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Beachgirl59
LIF Infant
Member since 5/12 296 total posts
Name:
K
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Babysitting problem- WWYD????
Dh's aunt who is 60 years old watches DS one day a week, along with her granddaughter. I pay her to watch him, and drop him off to her. Today I go to pick him up and she tells me that they broke down at the autobody place because they went out in her car that has 116,000 miles on it and the water pump went. A friend of her daughters (that I do not know) picked them up from autobody place and drove them home. Not only did she never tell me she was taking him anywhere, put him in a car with someone I don't know, but then I asked her where they were going and her response was that they were going out for the day! I'm so furious right now... How dare she take my son out in a car and then not even tell me where they were going!!! I cannot just let this go. How would you bring this up without starting WW3?
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Posted 5/13/13 6:42 PM  |
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Sparrow
LIF Adult
Member since 11/10 6826 total posts
Name:
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Re: Babysitting problem- WWYD????
That's tough. I would majorly object to all of that also. I do place a high value on having family babysit but you have to decide how much it's worth.
Had you discussed them going out prior to this? What were the expectations?
Also, I'm assuming she has a car seat but what happened once she was in her friend's car?
I would possibly think about finding another form of child care.
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| Posted 5/13/13 7:03 PM |
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luckysmom
Yes it is! Going as planned:)
Member since 6/07 5339 total posts
Name:
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Babysitting problem- WWYD????
I would not be comfortable with this either. There are only 3 people that we would ever trust to drive our kids. Our best friends and dh's brother. Being that she's family, it's tough! However, you are paying her to watch your DS an were never informed that she'd be driving anywhere. She also put your child in a car with a stranger to you. Not cool! Can DH handle it? Maybe tell her you are just no confortable with her driving him around and you prefer she dont do that again without calling to heck with you first?
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| Posted 5/13/13 7:05 PM |
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mrsboss
my little love
Member since 12/09 5054 total posts
Name:
Me
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Babysitting problem- WWYD????
And similar example(s) of this is why DD started daycare.
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| Posted 5/13/13 7:13 PM |
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blustar214
So in love with my little girl
Member since 1/10 2471 total posts
Name:
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Re: Babysitting problem- WWYD????
I think that I am in the minority here, but if you never explicitly told her that you didn't want her driving your son, then I don't see that she did anything 'wrong'. Also, like the PP mentioned, did you give her a car seat? And if you did I would think that, absent other instructions, it was implicit consent for her to drive him places.
I think that it's kind of hard to ask a family member to watch your kids all day and have them stuck in the house.
I'm not sure if you posted how old your DS is, so I'm not sure, but I think it's nice for everyone to get out of the house.
If you feel strongly about not having anyone but you driving your DS then I think you need to tell her, and if she doesn't want to be housebound then I guess it's time to look for new arrangements.
Good luck!!!
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| Posted 5/13/13 8:08 PM |
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Atherley
So in Love with my DS
Member since 1/11 1122 total posts
Name:
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Babysitting problem- WWYD????
My brother did this to me a few weeks ago with my ds. Ds is 7 months and it made me sooooo angry. Luckily I was able to calm down and I told him that anything could have happened while he was out with ds, and he should never take him out without letting me know. At first he did not think he had done anything wrong, but after I talked to him he apologized. I think you should speak to your aunt and let her know you are upset.
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| Posted 5/13/13 8:13 PM |
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Beachgirl59
LIF Infant
Member since 5/12 296 total posts
Name:
K
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Re: Babysitting problem- WWYD????
Posted by blustar214
I think that I am in the minority here, but if you never explicitly told her that you didn't want her driving your son, then I don't see that she did anything 'wrong'. Also, like the PP mentioned, did you give her a car seat? And if you did I would think that, absent other instructions, it was implicit consent for her to drive him places.
I think that it's kind of hard to ask a family member to watch your kids all day and have them stuck in the house.
I'm not sure if you posted how old your DS is, so I'm not sure, but I think it's nice for everyone to get out of the house.
If you feel strongly about not having anyone but you driving your DS then I think you need to tell her, and if she doesn't want to be housebound then I guess it's time to look for new arrangements.
Good luck!!!
DS is 4 months. I leave her his car seat becàuse he's normally sleeping in it when I drop him. She does not have a base. She also watches him one day a week.. It's not like I'm asking her to be stuck in the house all week. But I'm upset she didnt even tell me they were going out and then answered "out for the day" when I asked where they were going.
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| Posted 5/13/13 8:17 PM |
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NASP09
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Member since 6/05 6030 total posts
Name:
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Re: Babysitting problem- WWYD????
Posted by mrsboss
And similar example(s) of this is why DD started daycare.
Same here
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| Posted 5/13/13 8:36 PM |
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maybebaby
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 6870 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: Babysitting problem- WWYD????
The only prob I would have had in this scenario is that he was picked up by someone I don't know. That wouldn't sit well with me.
Other than that, if she is watching him for a whole day she should be allowed to get out with him...run errands, or to the park etc...the fact that the car had 116K miles really doesn't mean a thing. My honda accord has 140K and runs beautifully bc we maintain it religiously.
My thing is this...if there is ever a bad gut feeling or something really bothering me about something, especially where my kids are concerned, that is a red flag to me to get out of the situation. I would look for someone else if you're upset or worried. Its just not worth the aggravation or worry when it comes to your kid!!
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| Posted 5/13/13 8:45 PM |
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alli3131
Peanut is here!!!!!!
Member since 5/09 18388 total posts
Name:
Allison
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Babysitting problem- WWYD????
I wouldn't have a problem with any of it unless you said don't take my child out. The friend picking them up wouldn't bother me. They broke down what were they supposed to do.
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| Posted 5/13/13 9:09 PM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: Babysitting problem- WWYD????
Posted by Beachgirl59
Posted by blustar214
I think that I am in the minority here, but if you never explicitly told her that you didn't want her driving your son, then I don't see that she did anything 'wrong'. Also, like the PP mentioned, did you give her a car seat? And if you did I would think that, absent other instructions, it was implicit consent for her to drive him places.
I think that it's kind of hard to ask a family member to watch your kids all day and have them stuck in the house.
I'm not sure if you posted how old your DS is, so I'm not sure, but I think it's nice for everyone to get out of the house.
If you feel strongly about not having anyone but you driving your DS then I think you need to tell her, and if she doesn't want to be housebound then I guess it's time to look for new arrangements.
Good luck!!!
DS is 4 months. I leave her his car seat becàuse he's normally sleeping in it when I drop him. She does not have a base. She also watches him one day a week.. It's not like I'm asking her to be stuck in the house all week. But I'm upset she didnt even tell me they were going out and then answered "out for the day" when I asked where they were going.
Unless you have ever had a conversation telling her you expect her to stay home for the entire day, then I don't think she did anything wrong. And a carrier doesn't actually need a base, it can be used with just a seatbelt. I would be a little annoyed that she was so nonchalant with her response as to where they were going, but again, unless you have had a conversation making your expectations clear, I don't think it's fair for you to be so upset. To me, it just seems like a lack of communication. And it seems as though she doesn't feel she did anything wrong which leads me to believe this is not the first time she has taken DS out. You need to sit down and have an honest talk with her, or you need to find alternative care.
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| Posted 5/13/13 9:15 PM |
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curiousgeorge
LIF Adolescent
Member since 10/10 867 total posts
Name:
MAMA
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Re: Babysitting problem- WWYD????
Im a bit on the protective side. I only have three people, my inlaws and my sister who has years of tutor time experience and is a PA , who I allow to watch my kids and they know they can't take them out in the car, the don't even want too. It's a huge responsibility. I would just tell her you don't feel comfortable.
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| Posted 5/13/13 9:44 PM |
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Karen
Just chillin'!!
Member since 1/06 9690 total posts
Name:
Karen
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Re: Babysitting problem- WWYD????
Posted by blustar214
I think that I am in the minority here, but if you never explicitly told her that you didn't want her driving your son, then I don't see that she did anything 'wrong'. Also, like the PP mentioned, did you give her a car seat? And if you did I would think that, absent other instructions, it was implicit consent for her to drive him places.
I think that it's kind of hard to ask a family member to watch your kids all day and have them stuck in the house.
I'm not sure if you posted how old your DS is, so I'm not sure, but I think it's nice for everyone to get out of the house.
If you feel strongly about not having anyone but you driving your DS then I think you need to tell her, and if she doesn't want to be housebound then I guess it's time to look for new arrangements.
Good luck!!!
Totally agree!
I think it is unreasonable to ask someone to stay home all day with a child.
As for the friend picking them up - the car broke down which is an unusual circumstance. I would totally let it go.
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| Posted 5/13/13 9:50 PM |
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gina409
TWINS!
Member since 12/09 27635 total posts
Name:
g
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Re: Babysitting problem- WWYD????
Posted by Karen
Posted by blustar214
I think that I am in the minority here, but if you never explicitly told her that you didn't want her driving your son, then I don't see that she did anything 'wrong'. Also, like the PP mentioned, did you give her a car seat? And if you did I would think that, absent other instructions, it was implicit consent for her to drive him places.
I think that it's kind of hard to ask a family member to watch your kids all day and have them stuck in the house.
I'm not sure if you posted how old your DS is, so I'm not sure, but I think it's nice for everyone to get out of the house.
If you feel strongly about not having anyone but you driving your DS then I think you need to tell her, and if she doesn't want to be housebound then I guess it's time to look for new arrangements.
Good luck!!!
Totally agree!
I think it is unreasonable to ask someone to stay home all day with a child.
As for the friend picking them up - the car broke down which is an unusual circumstance. I would totally let it go.
ita but i can see ur side,i would just express your feelings
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| Posted 5/14/13 12:46 AM |
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MrsPJB2007
MBA at your service!
Member since 7/06 12020 total posts
Name:
MJ
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Re: Babysitting problem- WWYD????
Posted by alli3131
I wouldn't have a problem with any of it unless you said don't take my child out. The friend picking them up wouldn't bother me. They broke down what were they supposed to do.
Ita
I don't think it's so bad if you've never said anything before.
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| Posted 5/14/13 7:42 AM |
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DiamondGirl
You are my I love you
Member since 7/09 18802 total posts
Name:
DiamondMama
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Babysitting problem- WWYD????
We had a similar situaton. My MIL watches DS one day a week, she asked if she could come take him to her house (45min away) and then bring him back, we asked her not to. We were not comfortable with him being driven 45min each way on multiple highways for no real 'reason', of course in an isolated event we would understand but she wanted to make a habit of doing this and we said no, I leave at 730 and am home by 3:10, no need for it.
She took him anyway the second time she watched him without telling us until she was there.
We flipped. Explained to her that we REALLY appreciated her helping us by watching him one day a week but we do not want her driving him to her house every week and if she could not stay at our house and drive locally only (to get out and go stores bc she doesnt like to stay home all day which we get) then she would not being watching him,
She has not done it since, once she had to bring him to her house bc of special circumstances and she asked and we said it was fine but not as a regular thing.
Message edited 5/14/2013 8:18:50 AM.
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| Posted 5/14/13 8:17 AM |
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Re: Babysitting problem- WWYD????
I think it depends on whether or not it was clear to her if she could drive with him. The friend driving him home would scare the crap out of me but if the car broke down, I'm not sure what else could have been done. I suppose if it was clear that she couldn't take him out that situation wouldn't have happened to begin with.
If you are comfortable with her childcare otherwise and she agrees not to take him in the car again i would let it go. If not, then you may need to consider another child care option. I don't think it's unfair to expect someone to stay home one day a week to take care of a child. My parents and in laws do this and have no problem not leaving the house for a day.
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| Posted 5/14/13 8:26 AM |
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Beachgirl59
LIF Infant
Member since 5/12 296 total posts
Name:
K
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Re: Babysitting problem- WWYD????
Thanks for all the feedback girls. I think I'm just upset at her response when I asked her where they went. I am going to speak to her and explain that I'm ok with her taking him out but just let me know where she will be taking him. As his mother I don't think it's unreasonable to want to know where my son is during the day.
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| Posted 5/14/13 8:31 AM |
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blu6385
Member since 5/08 8351 total posts
Name:
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Re: Babysitting problem- WWYD????
Posted by alli3131
I wouldn't have a problem with any of it unless you said don't take my child out. The friend picking them up wouldn't bother me. They broke down what were they supposed to do.
i agree.
I also dont see the big deal of letting her drive him.I dont know if i trust someone to watch my kid im most likely going to trust them to drive them.
I let me parents drive my DD, my friend when Im in the car and not she has 3 kids of her own i would never tell her i dont trust her to drive my kids. I have had playdates where we just went in one car i drove the parent didnt even question it.
i would be prepared that she take offense and maybe be prepared to find another sitter.
I know if i was her i would be really offended that obvisouly her daughter trust her to drive her kid but you are going to tell her that you dont.
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| Posted 5/14/13 8:38 AM |
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blu6385
Member since 5/08 8351 total posts
Name:
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Re: Babysitting problem- WWYD????
Posted by Beachgirl59
Thanks for all the feedback girls. I think I'm just upset at her response when I asked her where they went. I am going to speak to her and explain that I'm ok with her taking him out but just let me know where she will be taking him. As his mother I don't think it's unreasonable to want to know where my son is during the day.
had my window open a while before i posted it so i didnt see this update. I agree its not unreasnable to know where there going for the day
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| Posted 5/14/13 8:40 AM |
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ko123
My loves!
Member since 10/07 3002 total posts
Name:
Kristin
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Re: Babysitting problem- WWYD????
Wait...if she doesn't have a carseat base, how was she able to drive with him?? 
I would be majorly upset. I want to know where my girls are at all times. BHowever, if you never told her she couldn't drive with him AND she wanted to "go out for the day" I would at minimal expect any adult to call the parent and tell them the plans.
I think you have every right to say something to her. I hate confrontation so I would do it as nicely as possible..."Hey, we're really nervous about him being out in cars without us so please just keep outdoor activities to walks etc."
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| Posted 5/14/13 9:37 AM |
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JennZ
MY LIFE!!
Member since 8/05 25463 total posts
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Re: Babysitting problem- WWYD????
I think if you trust this person enough to leave your child with them, you should teust her taking him out. For the day, or five minutes. This does not IMO warrant a WW3 reaction. Jmho of course.
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| Posted 5/14/13 9:47 AM |
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Beachgirl59
LIF Infant
Member since 5/12 296 total posts
Name:
K
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Re: Babysitting problem- WWYD????
Posted by JennZ
I think if you trust this person enough to leave your child with them, you should teust her taking him out. For the day, or five minutes. This does not IMO warrant a WW3 reaction. Jmho of course.
I'm not saying I don't trust her...all i'm saying is that I think i have the right to know where they are going...not a "out for the day response." One reason being, last night I had to take him to the doc because of his eye, so she was asking if he was outside during the day, thinking it could possibly be an allergy to something outside...but I don't know b/c the response I got was "out for the day.." So i don't know if he was at a park or whatever.
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| Posted 5/14/13 9:56 AM |
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Beachgirl59
LIF Infant
Member since 5/12 296 total posts
Name:
K
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Re: Babysitting problem- WWYD????
Posted by blu6385
Posted by alli3131
I wouldn't have a problem with any of it unless you said don't take my child out. The friend picking them up wouldn't bother me. They broke down what were they supposed to do.
i agree.
I also dont see the big deal of letting her drive him.I dont know if i trust someone to watch my kid im most likely going to trust them to drive them.
I let me parents drive my DD, my friend when Im in the car and not she has 3 kids of her own i would never tell her i dont trust her to drive my kids. I have had playdates where we just went in one car i drove the parent didnt even question it.
i would be prepared that she take offense and maybe be prepared to find another sitter.
I know if i was her i would be really offended that obvisouly her daughter trust her to drive her kid but you are going to tell her that you dont.
She's not my mother...I trust my mother.. But she's my husbands aunt, so not fair to compare at all. I think some of you girls are misunderstanding my point here....
His cousin watches him the other 4 days...she will say to me in the morning "gonna take him to the park today" or when I pick him up she'll let me know they ran to the store..and that's fine. I jus tdon't think it's right that when I asked where they were going when her car broke down I got the response "out for the day."
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| Posted 5/14/13 9:59 AM |
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Bearcat
Love my little girls!!! <3
Member since 6/10 10818 total posts
Name:
E
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Re: Babysitting problem- WWYD????
I would absolutely be concerned if she doesn't have the base in her car - how on earth are you supposed to know that she's properly attaching the infant seat?? I don't even know how to do it without the base.... I mean I'm sure people will say oh it's easy, it's simple but the bottom line is if you (general you) don't know if the person knows how to do it, you (general you) should be concerned about whether it's being done properly.
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| Posted 5/14/13 10:15 AM |
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