Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

Sorry, but I think it's wrong to force a child to eat something they don't like. Especially at 7, when they know pretty much their likes and dislikes. She obviously tried it to know she didn't like it, and that would have been good enough for me.
In my house, Ava gets whatever we're having for dinner. She can choose to eat it or choose not to eat it, but if the choice is to not eat, then she goes to bed hungry. She made that mistake once and once only. I'm not a short order cook. That being said, there's really nothing I put in front of her that she will not try or eat. As long as she tries it, then I'm happy. There's always SOMETHING in the meal she'll eat.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

I do not force children to eat, EVER....that is one of the things I feel very strongly about

They eat when they are hungry

however, if my dd does not eat dinner, she does not get any snacks

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

I agree with putting a teeny bit of everything on my children's plate and then they should just try it, if they don't like it fine they dont' have to eat it. I agree that forcing them to clean their plate is not a healthy eating habit.

On the other hand, when my girls were babies I always said I would NOT be the kind of mom who said "one more bite", but of course I do this sometimes more because I don't want to always carry snacks around and they go to school now, or schedules are different.

I think for very young kids it's good to have a backup every night, which does not require me to cook different meals. So, for example, if they won't eat meatloaf or any of the sides, then they can have cheerios with milk, or a cheese sandwich. For older kids, I think it's fine to say if you dont like it then go to bed without dinner.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

Posted by kahlua716

Posted by imthekevinofcindyandkevin

i wouldn't make her eat it if she tried it and didn't like it. i at least want children to try something. if they don't like it why force it? if you don't like something do you still eat it? i would let her fill up on whatever she did like at dinner, like veggies and what not.

I agree

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

I have to say that I agree with Kate from J&K+8 on this one... She always says she is not a short-order cook. The kids will eat what she makes or they will not eat. She goes on to say that she will be sorry to see the food go in the garbage but she will not bribe, scream, haggle, or pester them to eat. If they don't then they'll be that much more hungry the next day. They won't starve, that's for sure!

And I've watched the children for years - they have some of the best appetites I have ever seen in children so that's what I'm going to do when I have kids. They eat everything and there's never an argument or debate about it - it just happens and dinner is a happy time.

For me, growing up, we had no choice but to do what we were told -- we had to eat what was given to us or else and we never challenged that rule to see what "or else" meant!!

Message edited 9/23/2009 8:21:56 PM.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

I would never force someone else's child to eat anything. not good. In my house growing up we were never ever forced to eat anything. I can't fathom forcing a child to eat if they didn't like something, bc I wasn't raised that way.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

In our house you have to at least try something, but if you don't like it that's fine, go make a PB&J.
I would NEVER forced someone else's child to eat something they did not like, family or not and I would have been rather annoyed with one of my sisters had they done the same. One night without protein isn't going to harm the child in any way.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

I do not force my daughter to eat anything. As a kid I was a picky eater and it was very hard being forced to eat things by my parents. I have issues with food and dieting now and I do wonder if that constant dinnertable battle and being forced to eat things is one of many factors.

On my own, as an adult, I have tried new things. I encourage my DD to try things but if she's not interested, then it's a done deal. I know what she likes and it's not hard for me to pick healthy things that I know she will eat.

Message edited 9/23/2009 9:05:10 PM.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

She's not your kid, so no I wouldn't force her. I actually think it's kinda mean and a good way to get her to dislike you. Maybe she was just in a mood that night - if she usually eats your food. She tried it, she didn't like it, what was the point in forcing her to eat it all?

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

In my home there was 4 kids and 2 parents .. Never enough food. We were poor.. My mothers motto was. "Take what you want, but eat what you take". We were not forced to try, We WANTED to try.. I guess I would have asked her to try it.. I think she did that,, if she didnt LIKE it then she should not have been forced to eat more. Now she will probably never like it. JMO.. But you do not come across like you were being mean or abusive to her at all.. Your probably her favorite Aunt and she adores you... I would bet on that!

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

Posted by Erica

Posted by PrincessP

Posted by LINewbie

She's not your kid, so no I wouldn't force her. I actually think it's kinda mean and a good way to get her to dislike you. Maybe she was just in a mood that night - if she usually eats your food. She tried it, she didn't like it, what was the point in forcing her to eat it all?

I actually was wondering the same thing. What was the motive for making her eat something she didnt want? What was your goal?

I have to agree with this.



I also agree...the whole thing makes me
If she's not your kid I don't see why you would be forcing her to do anything, especially eat something she doesn't like.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

Posted by CJMommy

Posted by Erica

Posted by PrincessP

Posted by LINewbie

She's not your kid, so no I wouldn't force her. I actually think it's kinda mean and a good way to get her to dislike you. Maybe she was just in a mood that night - if she usually eats your food. She tried it, she didn't like it, what was the point in forcing her to eat it all?

I actually was wondering the same thing. What was the motive for making her eat something she didnt want? What was your goal?

I have to agree with this.

I also agree...the whole thing makes me
If she's not your kid I don't see why you would be forcing her to do anything, especially eat something she doesn't like.

Message edited 9/24/2009 8:13:30 AM.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

Posted by Ophelia

then the older one told me how her teacher told them to pick 2 important family members to tell her about and SHE asked to pick 5, her mami, her papi, her abuela, her tio, and her aunt (ME). I cannot express to you how that made me feel.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

I dont believe in forcing a child to eat something.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

Posted by Ophelia

Posted by Tilde

i dont think that is fair at all. I see my nieces and nephews 3-4x a week, I consider myself an important part of their upbringing and I think that my sister and brother would agree. While I am nowhere NEAR their primary caregiver, I don't think that my house should be a free for all. If there is something that I feel is important for them to learn, I hope that I can have a part in teaching them. This is how WE grew up, I never had the aunt that spoiled me - instead I had the aunt who was just as strict as my own mother and I knew that when I was in her home, the same rules applied because she saw me so many times a week. It is not like the aunt where I saw her once a month and she would buy me a dolly. ("It takes a village. . . ")

I don't mean to put words in the OP's mouth and I may be completely off here BUT I am just giving my view of the situation.

my goal was to get her to eat a balanced meal. end of story.

and, I come from a mind set much like Tilde's. I help them with their homework EVERY day. they sit with me when they are not feeling well. they RUN to the door to open it for me when I come home. No, I am not their mother. I don't need to be.

I came home yesterday and the little one was giving her abuela a hard time about doing her reading. she knew I wouldn't play with her or talk to her unless she did what she had to do, and guess what, she DID it. then the older one told me how her teacher told them to pick 2 important family members to tell her about and SHE asked to pick 5, her mami, her papi, her abuela, her tio, and her aunt (ME). I cannot express to you how that made me feel.

Paulette was very right in that perhaps my family dynamic is different than most of yours, and I am totally fine with that. I just asked what YOU would do, I didn't ask that anyone question MY motives...which was, of course, to stuff her like a pinata and give her food issues and damage for years to come.

somehow we started talking about fish yesterday and I started saying to her "oh no FISH FISH FISH" she started laughing. I said "b, are you traumatized b/c I made you eat some fish" and she laughed and said no, then asked me what we were cooking tonight.

so I think she and I are good.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

my grandma force fed my mother oatmeal every day before school...every day my mom would get to school and barf b/c she couldnt stand it. to this day she doesnt eat breakfast.

so my mom with us, would try to get us to finish what we could..both my brother and i were picky eaters when we were little. Most of the time if we wanted we dessert we would have to finish most of it. she never forced us to clear our plates.

my grandma always tried force feeding us when we were with her. "waste not want not" was a popular saying of hers. To this day, i hate eating, and eat b/c i have to. Im not a foodie, i dont like to think about food or what to make for dinner, etc. My mom is the same way.

so im not one to force a kid to finish everything on their plate.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

As someone with an eating disorder until my late 20's, I have no rules with eating except whatever is served is available. This isn't a restaurant.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

I wouldn't force my kids to eat anything. If they don't like it, then they don't eat. (when they get older).
I also wouldn't feed a 7 year old to get her to eat.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

When I was growing up, I was the pickiest eater of the kids. I didn't, and still don't, eat fish, most cold cuts, mayo, most sausages, mushrooms, zucchini, organ meats, certain cheeses, certain dairy products, etc. But I did TRY every single item, more than once, on more than one occasion, and continue to do so because tastebuds change and I have ended up eating things I never did previously.

Growing up, I also went through wacky food phases; at one point I was ADDICTED to "mustard sandwiches" which my family still teases me about But my Mom is from France, and my Meme lived with us growing up, and still lives with my parents, and we always had healthful and nutritious meals. If we were given something we didn't like, we always had to try it. And when we got older, if we didn't want what was for dinner, we had to make something us on our own, which was a great practice in itself because it helped us learn to cook.

As far as my niece or my nephews, I know my BIL and my SIL well enough to know that if their children are eating at my home, they would absolutely want me to make sure they ate a nutritious meal, they would want them to TRY the food I've prepared, and even feed them the way you did (which I have done when watching them, because my 4yo nephew was feeling lazy ). I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I think its hard for someone to judge the situation because only YOU know your family well enough to know that what you did was acceptable. It's not like you held her down and forcefed her.

I also don't think this single instance is going to cause her harm, inhibit poor eating habits or disorders.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

I do not have any children of my own but when my godson stays over which he does a lot I he is a very picky eater! I mean very very picky! I make him try what we are eating and if he does not like it then I will give him something else to eat. I would not force him to eat anything he does not like. I personally was never forced to eat something I didn't like and I don't see the point in doing that to someone! JMO sorry Jess!

xoxo