Why is the first thing people ask did you breast feed? (VENT!!!!)

I am not trying to start a debate but it is very frustrating...DS is 11 months and I am still being asked this question I felt guilty about it for a long time but you know what, I tried and it didnt work. My son was formula fed and I dont want to hear this BS that breast fed babies are smarter or healthier than formula fed babies (according to the "studies"). My son was formula fed and he rolled over at 2 1/2 months, was crawling by 5 months and is way ahead in almost all areas. He is hardly every sick w/the occasional cold and ear infection associated with the winter weather. God..I am just so sick of these crazed people who are so one-sided...breast-feed or your a bad mother Meanwhile...some mothers are smoking, drinking coffee and eating crap and breast feeding. Of course when I have my next baby I am going to try to breast-feed but if it doesnt work I am not going to beat myself up over it again. Not for nothing, but my aunt breast-fed my cousins and one is ALWAYS sick (gets high fevers for unknown reasons) and my other cousin has a learning disability. I wasn't breast-fed and I think I turned out ok. You know...why am I considered an idiot or considered to be doing something wrong for not breast feeding? What about when a baby doesnt take to breast milk and a mother forces it on them b/c they think they are doing the right thing...meanwhile the baby is freakin' starving or spitting up all the time. I dont say that person is an idiot or a bad mother. Everyone is entitled to do what works best for them and shouldnt be judged for it!!! I am just so aggravated by people who are so black and white on this issue. Noone will every convince me one way is better than the other...b/c what may be best for one baby, may not be the same for another. I dont care what the studies show or what the AP says. After all this crap with the issues with the shots, the autism rates, the recalls and plastic issues...I make my own educated decisions on what to do with my son. I dont base my decisions on politically based or money hungry companies and associations.

Vent over!

Message edited 3/3/2008 2:43:19 PM.

Re: Why is the first thing people ask did you breast feed? (VENT!!!!)

I was not breastfed as a child either, and I turned out just fine. when I have my DC I will try , but if it doesn't work out oh well! who cares what other people think. don't let yourself feel guilty over this. People love to preach, don't let anyone upset you!!

Re: Why is the first thing people ask did you breast feed? (VENT!!!!)

I think all anyone can ask from a mom is that they try to BF. You should not feel any guilt if you tried.

I think there is just a huge breastfeeding movement going on right now. From a breastfeeder POV...we have to believe that it IS the best thing we can do for our babies or else why would we do it?

Re: Why is the first thing people ask did you breast feed? (VENT!!!!)

I am a firm believer in doing what works for you...

I never breast fed..tried with eldest daughter and it didnt work so I never tried again.

Im sure a lot of mothers who didnt or couldnt breast feed feel the same way you do...

I have never felt that I was pushed to breast feed or felt that I was made to feel bad about not breast feeding...DH says its b/c who is going to argue with me (I have so many children)...

Just remember that you never have to explain yourself to anyone..

Re: Why is the first thing people ask did you breast feed? (VENT!!!!)

Aww I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Don't feel guilty! I'm one of 4, we were all formula fed and turned out fine. Can I be honest (and I may be flamed for this) I wanted to breastfeed because I knew I'd lose the weight fast. Selfish, I know, and now I feel I am being punished 'cause dd won't take a bottle. Oh well. I'm not sure if I believe everything I hear as dd has had a stuffy nose on and off for the last month. You are a great mom, and pay no attention to those people. Nobody breastfed in my family, so I get just the opposite. Like, how do you know she's getting enough, that sounds like a hunger cry, she would sleep better, blah blah blah. And I do have 1 cup of coffee in the morning and the occasional glass of wine. So I'm not the greatest example and I'm sure people comment about that behind my back. Do what's best for you and your baby. Your baby needs you to be comfortable and happy and if you weren' with breastfeeding, than you made the right decision!

Re: Why is the first thing people ask did you breast feed? (VENT!!!!)

I think you are probably dealing with other mom's that breast feed or breast fed their kids. Breast feeding wasn't pushed 30 years ago, and at that point people thought formula was better. I am confident that my child's intelligence is not going to be effected by what he was fed. Whatever you decide to do with your child there are going to be people telling you you should've done the opposite.

Re: Why is the first thing people ask did you breast feed? (VENT!!!!)

I never even tried to bf my kids and I DO NOT feel guilty. Formula is not poison it is an FDA approved way of feeding your baby. If BFing guaranteed a healthy baby, I would do it, but there are no guarantees.

Don't feel guilty, formula is a safe alternative!

Message edited 3/3/2008 2:59:12 PM.

Re: Why is the first thing people ask did you breast feed? (VENT!!!!)

Posted by Janice

I think all anyone can ask from a mom is that they try to BF. You should not feel any guilt if you tried.

I think there is just a huge breastfeeding movement going on right now. From a breastfeeder POV...we have to believe that it IS the best thing we can do for our babies or else why would we do it?

Re: Why is the first thing people ask did you breast feed? (VENT!!!!)

Great vent- I had lots of problems breast feeding my DD too and finally did both for 6 months. I am going to try with #2 but if the same stuff starts happening, I refuse to torture myself this time. I remember being SO upset when I had a give her formula thanks to this breast-feeding movement. I remember thinking of it as poison. Of course my DD is fine- in fact she is off the charts in height, rarely gets sick(other than her constant day care colds), speaks a million words at 13 months, etc.

Ignore the dumb a$$ questions- I don't see how its any of their business anyway.

Re: Why is the first thing people ask did you breast feed? (VENT!!!!)

Posted by CrankyPants

Posted by Janice

I think all anyone can ask from a mom is that they try to BF. You should not feel any guilt if you tried.

I think there is just a huge breastfeeding movement going on right now. From a breastfeeder POV...we have to believe that it IS the best thing we can do for our babies or else why would we do it?

I didn't try and I don't feel guilty. I put a lot of thought into the decision but decided it was not right for us. We all make the best decisions for our families and should not feel guilty regardless.

To the original poster and not aimed at Janice: As a society we should understand that everyone makes decisions that are right for them and though we may not always understand, it doesn't make them wrong. I'm sorry people are making you feel badly about this, you shouldn't have to justify yourself to anyone on this topic-it's very personal.

Re: Why is the first thing people ask did you breast feed? (VENT!!!!)

Don't feel guilty at all. I was only formula fed and I didn't get my first ear infection until I was 18 months... dd is mostly breastfed (she has maybe 2 formula bottles a day) and she has an ear infection at 3 1/2 months.... so I say PHOOEY to those people stressing how BF babies are healthier.

I had a hard time bfing in the beginning and I almost gave up... but didn't out of the guilt trip I felt I would get from people (I'm a wuss). Even though my mom reassured me that there is nothing wrong with NOT breastfeeding. Even though I stuck with the BF, I am glad that at least my mom was supportive of whatever worked for me. And I would never judge someone for not breastfeeding... it's not like I am a breastfeeding advocate. No offense to anyone at all, but the La Leche League kind of scares me.

Message edited 3/3/2008 3:07:14 PM.

Re: Why is the first thing people ask did you breast feed? (VENT!!!!)

i think that you wrote a post the way many FF mommies feel...i too tried BF and for a number of reasons it did not work out, i felt bad for a bit, but im still feeding her lol...I love her and that really is the most important thing...not how she is getting fed.
DH was breastfed and seems to be sick all the time...I was FF and I rarely get sick...same with my best friend and her hubby...not that im against BF as i did try my best and I think its great for ppl who can but i too do not like to be looked down on for a very personal decision.

Re: Why is the first thing people ask did you breast feed? (VENT!!!!)

Some people make a career out of broadcasting their opinions on what everyone else does. I try to be well informed and confident in my decisions as a mom and a person that I can just blow these people off. Don't let it bother you.

I think one of the things Janice was trying to say that is if you BF, you have to believe it is benefitting your DC, otherwise you would give up. It is a tough thing to do.

Re: Why is the first thing people ask did you breast feed? (VENT!!!!)

First of all, shame on any WOMAN for making you feel bad about ANY decision you have made as a mother. This is the hardest thing and no one has a right to make you feel bad about any decision you are making. As women, especially, we need to stick together!
With that said, I nursed my son for 9 months. I have asked friends if they nursed so that we can commiserate together. I did supplement and eventually fully FF so if they say no, I can switch the conversation to formula!

Re: Why is the first thing people ask did you breast feed? (VENT!!!!)

Just want to say that even breastfeeding doesn't make you immune to other people's nosy little comments. Plenty of us breastfeeders have gotten comments from people wondering why didn't wean our babies to formula at 6 weeks, 6 months, etc. They simply can't fathom that a baby can grow on breastmilk alone.

It goes both ways. If you feel good about your choice don't worry about other people's comments.

I often think we get these types of comments not because people are trying to judge, but because people are trying to find something to talk to us about. Right now, there is a lot out about the benefits of breastfeeding, so that's what other people mention to us. To the older generation all this is really new to them because many were told that formula was better.

So, it can go both ways -- older generation who is convinced that formula is better or older generation who is amazed at all the new info on the benefits of breastfeeding and wants to share it with us.

Re: Why is the first thing people ask did you breast feed? (VENT!!!!)

Message edited 3/3/2008 3:16:07 PM.

Re: Why is the first thing people ask did you breast feed? (VENT!!!!)

I'm sorry you're still hearing stuff. You had to do what was right for you and DS and it sounds like you're doing a great job. Just try to ignore it.

ETA: I agree that BFing is a really tough thing. I did it for 6 months and I agree with Christine - I felt so incredibly guilty if I had to give DD any formula at all. I am glad I did BF, but I don't think I will torture myself with the guilt as much with baby #2. I'll try my best, just like I did with DD.

Message edited 3/3/2008 3:19:25 PM.

Re: Why is the first thing people ask did you breast feed? (VENT!!!!)

I understand how you feel. Everyone from my boss to the checkout lady at waldbaums has asked me if I BF and why I don't. Then they say how it is so much better for my DD and I am doing her a diservice. How is it anyone's business? I had no intentions of BFing and I couldn't anyway because my milk never came in. What bothers me the most is the people who don't even have children yet that judge you for not BFing. Mind your own business!

Re: Why is the first thing people ask did you breast feed? (VENT!!!!)

This is the best vent in the world. i still get the same questions. Why are u not nursing andrea. Oh you didnt try hard enough.... WHOOO THE HELL ARE YOU TO TELL ME I DIDNT TRY HARD ENOUGH I CRIED FOR DAYS WHEN I STOPPED!!!!

Re: Why is the first thing people ask did you breast feed? (VENT!!!!)

The reason I do not like the questions is that when I person asks if I am breastfeeding, I don't know where the conversation will go. Are they just making conversation or are they about to get on a soapbox? I quit breastfeeding because a toxicologist looked at my particular situation (preemie born with rare side effects from a drug I was taking) and said that I should not breastfeed while on that medication. That medication is generally considered safe in breastfeeding and I do not want to argue about it. My family had to live through the side effects that he was born with and I did not want him to have more of the drug after I talked to the toxicologist. He got 1 week's worth of BM and another week I pumped and dumped while I was waiting for info. I only want to explain that when I feel like it. There are more details but there is only so much explaining one can do.

Re: Why is the first thing people ask did you breast feed? (VENT!!!!)

I get these questions too, and I don't mind if it's someone I know well, or if it's asked in a general kind of way "Are you bfing or ffing", but I hate it when random people ask me why I don't bf. My reason is that I take medication to control a disorder and the medication is released in large quantities in breastmilk and could affect DSs development. So while I would have liked to bf, it's a nobrainer for me--I really can't do it.

But I don't like to explain all of this to strangers. Usually I'll just say it didn't work out, though I want to say none of your business!

Re: Why is the first thing people ask did you breast feed? (VENT!!!!)

Posted by CrankyPants

Posted by Janice

I think all anyone can ask from a mom is that they try to BF. You should not feel any guilt if you tried.

I think there is just a huge breastfeeding movement going on right now. From a breastfeeder POV...we have to believe that it IS the best thing we can do for our babies or else why would we do it?

I didn't try and I don't feel guilty. I put a lot of thought into the decision but decided it was not right for us. We all make the best decisions for our families and should not feel guilty regardless.

To the original poster and not aimed at Janice: As a society we should understand that everyone makes decisions that are right for them and though we may not always understand, it doesn't make them wrong. I'm sorry people are making you feel badly about this, you shouldn't have to justify yourself to anyone on this topic-it's very personal.

Re: Why is the first thing people ask did you breast feed? (VENT!!!!)

I never breastfed Jack - never had any intention to - and don't feel guilty about it.

I only had one person push breastfeeding onto me - and that was when I was pregnant.

Everyone has to do what is right for their own child.

The next time someone asks you you should tell them to shove it!

Re: Why is the first thing people ask did you breast feed? (VENT!!!!)

I have been breast feeding my DD for 6 months now, I wanted to bf and it worked out very well, it didn't take much trying with her, she was a little piglet from the day she was born and I had more than enough milk, but I never thought mothers that don't breastfeed are not good mothers or babies who are formula fed are not as smart or healthy , that's just crazy, I was never breastfed (or my brother and sister) but we turned out just fine.

Message edited 3/3/2008 5:22:17 PM.

Re: Why is the first thing people ask did you breast feed? (VENT!!!!)

I am another mommy who had no intention to breastfeed DD. I do not feel guilty about it at all, my DD is now 22 months and fine! Please don't let those people upset you, all mommies, BF'ing and FF'ing, are just trying to do what is best for their children