Re: Which do you feel was harder? The first year of....

Posted by leighla

Posted by Janice

I laughed out loud even reading the question!

first year of marriage was bliss.

first year of baby was a complete miss.

Agreed on all counts!!

Re: Which do you feel was harder? The first year of....

well, we're not really qualified to answer since we just had our babies. The first year of marriage and all the ones since were great.

We aren't big party people - we stay in most weekends, so adjusting to kids from that sense isn't a big adjustment for us at all. I don't play video games - I don't have any real hobbies that I have to give up. I'm not the type who's going to feel neglected. After all we went through, it gives me pleasure to devote herself and myself to the kids.

That said, we're going to make a point to get out on dates at least once a month - we already have one scheduled for next week. We're fortunate in the sense that we have a lot of people right near us, who can babysit on a dime, if we needed them to, so we can take a breather. Work for me gets crazy sometimes, but I never had a problem making time. And if Boosh really needs me, I can work from home on a given day and adjust my schedule accordingly. So, we don't forsee any issues, but we'll see after a year

Message edited 5/22/2008 8:55:35 PM.

Re: Which do you feel was harder? The first year of....

Re: Which do you feel was harder? The first year of....

First year of marriage was tough. I lost my job and my grandmother died within a week of each other.

BUT, the first year with DD has been more of a challenge. The first 3-4 months were tough. The first 6 weeks I was horribly depressed and DH couldn't understand it. He would snap at me because he was sleep deprived and he didn't understand that I couldn't sleep when they baby slept during the day so I was tired too. I wasn't sleeping, barely eating.

DD is not a bad baby by any means and I thank God for her every day but I will say that learning how to do the things I did before but with a baby in tow, or realizing my limitations, has been an extraordinary challenge.


The first year of marriage sounds like so much fun right now. We christened every room we cooked dinner together every night that we were home. We spent a lot of time just being together and learning about each other. Sometimes I wish I could have that life back for a night...then I realize that without DD our life would have gotten a little stale.

Re: Which do you feel was harder? The first year of....

Posted by nbc188

Posted by bicosi

Posted by leighla

Posted by bicosi

Neither were hard for me.

Not at all?

You never had a difficult time transitioning to being a mom or a wife?

Not at all!

DH and I were already living together prior to getting married, so other than being officially married, it wasn't any different, other than our excitement of being in our new house together.

With DS, it was absolutely amazing! He was such a great, easy-going baby and I have always had an amazing support system of people around me, so things never got rough or crazy and am pretty easy going when it comes to parenting, so IMO, the transition was not difficult at all.

I could have written this word for word, except my DD has never been easy-going But living together before we were married made that transition like nothing to us also. And we have a phenomenal support system that helps us with DD, it's great.

Re: Which do you feel was harder? The first year of....

Re: Which do you feel was harder? The first year of....

Def the first year of marriage. Three months after we got married I found out I had a autoimmune disorder. I was in the hospital for ten days, cat scans every other week, blood work, saw every specialist under the sun, a trip to Sloan Kettering, panic attacks, was out of work for six months, and I did not want to leave my apt.

Re: Which do you feel was harder? The first year of....

Our 1st your of marriage was an adjustment but an easy one...we grooved well together and our work schedules were a perfect mix.

Fast forward to having DS, becoming a SAHM and DH switching jobs -- and things changed. It was so many things happening at once that I wasn't prepared for. DH works 14-16 hours a day which is a bit of a strain, and it took me a little while to adjust to being a SAHM.

I had a harder time adjusting to being a SAHM than a Mom. Not getting my own paycheck was an adjustment. But it didn't take us long to get back into a groove. And now I feel like 1+ year later we are stronger than before DS.

Ok, now that I rambled on I will say my answer to the question is the 1st year with DS was harder.

And i have loved reading these responses!!!!!!

Re: Which do you feel was harder? The first year of....

Top 5 reasons why the first year of marriage was WAY easier than the first year with a baby:

1. If you're sleep deprived during the first year of marriage, there's probably a fun reason, like someone else said

2. You can always make up that sleep on weekends anyway, without fighting with DH about whose "turn" it is to sleep in.

3. You can shower any time you want.

4. You're not being judged and criticized on a host of hot-button issues: working vs. staying home, formula vs. breastfeeding, vaccinating vs. delaying etc. I mean, what do you judge a newlywed on, the choice of entrees served at the wedding? Renting vs. buying?

5. Your living room actually looks like a living room and not a toy store.

Re: Which do you feel was harder? The first year of....

Posted by computergirl

Top 5 reasons why the first year of marriage was WAY easier than the first year with a baby:

1. If you're sleep deprived during the first year of marriage, there's probably a fun reason, like someone else said

2. You can always make up that sleep on weekends anyway, without fighting with DH about whose "turn" it is to sleep in.

3. You can shower any time you want.

4. You're not being judged and criticized on a host of hot-button issues: working vs. staying home, formula vs. breastfeeding, vaccinating vs. delaying etc. I mean, what do you judge a newlywed on, the choice of entrees served at the wedding? Renting vs. buying?

5. Your living room actually looks like a living room and not a toy store.

Re: Which do you feel was harder? The first year of....

Not that either year was that terrible, but if I had to pick the one that was harder, it would be our first year of marriage. The reason being that we were not expecting to get pregnant and I was pretty depressed throughout my pregnancy and spent a lot of time mourning the fact that I didn't have a chance to be married a little while before having a baby. Not that I didn't want Ava, but it was so unexpected that we were thrown for quite a loop that first year of marriage.

Re: Which do you feel was harder? The first year of....

Definitely the first year with a child!

Re: Which do you feel was harder? The first year of....

Well... I did it backwards.

I got pregnant about 6 months after I started 'officially' dating Rob.

So we moved in together 2 days before I gave birth. It was HARD to adjust to living with someone, living in my own place and having a newborn in the house. In fact - that first year was really rough on both of us.

As to our first year of marriage, we just completed that on May 5th. And it was a cakewalk since we didn't do anything differently than we have for the last few years!

Re: Which do you feel was harder? The first year of....

Can I ask a q for all those who said neither was hard at all - does your DC sleep well? I'm being serious I really wonder some time if other people just deal well with sleep deprivation or if my child is just uniquely different in this respect

ETA: Ok, I just re-read the post and I completely misread it. I thought it was asking which was harder on me - not us - lol, ok so if you answered for you as a couple just ignore my q!

Message edited 5/22/2008 11:39:29 PM.

Re: Which do you feel was harder? The first year of....

Re: Which do you feel was harder? The first year of....

I guess I can say both... I got pg 2 months after we were married and it rocked our world.

Re: Which do you feel was harder? The first year of....

Posted by smdl

Posted by dm24angel

The 1st yr of having a baby has been the hardest thing I have ever done in my life and the hardest thing in my marriage EVER.

I 100% believe no one prepares you or warns you about this.

I talk about it a lot, mainly b/c I was ILL PREPARED for the changes and adjustments and when I ask others about it, they look at me like Im nuts.

I KNOW IM NOT.

I talk to NEW moms and they say the same thing.

I feel sad that many women are not honest about it b/c I truly believe that for "most" its harder then you would think.

For those its easy on, I envy you

ITA. Nobody REALLY tells you about pregnancy and having a child is. I wish it was not SO sugar coated. Granted everybody reacts differently but still. I also think there is NO WAY to explain to someone what sleep deprivation is. You think you know but you really don't until you live it.

Re: Which do you feel was harder? The first year of....

For me, first year after DS was born, but i just asked DH and he said our first married year

Re: Which do you feel was harder? The first year of....

Re: Which do you feel was harder? The first year of....

Posted by dooodles

Posted by dm24angel
I finally realized what TIRED was.

I thought tired was not sleeping after an all nighter of drinking and hanging out all night when I was younger and then heading right to work.

NO COMPARISON TO SLEEP DEPRIVATION from a child

Re: Which do you feel was harder? The first year of....

The first year with a child. As a family I think we work wonderfully - DH and I are really partners in how we care for DD. So I wouldnt say it was insurmountably hard. . .

But in the first year with DD it has taken time for us to feel like "Deirdre" and "Neil" again - rather than just "Ainsley's parents." We went on a date last week and while we spent much of dinner talking about DD, it was just so restorative to be alone together, drinking a glass of wine, talking, eating for longer than 15 minutes.

Re: Which do you feel was harder? The first year of....

I went with other and would have to say first year of having two was the hardest.