Brand new mommy with lots of questions...

Ladies...last night was our first night at home with our new baby. I just really need to talk to someone that understands...I have tears streaming down my face right now...it was the hardest night of my life. I have been breastfeeding and thought I finally got the hang of it, but apparently not b/c last night she just wouldn't latch on except for once and was crying nonstop from 11:30 pm-5:00 am. I finally caved in and gave her some formula and she went right to sleep. I am meeting with the Pediatrician today b/c she has lost more than 10% of her body weight. I want to discuss pumping and supplementing with formula...has anyone done this sucessfully? Breastfeeding is really wearing me down physically and emotionally, especially b/c of my c-section...I feel that I just can't physically do this anymore and the thought of formula making her happy just seems like the light at the end of the tunnel for me.

Help! Any advice, stories, etc. are greatly appreciated. Tell me this gets better....I am so exhuasted right now and am dreading tonight...

Re: Brand new mommy with lots of questions...

I was in the same boat....I opted to not BF (that was me)....I couldnt for other reasons as well.

I just wanted to say that IT does get better and wanted to offer you

Welcome home and CONGRATS! Love to see pics.

ETA: You can call someone to help, A La Leche consultant. Try that. Might help.

Message edited 6/26/2007 10:27:49 AM.

Re: Brand new mommy with lots of questions...

First off, Congrats on your and welcome to the parenting board!

Secondly, TONS of hugs for you

The first few days with a newborn are hard, we have all been there. As for Bf'ing (I BF for four months and had to supplement w/formula) call a LC, she can help you. Try pumping so you can see exactly how much BM DD is getting. I HTH. Hang in there.

ETA: Sleep when she sleeps and ASK your family for help. There is NOTHING wrong with having your mom, MIL, anyone come over so you can pump, get some rest, and have a bit of a break. Doing this may make a big difference.

Message edited 6/26/2007 10:31:26 AM.

Re: Brand new mommy with lots of questions...

OMG - first of all - Congratulations!!! 2nd, can you call a lactation consultant? Breastfeeding in NOT easy but it is so good for your baby and they can help you teach her how to latch and make sure you are doing everything correctly. It is SO hard in the beginning becasue you are so tired and emotions are running high and it is time consuming. That said, if you feel you really can't do it, then by all means give her formula. The problem with pumping is that you spend time pumping, followed by feeding, followed by pumping again. Not exactly ideal. Call La Leche League if you really want to give breastfeeding a shot.

Re: Brand new mommy with lots of questions...

Formula ws the light at the end of the tunnel for me too - and we had to try several before we found one that worked. Whatever you chose to do is the right decision for you and your baby, don't feel guilty for one minute. The most important thing is your sanity and that the baby is fed and happy. Hang in there you are deifnitely in the hardest part right now getting used to things/recovering/hormones, etc. It will not be so hard forever, I promise!

Message edited 6/26/2007 10:33:00 AM.

Re: Brand new mommy with lots of questions...

First of all congrats on your new baby .

The next few weeks are going to be very challenging and rewarding for you - the rewarding part when she is sleeping peacefully and you are getting a few moments to yourself...the challenging part when she is crying, you are trying to recuperate from your own surgery, your hormones raging all over the shop, people asking you q's and giving you advice that sometimes you dont want, the newness of it all etc etc.

I EBF for the first year. My daughter was 6lbs 8 ozs when she was born, we left the hospital three days later and she was 6lbs 2 ozs. The Ped recommended I give her some formula or pedialyte over the weekend to supplement. I decided not to as I didnt see the need, most babies lose at least 10% the first few days. So I sat under her all weekend and fed on demand. She was back up to her birth weight by monday.

I am SO glad I didnt supplement and that I gave myself and my DD the time for us both to get used to BF - remember its a first for both of you so there are going to be some hiccups. If you have the time and patience to BF then go for it, if its wearing you down physically and emotionally and you feel that formula will work better for you then thats the road to take - its whatever works best for you and your little one.

Have you tried giving her the paci? She may not want it but its worth a try as they like to suck on something sometimes to soothe themselves. Walking, singing, Shushing all work. Its a crap shoot in the beginning as you dont know what you are doing but dont worry you will get into the swing of things.

Tears are normal. I locked myself in our bathroom the night I came home from hospital and bawled for at least 30 mins. I was so overwhelmed, tired..everything and I continued to cry for weeks afterwards but it was happy tears as I was so grateful to have her.

I dont know if this will help you but do know that we all started off as new moms at some stage, it was all overwhelming but we got through it as did our babies whether they were BF or formula fed and you will too.

Message edited 6/26/2007 10:36:01 AM.

Re: Brand new mommy with lots of questions...

Re: Brand new mommy with lots of questions...

Congrats!! Just so you know I was adamantly againt formula and was determined to BF.

I did it for 2 weeks and it was more difficult than 15 hrs of labor and the entire pregnancy.

DS was gaining weight, but I was a wreck (I think I am just recovering from the physical and emotional stress)
It was HaRD!!

I am using formula now and DS is very happy and so am I. Getting the colosrum is the most important thing anyway.

I never thought I would say this, but at 7 weeks it is easier.

Re: Brand new mommy with lots of questions...

So sorry....

Your story sounds like I could have written it. I thought I had the perfect baby in the hospital....slept all day, didn't cry, a dream. That first night home I slept for about a total of an hour! It was the worst night ever!! I cried forever, and couldn't figure out how to make him happy. I had a c-section too, and was BF'ing and supplementing. I didn't pump too much...I BF'd and then added formula if I felt like he needed more. Did that for 4 1/2 months.

I know it's hard to see it now, but it DOES get easier. Hang in there

Re: Brand new mommy with lots of questions...

OH alicia, sorry you are having so much trouble...hang in there

when Mikayla was born, she would only latch on one side...and she was not getting satisfied...I supplemeted her from day one, actually from like day 3 in the hospital and she did great with that......do not make yourself sick with worry, supplement her if you need to. hope things look up for you

Re: Brand new mommy with lots of questions...

I had the same issues in the beginning with BF and having a c-section. Plus, I had an infection on top of everything and was on some serious IV antibiotics. All of this was hindering my milk coming in. When I was in the hospital I gave Bella formula and at the same time, pumped out the colostrum so she would at least ave that on top of the formula. I continued to pump after feedings just to stimulate my milk supply. I had a lactation specialist help me out while still in the hospital. I HIGHLY recommend getting in touch with one. It made the WORLD of difference for me.

I rented a pump from her and would pump to stimulate. We gave her maybe 1 bottle of formula when we got home because eventually my milk came in, thanks to pumping.

It takes practice and patience to get them to latch on correctly. Trust me, it's NO easy task.

A helpful way the nurses showed me to get the nipple in correctly was to sissor your nipple/areola between your forfinger and middle finger and put it in the babies mouth that way, making sure it goes towards the roof of the mouth, that way it stimulates the suck reflex.

HTH

Re: Brand new mommy with lots of questions...

Congrat's!!!!!

I experience the same thing. It's natural to feel overwhelmed. I wasn't producing enough milk in the beginning so I would supplement formula every other feeding so I knew my DD was eating enough. BF does get much easier. I was crying for the first two days, but I pumped and let them rest and after that it was great. If you want to continue BF, give it at least 2 weeks. I know that sounds long, but it goes fast. We are all here for you!!

I promise you!! It will get better. Don't stress out about it. If it gets too much, put your DC in the crib and take a hot shower.

I had a c-section too and know how hard it can be. Just hang in there!!!

Re: Brand new mommy with lots of questions...

First off congratulations to you!

Here are some for last night.

As the other posters have said, it is very hard to deal with all the changes that have happened in your life in a few short days. Your hormones are all over the place. It does get better. Know that you are not alone, we have all gone through it. Take it one day at a time.
See if you can speak to a LC. They will be able to help. If for some reason it doesn't work out, it's ok. Formula is fine. I BF both my boys but always had to supplement during night feedings because I just wasn't satisfying my boys enough.
The most important thing right now, is that you are relaxed and happy...a Happy mommmy makes a Happy baby.
Do what you think is best for you and your baby. Things will get better.

Re: Brand new mommy with lots of questions...

First of all congratulations!! Second, I know how you are feeling. I also had so much trouble breastfeeding the first week- my daughter wouldn't latch on, and the nurses pushed me into giving formula. The lactation consultant in the hospital wasn't much help either. I pumped in the hospital, and bought a Medela pump for home, and pumping milk and supplementing with formula for the first week. I was a physical and emotional wreck- every few hours I would try to breastfeed, it would end in tears (for her and for me!), then have to pump, then bottle feed her that plus formula because I wasn't making enough. I had no sleep, and I just wanted to give up on the breastfeeding!

Actually what helped me was my pediatrician at I think my 1 or 2 week follow up. She actually sat with me, gave me some pointers on getting her to latch on properly, and some advice- like when she stops sucking, take a deep breath. My DD actually latched on there in the office, and my doc let me have the room to myself for another 20 min so I could feed her. I left that appointment in tears (of joy)! After that I exclusively BF (until I returned to work, then I supplemented with formula).

So I just wanted to tell you it does get easier, and if you really want to, you can most likely get her to breastfeed. I thought my DD would never figure out how to latch on. I think it may be worth it to call a lactation consultant, but also there are websites (kellymom.com I think) that can also give advice. My advice is to try different positions (there are some good positions for women who had c-sections, like laying on your side, or cradling the baby under your armpit), make sure you are relaxed and in a good mood when you're breastfeeding (I think the more I worried the less milk I made), and make sure you take care of yourself (eat/drink so you keep your own supply up). If you want to buy a pump, they are expensive but worth it if you use them (especially if you will go back to work and use it there).

Also remember, if you try your best but she is still not latching on, the most important thing for your baby is a healthy mommy- if trying to breastfeed wears you down so much, it's not good for either of you, and in that case formula would be a better solution. But just know it takes a while for baby and mommy to get the hang of breastfeeding, and most times it does get easier if you stick it out a little longer. Good luck!

Re: Brand new mommy with lots of questions...

1st-big congratulations!!! i am not far behind you and had some difficulties in the beginning too. both babies had lost more than 10% of their birth weights and both had jaundice. the pediatrician was really pushing me to give formula and wasn't supportive of my choice to breastfeed. but after several conversations with a la leche leader and reading up on things, i was really determined to make it work, so i called the lactation consultant from the hospital and she gave me the name of a few private lactation cosultants. most can come right to your house. i went to her office and it was the best $150 i have ever spent. she helped with techniques for latching and made me feel more secure in my new job as mother and food source. she was really awesome.

not sure where you live, but she's in manhasset if you want her info. please don't lose hope, it is extremely difficult in the beginning, but with every passsing day, it gets better-i promise!!

Re: Brand new mommy with lots of questions...

First of all, congratulations!!

Above is a lot of great advice. I promise, it will get better

Re: Brand new mommy with lots of questions...

Posted by chelle

A helpful way the nurses showed me to get the nipple in correctly was to sissor your nipple/areola between your forfinger and middle finger and put it in the babies mouth that way, making sure it goes towards the roof of the mouth, that way it stimulates the suck reflex.

HTH

Re: Brand new mommy with lots of questions...

Congrats!

It WILL get better. I don't have any great advice, since I didn't BF.

But, I agree with one of the APs. Do not feel guilty for one moment if you decide to stop. BFing is not for everyone! YOU know what is best for you and your baby. If you would like to supplement, then go for it.

Re: Brand new mommy with lots of questions...

I could've written that too, except I didn't have a c-section.

It is very hard, but trust me, it will get better. What you are feeling is completely normal and it will pass. I almost quit a dozen times. DH would tell me to quit but I've never quit anything in my life so I kept on. I never thought I'd need that much stamina and perseverance raising a newborn and breastfeeding, but you do.

Our DD wasn't back to her birthweight at her 2 week appt. The ped suggested that I supplement one bottle in the late evening hour to hold her over longer and I could get some more rest. A rested mommy produces good milk. We did it with no problem and everyone was happier! We stopped supplementing after we got the hang of it and then started incorporating formula/pumped milk again a couple weeks before going back to work.

Congratulations! and Best wishes!

Re: Brand new mommy with lots of questions...

My experience was pretty much the same as you described. The last time that my son was on my berast was right before we left the hospital - never again. He cried - screamed really - once we got home. I admit that I pretty much gave up - I have to go back to work in July (which gives us 7 weeks together) and by then I would only be feeding from the breast in the morning and at night - all other times would pump so I just stopped and decided to pump. I called the pediatrician who told me not to be so hard on myself and to give formula in the meanwhile. I did that but continued to pump the breast milk. Now - 4 weeks later I feed him expressed breast milk and have built up enough of a supply to feed him BM all day every day for the last two weeks. When we started it was mostly formula. Once I had a two ounce bottle of BM I would give him that. Then my milk really came in and I was able to pump more than he was eating so I started storing it. Now he has BM with every feeding except before bed when I do give him formula to help him sleep longer. I only pump 4 oz at each time and that's what he drinks so usually in a day I am behind but I have the milk I stocked up on to help. Pumping is very hard - and demanding. DH has been a huge help. My last pump before bed - that milk stays out to feed him at night. DH will feed him and I will pump again. That milk is held for the next feeding. There are plenty of times where I just can't wake DH (I feel too bad since he works) so I feed the baby the bottle from the last pump and once I put him down I pump more.

I used to be really crazy about pumping every 3 hours but now I find I pump every 4 or even 5 hours depending on what's going on. I stopped putting so much stress on myself - I'll give him what I have and supplement with formula if need be. Otherwise it takes its toll on you.

For me - the most important part was getting him that breastmilk. I am okay with not having him on me - we still bond. My little man looks up at me while he eats and I talk to him and touch his cheek.We have our time together and DH has feeding time with him as well. It works for us although pumping is very demanding...you have to set your own expectations and not be hard on yourself.

Good Luck - please feel free to FM if you want to talk more about what I have been doing.

ETA: I didn't have a c-section so I can't begin to imagine how much more difficult that makes things. And as far as weight - DS was 8lbs 11oz when born, by the time we left the hospital he was about 8lbs 9oz. (only there for 36 hours). At the one week appt he was 8lbs 14oz and a week after that he was 9lbs 3oz!

Message edited 6/26/2007 11:14:42 AM.

Re: Brand new mommy with lots of questions...

I also wanted to say ALicia about the weight

my DD was born at 9lb, 8oz (on a tuesday afternoon)

By wednesday night, she was 9lb,1oz

and by thursday night, she was 8lb, 11oz

so she lost alot of weight too....now at 3 months, she is a svelte 14.5-15lbs....

Re: Brand new mommy with lots of questions...

I am sorry your first night was so rough.....

I had to pump & bottle fed DS for the first 2 weeks & I also had to supplement with formula as well. It worked like a charm & he gained all his weight back and then some by his 1 week visit, and another lb 2 weeks after that.

Luckily they noticed in the hospital that he was not getting enough from my milk (which was nearly non-existent since he was so early). I would let him suckle to get the colostrum, and then give formula to satisfy him. I'd pump in between the scheduled feedings to get my milk to let-down, and by the day I went home (5th day) I was pumping almost 2 oz every 2 - 3 hours, which was enough to practically eliminate formula. At that point I only needed to supplement with formula once or twice per day. By week 3 he was latching like a champ for 20 minutes at a time & even soothing himself to sleep "on the boob." Now at 5 weeks he is getting 4 oz from me every 3 hours during the day and every 4 hours overnight. I still pump 2 extra times during the day to have extra milk on hand in, just in case. I also have DH feed him at his 9pm feeding so I can get a solid 6 hours of sleep. (I take a nap at 7pm, after he has his 6 pm feeding & is burped & changed.)

Also I find he needs a bit more right before a growth spurt.

BF was so incredibly hard in the beginning, but thanks to some great help & advice from the gals here I stuck with it & now it is like I don't even think about it.

Good luck

ETA: Silly question, but can your DC breathe when latched. DS could not breathe b/c no matter how we positioned him, his nose got flattened & he would release the latch. Even if I held my skin out of the way it would cause him to release the latch. Maybe that is why she is having such a hard time?

Message edited 6/26/2007 11:31:41 AM.

Re: Brand new mommy with lots of questions...

OMG- the SAME exact thing happened to me. Matty did NOT latch well until he was six weeks old.

the first night home was hell- he was up every 45 minutes and he was not latching- we had to give him Similac.

I called an LC the next day and she came over with a pump- I was terribly engorged by then. So, I mostly pumped the first 6 weeks and bottlefed. Finally, at 6 weeks he latched (I had kept trying) but he was not EBF until about 3.5 months- I loved breastfeeding from then until he was 5 months old- I went back to work then and stopped- also had to go on meds.

Anyway, I'm so glad I kept trying to get him to latch well because pumping was so annoying! But, you have to do what you are comfortable with- you need to be as stress free as possible! Being a new mommy is hard enough already! Those first few months were so hard for me.

Please FM me if you want to talk about it!

Re: Brand new mommy with lots of questions...

My milk was very slow coming in too- the first night home, I had her on and off the breast for six hours- and then she'd scream. Poor baby was starving, she lost more than 10% of her weight and was not gaining. I had to supplement with formula (4 oz a day to start, I'd bf and then give her an ounce) and it worked. So if supplementing is going to make your life easier, and most important, allow you to get the rest you need to recover, then I'd recommend it.

Re: Brand new mommy with lots of questions...

Oh Alicia I just went through this -- the first few days are SO HARD - nobody prepared me for the sleeplessness and the crying an the tears...mostly mine...

It really does get better. And BFing - well it hurts a bit...and it is impossible for baby to latch on if she's crying up a storm - try gettng her to latch on as SOON as she starts to wimper. It makes a big difference....

Please don't throw in the towel yet -- it gets easier I swear....