Re: XP: Why Parents Hate Parenting

Posted by Ophelia

Posted by dm24angel

although perception is individual

I think we can agree here. though my comments do not necessarily reflect what I believe the scope to be more than my overall impression

Posted by dm24angel

Sometimes I think people just like to pretend everything is champagne and roses just to make others feel less than.

God I hope not. how sad. and dumb.

Re: XP: Why Parents Hate Parenting

Posted by Bxgell2

Posted by dm24angel

Posted by Ophelia

this is the thing though....you always have to do chores, with or without a kid.

I still wipe an *** (my own...Luce's is cuter, believe me ) cook for people, clean up after people, am beholden to others, whether I had a child or not most chores would not change.

I have less time right now. yes. and when Luce is crawling up my leg when I am trying to make dinner it is a little more difficult. he needs me in a way I have never been needed before. but a key difference here is that I have given myself over to him. over to my husband. "me" time doesn't exist. but that was my choice. and I can rue it or revel in it. that is also my choice.

I just can't relate to the article. sometimes I think people enjoy the ability to whine. and create misery just to do so.

I don't think that was the scope of the article, although perception is individual, and some was take what you will from it,so we have read it differently.

Sometimes I think people just like to pretend everything is champagne and roses just to make others feel less than.

After I had Alex I felt the same way - like it was one big conspiracy to sucker women into having children. I simply could not FATHOM why people would have more children.

But, I feel completely different this time around. I am totally and completely smitten and I can truly say that I've never been happier or more fulfilled. But, again, I really think that it has to do, in large part, with my personal experiences - infertility, the loss of my father, a new, more flexible job, better financial position as a family, etc. If any of those factors changed, perhaps I wouldn't feel the same... who knows.

Re: XP: Why Parents Hate Parenting

Message edited 7/19/2010 2:59:38 PM.

Re: XP: Why Parents Hate Parenting

Its more along the lines of saying " I hate the new Pamepers Cruisers" ..I hate that they gave children rashes, I hate that I have to search for the perfect diaper for my child. I DO SO because I love them and would spend a bazzlion dollars on diapers and a bazillion hours searching for one , but I hate that I have to because parenting means doing the best for our children and the diaper companies dont agree.

Get it??

Another example...

Parenting.....Searching for the list of school supplies the teacher hands out, when the stores are all sold out of what you need. It sucks to stand in line, it sucks to spend money, it sucks when they lose the book after 2 hours....but yet I still love my child and would go to 15 stores if he wanted a specific spiderman notebook, because he is spoiled and I like making him happy.

I hate that I have to let my kids CIO. I hate to see them cry, is it an important part of their ( and my own) growth and developemnt? ,Yes, but I hate seeing them cry. hate it.

I hate that my kids wake up at 6am...does that mean I hate my kids? Of course not, thats just a naive and simple thought. If I had a choice, I'd make it 8am, but I don't so I don't complain, but if someone asked me when doing a survey if I hated 6am wake up calls, I'd say yes ( while of course, still being completly in love , in awe, and happy with my life and my little spawns....I mean kids...)

Why cant we say these things without pointing out what perks come as well? Or saying hwo much LOVE we do it with? Will someone think we are not good enough? Not great parents ?

Thats what I see as what parents hate about parenting.

Re: XP: Why Parents Hate Parenting

Message edited 7/19/2010 3:06:38 PM.

Re: XP: Why Parents Hate Parenting

Message edited 7/19/2010 2:58:39 PM.

Re: XP: Why Parents Hate Parenting

I am definitely both an introspective and also a pragmatic person, so yes, there is a lot I agree with in the article.

For instance, the idea that parenting was easier/more enjoyable "back in the day." Or how it appeared so with the Namibian mother in Babies. Totally agree. We have so many modern conveniences in our lives that make some things so simple that we barely have to leave our homes for ANYTHING...including interpersonal relationships. As a result, having a baby is SUCH a culture-shock for many of us. I remember thinking everything being such a hassle, I barely left the house during the first three months of my older DD's life. Add that to the fact that I am one of those "older" moms...had #1 in my early 30s. I went to college, got my MSEd, traveled twice to Europe, etc. etc, lived alone for five years, worked FT for nine years. Yes, I do think it's a far cry from most of our mothers and grandmothers...or from women in Namibia. I seriously disliked large portions of my life in 2005.

I can also see how someone could perceive cleaning their house as more enjoyable than parenting...if we're talking about vacuuming v. intercepting a large volume of fairy tales sailing through the air heading straight at your older DD's face...and then dealing with the ensuing drama between older and younger sisters....not that any of that happened to me today. And I HAAAATE cleaning. If we're talking about scrubbing your toilet v. pushing your DD on a swing, then I can't see the point, KWIM?

The marriage stuff? Totally CANNOT relate to the article. My marriage is as awesome as it's always been...and I think moreso. However, maybe I am in the minority because we've all heard the LIF stories from new (or old) moms lamenting the changes in their marriages. So I KNOW these things happen...and not on a small scale either. I don't think of these people as looking for something to complain about.

Otherwise, I agree with a lot of what dm24angel has written...

Re: XP: Why Parents Hate Parenting

I

Posted by Ophelia

Posted by NinaLemon

Posted by Ophelia


I feel the same way. I am , have never been more complete, and more happy in my life, but those things dont come from PARENTING....They come from LOVE. as far as the article goes, it's not the same thing.

I guess this would be my major disagreement with the article. To me parenting is an act of love, they are not separate. Without love what is stopping anyone from leaving his or her child in the street to fend for themselves.

I didn't write this. I am being misquoted.

I don't take issue one way or the other, but this was not me.

Message edited 7/19/2010 3:02:58 PM.

Re: XP: Why Parents Hate Parenting

I never find parenting depressing. Is it challenging? Yes. Do I always do the right thing? No. Am I always 100% happy? No. But I would never in a MILLION years say I HATE parenting. I love being a parent, I love my son, I love being responsible for the growth and well being of my child.

I don't understand this article at all. I can't relate to it.

Re: XP: Why Parents Hate Parenting

Message edited 7/19/2010 3:14:58 PM.

Re: XP: Why Parents Hate Parenting

I did order an absolute and cran at 11 AM this morning after the park when we went out for lunch

Re: XP: Why Parents Hate Parenting

Message edited 7/19/2010 3:41:21 PM.

Re: XP: Why Parents Hate Parenting

I totally get the difference between love and parenting, but I really do still see it as such an individual circumstance.

I don't find the parenting aspect such a drudgery. But, that is likely because of my unique circumstances. I have a husband who is by my side with all parenting tasks 50/50. We have cleaners so I don't have to spend a good portion of my time cleaning the house. I have a job that is intensly flexible and family friendly so I feel I have plenty of time to spend with my children, while balancing the daily chores that need to get done. And, personally, I think freeplay is by far more important than structured activities so I rarely spend my time carting my children here, there and everywhere.

I can say that it was entirely different when I worked for the firm - there were never enough hours in the day. I was never able to spend quality time with Alex, and always felt so much pressure and stress to merely stay afloat. There was simply no work-life balance.

I think, in large part, the reason why the parenting aspect of it, the chores, the daily routine, has become so burdensome is because there is a tremendous imbalance and tremendous pressure to live up to some sort of expectation of what we should be doing with our children. I think the discontent revealed by the research is more of a reflection of how our society is structured in a way that is a fundamental impediment to achieving a real, satisfying and workable balance, not a true dissatisfaction with the act of parenting itself.

Re: XP: Why Parents Hate Parenting

Re: XP: Why Parents Hate Parenting

Re: XP: Why Parents Hate Parenting

okay finished reading it.

My hand on a bible, today we were driving to TJs. Just nursed the baby on the side of the road and Josh is telling me the same train story for the past 25 minutes. It is 100 degrees out.
I get in the car and whisper to dh, I love my children, but I know why people chose not to have them.
DH replies, there is no way of knowing though until you jump in, then it is too late.

I don't know of the anger/tantrum side of things. Josh isn't a tantrum kid...I am one of 7, no one ever threw a tantrum, I have over 45 first cousins, 3 were tantrum throwers.

I baby sat a boy for 2 years...no tantrums, until I went to his house one night for dinner and was in SHOCK. a complete animal. kicking screaming drool flying tantrum.
I could not imagine functioning in life with a tantrum thrower.

My marriage did take a hit. with #1. we let the old marriage die and built a new one. Last week we were discussing how we really love where we are with each other. We are also nearing a vasectomy and that has changed dh's outlook on life. There is an end to all of this.

I am a hard mom to live with. Josh and Leo are at the movies now. Josh has a packed lunch with him, inhaler, cooler with extra meds in it for neb, just in case in car. Parenting has brought on panic attacks. Fear that I have never felt before in my life.
DH goes mountain biking one morning a week. He has to be out by 7 AM and be back home by noon.
Lately I have felt completely straggled and suffocating. Stuck. She won't take a bottle. She needs BM because my insurance co won't cover the special formula. He can't go out on hot days with his asthma. now chlorine is bothering him.
We are paying off csection medical bills, so i have kept our entertainment spending low.

I have never been one to stay at home ever. my entire life, never a homebody. it is not a pj day in front of lifetime. it is a strict diet, teaching letters, painting planets...messing up neptune thinking earth was bigger was enough to make me want to scream on saturday.

Re: XP: Why Parents Hate Parenting

I do agree when they say parenting is not fun...but it is joyful. If you take it that literally....changing diapers and loss of sleep are not fun. But doing anything for your child is joyful because of the love.