Grief and ILs

I was replying to a post on the relationship board and realized that the passing of DH's dad affected me tremendously.

He passed last year and I loved him. He was a great FIL and my DH's best friend.

He was almost like a dad to me. He actually told me that he concidered me his daughter not his daughter-in-law.

Some people are surprised to find how much he affected me and still does. I have a hard time talking about him without tears.

For those who loved and lost their ILs.

Do you think people do not understand that you can actually love your ILs and be very affected by their death?

Re: Grief and ILs

I totally understand. My DH was very close to my mom and when she passed away almost 2 years ago he took it very hard and to this day still thinks about her everyday.

Re: Grief and ILs

Absolutely.

Dh and I got enaged on our 1 year anniversary (May 05) and we booked our wedding for September 06. By August/September 05, my fil was sick and in and out of the hospital. Finally in November 05 he came out of the hospital and was put on hospice. Since all of my bils/sils knew it would be my fil last Christmas and were coming in from out of state to celebrate, my dh and I decided to get married on Xmas eve at his house. It was hands down, the best day of my life. Not only was it an honor to have him at my wedding, it was an even bigger honor to be his daughter in law.

He passed away a month later (at the age of 81), and I never really realized hwo much it hit me. Dh and I weren't even together for 2 years, yet I saw this man every single day of my life ( we lived with them) and even before we got married at Xmas, he was counting the days down..and he always got them right. Of course those are the last memories of him that I have. When he knew who I was, him telling me he loved me, and how happy he was that his son had found me, and till about 3 days before he passed away, he was still counting the days to our (original) wedding.

Though I never lost my parent, he was more than just my fil to me. My fil was a WWII vet, and was history. I'll never forget when my dh told me he brought his dad in for show and tell when he was younger. Everyone else was bringing in baseball cards, and my dh brought his dad in to tell them about his life.

The little things (stories about the war, jeopardy and price is right game shows and news 12 talks) like that makes me miss about him like crazy. I just never realized the amount of times that I think about him in a day, and makes me realize how much I miss him, and miss him even more.

no matter waht, everyone reacts to death differently, so nobody could ever tell me that I don't miss my fil, because they aren't me. They don't know that i sat with him at hours on end not even saying a word, because I enjoyed his company.

I feel like nobody will know what its like and nobody will understand until they are in your place.

My fil 2 year anniversary is today

I'm sorry about the loss of your FIL

Message edited 1/27/2008 3:02:46 PM.

Re: Grief and ILs

Re: Grief and ILs

i haven't lost either of my ILs and I know this sounds terrible, but i have a feeling it won't affect DH nearly as much as losing my mom affected me. Although he talks to them and we see them regularly, he doesn't have a good relationship with them.

I do miss DH's grandma though - she died a few weeks before my wedding.