FTWM vs SAHM

There are so many variables that makes this so hard to answer. Personally I would need to break it down into time frames....From the age of 1 - 5 I think it is harder being a SAHM. My child was very difficult and fussy (autistic) and basically I had no life for the first 5 years and I envied working mothers. There was no one I felt capable of watching her for more than 2 hours at a time. I had no one to talk too, was stuck in the house most days and it was HARD. Now for school age, I think FTWMs have it hard. They need to juggle their home lives with work and then their children's schedule as well. Who is going to dance or soccer, how are they getting there, what happens if the kids are sick, going to all the classroom parties, etc. As a SAHM of a school age child, I love it now. I have time to clean, shop, cook, take DD wherever she needs to go and volunteer when I am able too. All in all everyone's job is difficult at one time or another and no way is better than the other.

Re: FTWM vs SAHM

Re: FTWM vs SAHM

I think both have their positives and negatives and days that are harder/easier for one reason or another.

As a SAHM I can't imagine having to work on top of everything else I already do, I don't know how working moms do it. I feel like I don't have a spare second as it is.

As I SAHM I definitely think it's hard most days just because it's 24/7 with NO break. Sometimes I just want a quiet minute to eat in peace or at least go pee alone. My day is very busy and I wake up and hit the ground running every day with little downtime. I'm honestly thankful I don't have to work too, I don't know if I could do both...........I have no energy left as it is.

Re: FTWM vs SAHM

Posted by ali120206

Posted by Eireann

I think it's not quantifiable at all.

I agree and I think the post may end up heading towards

FTWM vs SAHM

i think it really is about what your role is in your family. Too many variables.

My aunt was a FT working mother and had to provide for her family as was the sole provider. She failed in other departments (didn't make every game, every major school function had to miss out on a lot in general) so for me that is the hardest because you don't have a choice. Children don't comprehend why mommy has to work and she got a lot of crap for it.

SAHM - again depending on your circumstances. I know stay at home moms with nanny and cleaning people and honestly their life is easy in my opinion. Then there are those with two non school age kids, no one to help, house work and in charge of everything in regards to the house which is not easy at all.

Message edited 1/8/2014 3:32:32 PM.

FTWM vs SAHM

I think they are both equally as hard in their own ways.

Re: FTWM vs SAHM

I think you cannot compare the two. They are equally as hard.

Re: FTWM vs SAHM

Re: FTWM vs SAHM

I have been lucky enough to have experienced both. For me working is so much easier than being home full time.

FTWM vs SAHM

This is a hard question to answer. Whether you are a SAHM or a WM, it's hard work!! Different types of work, but hard! I am a FTWM and this is what I need for me right now. I am also a big time planner so I'm able to coordinate things well between work and home life. My daughter is only one, but as she gets older, I know I will want to participate in many of her activities/sports so I would like to be a PTWM. A complete SAHM is just not for me. I enjoy working and providing for my family.

Re: FTWM vs SAHM

Re: FTWM vs SAHM

Posted by melbalalala

I'm a PTWM so I get to be both (I go into the office two days a week) and I think both FTWM and SAHM are ridiculously hard.

I don't know how SAHM's do it without having "me time". I get to go to work two days a week, chat with adults, pee alone, read a book on the train. My days at home with the kids are HARD and demanding. I don't know how they do it day after day after day without clawing at the front door waiting for DH to come home... it's HARD!

I also don't know how FTWM do it..how they coordinate the logistics of their family's weekday lives and how they don't spend the entire evening coordinating everything for childcare the next day, creating a life/work balance that works for them, cramming as much quality time with their LO's as possible on weekends, missing daytime activities or having to use vacation time to do it.. it's HARD!!!

Us PTWM.. THEY are the ones you should direct your judgement on... we have it made

Re: FTWM vs SAHM

I agree it really depends on so many variables. I think both are hard in their own ways. I will say since I've been a sahm for 3 years now that there are awesome days where I love every minute on it and than there are days I wish I could trade lives with dh and go to work.

Re: FTWM vs SAHM

Re: FTWM vs SAHM

I have been both and I can honestly say they are both very difficult (and have their rewards!), it is hard to be away from your baby and its also hard to be with them 24/7... however, I would really rather be a SAHM, at least until my youngest was 2. I am so fortunate that I was able to take a child care leave for this year, but I will be back at school next year.

Re: FTWM vs SAHM

I think the answer to this question is SO variable and there is no across the board answer. I know SAHM's that have a TON of help and have a relatively easy life compared to those of us that don't and FTWMs. There are FTWM's that have a lot of help at home and those that don't. There are both SAHM's and FTWM's that are involved in their children's lives and activities to varying degrees. I don't think you can make a blanket comparison personally.

Re: FTWM vs SAHM

I was a FTWM for a year, and now a SAHM for 4 years.

For me, working out of the home was harder, by far. Even though I had just one child, and my Mom watched him at my house for us, I hated every minute.

I hated being gone from him all day, 5 days a week. I hated that I got only 2 hours a night with him during the week, at the most. I wanted to be the one who took care of him when he was sick, I wanted to eat lunch with him, go for walks, take him to mommy and me classes. I hated heading out in the cold mornings to work, while he snuggled inside with my Mom. On sunny days, I hated being cooped up inside my office instead of at a park with him in the sunshine. But, we needed my income in addition to my husbands to make our bills. I also rarely saw friends, since I wanted all of my free time with my son, since I didn't see him much during the week.

Trying to squeeze in errands on the weekends and evenings, laundry piling up, also was hard.

Granted, my job situation was far from ideal. I had a long commute with tons of traffic, no flexibility, very little time off. Worst of all, my manager was a workaholic who detested kids. She made my life miserable at work, even though my son never interfered with my job, not once. I was thrilled when my DH was offered a job OOS and I was able to quit and stay at home. A miracle and an answer to my prayers.

I have since been home with two very active, but fun little boys. The days are hectic, long, exhausting, and nerve wracking at times. For the first two years, we were 7 hours away from family, and I was often alone with a baby and a toddler for about 12 hours a day with no help.

On my hardest days at home, I just remind myself of working at that godawful job, then I don't miss working at all.

FTWM vs SAHM

I am a SAHM with #3 on the way and my kids are 4 and 2. I think it depends on the job you would have as a FTWM and how many kid syou have as a SAHM. When I was home with #1 I thought being a FTWM was much harder, but now I think being a SAHM is way harder! Yes being home with my kids is amazing, but there is little down time, and little me time. For me I am always on duty and juggling both kids and their needs. I give FTWM's a lot of credit I do, but for me being a SAHM is much harder.

FTWM vs SAHM

double post

Message edited 1/8/2014 5:23:46 PM.

FTWM vs SAHM

triple post

Message edited 1/8/2014 5:24:36 PM.

Re: FTWM vs SAHM

I see a 20 pager coming

FTWM vs SAHM

I am a PTWM and a PTSAHM, lol. I think it's hard either way. I miss my daughters terribly when I work (3-7PM) but by the time I rush out of the house to work every day, I am freaking exhausted from being mom, teacher, disciplinarian, maid, cleaner, nurse, chef, dogwalker, library mom... ALL before 2:30PM. It's hard. Then I have to make sure my brain and body are together before I rush out the door with an apple and a handful of cheez-its

I am going to say that I wish I had a full-time job for the salary, but being with my children is glorious.... I really think it is difficult to manage being a FTWM. If I do go back F/T, I am going to need help like whoa.

Re: FTWM vs SAHM

I've been both! Sahm of young kids close in age, more aggravating and physically exhausting. Sitting at my desk and doing "adult" things is not so bad. I miss working. Missing the kids was really hard for me, something I personally couldn't get past. Time management is very hard when working full time, everything was a mess. I had less patience for everyone when I was working full time. That was fine with me, but DH didn't like it too much .

I think sahm with small children is so darn hard, but SAH when you have kids in school is nice. Very nice.

That said, I plan on returning to work when both are in school FT.

Message edited 1/8/2014 6:26:24 PM.

Re: FTWM vs SAHM

I think SAHM is harder physically (and sometimes mentally) but FTWM is harder emotionally.


eta, obviously depends on the job, hours, so many other variables.

For me, a perfect scenario would be SAHEFAQMHBM.

That's... stay at home except for a quick mental health break mom. In Lala land where it's my responsibility to take a drive to a Dunkin Donuts about twenty minutes away and taste test an iced coffee every day ... while the world's most convincing Mary Poppins impersonator volunteers to spend an hour of her time to play brain stimulating games with my child who feels safe and loved in her care. So I may return... refreshed and replenish and ra-ar-aring to go.

.... oh, reality. I hate you.

Message edited 1/8/2014 6:41:53 PM.

FTWM vs SAHM

While it is true that this question is completely subjective, having done both (SAHM 18 months, WFTM 2 1/2 years), I can say that working full time is much much harder. I am an attorney, log in long hours, sometimes weekends, and still have to find time to cook, clean, bathe DD, play with DD, entertain DD, grocery shop, run errands and when I have some time, work out (I am training for a half marathon). I live for the weekends. And contrary to popular thought, I do not get to eat without being disrupted-my clients are worse than my child. I do not get to shop without being disrupted (see above). I often take DD on errands because I miss her. Often, things are lacking. While it was not easy to be a SAHM, my house was clean, I made interesting dinners (not boxed mac and cheese), I ran 3-4 times a week, I slept and I had a ton of time with DD. Just my 10 cents.