Re: WWYD? Am I being unreasonable? (LONG)

i have to agree with you kelly.. i have a step father ( i WILL NOT call him dad) hes not my father.. I will not let my boys call him grandpa.... (funny his name is jeff) my mom is nuts this man is the same age as me!!! but whatev.... ive been refering to him as "jeff" fig when the boys get older they can call him what they want (just not grandpa)

but i have to agree with above poster i would make dh speak up.....

it *****..

Re: WWYD? Am I being unreasonable? (LONG)

Oh Kelly I wish I had answers.... maybe call him something else..hmmm Poppie Jeff?? tell her you want to distinguish the grandparents... how is your DH

Re: WWYD? Am I being unreasonable? (LONG)

I personally think it is up to your husband. If he chooses to not say anything then I think i would let it go. I can understand why your husband would have a problem with it but I don't think I understand why you do.

Message edited 2/23/2008 9:20:12 PM.

Re: WWYD? Am I being unreasonable? (LONG)

I don't think its worth the battle, nor will it detract from the relationship with your father if "grandpa Jeff" is used. And you never know, your DS may come up with his own name. My parents are always referred to as Grandma and Grandpa, yet Ella calls them Mo-ma and Bo-pa (all of her own doing).

Re: WWYD? Am I being unreasonable? (LONG)

Re: WWYD? Am I being unreasonable? (LONG)

to me I don't see the harm in him calling him grandpa. However, I can't speak for how your DH feels. Like you said, this goes deeper than just calling him grandpa, he is part of a very emotional event in your DH's life. That is really what probably needs to be dealt with and come to terms with and not the grandpa thing.

I also subscribe to the notion that the more people a child has in its life to love him the merrier. He'll know who is who eventually and understand. But for now he'll be smothered with love from ALL of his grandparents, biological or otherwise.

Re: WWYD? Am I being unreasonable? (LONG)

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. I would see if you could get your DH to approach it since it is his side of the family but if he wont then you should do it. Before we even had DD I told DH I wasn't fond of the name his mother was called by her other grandchildren. They all call her "Mom-Mom". All of the other grandchildren were his sisters kids so it came about as their mothers mother. Well she isn't my mother and I really just didn't like that "name". DH agreed that he didn't like it and he told his mother she would be called grandma unless she wanted us to refer to her as granny, nanny, nana or something else. She tried to refer to herself as "mom-mom" to my daughter once right after she was born and DH said something to her-when she continued to carry on I interjected and said I am her ONLY mother and you can be called grandma or something else if you'd prefer but she will not be referring to you as MOM MOM. I could tell she wasn't pleased but it was something I felt strongly about.

Re: WWYD? Am I being unreasonable? (LONG)

I hope I am not butting in, but i thought i might be able to offer a different perspective- my grandparents are divorced and both re-married from before I could ever remember.

I have always called my grandmother's husband (my step-grandfather and mom's step-dad) grandpa. He was "the other man" and my mother didnt always get along with him growing up- however, ever since i could remember, he has been a terrific grandfather to me and my brother and makes my grandma happy- he has been a grandfather to me in every sense of the word.

However, my grandpa's wife on the other hand has always been another story- they lived in Fla the entire time i was growing up and I always just called her by her first name- i dont know why- she was always very cold toward us- but now, my younger cousins who do live in Fla call her grandma- i find it wierd, but whatever...

Honestly, sometimes I think it is just a word- however, when i say it to my grandpa i know that i say it with love and affection because he has always been there and is a terrific grandpa- if i had to call my other grandfather's wife grandma- i dont think the word would mean anything to me when i said it because she has not always been around...

I also agree with some of the other posters that your DH should really bring this up since it is his side of the family...

Re: WWYD? Am I being unreasonable? (LONG)

It sounds like something that's a big deal to you so I would come up with some kind of compromise.
Personally it wouldn't bother me unless I didn't like him but you have a right to feel how you feel.

Re: WWYD? Am I being unreasonable? (LONG)

I understand where you are coming from.....my Grandfather passed away VERY unexpectedly 5 months before DD was born.

Now my grandparents have been divorced and my grandmother has had a boyfriend. And since my grandfather passed away my grandmothers boyfriend kinda thinks he needs to step up to the plate and be DD's 'grandfather' and be called such.

I don't like the idea and neither does DH because I feel like he's trying to replace my grandfather. I haven't brought up the topic because DD is still too young but as she gets older I will not allow her to call my grandmothers boyfriend any variation of grandpa.

And from all my rambling I would say if it does bother you and DH let them know that you would prefer DS call him Jeff because you don't want to confuse DS with all his grandparents. What it comes down to is that it's your child and you need to do what you feel is right. (I know everyone always says that )

Re: WWYD? Am I being unreasonable? (LONG)

not a parent- but since my Dad is getting remarried - we have had the conversation about what our (me, brother and sisters) future childern will call my Dad's wife

I am 30 - I don't need a step- mom and I don't consider her one- I had 1 Mom- she passed away- and I would not feel comfortable with my childern calling my Dad's wife "grandma" anything

they will call her Mrs. Dad's wifes first name
or Aunt Dad's wifes first name

my Mother earned that title and I would not just give it away to a stranger

Re: WWYD? Am I being unreasonable? (LONG)

I can understand why your DH may be upset about this, but I just don't see it as that big of a deal. If this man is going to be involved in DS's life, in a "grandfather" type of capacity, then I think he should be called that. I don't think DS will know that he is only "supposed" to have 2 people with that title. Also, by objecting to him being called Grandpa Jeff, DH's mom is likely to get upset and that may open a whole new can of worms. I think you and DH need to really think it through before voicing any objections.

I do know how you feel though, my MIL wants to be called something other than what I want her to be called. I have kind of given up fighting over it because my DD is ending up calling her what all the other grandchildren call her, regardless of what I want her to be called.

Message edited 2/24/2008 3:34:54 AM.

Re: WWYD? Am I being unreasonable? (LONG)

When I was 5, my grandmother remarried. My mom was an adult and never called him Dad but I always called him Grandpa. (My Mom's Dad died when was 11 months old) Granted he was really the only Grandfather I had but I didn't have to call him Grandpa. I even called my Stepfather's dad, grandpa. I wasn't close to him at all!!(my Dad's father died when I was little)


Maybe come up with Pop or Poppa, Poppy, something like that. Wanna make him feel real old, call him Gramps

Re: WWYD? Am I being unreasonable? (LONG)

I am sympathetic to your situation, in that my husband's family has grandparents everywhere...however, i am also a stepmom and think that in the future if my stepson & his wife didn't consider me a "grandma" b/c of no direct blood line, i'd be very hurt and disappointed.

My stepson's parents (DH & X) both have divorced parents so my stepson has 4 grandparents on DH's side, 4 on X's side and my 2 parents - needless to say, he is spoiled rotten and he loves it. he understands that some of the grandparents are parents to his parents and that some are married in or are parents to his stepmom, as ur son gets older, he'll understand who his "blood" grandparents are -

now that I have my own child, I don't mind knowing that he'll call my parents nonna/nonno and my dh's parents grandma_______ and grandpa________ - though I know that it bothers DH's mom to know that Dh's stepmom is grandma too.

as long as the child is loved, that's all that matters

good luck w/whatever u choose to do

Re: WWYD? Am I being unreasonable? (LONG)

I was too lazy to read all the great posts, but here's mine. Your DS is very lucky and fortunate to have these men in his life. The baby doesn't realize who is who right now but when he gets older he'll know your Father from the rest. It will be clear to him. IMO you cna;t have too many grnadparents to love and adore you. My children ONLY have grandmothers and 1 grandfather.....my FIL)

My FIL is only 54 and is on hospice b/c he is dying of cancer. So very very soon he is not going to be with us anymore. So that means my children will never have a grandfather. If you don't want Grandpa Jeff, we'll take him.

Message edited 2/24/2008 6:11:56 PM.

Re: WWYD? Am I being unreasonable? (LONG)

I have the same situation w/ my mom being remarried later in life. Her hubby's feelings would be really hurt if I didn't let my child call him Grandpa (first name). Eventually when the child gets older they will understand it's not a biological grandpa. I also feel bad because my dad would be very upset if he hears the child call him grandpa, but what can I do? they are all adults and they can deal.
I wouldnt' make an issue out of this because you are going to put your DH in a bad position. I would be upset if my DH said something about this to me.