ask her for help around the house without reservation.
DH and my MIL are offended that I don't want her there. I said I would love her help on the weekends but apparently that isn't enough.
Can someone help me fix this??
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Posted 12/10/08 5:12 PM  |
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MikesWife
Wanting...........
Member since 1/06 6887 total posts
Name:
Karen
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Re: What is your plan for help once the baby comes?
I would be the same way. I'm the daughter and would want MY mom there especially since DH won't be there.
I'll be doing it on my own though after DH goes back to work.
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| Posted 12/10/08 5:15 PM |
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SweetTooth
I'm a tired mommy!
Member since 12/05 20105 total posts
Name:
Lauren
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Re: What is your plan for help once the baby comes?
Luckily, my ILs live upstate, so I don't have this issue. But I would feel the same way you do.
My mom is taking off a month after the babies are born to help out.
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| Posted 12/10/08 5:17 PM |
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Lizzy
Carson's Mama
Member since 2/08 2430 total posts
Name:
Elisabeth
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Re: What is your plan for help once the baby comes?
So, what do I say to her (my MIL) to smooth this over? Also, she lives about an hour away and wants to stay in our 2 bdrm house with us
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| Posted 12/10/08 5:20 PM |
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SweetTooth
I'm a tired mommy!
Member since 12/05 20105 total posts
Name:
Lauren
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Re: What is your plan for help once the baby comes?
Posted by Lizzy
So, what do I say to her (my MIL) to smooth this over? Also, she lives about an hour away and wants to stay in our 2 bdrm house with us
Oh hell no. Can DH talk to her?
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| Posted 12/10/08 5:25 PM |
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MikesWife
Wanting...........
Member since 1/06 6887 total posts
Name:
Karen
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Re: What is your plan for help once the baby comes?
So she wants to SLEEP over? No no no.
Tell her that while the gesture is sweet, it's important that mommy, daddy, and baby get bonding time.
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| Posted 12/10/08 5:33 PM |
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randella
Love my little man
Member since 8/05 16290 total posts
Name:
Randi
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Re: What is your plan for help once the baby comes?
We have a baby nurse for the first two weeks-- she stays with us, so that will be extremely helpful. DH plans to take several weeks off of work, but probably not so many days while the baby nurse is here just to conserve his time.
Then, since I am due 1/29-- my mom is a teacher and will have off for Feb break just about the time the baby nurse will no longer be here... so I assume she'll be here to help out.
After that.... well, who knows!!
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| Posted 12/10/08 5:36 PM |
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Dulcinea
Weekend Warrior
Member since 3/08 2530 total posts
Name:
Dulcinea
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Re: What is your plan for help once the baby comes?
Can't they take turns? In the first few weeks it is nice to have an extra hand there... One can help the first week, and the other will help the next week?
After that you can tell both that they can come by periodically if they like to visit the baby, but not live there 'cus you, DH and the baby need your bonding time...
ETA: My mother is staying with us the first week back from the hospital but we didn't tell his mother about it in case she feels guilty and offers to help as well. Like you, I would be uncomfortable living with my MIL. ;)
Message edited 12/10/2008 5:40:09 PM.
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| Posted 12/10/08 5:38 PM |
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Lillykat
going along for the ride...
Member since 5/05 16253 total posts
Name:
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Re: What is your plan for help once the baby comes?
Well honestly I wish my MIL was reliable b.c an extra week of help would be really great. When I had DD DH only had a total of 10 days vacation and some of that was spent in consults (we thought DD might need surgery at birth) and during labor. So by the time I came home I got him for 1 week, my mom for 1 week and my dad for 3 partial days. I would have LOVED to have additional help since I had a csection but it wasn't happening.
Maybe you could work out so you get your DH to take the first week, your parents the following and the in laws after that? This way they all get their turn and no hurt feelings if you can deal with their help.
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| Posted 12/10/08 5:38 PM |
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NoahsArkTummy
LIF Adolescent
Member since 2/07 839 total posts
Name:
CAMILLE
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Re: What is your plan for help once the baby comes?
i will be a full time sahm once the twins are born..but my parents are coming for a few weeks to help out....Rob and I will be soo appreciative to have them there...going to have when they leave LOL.....i cannot imagine brnging home not one but 2 newborns without my moms help and advice!
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| Posted 12/10/08 7:05 PM |
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Meggo613
im a big girl!
Member since 2/07 4536 total posts
Name:
Megan
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Re: What is your plan for help once the baby comes?
im not really that far along but have thought about it... i really dont think i want anyone around.. i really want to do it on my own. i will have DH for 10 days after the baby comes... and my mom said she would take off the week after DH goes back to work to help. other then that i dont really have any plans. my IL's are both retired so they are always around if and when i need them. as well as my dad. so everyone is around i just dont know if im going to want them all there!
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| Posted 12/10/08 7:11 PM |
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pandaworm
LIF Adult
Member since 8/08 1125 total posts
Name:
bethany
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Re: What is your plan for help once the baby comes?
Posted by Meggo613
im not really that far along but have thought about it... i really dont think i want anyone around.. i really want to do it on my own. i will have DH for 10 days after the baby comes... and my mom said she would take off the week after DH goes back to work to help. other then that i dont really have any plans. my IL's are both retired so they are always around if and when i need them. as well as my dad. so everyone is around i just dont know if im going to want them all there!
i'm kind of thinking the same thing. i don't mind help right afterwards and dh will be home for a while, but i'm also looking forward to it just being me and my baby. now how i'll physically feel when the time comes is a different story and my mom is saving up her sick days and dh might work out a work from home thing for a while, so we'll see.
for the op does MIL work? if so there are probably only some days she can do and some she can't - maybe that will work in your favor. if not, explain to her that you (at the very least) can't have her spending the night - you might have to compromise on other things, but i know i couldn't take that so would be willing to bend a bit. maybe she can help you out a little later on (like someone else said your dh for a week, your mom for a week, mil for a week) so you can at least get out a bit or have a lot of other people over and make the time go faster.
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| Posted 12/10/08 7:48 PM |
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Angel321
...
Member since 4/08 15553 total posts
Name:
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Re: What is your plan for help once the baby comes?
is it a bad thing that i haven't put one second of thought into this?????
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| Posted 12/10/08 7:57 PM |
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snowflake08
Love my boys!!!
Member since 8/07 5148 total posts
Name:
Laura
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Re: What is your plan for help once the baby comes?
DH is taking 2 weeks off
My mom is around if I need her - that's about it!
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| Posted 12/10/08 7:57 PM |
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MrsRbk
<3 <3 <3 <3
Member since 1/06 19197 total posts
Name:
Michelle
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Re: What is your plan for help once the baby comes?
This my "plan" and I know they don't always work out!
DH gets 2 weeks paid parental leave, but I've asked him not to use it right away. Maybe take a couple of PTO days instead at first.
My mother will be here from Florida, I don't know for how long though, maybe 1 week or could be 2. I also know normally my MIL would come after my mother was here, but my SIL (DH's sister) is due the day after me, and she already has a 4 year old and a 2 year old, so I'm sure my MIL will be with her.
DH will take his 2 weeks leave AFTER my mother goes back to Florida. So that gives me at the most possibly 4 weeks of help.
We've also decided that after he goes back to work after those two weeks, that we'll hire a baby nurse for during the day. I think that will be a huge help. Even if it's only a few days a week.
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| Posted 12/10/08 8:02 PM |
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browneyedgirl
family is all that matters
Member since 6/06 6513 total posts
Name:
browneyes
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Re: What is your plan for help once the baby comes?
honestly, i wouldn't even argue over this yet.
i didn't want help once DH went back to work. i didn't mind visitors, and i went to various family member's houses, but then i wanted to be home alone with DS. a lot of time "help" consists of everyone telling you what you're doing is wrong, or that this is the way something had to be done. i wanted to figure it out on my own.
i was tired, but i didn't want anyone staying over for even one night and did NOT want a full day visitor.
you never know how you'll be, so you might want to figure this out a little closer to your due date.
good luck
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| Posted 12/10/08 8:05 PM |
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nov04libride
big brother <3
Member since 5/05 14672 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: What is your plan for help once the baby comes?
DH is planning on taking off a week, and my mom lives close by, but I think I'd prefer the time to bond with the baby and just have her stop by for short visits as needed.
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| Posted 12/10/08 8:06 PM |
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nyteacher13
Three Under Four!!! :-)
Member since 8/06 6405 total posts
Name:
~ THERESA ~
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Re: What is your plan for help once the baby comes?
My plan is for my MIL not to be up my asss every single day and for my mother to come out and visit more often.
Too much? Wishful thinking? We'll see!!!
 
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| Posted 12/10/08 8:10 PM |
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Ladybug3
Two is better than one!!!
Member since 12/07 4474 total posts
Name:
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Re: What is your plan for help once the baby comes?
We are having a baby nurse for the first two weeks and DH will have two weeks off. After the nurse leaves my sister is going to take a week off and then my mom. I will be covered for the first month. After that I'm on my own.
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| Posted 12/10/08 9:32 PM |
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Bops
My 3 wishes
Member since 12/07 13625 total posts
Name:
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Re: What is your plan for help once the baby comes?
DH will be off for 2 weeks since I'm having a c-section, then I'm on my own with both kiddies !!!!...We are lucky to find a babysitter for a night, let alone get "help' 
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| Posted 12/10/08 9:36 PM |
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butterfly20
Party of 5 - 2015
Member since 4/06 7390 total posts
Name:
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Re: What is your plan for help once the baby comes?
my mil and i get along well so i dont have that problem.......dh will be home with me the first 2 weeks- then my mom can come when i need her. MIL works- but im sure will come by nights/weekends... dh is very hand on, so i will only have to worry about week days
but if both mothers are avail nearby and you prefer your mom- i would say
have your mom M,T,TH,F
and have your MIL W(and on weekends when dh is home)... that way your mom can have a midweek break
Message edited 12/10/2008 9:40:53 PM.
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| Posted 12/10/08 9:39 PM |
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NoahsArkTummy
LIF Adolescent
Member since 2/07 839 total posts
Name:
CAMILLE
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Re: What is your plan for help once the baby comes?
Posted by randella
We have a baby nurse for the first two weeks-- she stays with us, so that will be extremely helpful. DH plans to take several weeks off of work, but probably not so many days while the baby nurse is here just to conserve his time.
Then, since I am due 1/29-- my mom is a teacher and will have off for Feb break just about the time the baby nurse will no longer be here... so I assume she'll be here to help out.
After that.... well, who knows!!
if you baby nurse mommas don't mind sharing ..is the baby nurse thing relaly expensive? my mom wil be here but was just thinking with twins we may need extra help...you can FM me if you wantt o keep it personal...just looking for price range.....
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| Posted 12/11/08 12:34 AM |
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DanaRenee
Fitness Junkie!
Member since 6/06 6470 total posts
Name:
Dana
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Re: What is your plan for help once the baby comes?
Help? How many babies are you having? DH was home like 2 days when I had the baby and honestly, I really didn't need any help. The baby sleeps allll the time, except obviously for feedings but it is do-able. I wouldn't stress over it if I were you.
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| Posted 12/11/08 7:41 AM |
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headoverheels
s'il vous plaît
Member since 6/07 42079 total posts
Name:
LB
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Re: What is your plan for help once the baby comes?
Posted by browneyedgirl
honestly, i wouldn't even argue over this yet.
i didn't want help once DH went back to work. i didn't mind visitors, and i went to various family member's houses, but then i wanted to be home alone with DS. a lot of time "help" consists of everyone telling you what you're doing is wrong, or that this is the way something had to be done. i wanted to figure it out on my own.
i was tired, but i didn't want anyone staying over for even one night and did NOT want a full day visitor.
you never know how you'll be, so you might want to figure this out a little closer to your due date.
good luck
ITA with this. you will not know how you feel until much later on. you may even change your mind when you give birth.
my DH was able to take off for 11 days after DS was born but after that i was on my own. i think my mom came to help me once during the day but i was on my own all the other days. i did a lot of sleeping and nursing and that was pretty much it! to be totally honest, while i understand why some people want the extra help, i really don't think you need it - it was so nice for me to be able to figure things out on my own without anyone telling me how i "should" do it. i get enough of that on the weekends when i see my parents 
Message edited 12/11/2008 8:17:53 AM.
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| Posted 12/11/08 8:16 AM |
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NoStressMom
My Heart and Soul
Member since 5/05 11122 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: What is your plan for help once the baby comes?
Being I'm due in June and my hubby is a teacher he will be off 8 weeks with me which will be a huge help. Plus we have my parents who are both retired now. It will be great to have the help. I welcome it with open arms!!
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| Posted 12/11/08 8:31 AM |
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