wwyd - need advice re: dd's 1st bday party date

dd will be 1 November 5th. for various reasons, I've decided against having it at a restaurant or any other type of venue; i'm going to have it at my house.
our date options are limited with dh's work schedule. right now we have 10/20 and 11/2 as our options. I originally wouldn't have even considered 10/20 since it's 2 weeks before her birthday. but since I decided to have it at the house, I feel like 10/20 would have a greater potential for decent weather.
we got married 10/15/06 - we had like a 75 degree day. yet I think the last 2 Halloween weekends weren't great weather. so I feel like that time of year, 2 weeks can make a big difference.
I am expecting to have 35 people or so. I have a decent sized house, but it would be very cramped. my plan is to rent a tent with outdoor heaters. people can mingle inside as well but the basis of the party will be set-up outside, which is why I feel like weather plays a part.
so my issue is this: my sister has a friend who is having a ceremony for the 10th anniversary of her son's death, from cancer. she is *possibly* planning it for 10/20. when I originally mentioned having the party on the 20th to my sister, about 4-5 weeks ago, she mentioned this to me. I waited weeks to hear when the ceremony would be. last weekend, I asked my sister again. she asked her friend who said she would let her know the beginning of the week (aka almost a week ago now). in the interim, my sister texted me telling me that she feels i'm potentially having her and her daughter (my niece is almost 19 and very good friends with this woman's daughter) make an unfair decision. that the weather is going to be poor either way and that i'm not being accommodating of them.
my response was that if I wasn't being accommodating, I would have said screw it, i'm having it the 20th. I've been waiting over a month to see what this woman is doing BECAUSE I don't want them to have to make an unfair decision.
today, my sister just said that the woman still doesn't know and "do what I must".
part of me is really annoyed - that she doesn't see that I really am trying to be accommodating. I feel like her attitude should be more "do what's best for you, I appreciate you waiting so long".
part of me does feel bad though - of course I don't want them to have to make a decision like that, but at the same time - what's fair to me? should I just do the party on November 2nd... but then if she doesn't have the ceremony on the 20th, and it winds up being gorgeous and the 2nd is nasty out, i'm going to be really really annoyed.
there are other reasons that the 20th works a little better as well. my cousins daughter's bday is November 1st the 2nd would be her birthday weekend as well. and also one of my friends and her daughter will be away and couldn't come the 2nd.
I have a very small family and few close friends... it's important to me that everyone is there. and of course my sister and niece being there is a priority but what is the right thing to do when this other thing is up in the air?
I just know my sister and if I do it the 20th, i'm definitely 100% getting an attitude, and told i'm selfish etc etc. it makes me sick to even think about... meanwhile all I want is dd's 1st birthday to be about smiles and celebrating. ugh, why is there ALWAYS drama??
anyway, thanks for reading. I appreciate any advice. WWYD?

Re: wwyd - need advice re: dd's 1st bday party date

I would have it on the 20th if that is what works for you. Your sister will have to make a decision IF her friend decides to do it that day, which she might not even do. And honestly, life is for the living. It wouldn't be a difficult decision for me.

wwyd - need advice re: dd's 1st bday party date

I would have it on the day that works best for you. i know its not ideal but if your sisters friend happens to have her ceremony the same day couldn't your sister either leave early or come late? I know it's human nature to feel bad, especially since its such a sad situation but you simply can't plan your life around what others "might" be doing, ya know? I think you've been more than courteous thus far...

Re: wwyd - need advice re: dd's 1st bday party date

I don't think you should keep asking your sister to find out about her friends business the more you add into the mix the more messier it gets if you know what I mean. If that particular day works best then do it but I wouldn't be upset if my sister needed to share that day as well with her friend. As long as she acknowledges my DD on her real birthday I'm fine with that. I personally do find it odd celebrating before turning the age to celebrate but if there is no other options for your family then so be it.

Would you consider (if your DH has the availability) since you are already planning on tents and heaters have the party right after she turns 1?

Re: wwyd - need advice re: dd's 1st bday party date

Posted by adeline27

I don't think you should keep asking your sister to find out about her friends business the more you add into the mix the more messier it gets if you know what I mean. If that particular day works best then do it but I wouldn't be upset if my sister needed to share that day as well with her friend. As long as she acknowledges my DD on her real birthday I'm fine with that. I personally do find it odd celebrating before turning the age to celebrate but if there is no other options for your family then so be it.

Would you consider (if your DH has the availability) since you are already planning on tents and heaters have the party right after she turns 1?

Re: wwyd - need advice re: dd's 1st bday party date

Just do it early.

You are right about the weather. November is colder and rainy. Oct 20 is very nice (usually), but that said, 2 years ago it was snowing and 1 year ago there was that hurricane around that time.

Pick a date, and let your sister go for a few hours to her friends thing if the dates coincide.

Re: wwyd - need advice re: dd's 1st bday party date

I don't think it is weird to celebrate early at all. I'm having DS's party on his birthday, last year it was the day after. It's mid October and weather is ok. But my friend's DS's birthday is around the same time and she is having it at the end of the summer. They have a pool and want to use it.

Re: wwyd - need advice re: dd's 1st bday party date

Posted by MrsKelly

Posted by adeline27

I don't think you should keep asking your sister to find out about her friends business the more you add into the mix the more messier it gets if you know what I mean. If that particular day works best then do it but I wouldn't be upset if my sister needed to share that day as well with her friend. As long as she acknowledges my DD on her real birthday I'm fine with that. I personally do find it odd celebrating before turning the age to celebrate but if there is no other options for your family then so be it.

Would you consider (if your DH has the availability) since you are already planning on tents and heaters have the party right after she turns 1?

I didn't continuously ask my sister. I told her I was doing it the 20th, to which she mentioned this ceremony. She said her friend was going away and would know when she got back. Weeks later when I knew her friend had been back for a bit, I asked my sis if she heard anything. That was it.
Nov 2nd is my only other option, dh is not off any other weekends in that vicinity. I posted about heated tents in another place and the responses I got were that the heaters don't keep it very warm so I'm worried about nasty weather. I know the 20th is a bit early but I would never have thought the 2nd was weird, its only 3 days before her bday.

Re: wwyd - need advice re: dd's 1st bday party date

My anniversary is November 5th and it was 78 degrees and sunny whereas I also remember a freak snow storm in October one year. My only point is that weather is totally unpredictable. November could wind up being nicer than October. Personally I would prefer to do the weekend in November since its close to your child's birthday but you should really do what works best for you. If your sister has to split her time be understanding and so be it. I am sure the party will be great either way. I find parties are always challenging to schedule.

Re: wwyd - need advice re: dd's 1st bday party date

I say do whatever date works eat for you

Just wanted to add I got Marriedon oct 16th. It was 30 degrees. Same yr my BFF got married nov 21st and it was 75 degrees

wwyd - need advice re: dd's 1st bday party date

I think you've been more than accommodating. She had the opportunity to "claim" the date, but hasn't made a decision. You cannot wait forever. I would politely say to your sister that this date works best for you and since her friend hasn't gotten back to you, that you are going to go ahead and use this date!

wwyd - need advice re: dd's 1st bday party date

I would do it on the 2nd bc that is closer to her birthday and just makes more sense. My DD bday is Nov 18 and we always have nice weather for her bday. People wear sweatshirts and jackets but no one is freezing. I just personally wouldn't let a "what if" weather question make me celebrate a birthday weeks before they actually turn 1.

Re: wwyd - need advice re: dd's 1st bday party date

I'd do the 2nd just to avoid drama, tents and heaters will be fine.