How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?

I feel like I am going to puke.

Last year my Dad was diagnosed with bladder cancer. They caught it early on, they treated it and he's been in the clear ever since. Whew! A couple months ago he started experiencing back pain. Sometimes it is so bad it takes him an hour to get out of bed.

He went to the doctor today and they suspect bone cancer. I am being a total pessimist here but it doesn't sound good. He's experiencing so much pain bc it is already affected his nerves.

Besides my DH, he is my best friend. He's 62. I was supposed to get at least another 20 years with him. How do I prepare myself for the worst? Is that even possible?

Any advice?

TIA.

Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?

I dont think you can prepare but possibly say and do whatever you need to..I am so sorry you are going thorugh this and I hope things turn out positive!!!

Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?

I don't think you can really "prepare" but I would try to make him as comfortable as possible, spend lots of time with him and if he's able to maybe do something he enjoys together.

Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?

I just want to offer many
and

My mom was sick for years. She was sick, got better, was sick, etc.
When she passed it was the morning after they said "she's improving"...Uuuuggh..
We didn't have time to really prepare.

Take it one day a time. Be there for your dad when you can.

I am truly truly truly sorry you are going through this.

Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?

I don't know I am SO sorry you are going through this. Many prayers!

Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?

My father passed unexpectedly so I cant fathom the idea of "preparing". What I can tell you is that I didnt feel like it got "better" it just kind of felt like it changed. Life moved fwd for us. We think about him often and how life could have been with him and our current family. trust me when I tell you that you will get through it bc of your dh, children and immediate family members. My heart goes out to you knowing you are experiencing this. You sound like you have a clear mind. Think positive.

Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?

I don't know...I dread when my Dad gets sick...I'm so sorry you are going through this

Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?

Sorry for the bad news. My dad passed away from a heart attack when he was 57 ( I was 20). I never had the opportunity to say good-bye or anything else to him. So I guess all I can suggest is to enjoy the time you have with your dad, say the things you want to say, do the things you dream to do with him as a father/grandfather. I hope he is well and gives you many more years of good health.

Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?

Many prayers! I honestly don't have an answer. I am going through something with a close family member now, so if you need to talk or anything, FM me!

Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?

It's not easy. I know my dad survived esophageal cancer already, is missing half his stomach and esophagus and just keeps getting sick and looks worse and he is 65. Just make every day the best you can.

Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?

I'm so sorry you are going through this... A friend went through this with their almost 4 year old - they said she knew that Grandpa was sick because the mom was spending a lot of time at the hospital. I'm not sure how they explained it to her, but I could ask them if you want...

that he gets better - and I'm so sorry. I hope he gets better.

Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I honestly don't think it's something you can prepare for...no matter how much time you have

Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?

I am SO SO sorry Christine

My dad passed away suddenly 9yrs ago on Halloween. It still breaks my heart that I didnt get to say all the things I wanted to say to him so I would just enjoy him to the fullest now. He'll be in my prayers

Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?

I lost my father completely unexpectedly about 3 months ago. All I can say is, tell him what you want him to know, show him what you want him to see, talk to him, laugh with him, cry with him, most of all spend time with him. My life has been filled with never ending regret since the day my father died, things I wish I'd told him, things I wish I'd said. Regret over all those times I just didn't feel like calling or visiting. Spend as much time with him as you can, have your children spend as much time with him as they can....take pictures. Have him tell you stories of his childhood so you can tell your children, stories about you when you were little.

I can tell you that for me, this regret I feel eats away at me and though I don't know how I'd prepare for his death had I known in advance, I do know that I would have taken the time to tell him what was in my heart, and I would have listened to what was in his.

I'm so very sorry and I wish you and your family the strength you need to get through this difficult time.

Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?

Christine I am so sorry to hear this. I can't even image how scary this must be. I don't even know how you prepare yourself...or if you even can. I know that you know this but....make every count...take in this time with him and get your fill of hugs and kisses.

I'll be keeping your father in my thoughts and prayers.

Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?

It's what you make of it. My FIL lived 17 more months after he was diagnosed with stage 4 kidney cancer. He made the best of it and so did all of his kids.

there is nothing anyone can do but make the best of a devastating situation. I consider my SIL's BIL's and DH lucky that they actually got to do things and say things to their father knowing he was dying. Some people never get that chance.
It's been 3 years and even though he's gone I make sure I keep him alive so his legend can live on. He will never be forgotten. I miss him so much and wish my kids had more time with him.

Christine I am so very sorry and will keep you dad in my prayers!

Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?

Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?

No real words of advice other than to stay as positive as you can and make the most of the time you have. You'll be in my prayers.

Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?

Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?

Thanks everyone - for the hugs, words of encouragement and for sharing your personal stories.

Besides losing my dad, it breaks my heart that my girls won't have any grandpa's. Both of DH's parent's are deceased.

I think I am going to sleep now. Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow.

Thank you so much!!

Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?

Oh no, Christine, I am so sorry you are going through this! I don't know how you prepare, I really don't

Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?

Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?

I lost my mom 6 months ago. She was supposed to still be with us right now. Even the doctors said so. But circumstances intervened and she had to stop her chemo and well, she just went downhill.

All I can say, is treat every single day that you spend with him as if it's the last time you will see him. Make sure you tell him you love him. Make sure you have pictures of you & him & your DC altogether. Make sure you have pics of him and your DC together. And unless you or your DC is sick and contagious, never turn down an invitation. While you are doing all this - don't show him any pity, or treat him like he is dying.

It's not easy, and there really isn't a true way to prepare. I lost my dad in 1987 very suddenly and without any warning. I have to say, his death was much easier to handle than my mom's. Having time to "prepare" makes life difficult because you are trying to balance seeing a parent for the sake of seeing them vs. OMG if I don't go tomorrow s/he could be gone and then how would I feel. Never ever do a pity visit.

Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?

Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?

I don't think you can ever prepare for the death of a parent.