Re: Did you have to do CIO again? (if you already did it in the past)

FTR...
1. I did not post my initial response about the OPs statement. I focused my response to the story that nyteacher13 shared about letting her 2 yr old cry it out after her sleep patterns were disrupted by bringing home a new sibling.

2. I called no one a bad mother. In fact, this site has helped me to be a better mother because I've learned several different ways to look at one scenario. I do think that those who allow their child to CIO are using harsh and neglectful tactics which result in a child being treated poorly. Having a bad mothering moment is very different than being a bad mother. Contrary to what many of you think I think...I'm humble and have my own slew of bad mommy moments.

3. I currently have a 2.5 yr old who wakes every now and again for comfort, for water, for bathroom.....etc. I also have a 7 month old who is the happiest girl I've ever met...but she sux at sleeping. She's up anywhere from every 90 minutes to every 3 hours all night. Sometimes more. I'm VERY, VERY well aware of the strain it places on families and the work that is required around the clock. I would NEVER allow my babies to cry in the dark, alone.

Alternatives: Meet their needs (this comes in several forms and there are countless strategies for reducing the amount of time that they need you...but it all boils down to being present and available for them)...guidance, love and patience do not end when the sun goes down. They will outgrow their sleep disruptions. Most children, by the age of 3 will be sleeping soundly. Sleep is a developmental milestone much like walking, talking and eating. They will all learn when it is their time.

ETA: My professional and educational background is rich with clinical and administrative experience in a various educational settings and multiple degrees and certifications. When I post on here I do so as an opinionated parent...not as a professional, unless otherwise stated ;)

Message edited 10/4/2012 6:25:06 PM.

Re: Did you have to do CIO again? (if you already did it in the past)

Posted by Jax430

Grill, I'm really curious what your professional background and education is.

I am a child psychologist. In psychology, there are many different philosophies about what is the "correct" way to do therapy, advise parents about children, etc. CIO is supported by many psychologists and experts in child development. There are others who oppose it, like you do. The difference is that professionals would treat the parent with sensitivity and tact while providing other options.

In my opinion, a good night's sleep is a huge component of a child's emotional well-being. The less sleep a child (or adult) gets, the more dysregulated he or she is in the morning. I would advocate that it is more important for the child to cry for a short period of time for a few nights and re-learn how to self-soothe and sleep through the night than it is for the parent to respond every time he/she cries at bedtime. To suggest that a parent who uses CIO is harming their child is outrageous and a fallacy. It might not be for everyone, and that's fine, but don't condemn others for using it.

You really would get your point across better if you were not so abrasive. No one is going to take your ideas seriously when you present them in such a rude, condescending manner. Perhaps making some alternative suggestions in a gentler manner would make others consider your methods and you might see the change that you want and "save" a child.

Re: Did you have to do CIO again? (if you already did it in the past)

Re: Did you have to do CIO again? (if you already did it in the past)

Re: Did you have to do CIO again? (if you already did it in the past)

I had no idea this question was going to lead to such a heated debate.

I know I don't need to defend myself but I just want to say that I was against CIO until DD came along.

I tried EVERYTHING (rocking, driving around, laying with her, staying in the room, you name it, I did it.)
I even jumped in the crib with her one night - I know that's completely crazy but I was at he end of my rope.

She was miserable because she was so overtired & probably because mommy couldn't hold it together anymore.

I just thought it went without saying that using the CIO method is really hard & pretty much every parent feels guilty for having to do it.

So Grill & a couple other posters, I understand what you're saying, it's just the way you said it that was so condemning.
It made me (and probably everyone else that had to resort to CIO) feel a million time worse & more guilty about it.

Believe me, as a first time mom, I always feel like I'm doing everything wrong so I don't need anyone making it worse.

And thank you ladies for FMing me & posting on here to re-assure me that I don't suck as a mom

Re: Did you have to do CIO again? (if you already did it in the past)

Posted by Beck

I had no idea this question was going to lead to such a heated debate.

I know I don't need to defend myself but I just want to say that I was against CIO until DD came along.

I tried EVERYTHING (rocking, driving around, laying with her, staying in the room, you name it, I did it.)
I even jumped in the crib with her one night - I know that's completely crazy but I was at he end of my rope.

She was miserable because she was so overtired & probably because mommy couldn't hold it together anymore.

I just thought it went without saying that using the CIO method is really hard & pretty much every parent feels guilty for having to do it.

So Grill & a couple other posters, I understand what you're saying, it's just the way you said it that was so condemning.
It made me (and probably everyone else that had to resort to CIO) feel a million time worse & more guilty about it.

Believe me, as a first time mom, I always feel like I'm doing everything wrong so I don't need anyone making it worse.

And thank you ladies for FMing me & posting on here to re-assure me that I don't suck as a mom

Re: Did you have to do CIO again? (if you already did it in the past)

Posted by Beck

I had no idea this question was going to lead to such a heated debate.

I know I don't need to defend myself but I just want to say that I was against CIO until DD came along.

I tried EVERYTHING (rocking, driving around, laying with her, staying in the room, you name it, I did it.)
I even jumped in the crib with her one night - I know that's completely crazy but I was at he end of my rope.

She was miserable because she was so overtired & probably because mommy couldn't hold it together anymore.

I just thought it went without saying that using the CIO method is really hard & pretty much every parent feels guilty for having to do it.

So Grill & a couple other posters, I understand what you're saying, it's just the way you said it that was so condemning.
It made me (and probably everyone else that had to resort to CIO) feel a million time worse & more guilty about it.

Believe me, as a first time mom, I always feel like I'm doing everything wrong so I don't need anyone making it worse.

And thank you ladies for FMing me & posting on here to re-assure me that I don't suck as a mom

Re: Did you have to do CIO again? (if you already did it in the past)

Posted by Beck

I had no idea this question was going to lead to such a heated debate.

I know I don't need to defend myself but I just want to say that I was against CIO until DD came along.

I tried EVERYTHING (rocking, driving around, laying with her, staying in the room, you name it, I did it.)
I even jumped in the crib with her one night - I know that's completely crazy but I was at he end of my rope.

She was miserable because she was so overtired & probably because mommy couldn't hold it together anymore.

I just thought it went without saying that using the CIO method is really hard & pretty much every parent feels guilty for having to do it.

So Grill & a couple other posters, I understand what you're saying, it's just the way you said it that was so condemning.
It made me (and probably everyone else that had to resort to CIO) feel a million time worse & more guilty about it.

Believe me, as a first time mom, I always feel like I'm doing everything wrong so I don't need anyone making it worse.

And thank you ladies for FMing me & posting on here to re-assure me that I don't suck as a mom

Re: Did you have to do CIO again? (if you already did it in the past)

Re: Did you have to do CIO again? (if you already did it in the past)

Posted by Onemoretime

Posted by Grill

I just had to do CIO with my 2yo again when baby #3 came home. It was rough for about a week and a half (older and more persistent than when I did it a year ago), but now he's back to his routine. I had to reward him with squinkies to stay in bed all night long.

I even called the ped to make sure I wasn't traumatizing him with CIO and his words were, "he's playing you." SO, that's all I needed to feel confident that I wasn't scarring him emotionally for life.

Since you put this out there on a public website, I'm feeling compelled to respond. Your 2 yo was in great need for you when you brought home another baby. This is NOT "playing you" as your doctor suggested. In fact, while children may manipulate situations for their needs to get met, they are NOT malicious. They are innocent, loving, and needy for your attention, comfort, approval ALL the time, not just during adult waking hours. Your doctor has no training in child psychology or on your particular child or household. Making a statement like that is outside the scope of medical practice, it's unprofessional and it's absolutely rude. Toddlers are people too....with feelings and emotions that are just as real and painful as our adult ones. Neglecting them by forcing them to cry alone, in the dark while their real need for love and attention and security goes unmet is not nice. I'm really sorry to hear that your doctor's idiocy offered you confidence. My goodness, 2 yrs old is still a baby in so many ways. Bringing home a sibling is very stressful for everyone in the family, especially our little ones who's world just got rocked. May you be blessed with more restful nights and with very forgetful, forgiving children. Your story is a sad one to me...it's very "anti" child all around.

ETA: I realize you have several little ones and I fully understand that sometimes the needs of one get sacrificed for the greater good. This is a necessity in large families...but it's a sad one..especially when it results in so many tears.

Oh give me a break! Let me see you type this when your 2 yo wakes you up 5 times a night for no good reason. And you have a newborn waking up all night as well

Re: Did you have to do CIO again? (if you already did it in the past)

Re: Did you have to do CIO again? (if you already did it in the past)

DS1 was a great sleeper from birth until 9m. Then he started waking 1x, then 2x, then 3x then 4x a night. This went on for 3+months. Each night I would go in, pick him up and he would go right back to sleep, I would rock him for a bit, then put him down, I wouldnt even get out of the room before he was crying again....After 30-90ms he would sleep, only to wake again 1 hour, give or take, later
I tried
- feeding more
- feeding less
- giving a bottle
- giving him my shirt to sleep with (for scent)
- sleeping on his floor
- sleeping in the glider
- sleeping while holding him
- holding his hand while he was in the crib
- rocking him
- comforting then leaving the room
- talking to him (yeah a 9m old is really going to listen and understand WHY he should be sleeping and not crying all night long!)
I could go on with my list of what I tried

I was not a fan of CIO, I felt guilty and sad for him. But after 3m of this I felt I had no other alternatives. After 3 nights, he slept and it was bliss for everyone! he is now nearly 5yo, he has nights now where he wakes up afraid of the dark, thinking that a character from Super Mario is under his bed etc. I comfort him., IMO he is too old to CIO, so we discuss, I lay with him until he feels safe and he returns to sleeping. After a few days its usually over. He is smart, confident, friendly, witty, loving, sweet, amazing little boy!

DS2 is a puker. He has cried until he puked...however usually his point of puking is less than 5mins after he starts crying. One time I put him in the crib, went to the bathroom to pee and when I got out he was crying, I went to check on him and he was covered in puke. Another time, my babysitter (a family member) put him to sleep and with in 5mins he threw up all over the floor. So DS2 who is the sweetest, happiest, loving, baby who spends most waking hours laughing and smiling, is just a puker. He will puke if he doesnt like the flavor of ice cream I give him. So DONT TELL ME I am treating him poorly because I have let him cry until he puked! GET OVER YOURSELF!

To the OP, I have had to revisit CIO, at this point I would say 1x with each DS. Go with your gut, you do know whats best for your child!

Message edited 10/5/2012 11:08:05 PM.