Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

In our house, 7, 4 and 2 year olds, you get everything on your plate. It's ok if you don't like something but you have to try it. If you try it and don't like it you don't have to eat it. Some things may surprise them I wouldn't like being forced to eat something I didn't like.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

I'd never force a kid to eat something they didn't like. Not every adult likes the taste of every food. Kids have different tastes too. I'm not saying people should cook separate meals, but let them eat what they want off of the plate.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

When I was little my dad was the one to feed us(my mom worked the 3-12 shift)-there were several days we would sit at the table for hours. My little brother discovered that if he cried and said his head or stomach hurt we were able to leave the table, lol. I also remember at least one occasion of digging my food into the dirt of a potted house plant. We were not given an alternative meal. The one thing my mom always said to us-about leaving the last bite of your food was that it was your "luck". I'm not sure yet what I will be doing with future DC but I don't think I will be making her/them sit at the table for hours.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

I had this conversation with my pediatrician yesterday at Michael's two year check-up. he was a great eater who has become the most pickier eater I've ever seen (next to his father). My ped told me that the last thing I should ever do is to force my child to eat. She said that I should provide the quality of the food and he decides on the quantity...apparently each human being should control their food intake...including a two year old. She said that if he doesn't eat his meal in 15-20 minutes of it being on the table, to take it away and he would have to wait for the next meal. This teaches them that when it is time to eat, you eat, or you will not eat until later. Anyway, I know your niece is older and such but you really shouldn't force her to eat...especially things with a strong taste, such as fish.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

I do not believe in forcing children to eat. All the prediatricians have told me this. My DD does not eat much although she eats a variety of foods.

I will never make an alternate dinner. I encourage her to at least taste everything. If she does not like it she does not have to eat it. If she does not eat, she has to wait until the next mealtime and she does not get any dessert.

She loves dessert so that is usually enough motivation for her. Even still, she does not have to finish her food just eat a satisfactory amount.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

Growing up, we had to eat everything that was on our plates and couldn't leave the table until it was gone. Oh, how I dreaded the "liver and bowtie pasta" nights. My brothers and I used all the tricks to make the liver disappear -- spread it around the plate, put it in our napkins, put some in our mouths, then run to the bathroom and spit it in the toilet, etc.

Now that I have kids -- I'm not sure how far I will go. They are only 6 months, so I haven't gotten to that stage yet. However, I know what I will NOT do.....I will not let them have ice cream or whatever for dessert if they don't finish their dinner. That's a HUGE no-no to me......

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

Growing up, my mother ran a diner our of her kitchen. There were 7 of us...and she would make my father's meal...then make a back up and then take requests.

I specifically remember my 6 year old brother asking for PBJ at thanksgiving.

As we got older, some where vegetarians, others vegans. So she cooks for my father, then a vegan meal...then something for my sister(a real chicken finger enthusist)

I eat everything. When someone tells me they hate mushrooms, I don't understand that. There is no flavor I don't eat.

The vegan siblings eat heathly, every veggie and substitute under the sun.

Chicken finger girl went off to a small school with a limited cafeteria...she eats everything now as well.

With my kid, he knows to try it and then tells me he doesn't want it. He doesn't eat milk products or gluten. He is a very healthy eater because of these restrictions. At the end of a meal, if he did not eat much, he can have an apple or a banana. that's it. he almost always eats his meal.

I would have been fine with her trying the fish...then saying no thanks to the rest.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

I wouldn't have required someone else's child to eat something she did not wish to eat unless the parents told me to.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

I think forcing a child to finish a meal can make bad eating habits for this reason--americans over-eat. Children are sometimes forced to eat past the point of being full.

Once DD is old enough to understand, I will give her dinner, if she doesn't eat it--so be it. But she gets nothing else.

I won't force her to eat.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

I have a 2 & 3 year old. My 3 year old was a horrible eater from the minute I put a spoon full of oatmeal in his mouth. It was always a song and dance just to open up his mouth (litterly, DH would dance around the living room on the weekends while I fed him).
So, I started giving him foods that I knew he table food because I couldn't get him to try it (I still can't). I was always worried about his nutrition once he was off formula and this is how I developed my picky eater.
My DD I started cereal the same age but I introduced all the food a lot sooner and she was a fantastic eater. She would eat what ever was in front of her until she turned 18 months and saw that her brother was only eating certain things and thats how I developed my second picky eater. She will try new things though.
Now, having said all that, I have recently implemented the " either you eat what you are given or you are going to bed with no food rule" and I don't know if it works but they have gone to bed with out food (both of them) and I do not give them milk if they don't eat. They get water. I was getting tired of making DS one thing DD another (she has dairy allergies so he wanted mac & cheese she couldn't have it) and then what ever me and DH were having.
I also learned my lesson by forcing DS to eat. I made him eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich (regular size with 2 slices of bread). He took his last bite walked to foyer and back to the kitchen and through up everything. So now, if he eats half of what is on his plate and he tells me he is full I don't force him but he only gets milk and no dessert.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

I am not a believer in making anyone do anything against their will, or forcing anyone to do anything. My son is a picky eater and usually I ask him what he wants to eat, and he eats it. Time constraints in my family life at the moment stop me from giving him what we eat for dinner, its not ideal but its not possible for me to cook dinner before his bedtime. But my general parenting style is that I don't force my kid to do anything, he is his own human being and he has an opinion on what he wants or doesn't want. I think you were a bit harsh, if it wasn't my kid, I would handle the situation a bit more gently, its her parents job to do things like that.

I still love ya...

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

Message edited 11/29/2011 3:56:41 PM.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

I think you are in a very different situation then most of us. I dont have a neice or nephew eating over my house everyday so in the end I dont have any parental rights to my neice or nephew. SO basically if my neice or nephew came over I would NEVER think of forcing them to eat things they dont want UNLESS their parents were telling me that this is what needs to be done for their own reasons. Now in my case where my neice or nephew I "could" be occasionally feeding, I would not force them to eat what they dont want nor tell them they couldnt leave the table. I really dont believe in the method and I will not be doing this with MY child either. I dont believe in making 20 meals either but I dont think its far fetched that a child may not like fish. I probably would have had an alternative kids meal from the get-go.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

My niece and nephew don't eat over unexpectedly very often. If they do, they are offered what we are eating. If they don't want that, they can have a bowl of cereal (usually not a kind they love since we don't eat sweetened cereal) a sandwich or a bowl of soup, which are all things we usually have in the house. If I know they are eating over, I try to make things I know they like.

As a parent, I have a DS that won't eat very many things. He is still very young, but I don't anticipate that changing very soon. I would be turning cartwheels if he would eat sweet potatoes and spinach, and the excitement of that would make me forget about the fish altogether.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

I think you did the right thing. My DH has bad eating habits and it is because his mother catered to him. All 3 boys had different meals. Also she imposed her tastes on them. She didn't like fish so they never tried it. I have slowly been breaking him in though. LOL

ETA: As an adult, we do often have to eat things we aren't overly fond of. If I go to a dinner party, I eat what is served, so I think that is fine to teach to a child.

Message edited 9/23/2009 3:50:37 PM.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

When I was around 12, I started to flat out refuse to eat ham. I just HATED it, so my mom didn't make it anymore or made me something different.

I think when this little munchkin and any of his/her future siblings start eating real food, they have to at least TRY what's on their plate and if they don't like it, they don't have to eat it.

One rule will definitely be that if you don't eat enough dinner, there won't be any dessert. I'm all for saving room for dessert but my SIL makes her kids eat all the food on their plates to get dessert and I think that sets them up for unhealthy eating habits later.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

We have a rule that you must at least try everything on your plate. It's amazing what my kids will say to get out of eating it, but then once they taste it, they like it

But I do not force them to eat. If they do not eat it, that's it. They are excused and get nothing else.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

Here's my philosophy and please keep in mind that I'm pregnant with my first, so things could change.....

DH and I were raised differently, in my house things were more lax (eat what you can), whereas in his, it was you're not leaving this table until you clear your plate. We have agreed to raise our child(ren? ) to TRY everything on their plate before we hear that they dont like it. If we then hear that they dont like it, then they have to at least finish 1/2 of what is there as a compromise. We also want to teach them that if you are at someone's house and they make something you dont like, you should be polite and try it anyway (so start off with a small portion first) and then have seconds. We also agree that having them try to explain why they dont like something rather than saying they just dont like it....ex. I hate butter on my green beans but I will wolf down steamed green beans with garlic and a drizzle of olive oil.

O....tilapia is such a mild fish that I wonder if it was the way it was prepared rather than the fish itself.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

Message edited 9/23/2009 8:25:53 PM.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

I don't believe you did anything wrong at all.

My BFF, my son's godmother, watches him sometimes on Saturdays while I work. During that time it's her house and her rules.

He is almost 3. She gets him to eat well, clean up his mess, etc... Things he fights with me over at home. I really appreciate her for that, and he loves her, and loves going over her house.

IMO, there is nothing wrong with making her try the fish, or have 3 bites, or whatever. She wasn't hurt or upset by it, so no harm done.

If I can get my son to finish his food, or even try it, I do it. It's all about the approach.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

I've found it's a lot easier to get someone else's children to eat than your own. You pick & choose your battles.

I used to sit until bedtime, refusing to eat something my mom made for dinner & then go to bed without anything.

My kids are used to "you get what you get & you don't get upset" (thank you daycare for teaching them that one!)

We put everything on their plates (even if it's a small portion) and they taste it. DH does occasionally make a separate thing if we're eating something they hate (they get fish sticks, if we eat tilapia. They get tomato soup if we get split pea, etc.).

Long ago, I used to force them to eat things. They don't get dessert if they don't try everything. I'm not going to fight with my children over meals. I'm not going to make them something else or ask DH to make something. They can have a bigger breakfast if they go to sleep hungry. I felt like every meal was a battle & it wasn't a healthy way to be eating dinner - having my child dread mealtimes.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

I don't believe in forcing children to eat anything they do not like to eat after they try it. I am reminded of the rare steak in that scene from "Mommie Dearest". That steak sat on the girl's night table for a long time.

Children are allowed not to like something. They are human beings. I never liked tomatoes and they were never pushed on me. I think it is important to recognize the difference between a preference and a sheer distaste for food. I also think that a parent can offer a reasonable alternative.

There was only one thing that was a GIVEN was that we all ate together when my father got home. He paid for the food and we waited til he got there to eat with us.

As a completely unrelated aside, I also do not believe in making children kiss anyone they do not want to kiss. It makes my blood boil.