So upset and totally overwhelmed

My twins are going to be 3 in Nov. They started a little nursery program 3 days a week for 2.5 hours at our local catholic school. My kids are pretty wild and can be a handful. My in-laws watch them while we work and they pretty much have no boundaries. I am not blaming or judging them and am completely appreciative (they also watch my 16 month old-so there are 3 little kids running around).

Needles to say, it has been an extremely difficult transition to school. I wasn't particularly concerned because I figured this is normal for their age. The teacher spoke to me about multiple concerns she has and recommended I get them
evaluated. She said they should be responding to their names and following a simple direction of which they do neither. They won't socialize with others (they don't even socialize with eachother) and they both are in their own world playing and she said it is extremely difficult to get them involved in whatever activity the class is doing. One little boy actually went up to my son to try to play with him and he totally ignored him. She said the boy started saying why don't you talk to anyone, what's wrong with you and started shouting can you hear me? And then he told the teacher he can't hear me. My son totally ignored him. My heart is breaking just writing this.

I could write a whole nother page of examples like this. Of course I will do whatever I have to for my kids but I have not stopped crying since Monday. My stomach is in knots. I can't sleep. I am so stressed out.

I started the phone calls which was another exhausting story because first I was referred to EI but then was told they would age out by the time evals, etc are done. So I have to start with CPSE tomorrow. I am so overwhelmed and I was told the process will prob take a few months. If my boys need help, I want it now not in a few months! I know it's out of my hands but I am so overwhelmed and upset.

Message edited 9/18/2014 6:31:30 AM.

Re: So upset and totally overwhelmed

Breathe.


So sorry you are going through this.


Yes, it's a process.


But generally everything in life is.


The good thing is it's the beginning of the school year so it's a positive time to address everything.

You also have lots of support and resources here.

And while the kids may not be interacting with anyone (yet!), try to focus on the positives....at least they are not having rages, hitting other kids, etc.


I know how frustrating and overwhelming the process can be.

I also recommend looking into paying privately or through your insurance in ADDITION to working with the school system.

Re: So upset and totally overwhelmed

Thank you. I am definitely going to look into everything. For the first time yesterday, one of them had a bad outburst. Not hitting anyone, but when the class came back from the bathroom he didn't want to go back in the room so he flipped out. The teacher said he tried to rip down all the posters and artwork and she was trying to calm him down. He was screaming his head off and got so worked up that he became hot and snot started running all over, so the school called for him to be picked up. This was at 10:15. Their program ends at 11. She said she felt so bad sending him home and was really trying to hold onto 11, but he could not calm down and she thought it was best.

DH is ready to pull them out. I am telling him that will not fix anything. I already prepared him for the possibility they may need to go to a special school where their needs can be met. He went wild. He feels they are too young for school. Yes they are on the younger side (late birthday) but if all the other kids are not having these issues than it's obviously more than a maturity thing.

I am so exhausted. I maybe slept 3 hours last night. My mind is racing. I've never seen DH cry like this.

Re: So upset and totally overwhelmed

Personally, I feel maturity IS a big part of it too.

DS had severe meltdowns every day last year in Pre K.

This year, he's a changed boy.

Re: So upset and totally overwhelmed

Yes, I totally agree about the maturity. I'm pretty laid back when it comes to my kids so I honestly just figured it was them adjusting to school. They've never been in a setting like this, don't know what's expected of them. I figured there would be some tantrums here and there. I mean they are still 2 after all!!!!! But I try not to make excuses because what if there is something more? I guess that's why they have the evaluation. Let the people specialized in the field tell us what if anything is going on.

So upset and totally overwhelmed

First off hugs.

If this is their first time in a school setting without you then they could just be suffering from separation anxiety. There are alot of mommy and me centers that have separation classes and it might be good to enroll them into something like that. They could just be scared at school and shutting down.

Do they respond to their names at home? Are they meeting their milestones? Has their ped brought up any concerns? It doesn't hurt to call for an eval but I wouldn't stress about it too much.

In my opinion, preschools expect too much from these kids at a young age. Your children are 2, of course they are not going to behave all the time. My daughter got kicked out of preschool at 3 years old. Yes she has some issues but we knew that before hand and she was even there with a SEIT. It was ridiculous what these teachers were expecting of her. My nephew also got kicked out of 3 preschools lol and he is totally typical. Just a rowdy boy.

I would start looking for a different preschool with a more nurturing environment. Good luck!

So upset and totally overwhelmed

I would start by visiting an ENT while you are waiting on the school district. They will be able to determine if there is a hearing problem. I was convinced at a very young age my DS had a hearing problem. When he was evaluated by EI they suggested a hearing eval to rule out problems. We did and that turned into 6 months of nightmares I won't get into here. Ultimately, there is no hearing problem, but during the course of evals it may be brought up. For us it was not covered by EI and we already had it done when they wanted it and we were able to expedite that portion.

Re: So upset and totally overwhelmed

I feel for you. My 27 month old triplets, one of whom has mild cp, just started preschool and it looks like my special needs son isn't adjusting well :( it's hard. I feel like a failure and feel foolish for giving it a shot, although our typical preschool insisted they were open minded to children with special needs, I am finding their expectations unrealistic for him. But don't panic. Just because your little boys are having trouble adjusting doesn't mean there is necessarily anything terrible going on, especially if the pediatrician hasn't been alarmed by anything to date. Try not to panic. This is a tough age for separation. My sister is a preschool teacher at a catholic school and makes lots of referrals for services and evaluations. While some of these kids have sensory issues etc and benefit from therapy, she has been off base about plenty of them. They want to err on the side of caution because intervention works best at an early age. Hang in there!

Re: So upset and totally overwhelmed

I just wanted to tell you that I found the process moved much quicker then I expected. I first had to register DS with the district. Within a week of that, I had the evaluators calling to set up appointments beginning the next week. He had 5 evaluations in total - psychological, speech, OT, PT, and classroom observation. I had my meeting about 2-3 weeks after the evaluations. So all in all, it took about a month and a half. If you start the process now, you will probably start services, if they qualify, by the end of the year or maybe right after they return from Christmas break.

Re: So upset and totally overwhelmed

They respond to their names at home. Not all the time. When they are into something, of course they ignore me. But I just assumed all kids do that. Their last ped visit was their 2 year well visit and there were no concerns. From what I'm told if there are issues it usually comes out when they are in school.

I'm not saying my kids are perfect but it's only been 2 weeks of school! And they only go 3 days a week. I just feel like my kids seem to be the only ones with these issues in school. I think yes at 2 a lot is expected of them especially when they have never been in this environment.

I really do not think my son has a hearing issue, but when we go to get their physical done for the eval, I will mention it to the ped.

I am going to the district office today to pick up the packet. They were going to mail it to me, but I said no I would come and get it. I want to get this process moving.

Thank you all for your replies. There is so much to think about my head is spinning although I am trying to push all the what it's out of my mind until the evals are done.

Re: So upset and totally overwhelmed

They are very young but I think you are doing the right think by seeing if they qualify for anything. It may be a short period of services, or long it will help them in the end.

Re: So upset and totally overwhelmed

Re: So upset and totally overwhelmed

I'm sure you're feeling like you've been smacked in the face with this. I know that feeling of the knot in your stomach, and not being able to sleep from worry. But as you said, they're only 2. I think, like you, I would feel this was all typical behavior of little boys who haven't been enrolled in other programs (like daycare) before. Get the evaluations, and see what it shows. Maybe they'd do better in a place like Learning Experience, that is not SO focused on school so to speak. Of course you want them to get something that they need, but really, nothing is any different than it was before you were approached with this. As a PP stated, the process does go faster than you'd think; and they should be able to start getting whatever they need before Christmas, I'd think. For now, you can work on little things at home, like getting them to start answering you more when you call their names, trying to have some more structured activities at home, etc. All things that might just help them with their transition in school for now. But they still have to be allowed to be little boys, I'd just keep telling myself that...they're so little.

Re: So upset and totally overwhelmed

They are still young - take it one step at a time. I sent you an fm

Message edited 9/24/2014 11:52:11 AM.

Re: So upset and totally overwhelmed

I agree that they are very young and could just be acting out due to separation anxiety issues, however, it couldn't hurt getting them evaluated just for peace of mind. If they are nearing 3 then you would probably have to go through the CPSE, so I'd call up your school district.
ETA just saw you contacted them, so thats good.

Message edited 9/24/2014 3:43:46 PM.

Re: So upset and totally overwhelmed

So today was a bad day. It was picture day at school and because my one son acts up and tantrums, the teacher recommended I come.

Well, it started with him screaming the second we got to school saying I don't want to go. Crying and screaming getting him out of the car, etc. Needless to say, he was not in his class picture. His brother did not cry but was all over the place and would not sit for the picture so I had to hold him so he would jump in the front of the camera which he thought was hysterical. So neither of my kid sis in their class picture.

It's not the end of the world, but I am not gonna lie I am sad that i don't have it. I just saw all the other kids in their class standing there (listening for the most part) and my one son screaming hysterically and my other running around like a maniac.

Finally at 9:05 (they start at 8:30), I said to his teacher should I just take him. She said yes. He was screaming so much that another teacher and the principal both came in at 2 different points to see if everything was ok.

My other son didn't cry so he stayed until 11 but he was so wild compared to the other kids. He wouldn't stand against the wall, etc. The teacher was fine with this as he wasn't being disruptive. She just had to hold him in the hallway. He was the only one she had to do this with.

When I got in my car, I just started crying. I think I'm going to have to pull my one son out of the program as he is just being so disruptive (otherwise I'm pretty sure he will be asked to leave soon). I have their evaluation set for next Monday which can't come soon enough.

I am just so upset. Today was an awful day.

Re: So upset and totally overwhelmed

Posted by Dolphinsbaby

My twins are going to be 3 in Nov. They started a little nursery program 3 days a week for 2.5 hours at our local catholic school. My kids are pretty wild and can be a handful. My in-laws watch them while we work and they pretty much have no boundaries. I am not blaming or judging them and am completely appreciative (they also watch my 16 month old-so there are 3 little kids running around).

Needles to say, it has been an extremely difficult transition to school. I wasn't particularly concerned because I figured this is normal for their age. The teacher spoke to me about multiple concerns she has and recommended I get them
evaluated. She said they should be responding to their names and following a simple direction of which they do neither. They won't socialize with others (they don't even socialize with eachother) and they both are in their own world playing and she said it is extremely difficult to get them involved in whatever activity the class is doing. One little boy actually went up to my son to try to play with him and he totally ignored him. She said the boy started saying why don't you talk to anyone, what's wrong with you and started shouting can you hear me? And then he told the teacher he can't hear me. My son totally ignored him. My heart is breaking just writing this.

I could write a whole nother page of examples like this. Of course I will do whatever I have to for my kids but I have not stopped crying since Monday. My stomach is in knots. I can't sleep. I am so stressed out.

I started the phone calls which was another exhausting story because first I was referred to EI but then was told they would age out by the time evals, etc are done. So I have to start with CPSE tomorrow. I am so overwhelmed and I was told the process will prob take a few months. If my boys need help, I want it now not in a few months! I know it's out of my hands but I am so overwhelmed and upset.

Message edited 9/30/2014 3:20:03 PM.

Re: So upset and totally overwhelmed

Hi. Maybe it's a maturity thing in combination with being a twin. I don't know. My kids have always been on the later side for everything-walking, talking, etc.

It's been rough. We're going to try one last time with my son who screams tomorrow. If he doesn't go in, at this point I am just going to take him out. He basically hasn't been at school for almost 2 weeks now.

My other one who will go and is happy to go is having a lot of difficulty. Not listening, misbehaving, etc. apparently he is the only one and I have been told more than once he seems to not have boundaries. He also for the first time ever hit the teacher on Monday. He has never done that. He doesn't even hit his brothers. He was being disruptive and throwing things all over and when she went to pick them up and told him no, he smacked her across the face.

I am at my wits end and don't know what else to do. Hoping this evaluation sheds some light unless this is little boys being little boys. I don't know what to think anymore.

Re: So upset and totally overwhelmed

Posted by Dolphinsbaby

Hi. Maybe it's a maturity thing in combination with being a twin. I don't know. My kids have always been on the later side for everything-walking, talking, etc.

It's been rough. We're going to try one last time with my son who screams tomorrow. If he doesn't go in, at this point I am just going to take him out. He basically hasn't been at school for almost 2 weeks now.

My other one who will go and is happy to go is having a lot of difficulty. Not listening, misbehaving, etc. apparently he is the only one and I have been told more than once he seems to not have boundaries. He also for the first time ever hit the teacher on Monday. He has never done that. He doesn't even hit his brothers. He was being disruptive and throwing things all over and when she went to pick them up and told him no, he smacked her across the face.

I am at my wits end and don't know what else to do. Hoping this evaluation sheds some light unless this is little boys being little boys. I don't know what to think anymore.

Re: So upset and totally overwhelmed

Have you spoken to your in laws about what's going on? I know they're doing you a huge favor by watching the boys, but they need to enforce more boundaries and routine at home- regardless of what the evaluations find. I suggest starting small. Pick one thing you're working on at home and have them reinforce that. It can be something as small as staying at the table during mealtime. Or they must remain seated while you read a book. Maybe try to schedule their day a bit more so they know what to expect. Use visuals- make daily activity charts, make reward charts for them, etc... My DS always did much better with positive reinforcement and working towards a reward then with negative attention. The more he got in trouble the worse he would be. If we made it a point to praise all the positive things he did, we would try harder to do good things more often because he liked the attention.