what was the point?-update in first post

I am lost. I feel so dead inside right now. Dh and I suffered for years withinfertility treatments and losses finally to be blessed with our 7 week old ds who is miserable. I have been poisting a lot about colic or gas etc and been given sooo many grerat suggestions. But my ds hates me hates life and cries cries cries. Barely ever naps and if he isn't eating he is crying from whimpering to hysteria. We are working with docs to figure it out. I had to witness my husband break down sobbing today asking god why our son is so unhappy. And I feel pissed trapped hurting and I don't understand whyyyyyyyyyyy. How do I breathe when there are literally no breaks all day from crying to some extent? Sorry to be so down. I just need him to be happy or at least content. Ty


edited to add..

omg thank you all sooo much i literally got teared up from the outpouring of support.
since many of you asked i will tell you what we have tried ...

swaddle me
white noise/fan/tv
rock n play
swing
car rides
walks in stroller
shhhhing
rocking
bouncing
baths
gripe water
zantac
mylanta
reg formula
sensitive
alimentum
singing
dancing
glider
pacifier
eating more
eating less
burpy once or twice at least during a feeding

and currently what we are doing is..

every nap or attempt i should say he is in a swaddle me.
at night a swaddle me for sure
he sleeps in rock n play next to me at night while i am on the couch.
we switched last week to alimentum
he wont keep zantac down he spits it up
so we are doing mylanta per docs orders.
we keep him upright after eating for 10 minutes


he doesnt spit up excessively or throw up.
his bms are pretty regular with no apparent signs of blood and pees like a racehorse lol

right now he actually has been sleeping for 15 minutes in teh swing which is a miracle bc until yesterday he would screammmmm in the swing like a lunatic...go figure.

i know he wants to feel beter bc i get a smile or two out of him here and there...but something disrupts it and he cries right in the middle of a scream

i try to go for walks with him...but a wailing baby oooh makes walking fun lol

and driving is okayish but definately not a cure.

we are seeing ped AGAIN tomorrow and i might insist on a gi consult. he is gaining actually too much weight bc we were feeding him so much so often to calm him down but ..duh that didnt work either.

....i CANNOT express the love i feel for you mommies out there.
ds may be my only baby and i want to enjoy him. i dont want ot have to lie to people that oh gee hes great kwim? and i hate seeing dh so sad as well. Also I did and do see my therapist regularly. I was having awful ppd the first few weeks but thank god for meds lol what I feel now is more situational anxiety sadness bc ds is unwell. But I will always be in therapy til I die. Its good for the brain and heart to work on oneself. Also..
i will try to use my mil but she works full time and i dont have family of my own here.
i would love to do play dates but right now with the way he is seems evenmore stressful. so if you see a crazy lady driving around in her pjs during the day give her a wide berth the the street ..its probably me! lol

love you all xoxoxoxox

Message edited 6/24/2012 2:22:46 PM.

Re: what was the point?

I remember being on the phone with the hospital (they told me I could call the nursery after I went home if there were problems) crying my eyes out that my 5 week old would NOT stop crying. They told me to go the ER with her. So, not a helpful suggestion.

I stood with her and held her, and cried while she cried - for HOURS. She eventually fell asleep in my arms in the glider where we stayed for HOURS.

It got better. She got better. We got through it. You can too. Hang in there momma.

Re: what was the point?

Omg..I am so sorry you are feeling this way. It breaks my heart reading this. I really have no advice but I do pray that it gets better for you guys

Re: what was the point?

Having a newborn is HARD. Is there anyone you can ask for help so that you guys can get a few hours to yourself?

Please try to remember that it is only temporary and it will get better. Keep doing the best you can. To be honest, your post worries me and I really encourage you to ask for help in taking care of your baby, and for yourself. There is no shame in needing help, everyone needs it in some way.

Re: what was the point?

Re: what was the point?

I PROMISE you it will get better! I absolutely promise. Please don't be ashamed to ask for help! The people in your lives love you and WANT to help you! Let them! And please remember that every new day is one day closer to a time when this will all be a distant memory.

Re: what was the point?

Some babies are so much more difficult than others. I personally don't know what it means to have an easy baby. DD #1 had "colic" for the first 2 months of her life, was diagnosed with a MSPI, but I don't think really had it -- she outgrew it by 9 months. DD#2 SCREAMED ALL DAY AND NIGHT for almost 6 months! I brought her to doctor after doctor, had a bunch of tests done on her, tried out every diet under the sun, eliminated almost everything from my diet, but ntohing helped except for the miracle medicine COLIEF (sold at CVS). Thanks to Colief and time, she got better, but it took awhile. Some babies have immature digestive systems. I attribute it to Pitocin given during labor (my own theory), and perhaps even what the mother eats in pregnancy. Who really knows. The bottom line is that -- they all eventually outgrow it, but it is an awful time for you. We were all so miserable for months, and it was so unfair to my older DD. However, she is now (mostly) a smiley, happy 9 month old, who eats whatever she wants. I hope everything works out for you. Try the Colief, try white noise machines, let him sleep in the swing -- it won't hurt him--- even let him sleep with you if it helps. Whatever it takes to help you survive each day with sanity!

Re: what was the point?

Thank u all for listening. Dh and I can't believe how sad and defeated we are. Btw I habe a shrink and do counseling. I don't habve any family and I have a mil but she works. We are seeing his ped again on monday. I guess I am just feeling....like how do I know for sure nothing is truly wrong with him and if not and its just colic then I just feel after all this pain and ewffort that we can't even enjoy our son nor does our son feel happiness. I feel like a hughe failure yet for the life of me I can't think of one more suggestion I haven't tried to help him. I think seeing my husband cry broke my heart even more ty

Re: what was the point?

It's SO hard those first few months. DD cried nonstop and barely napped either. I had a difficult time in the beginning.. Did u try changing formula? DD showed a big improvement on Nutramigen and we also used Colic Calm which seemed to help a lot. Also that FP snug a bunny swing on a fast setting saved my life.
Just know as hard as this is, it will get better.

Re: what was the point?

I could have written your post word for word last summer. I kept hearing that DD was "colic" but I didn't buy it and kept pushing. Bring a dirty diaper to the ped and have it tested.

I too suffered from infertility and when I finally had DD I used to lay in bed crying that I didn't want her anymore. I used to beg DH to bring her back to the hospital demanding they had to take her back.

DD had a milk protein allergy and reflux. Once on the right formula and meds she was a completely different baby.

Now she's a happy well adjusted 1 year old

It does get better I promise!

Re: what was the point?

I know you don't believe this now but it will get better. In those first few rough weeks a friend told me she read about a pediatrician who believes the first 3-4 months of a baby's life is the "4th trimester" because they are still developing and also adjusting to life outside of the womb. I had days where DS cried what seemed like the entire day but now at 6 months he is great and doesn't cry as much. Hang in there and seek help, I couldn't have done it without the help of my mom and dad

Re: what was the point?

My son cried and cried for the first six weeks and I was so tense from listening to him. SO this is what I did.

I found some great music to listen to...my favorite music and I listened to it tuning him out as much as possible. I held him, rocked him, and sometimes danced with him. But the whole time I listened to music sometimes with head phones on. I got myself less tense and he followed suit and stopped crying so much. He also went on zantac for reflux. He became the easiest baby by 6 months and and was a very happy toddler. Now he is eight and LOVES music and dancing. He is a joy.

Give it time. YOu can not control the crying so help yourself so you can survive it. Cuddle your baby but try to focus on something other than the crying. Rock, dance or walk your baby and pretend it is working and that your baby feels the comfort and eventually your baby really will. Good luck and take care. You are a good mom. DO what you can and tell yourself this is working.

Re: what was the point?

Do yourselves a huge favor and get out of the house for a bit! Go for a walk, go to Starbucks, grab some fast food, anything - just get out! The change of scenery will do you all some good and sometimes even the most colicky babies respond to some outside stimulation.

DS was a crying mess in the beginning and I don't know if it's the lighting in stores, or just that he was in stroller and liked that movement, but we were much happier out than in.

Re: what was the point?

is there any way that we here can help you?

Maybe have a play date with someone here local?

or I'm sure someone can offer to watch your baby in your home for a few hours to help you out.

Not sure where you are located.

I can't relate, but I'd imagine what you are going through is tough and you need a break desperately.

Re: what was the point?

I know I have told you this before, but I feel your pain 100%.
My DD was the EXACT same way for the first 4 months of her life. EXACTLY.
I would cry almost every day- and I am not ashamed to admit that I did regret our decision to have a baby on many a horrible night.
It's the hardest thing you will go through, it truly is.
Your life just got turned upside down 100% and then to top it off, you have a baby who is worse and more difficult than most newborn.
I remember saying what your DH did- why why why is she so miserable? Why is she so unhappy? What have we done wrong?
But it is not that your child is unhappy- he is uncomfortable, his stomach hurts, he may have reflux, he is probably in pain.
Someone above mentioned the 4th trimester...that is from Dr Harvey Karp in the Happiest Baby on the Block DVD.
If you haven't already gotten that- GET IT NOW. It does help.
He also explains how babies are not truly developmentally ready to be out of the womb in 9 months. Physically they are- hence why they are born after 9 months- but mentally they are still fetuses- and all the outside stimulation of the world, digestion, etc- well it's just too much for some babies.
Hence why those first 3 months can be horrendous for them.
I had some help from my family- and I still felt the way you do. I can't imagine if I didn't have those few breaks here and there.

I know we have FMed before- please reach out to me whenever you need to.
I understand from first hand experience.
And I promise 100 times over that it does get better.
Your baby will be happy. You will sleep again. You will find your footing and get into a groove.
I also know that hearing this now doesn't help a whole heck of a lot and it feels like it will be like this forever.
So please reach out to us and anyone else in your real life who can help in the meantime...

Re: what was the point?

I remember feeling the same way!!!! It does get better I had 2 with reflux and colic. at 7 months adjusted age both are gone. the first few months are sooooooo rough!!!!

I'm now free for the summer if you want to have a play/pool date

I remember thinking why do people ever have more children if this is the way it is I understand now and only now why they do. It will get better!!!!! you have to believe that

for my girls the biggest difference was my cutting out veggies from my diet. there are answers, just keep talking to different people and things will work out

Message edited 6/23/2012 11:04:07 PM.

what was the point?

My nephew cried nonstop for 3 months. My sil felt the same as you. They finally went to a gastro dr who put him on elecare. By 4 months he was the happiest baby ever. Now at 19 months he has continued to be the happiest, most easy going toddler. He could be in a significant amount of pain which is making him unhappy.

Re: what was the point?

Posted by mrsboss

It's SO hard those first few months. DD cried nonstop and barely napped either. I had a difficult time in the beginning.. Did u try changing formula? DD showed a big improvement on Nutramigen and we also used Colic Calm which seemed to help a lot. Also that FP snug a bunny swing on a fast setting saved my life.
Just know as hard as this is, it will get better.

Re: what was the point?

I remember feeling the same way. And because things were so miserable, I felt even worse, like I didn't deserve DD after our fertility treatments. We couldn't go for walks because DD would scream by the time I reached the corner. If she wasn't sleeping, she was screaming. I promise it gets better. Once we got DD on the Nutramigen formula things got a little better. The 4-6 month time frame is when things started to look up for us.

Re: what was the point?

I've been there. DS was colic, and he was my first. It was HARD! I don't miss those days/nights. It will get better!!! It may take a while, and all the strength you have, but it will be okay.

Have you tried gentlease? It really does work. (I tried almost every formula and bf, between both kids) The swing also helped. He liked deep pressure and hard rocking.

Have you tried the swaddle me or miracle blanket? Infant massage? A white noise machine?

Give it time. Try to rest as much as you can!

Re: what was the point?

My first had horrible colic too (and reflux). She would literally cry all the time unless she was asleep or eating (and that wasn't much fun either). It takes time and it could feel like forever. He doesn't hate you or hate life. Remember that and don't let yourself feel that way. He loves you very much and it would be worse if he didn't have your love and comfort. Read up about the Happiest Baby on the Block. It won't solve things but it could make it easier sometimes.

Re: what was the point?

It took me 2 years to get pregnant and I was over the moon when he was born. They he started crying. All day every day. I would call my DH at work and cry to him. The sleepless nights were killing me. I couldn't imagine going to work and making it through the day.

I thought I made a mistake by having kids. Maybe I wasn't cut out for this. At 10 weeks it all changed.

The crying didn't stop but it was down to what felt like nothing! He was sleeping better and he was turning into a happy baby.

Now at 6m I almost forget those days. He is the happy fun little guy that I had pictured in my head.

It will get better. And believe me It will be all worth it.

Re: what was the point?

a newborn is TOUGH. No matter how calm or "cranky" for lack of a better word your baby or babies are they are tough. YOU AND YOUR DH are not doing anything wrong from all your posts you are trying to do everything to help your son. Please dont say your baby dislikes you that is heartbreaking to hear. It gets better it really does you have to believe there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I hope your little guy starts to feel better. Dont punish yourself

Re: what was the point?

I agree with all of the above.

In addition, I was wondering if they changed his formula? What is he currently on? My dd's situation turned the minute we switched to soy formula. It was our savior.

Also, why not hire a sitter for an hr or two? Where are you located?

Re: what was the point?

I remember feeling very similar. My DD was such a good baby for the first 5 weeks...then, I woke up to a demon baby! She would SCREAM an earth shattering scream from noon until 5-5:30. The first two hours I was always very calm...I'd rock her, bop her, sway her, talk to her...but hour three, I would have called DH husband already to cry and beg him to come home, composed myself and tried to remain calm again. Every day this ended in me crying hysterically and calling my Mom. I remember thinking I wasn't meant to be a mother because I didn't know what to do and all my DD did with me was cry.

The truth is, it's hard....and your baby DOESN'T hate you, he just doesn't know how to say, "Hey, Ma, my tummy hurts!" Screaming his head off is his only means of communication. Poor little guy.

Get out of the house! Go walk around Target, go to the library, wander the mall! Getting out really helps...I was scared of this at first because I wouldn't be able to calm DD if she screamed in public...but once I got the nerve...getting out really did help!! Try it!