WWYD? Am I being unreasonable? (LONG)

DS is blessed to still have all four living grandparents. He doesn't see my parents that often because they live upstate. DH's parents are divorced and his mother has remarried a man named 'Jeff'. My MIL wants her husband to be called 'Grandpa Jeff'. I voiced my opinion, slightly, at the beginning that I was not fond of 'Grandpa' being used for him. She remarried long after DH moved out of the home, so it's not like he had any hand in raising DH. Even DH said he wasn't too fond of it, but only said it to me.

Now that DS is six months and is getting closer to being able to recognize names, it's really hitting me that I REALLY don't like the name 'Grandpa Jeff' being used. I don't want DS thinking that 'Grandpa Jeff' is his other Grandpa. He doesn't see my father often and I want him to recognize him as Grandpa in pictures and the few times a year we see him.

MIL and her husband are coming tomorrow and I want to get this out in the open. I'm afraid that DH still won't say anything and it will be up to me to be the b!tch. Am I being unreasonable?

Re: WWYD? Am I being unreasonable? (LONG)

I am sorry that this is bothering you. I would have DH say something because it is his parents. I would call him pops or something else...

Re: WWYD? Am I being unreasonable? (LONG)

I have the same thing and I've been a mom for 14 years. My kids are the oldest grandkids. So when my oldest was born, my parents were Nana and Poppy and IL's were grandma and grandpa. All was fine until my SIL (husbands sister had kids) she has her kids call my IL's Nana and Poppy. Fine, I dont' see her alot anyway, BUT it infuriates me when my MIL refers to herself or my FIL as Nana and Poppy. I correct her. Even my kids say "Why does Grandma do that" Say something. Maybe you could make up a name that is still respectful and cute, but doesn't take away from your dad. My mother on the other hand tells me there are bigger fish to fry than worry about it. And I do know she is right, but still makes me seethe!!!

Re: WWYD? Am I being unreasonable? (LONG)

Message edited 5/22/2010 9:23:47 AM.

Re: WWYD? Am I being unreasonable? (LONG)

Well, I don't know what the big deal is honestly. DS has one grandfather (my dad, DH's is deceased) and FOUR grandmothers. Obviously, only my mom and DH's mom are his "real" grandmother, we call them Grandma (my mom), Grandma Judy (DH's mom), Grandma Kate (DH's stepmom) and Grandma Conny (DH's mom's girlfriend).

I kinda think it is 2008 and you have to with the flow

Re: WWYD? Am I being unreasonable? (LONG)

Sorry in advance for this.

Yes I think you're being unreasonable - keeping in mind I have no history with your MIL, FIL, etc.

I think it's deliberately being mean by saying he's not your ds's grandfather. First, techinically he is a step-grandfather, so they are right. Second, it really doesn't matter what she calls her husband because your son will follow what you call him.

Personally the more people that love & are involved in my children's life (without making mine miserable in the process), the better. Unless there is a reason you don't like him (ie abusive, just not gelling with him isn't enough), I would let it go.

If you want your dad to be involved in ds's life, showing him pictures of grandpa, calling grandpa on the phone, drawing pictures for grandpa is what will solidify it. No one is going to replace your parents, no matter what they're called.

Re: WWYD? Am I being unreasonable? (LONG)

I think you should let DS call him Grandpa Jeff especially if he treats him well and like he is his own (blood) grandson.

Re: WWYD? Am I being unreasonable? (LONG)

i know someone not going to say who b/c i dont know if anyone i know reads this and dont want to get them in trouble. but they have the same situation. The grandfather married his gf recently and put grandma **(her name).. the person whos children it was very upset like you. The weirdest part was they also bought my dd a gift and we have no relation to these people and they put Aunt and Uncle (there name).. . my dd is younger than the grandchildren, People are weird.

Re: WWYD? Am I being unreasonable? (LONG)

DH's parents separated when he was 6 and his father wasn't around until we had DD. DH sent him a letter to let him know he has a granddaughter. He had remarried when DH was 11 to a woman who had 2 kids from a previous marriage. Needless to say FIL did nothing but break promises to DH his entire life.

Now that we are in touch with them, things couldn't be better, you'd never know the hurt FIL caused DH growing up and his wife is a really sweet woman.

Our DD calls my parents Grandma & Grandpa; calls DH's mom Nanny and DH's dad and step-mom Grandpa & Gradma Debbie. We even refer to his step siblings as Aunt and Uncle.

As long as they treat my DD no different then anyother relative, they should be called as so IMO, I know it's not like that for everyone.

If you aren't comfortable with it, like someone else mentioned, call him something else. Another variation on "grandpa jeff" maybe?

HTH!

Re: WWYD? Am I being unreasonable? (LONG)

Have to ask...is your dad's name Jeff?

THEN I could see it being an issue.

Re: WWYD? Am I being unreasonable? (LONG)

Re: WWYD? Am I being unreasonable? (LONG)

Re: WWYD? Am I being unreasonable? (LONG)

Re: WWYD? Am I being unreasonable? (LONG)

I would talk with DH about this, if he's not crazy about Grandpa Jeff either, maybe you should both come up with a couple other options and suggest them to him?

Re: WWYD? Am I being unreasonable? (LONG)

Re: WWYD? Am I being unreasonable? (LONG)

Re: WWYD? Am I being unreasonable? (LONG)

Posted by Porrruss

Posted by waterspout4

Posted by nrthshgrl

Have to ask...is your dad's name Jeff?

THEN I could see it being an issue.

Oh no, names are different.

I think I would've gone with the flow if it didn't bother my DH too. DH barely knows the man, and I know he partially blames this man for the breakup of his parent's marriage. I guess it just feels weird to feel like we HAVE to call this man Grandpa when it seems like the name should be reserved for actual grandparents, not just because the guy started sleeping with Grandma. Yes, I'm blunt.

Your DH needs to be the one to address this Kelly- you need to stay out of it

Re: WWYD? Am I being unreasonable? (LONG)

Re: WWYD? Am I being unreasonable? (LONG)

Re: WWYD? Am I being unreasonable? (LONG)

Posted by waterspout4

Posted by Porrruss

IMAGE

Thanks!

Message edited 2/23/2008 5:02:43 PM.

Re: WWYD? Am I being unreasonable? (LONG)

Im not going to say that you are being unreasonable b/c I dont specifically know the whole history etc...

BUT.....

My kids have a ton of grandparents...Their fathers parents...my mother and stepfather...up until this month my stepfathers mother..my dad...DH's parents etc...My Mom is OMI...their fathers parents are grandma and grandpa..all the rest have the name attached "grandpa Ken", "Grandma Elyse", "Grandpa Bob" etc They know who is who and love have all these grandparents surrounding them..loving them etc..

Growing up I didnt really have grandparents. My dad's mother was a witch who didnt like my mom and my mom's mom didnt like my dad..so they didnt LIKE ME!!!!!! I would have given anything to have a loving grandparent...From a childs perspective it wouldnt matter how that grandparent became grandma or grandpa..KWIM???

I hope what Im trying to say is coming out...

Message edited 2/23/2008 5:46:45 PM.

Re: WWYD? Am I being unreasonable? (LONG)

I have the same situation. My mother remarried when I was out of the house and well into adulthood. However, I feel the exact opposite as you. My stepfather is wonderful to my mother, myself, my family and my child. My sister's kids refer to him as Grandpa Ken but I only refer to him as Grandpa. To me, the adding of "Ken" kind of takes away from being a grandpa and he is as much of a grandpa to my child as my own father.

Re: WWYD? Am I being unreasonable? (LONG)

Posted by KateDevine

Well, I don't know what the big deal is honestly. DS has one grandfather (my dad, DH's is deceased) and FOUR grandmothers. Obviously, only my mom and DH's mom are his "real" grandmother, we call them Grandma (my mom), Grandma Judy (DH's mom), Grandma Kate (DH's stepmom) and Grandma Conny (DH's mom's girlfriend).

I kinda think it is 2008 and you have to with the flow

Re: WWYD? Am I being unreasonable? (LONG)

I think maybe a little unreasonable, only because I know your situation first hand. My dh parents are divorced and have been for a loooong time. My dh dad remarried twice. So my son has lots of grandparents. Bryan calls my dad grandpa and he calls my Dh step dad Grandpa Jimmy. I dont see the problem with it even though Grandpa jimmy is a step grandparent.

Re: WWYD? Am I being unreasonable? (LONG)

Posted by Diana1215

Posted by KateDevine

Well, I don't know what the big deal is honestly. DS has one grandfather (my dad, DH's is deceased) and FOUR grandmothers. Obviously, only my mom and DH's mom are his "real" grandmother, we call them Grandma (my mom), Grandma Judy (DH's mom), Grandma Kate (DH's stepmom) and Grandma Conny (DH's mom's girlfriend).

I kinda think it is 2008 and you have to with the flow

I agree!