Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

Rose...you don't have to be sorry for not agreeing with me. part of the reason for posting this was to see responses that would have been contrary to my own.

ETA: in fact, NM...I'll ask in fm

Message edited 9/24/2009 10:30:09 AM.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

I was an insanely picky eater as a child. I still am. I also was not a huge eater and would get full pretty quickly. My parents used to make me sit at the kitchen table until I finished my food. Alot of times I sat there for a looong time while everyone else was watching TV and relaxing. I usually wound up feeding the food to my dog. I also had to eat the food if I didn't like it alot of times. I remember actually holding my nose and gagging while eating certain things.

That being said- for my DD I will definitely make her try things because I want her to actually KNOW if she likes something or not, not decide by the looks of it, which I admittedly do. If she doesn't like it after trying it- that will be the end of it. I will not force her.

I think just trying the fish would've been enough for me since your neice is usually a great eater. I wouldn't have forced her.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

I remember eating whatever my parents ate growing up. I was never picky though. I loved vegetables from the start. Food was never an issue, aside from my whole family eating too much too quickly.

I don't believe in requiring that a child finish all of something, but I do believe in requiring them to at least taste it before declaring that they don't like it.

My nephews don't stay with me often, but when they do, I try to make things that they like. One meal for all of us, but I won't make things that I know my nephews dislike. However, if I was with them on a more regular basis, things might be different.

I appreciate that you were trying to have your niece eat a balanced meal. However, I would have had her take 3 bites, and if she continued to dislike it, I wouldn't have pushed her on it.

I work in a preschool, and there is an ongoing conversation about food policies for the children. It's a loaded topic for many people.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

In all honesty...if my child came home from someone elses house and was forced to eat something they really truely didn't like, I as there mother would not be happy. & for me, as the aunt to my nephew, I'm allowed to spoil him...so if he wants ice cream for dinner, so be it (not that I encourage that haha) but I wouldn't have made him tilapia and spinach...(no offense) I would make him something he likes, his mother can be the one to make him try new things.

We were encouraged to try things in our house but never forced to eat it, if we didn't like, we just got nothing else and no dessert if we didn't finish dinner, so it was our fault. The ONLY time my sister & I were forced to try something was Spinach Pie and let me tell you we BOTH now have a mushy food texture problem!!!

Message edited 9/24/2009 12:10:57 PM.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

I have one question, because I can't form an opinion without knowing. Aside from the fake vomming, was she trying to pull away from you? Crying?


I mean, the way you said it I picture her being held against her will having fish stuffed into her face. lol. And I highly doubt that's the case here.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

Since I don't have children of my own yet, the only children eating at our house are other people's kids.

If their parents are there, they can deal with it.

If they're not, I go by the 3 bites rule. That's enough to get some of the nutritional value, but not be overwhelming if the kid really doesn't like it. I don't care for the whole "finish everything on your plate" thing due to my own childhood.

And I will not make an alternate meal because a kid doesn't like/won't eat something that's already being served. Eat it or not, your choice, but you might be hungry later.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

We didn't have to eat everything at my house but at my grandmother's house we did. We were staying with her while my mom was away and she made me pancakes which I don't like. She put those same pancakes out at every meal time for a week. I still refused to eat them (little did she know my grandfather was feeding me on the side )

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

Message edited 9/24/2009 4:25:11 PM.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

Posted by Ophelia

Posted by Jax430

. However, I would have had her take 3 bites, and if she continued to dislike it, I wouldn't have pushed her on it.

3 bites is all I required of her. and all we "forced" her to eat.

Infiniti, there was no crying...nothing like that at all. she ASKED me to help her finish (Ie feed her) and I obliged so she could get it over with and eat the things she DID like (the spinach and sweet potato) b/c it wasn't a matter of her NOT BEING HUNGRY. it was a matter of NOT LIKING THE FISH. I didn't force her to FINISH her plate. I forced her to eat a specific amount of one item. a distinction I feel many people commenting are failing to make, but anywho.

like I said in my first post and perhaps later on, I TELL the girls what I am making. they COOK IT WITH ME. if they want to stay and eat, they are welcomed. they just know they have to eat at least a LITTLE of everything that is prepared.

I didn't INVITE them over for dinner and then make something heinous to them I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't do that to ANYONE.

but enough of defending my evil ways thank you all for taking the time to comment.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

When I am with my nieces and nephews I try to follow what I know their parents would do.

I have one set that is very much into "You need to finish everything off your plate before having dessert" and another set that is much more laid back, and as soon as the kids have a few good bites they are happy with that.

That being said, you have your nieces over for dinner all the time it sounds like - so I would absolutely trust your judgement. I would personally be excited that she tried a few bites - and ate the spinach that was on her plate. I have a feeling people are picturing you holding her face down to the plate and shoving it in

My son is a horrible eater - even though he's only two - but my rule in the house will def. be that he has to at least try what I make to then decide if he doesn't like it. Unfortunately, we don't eat as a family since DH gets home later than Jack's dinnertime so I do make Jack what he likes to eat for the most part.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

I Dont think it matters how old a person is ......7 or 77. An adult wouldnt eat something they dont like and a 7 yr old shouldnt have to either. I think thats abusing control when parents or anyone forces the issue.

Tastes grow as we mature which is why young children like Mac and cheese and not fish ...

I would have of course asked her to at least try it but I wont force food or make a child or an adult eat something they dont like. I think having children try foods is important but can be done is differnt ways.

While I also wouldnt make something "special" just for anyone either....I might cook something the child liked instead , just like I would for an adult. My husband doesnt like fish, I wouldnt cook it for him and get mad when he didnt eat it.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

I'm not a fan of forcing anyone to eat every last bit of food on the plate. For one it can make someone sick, and it makes mealtime, well, not so happy an occasion. I don't believe in making alternate meals for kids (like making one for the adults and something completely different for kids). I do think you have to have some sort of sensitivity though when planning on a meal for child guest by making it kid friendly. Instead of fish, maybe grilled chicken would have been a better choice. Fish is a tricky food to begin with and many, even adults, do not like it much.

Growing up I had similar situations. My parents did not make alternate meals, which is fine, and I don't remember them making anything that wasn't even slightly kid-friendly. I do remember being rushed to finish eating when I was kid, which gave me lots of stomach upset and why I do not chew my food well to this day.

I would not force her to eat anything next time, but I would encourage her to try it. I think the rule in my house growing up was you had to take as many bites as your age (a 4 year old would have to try 4 bites), and just advise her that is the only meal option for the evening. Again though, you don't want to make meal time a bad experience, or worse, a control issue.

...and sometimes kids will vomit foods they are adverse to. You lucked out this time, but I would not push it. Also if she eats past the point of fullness, you are asking to see it again partially digested.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

this entire thread is so ridiculous.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

Well I do not have children or nieces and nephews yet.

Generally I am very lax with children (I work with them ) so I would never make them eat anything, Im a pushover lol

But I don't think anything is wrong with having them try something.

I would never be mad at my brother or SIL's if they made my child eat something.

I am very close to my brother and both my SIL's, so they will be around my children all the time.

Growing up my aunts and uncles would disipline me as they saw fit or "Act as my parent" when they watched me. To me that is totally normal, so their "house rules" I followed. My parents had no problem with this and I won't either.

Message edited 9/24/2009 8:38:02 PM.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

Nope, I think you were absolutely right! I don't know if I could do that, maybe I'm just a softy...but I wouldn't mind someone doing that to my child. 7 years old...she can eat what she's given. and...you didn't say to finish the food...just eat some of it.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

No and my nephew is a horrible eater. He used to eat very well but at a young age my brother's wife mother used to bother him and yell say he's going to choke. SO he only eats certain things. If he says no the I leave it at that as long as he eats we are all happy. i wouldnt force him to eat it.

Message edited 9/24/2009 9:42:43 PM.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

If the child tries one bite and doesn't like it, I'm not going to get in a struggle of wills over eating two more bites. It ruins my dinner and their dinner. We can try the food again at another meal. I can even prepare it differently, not everyone is going to like HOW I prepare something. My nephew likes one way I make salmon, not so thrilled with another way. So be it.
As far as the concern over having a protein at every meal, I don't think skipping a protein for ONE meal is going to be detrimental.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

I would never, ever force a child to eat something they didn't want to. Encourage it? Absolutely. But never force. Just like some families apparently do otherwise, in my family, there was never any forcing of food, and I'll be sticking with that.