Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

I am a very picky eater---was as a child and still am as an adult. BC of this, I won't make my kids eat things they don't like. That's what will work for us, but everyone is different.

I don't think you overdid it. I'm actually suprised that she ate so much of it!

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

For the most part they eat what i cook, but 2 of my kids hate fish, so i let them eat something else.My one son despises Meatloaf, always has. I dont' make him eat it. I would never eat something I didn't have a taste for so why would I make my kids eat it. They have cereal or they make a sandwich.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

My parents had 1 rule. You MUST try it at least once to say you don't like it. They hated that their parents forced them to eat food they did not like.

My sister and I HATED... HATED brussel sprouts. We told our parents that our nanny served it to us and it would made us gag. My father insisted that both my sister and I eat it at least once in front of them. I gagged and tears came to my eyes. My sister puked it in her plate. We were never served brussel sprouts ever again.

We were never forced to eat something we did not like but we had to try it to say we did not like it.

I don't force feed DS.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

I DO NOT believe in that at all. I do believe in, you have to try at least one bite and if you dont like it, thats OK, but at least you tried it.

I dont like every type of food, so I dont see why that would be any different for children.

It also should be said that children are biologically picky eaters bc they have heightened taste buds so what something tastes like to us, is completely different to them. Plus I think one night without protein is fine, and there are other sources. DS is a notoriously picky eater and I just make sure he gets his vitamins everyday to make up for what his diet lacks.

And no offense, but Id BE P$SSED if someone force fed my child in their house.....my child, my rules. I can totally understand making them taste a piece but to force them to eat everything and to go as far as feeding my child themselves, Id be FURIOUS.

I understand your house, your rules when it comes to, no jumping on the furniture, lights out at whatever time. But if it applies to MY CHILDS body.......my rules.

ETA: I do not make separate meals for DS, he gets what we get and if he doesnt eat it....no snacks.

Message edited 9/23/2009 12:42:04 PM.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

Posted by Jenn627
They eat what they're served but if they don't want it - they starve.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

my parents would sometimes make us finish our dinners - but not often.

in my house (and what will be the rule with DS and all other children) is that you must at least try everything on your plate. if you try it and don't like it, you can have a sandwich (like PB&J) or leftovers. i won't make something different.

a child is not going to starve because they did not eat dinner. there is always breakfast the next day

but i don't think it's worth the hassle of a battle to force a child to eat any set amount of food. if they try it and don't like it, that's fine. there are a lot of foods i don't like - why should i force my child to eat the foods he doesn't like?

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

The only kid eating in my home is DS. He is 3. Generally he has to try it. 99 out of 100 times he'll like it and open his mouth readily for the rest of whatever it is (and trust me, we look like mean parents prying that first taste into his mouth). Rarely though, he won't like it and at that point, I don't make him eat it.

Growing up, we ate whatever was made. We had to try it, if we didn't like something, we weren't forced to eat it. The only time I can remember eating dinner for breakfast (again) was when we asked for something specifically and then decided we didn't want it. (totally wasteful and I don't blame my mom for teaching us that lesson)

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

just wanted to clarify.

I did NOT physcially FORCE FEED her.

I said she couldn't get up without finishing the fish.

I asked her if she would prefer that I feed her.

I lifted the fork to her mouth with bits of fish and other food on it...she opened her mouth, received the food, chewed it, and reopened when she was ready for more.

there was no anger or any other detrimental emotional environment going on.

these girls are in my house EVERY day. their parents are quite welcome to pick them up BEFORE dinner if they don't like the way we (and by WE, I mean my husband, their uncle, and my MIL, their grandmother) handle things.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

I definitely agree about not making them eat a set "amount" or forcing them to eat once they are full. it sets up a bad precedent, I think for ignoring your body's natural signals.

there is a difference IMO between being FULL and simply not wanting to eat something.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

I would not have forced the issue, especially since she eats with you often and never gives you a problem.

Once she tried it and determined she did not like it, I would make sure she eat plenty of the other dishes.

Not having protein for one meal will not kill her.

You yourself said you felt bad for making her eat it, that would have been enough for me to not push the issue.

She is a child, and most children do not like fish.

She is a lot braver then I would have been at her age!

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

In my home, DD gets what she is served and she must eat a few bites, or at least try it if it's something new. I don't push new foods that she doesn't like and I'd do the same for other kids who visit my home. I'll try them again at a later time because what DD doesn't like today, she may like next week.

I don't worry much about nutrition because she does eat pretty good otherwise. If she refused to eat anything but bread and fruit all the time, then I'd be more strict about it. I wouldn't push it for other kids though since it's their parents' job to worry about their nutritional intake.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

Posted by Smileyd17

I grew up the exact same way you did!

SWEAR. Must be the hispanic thing

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

and thank God, she still loves me even after the damage I inflicted on Monday









I am sure she does!

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

In our house they have to at least try what I made. If it's something new and they honestly don't like it I don't mind making a sandwich or something else.

If it's something I know they've eaten before and they are just being bratty, tough luck, you eat what's on your plate or go to bed hungry.

I guess it's a mixed message, but I just can't bring myself to force them to eat something they genuinely don't like.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

DS is 2. We give DS the same food we eat in a child sized portion. He does not get something different because he does not like what we serve. With that said, we try to make at least one thing on the plate that I know he will eat. We do NOT make him finish everything on his plate. I will make him eat one bite of each thing offered on the plate if he did not eat it on his own. After that, if he wants more he can eat it or not. Most nights eats 1/2 the plate we have given him.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

I won't force our kids to finish what is on their plate.

However, I'll only make one meal. If you don't like it there will be no alternative.

As a caveat though, I will make sure there is something at the table that they like (a veggie, whatever) so they don't go away hungry.

We don't do dessert every night in our house, but it there was a dessert and the kid didn't eat dinner they would get no dessert either.


ETA: These are the rules for my kids. As for other kids who happen to be eating over, they can eat as little or as much as they want of whatever is on the table and they can still have treats later-unless thier parents say otherwise.

I was a very picky eater as a kid and my one aunt would also make it an issue when I was eating at her house to the point where meal times over there were scary for me. It's different for you guys since they are there all the time, with my aunt it was every few weeks.

In any case-I think rules should apply to your kid, not your table.

Message edited 9/23/2009 1:59:39 PM.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

I don't have kids yet, but when I did work in a preschool at a summer camp, we would have the kids eat a little bit of everything. They didn't have to finish but they had to have most of it. I would not force a child to finish his or her own food. Food is a sensitive topic, and I wouldn't want my kids to develop issues later on.

Even though your niece didn't have much protein at the meal, chances are that she did have protein at her other two meals. You don't need to have protein at every meal.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

were her parents okay with that?

if so, then i don't see a problem.

i know for us growing up, if we ate at someone's house... whoever it was - aunt, friend, etc. that we were to finish whatever was given to us (like it or not!)

also, kids need to try things many times before REALLY knowing whether or not they like it.

even as an adult, i try things that i used to say i didn't like and suddenly i like them (or maybe that's just me being preggo and eating any and every food)

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

You'll soon learn Jess, that when it comes to children there isn't always a right/wrong answer; I believe this is one of those times! All I can tell you is what goes on in our house and hopefully it'll make sense.

When I was growing up you didn't get up from the table until your plate was clean. We often heard about those starving kids in China. Now when I mention these things to DD her eyes widen and her jaw drops. I won't go into Kevin's background; I'll let him do that if he wants, but we've both made a point to never make food an issue.

Fortunately DD eats pretty much everything, we're very lucky in that regard. She likes vegetables, meats, and carbs/bread items, plus she's a big help in the kitchen. However, like your neice, she doesn't like fish. Knowing this, I don't make it when she's with us. I understand that a lot of people, kids and adults, don't like fish so I can't see making a big deal about it since she's really not picky about anything else. There are plenty of other things to make for dinner so I'll choose one of those and save fish for when it's just us or when we're out at a restaurant. We do encourage her to try new things and we'll say "Just take one bite, if you don't like it you don't have to eat it but try it". Usually she already has her mind made up that she's not going to like it but she might surprise herself and we appreciate her effort to at least consider it. We also encourage her by trying new things ourselves, "how do you know you won't like it unless you try it?".

To this day I still clean my plate and it really, REALLY bothers me when DD leaves scraps, a bad habit of hers. Now that she's 12 she pretty much serves herself and the rule is "If you take if you have to eat it". We stress that she can always have 2nds or 3rds if she wants more, so it's better to take less in the beginning and have more later than to waste food. You get to know children and when they're really full, when they're really sick, when they really don't like something, and when they're really just trying to pull the wool over your eyes.

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

Posted by maybeamommy

were her parents okay with that?

if so, then i don't see a problem.

i know for us growing up, if we ate at someone's house... whoever it was - aunt, friend, etc. that we were to finish whatever was given to us (like it or not!)

also, kids need to try things many times before REALLY knowing whether or not they like it.

even as an adult, i try things that i used to say i didn't like and suddenly i like them (or maybe that's just me being preggo and eating any and every food)

Re: Children and eating...especially if they are not your own.

We have a rule that you try everything - give it a good try - and if you don't like it, you don't have to eat it - but you will get more of whatever else I make. So if I make fish, spinach and rice and they try the fish and dislike it - I'll give them more spinach and more rice. If they refuse to eat they don't get dessert.

If they don't eat - they don't eat. I don't sweat it. They certainly don't get TREATS if they refuse to eat or at the very least TRY their food. But I know they aren't going to starve so I don't push the issue.

Outside children get treated more mildly than my own. They don't have to try it if they don't want to - but if they don't eat an adequate portion of supper they will not get a 'seperate' supper and they will not get dessert.