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shellbebaby
So In Love!
Member since 8/11 1487 total posts
Name:
Michelle
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Letting go of the guilt (breastfeeding related)......
By the time we left the hospital after my c-section (4 days) my poor child had dropped 15% of her body weight, her lips were dried out and her skin was more jaundice then at birth. My last morning there my pediatrician told me she wanted to see me in her office first thing the next day, if she lost any more weight we would have to supplement, but to give BF one more day. I had the lactation consultant come in and help me more, but she pissed me off when she made negative comments about supplementing. My child is suffering, shouldn't supplementing be better then starving her?
Fast forward 2 weeks. With supplementing she was gaining all she should gain but my BF experience was horrible. As per my OB's instructions we would BF first and then give her formula. I was barely making milk and all through BF she would cry because she wasn't getting anything and she just wanted to get to the bottle. In turn I would burst into tears. Pumping was no better, I wasn't getting anything. Finally the pediatrician said to me the most sane thing…. "The experience between you and her is more important then whether or not she is getting breast milk or formula." She said while she is pro BF, if we are both miserable then we are better off having a happy experience with formula then a miserable experience with BF. After that day I gave up trying to BF and never looked back. Sure sometimes I feel bad, but feeding time with my baby is now a happy experience and I went from hearing her cry all the time to almost never. Plus every now and then DH gives me a break and lets me sleep through the night and handles all the feedings. I think its helped my recovery.
And don't let others pressure you into doing something you don't think is best. I am a zealots worst nightmare… IVF, c-section, formula fed and I don't baby wear. I really liked my experience at Southside except for the pressure I felt to breast feed. I feel like the minute my child started to show signs of starving to death they should have prepared me for supplementing, and told me its ok, and not kept pushing BF. My mom's friend is a nurse there and told my mom they are told to push BF.
Message edited 5/8/2015 9:43:06 PM.
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Posted 5/8/15 9:29 PM  |
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Jbon630
LIF Adult
Member since 12/11 1340 total posts
Name:
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Re: Letting go of the guilt (breastfeeding related)......
I had the opposite feeling in the hospital. I felt like the minute I had an issue I was pressured to supplement. But for ME formula was not something I wanted to do so I worked through it with the help of very skilled professionals. If YOU want to BF, then work hard at it. If you don't really want to, then try to just put it out of your mind and enjoy your baby!
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| Posted 5/8/15 9:57 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Letting go of the guilt (breastfeeding related)......
Posted by shellebaby
I really liked my experience at Southside except for the pressure I felt to breast feed. I feel like the minute my child started to show signs of starving to death they should have prepared me for supplementing, and told me its ok, and not kept pushing BF. My mom's friend is a nurse there and told my mom they are told to push BF.
That's funny because I had the opposite experience there 5 years ago. I was asked a total of one time if I would be breastfeeding. It was in L&D. I said no, they noted the chart, and that was the last time the words breast or feeding were ever uttered in my presence there. They brought me formula nursettes by the case to take home too!
Not that it would have mattered because I wouldnt have changed my mind either way (my body my choice) and I am VERY strong willed ( and not very nice  ) , but it's funny how things have change there. Or maybe I just got lucky.
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| Posted 5/8/15 9:59 PM |
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butterfly20
Party of 5 - 2015
Member since 4/06 7390 total posts
Name:
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Letting go of the guilt (breastfeeding related)......
If you can pump then baby gets protection that isn't found in formula. I am mostly pumping now. Alot of the nurses so pro feeding them direct because hospital pushes them to be like that.
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| Posted 5/9/15 4:10 AM |
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BlessedMomma
LIF Adult
Member since 12/11 6163 total posts
Name:
Momma Bear
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Re: Letting go of the guilt (breastfeeding related)......
Posted by MarisaK
Rule #1 of being a Mom - Make this your mantra and tell yourself over and over and over
NO ONE but YOU knows what's best for your baby. YOU are the mother, YOU decide what is best for your child, for yourself, and for your family. Daddy gets an honorable mention in the process, but particularly in those first few months, Mom is the boss.
Put the lactation consultant out of your mind. They can be extremely encouraging and helpful for a woman who is determined to nurse no matter what, but on the flip side they can be miserable shrews if you're feeling like this isn't the best thing for you, or GASP, simply dont' want to do it at all.
Don't beat yourself up. You did great. You carried her, you gave birth to her, she's happy and healthy and you love her. Your job now is to take care of her - You are going to get 5 million opnions of why you should do one thing over the other for the rest of your life .......it's the most difficult now, when you're exhausted and emotional and hormonal to put all of your steength into believing YOU are doing what's best for you, and everyone else can shove it - but, try.
IMO nothing you can control is worth making those first few weeks or mothns with a new baby miserable. You can hold her and kiss her and snuggle her up just as much with a bottle. - Good Luck ! 
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| Posted 5/9/15 12:44 PM |
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Mrs213
????????
Member since 2/09 18986 total posts
Name:
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Re: Letting go of the guilt (breastfeeding related)......
Posted by NervousNell
I'm confused about the bonding time. How are you not bonding when feeding your child from a bottle. If you are giving them that bottle, you are spending time with them, holding them close etc.
And as far as the benefits of breast milk over formula, I am not on board with that either. My DD had not a drop of BM and is literally NEVER sick. And is a daycare child. Has no allergies. Never gets a head cold. Had one stomach virus in 5 years of life. Never gets fevers. I am sick more than she is.
Is crazy smart with a memory that astounds me.
so I can't see what benefit she would have derived from BM over formula. It baffles me.
I was wondering the same thing. I know there are all these studies that supposedly show breast feeding is best the baby but I see no marked difference between a formula-fed baby and a breasted baby. I read something recently about how breasted babies have higher IQs than formula fed babies but I think that is crap. I chose to formula feed from the beginning to be honest breast feeding just isn't my thing and I just didn't want to and I don't feel like I missed out with bonding with my children
To the OP I wouldn't stress yourself out over the fact that it didn't work out. You have options like someone said - exclusively pumping can be an option and there are also organic formulas if you are concerned with certain things that are in the formula bit it sounds like your baby is doing just great. It's better if she's fed and thriving on formula than hungry and cranky with breast feeding
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| Posted 5/9/15 7:11 PM |
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Wishes1111
LIF Adolescent
Member since 12/10 853 total posts
Name:
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Letting go of the guilt (breastfeeding related)......
You've made a huge effort and it didn't work. Formula vs breastmilk benefits are grossly exaggerated. Your baby is satisfied and happy with the formula which means you're doing the right thing! A happy baby will equal a happy Mommy and your bond will be even better that way.
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| Posted 5/9/15 10:23 PM |
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BeachGrl
LIF Adult
Member since 10/11 2140 total posts
Name:
Kristy
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Re: Letting go of the guilt (breastfeeding related)......
Posted by NervousNell
I'm confused about the bonding time. How are you not bonding when feeding your child from a bottle. If you are giving them that bottle, you are spending time with them, holding them close etc.
And as far as the benefits of breast milk over formula, I am not on board with that either. My DD had not a drop of BM and is literally NEVER sick. And is a daycare child. Has no allergies. Never gets a head cold. Had one stomach virus in 5 years of life. Never gets fevers. I am sick more than she is.
Is crazy smart with a memory that astounds me.
so I can't see what benefit she would have derived from BM over formula. It baffles me.
I agree with all of this. My friends kids that are breastfed are sick a lot more than my formula fed DD. They also have developmental delays and issues, but DD is completely on track and healthy.
Don't beat yourself up over this. Enjoy every single second of this amazing time in your life. They grow up so fast and you can't get these moments back. Don't spend it being upset over something you can't control. As long as DD is happy and healthy, that's ALL that matters!
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| Posted 5/9/15 10:40 PM |
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shellbebaby
So In Love!
Member since 8/11 1487 total posts
Name:
Michelle
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Re: Letting go of the guilt (breastfeeding related)......
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by shellebaby
I really liked my experience at Southside except for the pressure I felt to breast feed. I feel like the minute my child started to show signs of starving to death they should have prepared me for supplementing, and told me its ok, and not kept pushing BF. My mom's friend is a nurse there and told my mom they are told to push BF.
That's funny because I had the opposite experience there 5 years ago. I was asked a total of one time if I would be breastfeeding. It was in L&D. I said no, they noted the chart, and that was the last time the words breast or feeding were ever uttered in my presence there. They brought me formula nursettes by the case to take home too!
Not that it would have mattered because I wouldnt have changed my mind either way (my body my choice) and I am VERY strong willed ( and not very nice ) , but it's funny how things have change there. Or maybe I just got lucky.
Well in the last two years they created a position for a full time lactation consultant who visits every new mom. My moms friend said they've only recently gotten pushy about BF but apparently this is the general culture across the country, according to this nurse. I also went in with the plan to BF exclusively, but when DD was suffering and I started wavering and I felt very pressured to continue. My poor daughters lips were dry and her skin was turning more jaundice because she was literally starving, but they continued to push BF. And when my pediatrician said I may have to supplement the lactation consultant and nurses made it seem like it was the most horrible idea ever. Sorry but I trust my pediatrician over them.
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| Posted 5/9/15 11:35 PM |
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Re: Letting go of the guilt (breastfeeding related)......
Don't feel bad! Your baby sounds like she's doing great.
While I did breastfeed my daughter I find it very, very aggravating that women get such pressure and are made to feel so guilty if they don't do it. Even though I'd planned to do it before my DD was born, it was something I wanted to try and figure out with her, but the consultants were very pushy which really annoyed me. I actually think more women would be open to the idea if they weren't so pressured.
Let's face it, most of us who are moms were not breastfed and we turned out fine.
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| Posted 5/10/15 9:10 AM |
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nycgirl
Angels!
Member since 3/09 7721 total posts
Name:
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Re: Letting go of the guilt (breastfeeding related)......
My ped watched me BF and watched my DS my first night at the hospital. She showed me how to supplement.
No guilt... You do what works.
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| Posted 5/10/15 9:33 AM |
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Mags1227
Just a mommy ...
Member since 10/10 2665 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: Letting go of the guilt (breastfeeding related)......
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by Mags1227
i was the opposite. i was against breastfeeding from the beginning. because of the hormones and sleep deprivation, i got talked into it by my ILs. I was actually told that I am a horrible mother if I don't breastfeed.
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Your inlaws are very lucky they didn't have me as a daughter in law because if ANYONE ever said that to me, they probably would never be the same after the tirade I would have unleashed on them.
At the very least, we'd no longer be speaking and it would make life very difficult for my DH.
Un-freaking-believable! The unmitigated BALLS on those people!
i was not myself at the time and they took advantage.
they got put in their place once I got the hang of sleep deprivation =)
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| Posted 5/10/15 9:48 AM |
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Xelindrya
Mommy's little YouTube Star!
Member since 8/05 14470 total posts
Name:
Veronica
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Letting go of the guilt (breastfeeding related)......
Which is why Im so vocal about the idea there's too much push for breastfeeding. Not saying breastfeeding is bad, just its become way too much of the social necessity. Not everyone can or WANTS to breastfeed and there should NOT be a stigma against it. Being surrounded by posters, billboards and broken record nurses, doctors and friends say you should is cruel and unnecessary.
Is the kid healthy? then leave me and my tits alone.
Bonding does NOT have to be sucking on my nipple
Ask every adopted child on this earth in a loving family
Bull-shit is what it is. I felt bad then I got angry about it. Stayed angry ever since.
I'll defend a woman who wants to do it but also tell those same women to shove off if another woman chooses not to. We are all moms and our choices are final and personal.
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| Posted 5/10/15 10:35 AM |
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babydreams21
LIF Adult
Member since 12/12 3656 total posts
Name:
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Letting go of the guilt (breastfeeding related)......
BF is hard! I exclusively BF the first month but DS was always hungry and unhappy. SO many weigh checks. He had to get his tongue snipped due to tongue tie. We figured out one of my boobs produced next to nothing. His weigh was so low that at 1 month I decided to give one formula at night. He was a little happier. Then a few weeks later I gave 2 formula bottles a day. Then I got Mastitis and it was all down hill from there. I was so sick and my low supply to begin with never really came back. So DS is 4 months and he gets maybe 8 ounces from me a day (estimated based on what I pump). I have tried everything and I just can't increase my supply. AND YES I feel the guilt so that may be part of the reason I continue. Also being a working mom and trying to pump and figure all that out is so hard. Do what is right for you and your baby. Try to ignore people's stupid comments and advice. My mom BF me for a month and I'm very healthy. She didn't BF my sister and she is just as healthy. If you need to talk I'm here. I've done the whole lactation consultant thing too and tried EVERYTHING! AHH
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| Posted 5/10/15 11:56 AM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Letting go of the guilt (breastfeeding related)......
Posted by shellbebaby
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by shellebaby
I really liked my experience at Southside except for the pressure I felt to breast feed. I feel like the minute my child started to show signs of starving to death they should have prepared me for supplementing, and told me its ok, and not kept pushing BF. My mom's friend is a nurse there and told my mom they are told to push BF.
That's funny because I had the opposite experience there 5 years ago. I was asked a total of one time if I would be breastfeeding. It was in L&D. I said no, they noted the chart, and that was the last time the words breast or feeding were ever uttered in my presence there. They brought me formula nursettes by the case to take home too!
Not that it would have mattered because I wouldnt have changed my mind either way (my body my choice) and I am VERY strong willed ( and not very nice ) , but it's funny how things have change there. Or maybe I just got lucky.
Well in the last two years they created a position for a full time lactation consultant who visits every new mom. My moms friend said they've only recently gotten pushy about BF but apparently this is the general culture across the country, according to this nurse. I also went in with the plan to BF exclusively, but when DD was suffering and I started wavering and I felt very pressured to continue. My poor daughters lips were dry and her skin was turning more jaundice because she was literally starving, but they continued to push BF. And when my pediatrician said I may have to supplement the lactation consultant and nurses made it seem like it was the most horrible idea ever. Sorry but I trust my pediatrician over them.
ah ok.so that makes sense now. I am glad they didn't have this when I was there. I would have asked them to leave my room immediately... as I feed my DD a bottle of tbe "poison" Enfamil.
Message edited 5/10/2015 5:24:47 PM.
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| Posted 5/10/15 5:24 PM |
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SLPRunner
LIF Adult
Member since 12/13 1101 total posts
Name:
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Letting go of the guilt (breastfeeding related)......
What will affect bonding with your baby is stressing over breastfeeding. I wish I had realized that sooner. I really enjoyed him when I finally decided to supplement and got some sleep :)
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| Posted 5/10/15 9:26 PM |
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Jbon630
LIF Adult
Member since 12/11 1340 total posts
Name:
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Re: Letting go of the guilt (breastfeeding related)......
Posted by BeachGrl
Posted by NervousNell
I'm confused about the bonding time. How are you not bonding when feeding your child from a bottle. If you are giving them that bottle, you are spending time with them, holding them close etc.
And as far as the benefits of breast milk over formula, I am not on board with that either. My DD had not a drop of BM and is literally NEVER sick. And is a daycare child. Has no allergies. Never gets a head cold. Had one stomach virus in 5 years of life. Never gets fevers. I am sick more than she is.
Is crazy smart with a memory that astounds me.
so I can't see what benefit she would have derived from BM over formula. It baffles me.
I agree with all of this. My friends kids that are breastfed are sick a lot more than my formula fed DD. They also have developmental delays and issues, but DD is completely on track and healthy.
Don't beat yourself up over this. Enjoy every single second of this amazing time in your life. They grow up so fast and you can't get these moments back. Don't spend it being upset over something you can't control. As long as DD is happy and healthy, that's ALL that matters!
I'm sure you didn't mean any offense by this, but I just wanted to point out that many (including myself) could take this as hurtful. Just to put it in perspective, if I were to say that my breast fed daughter is extremely healthy and never gets sick (which is 100% true), and my formula feeding friends' kids got sick all the time and had developmental delays, OMG I would be flamed until the cows came home.
As much as I agree many women are pressured to BF way too much, there is also a huge stigma to breast feeding in this country, and we aren't all evil formula condemning sanctimommies.
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| Posted 5/12/15 8:49 PM |
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Letting go of the guilt (breastfeeding related)......
I just pumped and gave it to my kids in a bottle. When they got bigger, they were able to latch better and I both nursed and pumped. I didn't make enough milk even with all of the supplements and tips so I also gave formula.
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| Posted 5/14/15 7:08 AM |
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cowgirlkate
Twins times TWO!
Member since 1/11 1197 total posts
Name:
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Re: Letting go of the guilt (breastfeeding related)......
I didn't read others responses, but first of all wanted to send hugs your way. You're already proving to be a dedicated, loving, caring momma with your child's best interests at heart. Sometimes breastfeeding just doesn't work out and especially in your case it isn't for lack of trying!!! You are doing a wonderful job with your daughter and must not lose sight of that. You can still bonding with your daughter feeding her a formula bottle or even a pumped bottle of milk. While there are many benefits of breastfeeding for mom and baby, you have already given some of the most important milk you could give. It is ok to "throw in the towel." I worked night and day for 4 months pumping/breastfeeding my first set of twins and when I stopped I felt completely guilty because it was working perfectly but I just couldn't physically do it anymore. This time I stopped much sooner (around 3 weeks) and was totally ok with my decision because I remembered how much happier of a mom I was without that stress on me. It sounds like you have given your best effort. Its ok to call it a day on the breastfeeding chapter for your daughter!!!!!!
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| Posted 5/14/15 9:16 AM |
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DRMom
Two in Blue
Member since 5/05 20223 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: Letting go of the guilt (breastfeeding related)......
I would try pumping. I remember that feeling of frustration and fear that my kids were not getting enough food! I had twins and ended up exclusively pumping for 6 months. Then did formula for 6 months. Do what works best for you and baby:)
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| Posted 5/14/15 9:49 AM |
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