Re: Which do you feel was harder? The first year of....

I never understood when people said the first year of marriage was hard. I didn't find that to be the case at all. I thought it was great - Maybe because we were already living together, but there were no challenges, no adjustments, it was all good.

The first year with Ella, not so bad, but definitely harder. She was/is a very easy child, but we still had some challenges in the first few months - finding our groove, dealing with the lack of sleep, and just changes to our lifestyle.

Re: Which do you feel was harder? The first year of....

First year of marriage was wonderful...we had already been living together and the wedding made it all official...but it also resparked some kind of excitment.

First year with DS was more difficult...actually...not really the whole year...just the first 3 months. After that we got into a routine and sorted it all out - during those nights where sleep was maybe an hour long...I grew to love my husband even more. To this day I can't help but think of all those nights when he would come in to the room and take Lucas whispering to me to go back to bed...he had it. I still cry remembering his voice in the dark like that. He was and always will be my hero. But back to what I was saying....as we approach the first birthday I have to say that we are back on track - even better than before. We laugh, we are close, it's a good feeling again.

So of course...perfect time to bring some chaos into the mix and start talking about another baby, right?

Re: Which do you feel was harder? The first year of....

Definitely the first year (really the first 6 months) with DD were the hardest. We had just moved away from all of our family & friends, DH had a still pretty new, stressful job and we had DD. It was sooooo hard.

Re: Which do you feel was harder? The first year of....

For us the first year of marriage was harder. Our first year with DD (almost been 1 year) has been awesome.

Message edited 5/23/2008 9:41:11 AM.

Re: Which do you feel was harder? The first year of....

Posted by ArmyOfBabies

Neither... does that make me a freak, lol?

We had DD first and she brought us closer and we got married when she was 11 months old.

I guess I can't fully answer, though, we've only been married for 6 months... I'll report back in November!

Re: Which do you feel was harder? The first year of....

Posted by Ang-Rich

First year of marriage was wonderful...we had already been living together and the wedding made it all official...but it also resparked some kind of excitment.

First year with DS was more difficult...actually...not really the whole year...just the first 3 months. After that we got into a routine and sorted it all out - during those nights where sleep was maybe an hour long...I grew to love my husband even more. To this day I can't help but think of all those nights when he would come in to the room and take Lucas whispering to me to go back to bed...he had it. I still cry remembering his voice in the dark like that. He was and always will be my hero. But back to what I was saying....as we approach the first birthday I have to say that we are back on track - even better than before. We laugh, we are close, it's a good feeling again.

So of course...perfect time to bring some chaos into the mix and start talking about another baby, right?

Re: Which do you feel was harder? The first year of....

Re: Which do you feel was harder? The first year of....

so the question asks what was a harder adjustment for me...and my answer is first year with the baby.

In terms of my marriage, it was a hard adjustment too for the first few months of marriage because we never lived together. And we lived in MY 1 bedroom apartment for 5 months before we bought our house. Once we were in the house it became better. But never really was so bad that we had any regrets, major fights, etc.

In terms of the baby, still no big fights (except for my severe hormonal imbalance in the beginning) or anything but we definately lost ourselves in being parents and let our relationship change without even knowing it. But we're almost back to where we were so I'm happy about that.

But the original question was asked in terms of adjustments on ME. Having a baby rocked my entire world in good good ways and not so good ways. I had a hard time adjusting to the feeling of complete helplessness, complete sleep deprivation, complete loss of independence, complete loss of my ability to multi-task, complete loss of my ability to be a workoholic. There were many personal changes that I've gone through. We're 10 months PP and I'd say it took a good 6 months before I could hold my head above water. Totally worth it...but I never thought motherhood would be as challenging as it has been. I actually love the fact that this little boy who is an extension of my heart has made me look so closely at myself and realize things I've never realized before. He's totally amazing!!!

Re: Which do you feel was harder? The first year of....

Posted by nbc188

Posted by bicosi

Posted by leighla

Posted by bicosi

Neither were hard for me.

Not at all?

You never had a difficult time transitioning to being a mom or a wife?

Not at all!

DH and I were already living together prior to getting married, so other than being officially married, it wasn't any different, other than our excitement of being in our new house together.

With DS, it was absolutely amazing! He was such a great, easy-going baby and I have always had an amazing support system of people around me, so things never got rough or crazy and am pretty easy going when it comes to parenting, so IMO, the transition was not difficult at all.

I could have written this word for word, except my DD has never been easy-going But living together before we were married made that transition like nothing to us also. And we have a phenomenal support system that helps us with DD, it's great.

Re: Which do you feel was harder? The first year of....

For us, both coincided as I got pregnant on our honeymoon. But honestly, DD was such an easygoing baby and we had already lived together for years that it all went pretty smoothly.

To be honest our most trying time as a couple was when we first moved in together while we were still dating. That adjustment period was difficult for us.

Re: Which do you feel was harder? The first year of....

For us it probably would both. We had a horrible first year of marriage starting with DH's uncle getting killed 4 months after we got married and then losing other family members during the year. Also, the first year with Michael was hard between learning how to balance work full-time, taking care of Michael & taking care of my house.

Re: Which do you feel was harder? The first year of....

Neither were particularly difficult...but the first year with a baby was the tougher of the two. Trying to juggle everything that needed to be done - and figure out what was most important while taking care of a baby and having time together was a challenge.

Re: Which do you feel was harder? The first year of....

We shared some of our first year of being married with having a baby, and I gotta say it was ROUGH.

Im not sure which made it harder, but I remember as we hit our 1 yr anniversary takiing a deep breath and feeling things get easier. Now DS is 2 and we've been married almost 3 yrs and things are alot different.

I have come to terms with the reality of marriage and have learned to balance (and am still learning- I dont think its something we ever master) balancing being a wife, mother, and (for almost a yr now) a full time working mom.

Bills will always be there, there will never be enough money, lunches will always have to be packed, laundry will always have to be done, and its ok to leave dishes in the sink.

Im human and still face challenges within my marriage, and there are alot of times I feel like throwing in the towel, but every year gets easier and I feel accomplished.

So I guess, I dont really have a clear answer on what I felt was harder, but Im glad the first year is behind us

Re: Which do you feel was harder? The first year of....

DEFINITELY 10000000% first year with children. Marriage was no issue for us. Transition was easy to married life. The stress level with kids is unreal at times, and sometimes your spouse is the only person to take it out on.

Re: Which do you feel was harder? The first year of....

Hands down - having DD was harder! It's only been 5 months since I had her, and we are finally starting to get into a routine now that I am back at work, but the first few months with her were the hardest I could ever imagine. Harder - by far - then our first year of marriage.

Re: Which do you feel was harder? The first year of....

Re: Which do you feel was harder? The first year of....

Re: Which do you feel was harder? The first year of....

Posted by dm24angel

The 1st yr of having a baby has been the hardest thing I have ever done in my life and the hardest thing in my marriage EVER.

I 100% believe no one prepares you or warns you about this.

I talk about it a lot, mainly b/c I was ILL PREPARED for the changes and adjustments and when I ask others about it, they look at me like Im nuts.

I KNOW IM NOT.

I talk to NEW moms and they say the same thing.

I feel sad that many women are not honest about it b/c I truly believe that for "most" its harder then you would think.

For those its easy on, I envy you

Re: Which do you feel was harder? The first year of....

Without question, the first TWO years after having a child.

Hang tight...once you get into the groove, ah back to bliss!

Re: Which do you feel was harder? The first year of....

definitely the 1st year of having a child...dh and I have been through ALOT this past year, it was and is not easy

Re: Which do you feel was harder? The first year of....

Other.

I had some pretty stressful and a typical years growing up and in my 20's.

The first year after my father's massive stroke was a lot harder than even the first year with twins. Within 24 hours I became 100% responsible for ALL of his needs and had moved out of my apt. and back into his home within 48 hours. I had to retire him, fight a major insurance company, juggle his doctors, assume his mortage, become his POA and health care proxy. He was discharged from his in-patient rehab center hours after taking his first very wobbily steps with a quad cane. It was all me... my mom was deceased for years, my brother was of no help at all extended family had their own children to take care of and my friends (late 20's) were in no position at all to even remotely understand. While they were going to dress fittings and open houses, I was on the phone with Verizon corporate fighting for his benefits or trying to keep from collapsing after witnessing him struggle to say my name in speech therapy.

I was used to caring for someone, who could not care for themselves, for 10 years before I had kids. Sure no 3 am feedings but I had very little freedom to do what I wanted when I wanted.

The first year of marriage was a breeze. Yes, even living with IL's, undergoing a major home renovation, and IF... We rolled with the punches.

As far as having twins. When I went in for my induction, DH and I looked at each other and said, "See ya in 6 months" We knew it would be A LOT of work.

Now that I think about it, I guess my past experience prepared me and DH, as much as one can be prepared, for having DC's.

Re: Which do you feel was harder? The first year of....

I don't remember any problems with our first year of marriage- it was great.

Year one with children was much harder. Grace is a really easy baby and toddler but with DH work schedule, going back to work for me and just running around all the time, I feel like we have no life. I certainly don't have time for anything outside our family right now.

Re: Which do you feel was harder? The first year of....

Marriage is "U" shaped. Meaning most couples will say the marriage was great and then with the birth of a child the happiness levels went down...stayed stable until the children have left home then levels went back up again.

Getting married top of "U".... birth of kids...drop to bottom of "U".....stayed the same until the last child leaves home.....Shoots back up to top of "U".

I have a Psychology minor.....sorry to be analytical.

Re: Which do you feel was harder? The first year of....

first year of baby

Re: Which do you feel was harder? The first year of....

our first year of marriage was our first year with kids.. sooo i found both to be difficult....