Furious

Maybe I'm being overly sensitive, but I'm beyond upset after a conversation I just had with my mother. DH and I celebrated Mother's Day with both of our moms last weekend because he'll be out of town this weekend.

Tonight, my mom asked if I'm coming by to see everyone on Mother's Day. I told her it will depend on how I'm feeling. When she asked what I meant I actually had to explain that Mother's Day is tough thus year because of our loss in March. Her response? "Oh, I forgot about that."

Re: Furious

OMG ……people are dumb. If i told you the things that DH'S family have said and done to me in the past year you would die. They don't get it one bit.

Re: Furious

i'm sorry....

Re: Furious

So sorry

Re: Furious

I'm sorry hun.
The saying "if you walked a day in my shoes.." comes to thought bc people just don't get it at all and are busy with their own lives and happenings. My Mom means well but is as cold as a freezer sometimes and has said some pretty mean things out of pure ignorance. Try and take some deep breaths and remind yourself that not everyone gets the struggle. We are here for you and know your pain and not everyone has been there. I just choose to limit what I express to my mom bc I know there's a good chance I am going to get a ****** response that will upset me. I hate that it has to be like that but people will always be stuck in their ways.
Hugs and we should have another g2g soon!

Furious

Thanks, ladies. It helps to vent to people who understand. On the bright side, I won't feel any guilt about not stopping by on Sunday.

And, Lillies, I agree that a gtg soon would be great!

Furious

I'm sorry!

Furious

Same boat here. I told my mother last Sunday about my 3rd failed IVF. She said sorry and within a minute switched to tell me in a proud voice that she is sending my sister flowers for mothers day and of course is going to send my other sister flowers as she is a Mom to Be...............................WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFF. I snapped and told her to send flowers to me for "you'll never be a mother" and she actually had the nerve to be mad at me for saying that...........ARGGGGH. Yes folks, I am staying home and licking my wounds this F'in mothers day.

Furious

First I'm so so sorry Second I would be pisssed off too. I don't know why Moms can be so insensitive sometimes. I might be petty but I'm still upset at my Mom from last year. I was in the middle of having my second miscarriage of the year and my Mom called me...I got so happy to see her call because I really wanted to talk about it to my Mom and instead of her asking how I was doing she was calling to ask if I was going to visit my Uncle that day. I was so upset and hurt and hung up the phone on her then I sent her a text message letting her have it. It sucks but that's why this board is so valuable to me. Sometimes only we can understand the immense heartbreak that comes with IF.

Re: Furious

Ugh.. it's so hard dealing with other's insensitive comments, even when it's your Mother! I'm sorry

Do what is right for YOU! If going on Sunday will bring you down, then do not go. Everyone else will get over it and if they don't.. tough!!

Furious

I know comments like the one your mom made are hurtful but she may not have meant it other than she forgot.

We tend to get into our own world when going through all of the stuff when dealing with infertility/losses. While it is always on your mind your mom probably just truly was not thinking about the loss.

I would spend the day as you want but don't hold it against your mom because I am sure it really wasn't meant as mean.

Furious

I know she didn't set out to be mean, but I don't think expecting just a little empathy for something that happened so recently is unreasonable. I guess the fact that on the day we found out the pregnancy wasn't viable, she asked if we'd considered adoption or using one of my sisters (who aren't good candidates for a variety of reasons) as egg donors.

I think what hurt more than anything was the attitude that my loss is inconsequential.

Re: Furious

I'm sorry!

Re: Furious

I'm lucky that my mom is extremely sensitive as she was one of the first to go through IVF, back when she had to go to Virginia to do it. I wasn't an IVF baby, I was the miracle between two ectopics. But when I was young she went through 3 failed cycles. It's nice having a mom so understanding and I'm an only child so no sibling jealousy.

I also don't mind celebrating Mother's Day with my MIL. My FIL is so ill, with such a rare and unusual disease, their problems are far worse then my fertility. She needs the family. The only problem is my FIL does not have the cognitive ability to sensor himself. So he does say things about having kids that upsets me, But I know he isn't doing it on purpose, it's his disorder.

But so far DHs siblings are not parents either. When his middle brother announce they are pregnant, which is probably coming soon I'll probably lose it, unless this cycle works.

Furious

You're completely justified in how you feel, but the reality of it is sometimes even the people who are closest to you, don't understand the toll IF takes on you and the impact it has on our lives. She should have been more compassionate, especially considering your loss was recent, but I would reach out and call her on mother's day if you don't plan on seeing her.

Furious

Obviously, I'll still call her on Sunday. I'm not a total b1tch! Lol