Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?

I'm so sorry Christine!!! I really have no idea how you would prepare...I dont know that you can! Please know I am here if you need anything

Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?

I'm actually going through something very similar right now with both of my parents. Its devastating and I don't think there is anyway to prepare. I'm just trying to let them know how much I love, and appreciate them and praying for time. At this point I refuse to imagine life without my mom in it. I'm trying to be positive but sometimes I'm not. She is my best friend and the most amazing mother, and all she wanted was to be a grandmother and my dd is so young I want her to know and remember her so I'm holding onto my faith, and hoping that we will have time.

Many

Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?

My mom is undergoing chemo right now, and it is all so scary--even after chemo, the chance of recurrance is always there hanging over. The diagnosis and chemo made me re-evaluate everything. I used to save my sick and vacation time--now I use ALL of it, and spend as much time as I can with her (with my DS). If I do lose her, I know I won't regret being at work less, but I would definitely regret having had less time with her. I don't think you can prepare, but you can try to minimize your own regrets.

Message edited 10/14/2010 9:42:47 PM.

Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?

I'm so sorry you are going through this. My father had lymphoma and we came very close to losing him so I kind of know what you are going through. He was was given last rights in the ICU but miraculously pulled through and has been in remission for 4 years. So my first advice to anyone going through this is never lose hope. Spend as much time with him as you possibly can and take lots of pictures and videos.

Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?

Oh my gosh No advice but many many prayers!

Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?

You know I lost my father this year. The anniversary of his diagnosis is only a couple of weeks away.

You can't prepare. Surround yourself with people you can vent to, lean on, who have your back and a shoulder to cry on and who will be there as whatever support you need. Whether it be treatment or bereavement...you will need friends and family to be there.

I'm so very sorry Christine...so very sorry.

Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?

I'm sorry, I have no advice, just

Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?

Posted by debsey75

Sorry for the bad news. My dad passed away from a heart attack when he was 57 ( I was 20). I never had the opportunity to say good-bye or anything else to him. So I guess all I can suggest is to enjoy the time you have with your dad, say the things you want to say, do the things you dream to do with him as a father/grandfather. I hope he is well and gives you many more years of good health.

Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?

Posted by Lola

I'm so sorry you are going through this. My father had lymphoma and we came very close to losing him so I kind of know what you are going through. He was was given last rights in the ICU but miraculously pulled through and has been in remission for 4 years. So my first advice to anyone going through this is never lose hope. Spend as much time with him as you possibly can and take lots of pictures and videos.

Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?

I have no advice, as I feel like I couldn't live without my father in my life. I am so sorry...cherish the time you have with him.

Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I lost my dad on January 4th, he went into the hospital on 11/19 and never came out (aggressive lymphoma). My son was born on August 7th, so he only had a few short months with him and missed all his first holidays. My son was his first grandchild. Even though he passed in January, it feels like he died yesterday. I wish that I had more pictures of my son with my dad. I only have one of the 3 of us..........and I don't have any of both my mom and dad with him. So definitely take a lot of pictures. Not sure what else I can say except to see him as often as you can. You never know.......miracles can happen.

Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?

the truth is, you cant

my dad was sick in august of 2003. we didnt think it was life threatening, no one thought it was.

he was in the hospital and we got a call from my mom at 930 PM. our uncle was picking us up and brining us to the hospital. we knew

the car ride was silent. we were escorted by a guard to the floor where my dad was. there was my mom and all she said was "he's gone"

you can NEVER prepare for that. i dont care if you know its coming. when IT happens, you are never ready.

all you can do is be there for each other


ETA - spend time with him, laugh with him, tell him you love him and talk about your favorite memories with him. take pictures, write things down. record his voice. I WISH i had been able to do some of these things

Message edited 10/14/2010 9:58:14 PM.

Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?

I am so sorry you are going through this. I have no advice just some

Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?

Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?

I lost my Father 14 years ago and it's not easy of course. He passed from Cancer as well and after a LONG and brutal battle with it, he passed. I think when you see someone go through so much pain and sickness, when the time comes you feel a little at ease in a way at first before it really hits you.

Till this day I have moments of course and now that I just had my first child, it's hitting me again hard that he is not here.

You will have moments of complete sadness, then you will have moments of relief that you don't have to see a loved one go through it, but all you can really do is spend as much times as you can now and enjoy the time together. Make memories while he is still here and you will never forget

I want to add, they told my family at the time my dad had about 6 months and he was with us for 5-years so don't give up hope. Doctors are not god!!!

Message edited 10/14/2010 10:13:06 PM.

Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?

I am so incredibly sorry you are going through this I don't think anything really prepares you for it. DH's mother passed away from lung cancer in 2007 and watching him go through that ordeal was the hardest thing I've ever had to do and the lowest point in our relationship. Many for you and your father.

Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?

I am soooo sooo sorry that you are going through this! I don't think that there really ever is a way to prepare for something like that.

My Father was diagnosed with leukemia back in Feb 2005... by the time June rolled around his blood was 100% perfect again, and the doctors even told him to go on a well deserved vacation. Suddenly, it came back horribly, and within a week he passed on. It'll be 5 years this month,
All that year I kept saying, it doesn't sound good, he's not gonna make it, but then he'd pull through, cheer me up, and all was well. I was numb for about a year or so.
if you ever need anyone to talk to, please FM me. If I could do it all over again, that year, I would spend much more time with him...take another day or two off from work. Talk to him more...find out some deep inner secrets that no one knew of him. And, have him make a list of all his recipies...he was the best cook LOL. But seriously, just enjoy him now, talk to him, be happy, and just enjoy his presence. Don't think negativly around him... be strong for him. I hope all works out ...
Many prayers and hugs to you, your famaily and most importantly, your father!

ETA: They told my Dad in Feb he had it so bad they said he had no more then a week to live. They are NEVER right with that. As a cancer commercial says "There's no date stamped on the bottom of your foot..."

Message edited 10/14/2010 10:22:32 PM.

Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?

No advice but a lot of and

So sorry you are going through this-try not to let your mind go down this path. I don't think you can prepare except to make the most of the time you have with him-whether it's 1 year or 20, just make sure you get to see him/talk to him as much as possible.

Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?

In all honesty you can't prepare, you more just have to cope. My dad was diagnosed with bladder cancer and was gone six weeks later. We barely had time to swallow the thought that cancer had invaded our family. My dad called me one day and asked me to come over and he assigned my brother and I jobs to do for his funeral, so my mom wouldn't have to worry about it. I still to this day cannot phatom that I sat across from my dad on the couch while he asked me to contact local funeral homes and find out the cost and things of having his body shipped from OH to NY for his funeral. Its terrible, but the pain does get better. You learn to live with the new normal and just have to. Life doesn't stop for young kids so I had to keep going. You never fully prepare.

Live for today. Talk and laugh. Take pictures. From the stress of my dad's illness I can say that I have a renewed closeness with my mom and brother that I never experienced before. It made us stick together despite living across the county from one another. You will find happiness and joy in life again, its just different.

Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?

I am so sorry

Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?

I don't have any answers but wanted to give you some hugs and prayers

Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?

I'm so sorry you are going through this

Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?

You can't.

I lost both of my parents within 3 years of each other.

My father suffered a very long time with multiple infections including MRSA, C-Diff and toxic megacolon. He had a horrible and painful death and it was brutal on my mother and all 4 of us kids to watch. I would look at him in his vegetative state every time I went to see him in the hospital and told him (praying he understood) that he could close his eyes and go to sleep and it would be ok - that we'd all be ok. I thought we would know peace when he finally passed, but it shook me to the core. I was glad he did not know pain, but the rest of us did. Dad passed 3 months after I got engaged and 6 months before my wedding. He never knew.

My mother passed quickly after a heart attack and subsequent arrests. Her passing was not a surprise - she was very unhealthy. But mom pulled through everything - always did. She was a cat with nine lives, but apparently, she used them up. She passed when I was PG with Abby.

So one parent went slowly and one parent when quickly. I was not prepared for either. To this day I cannot believe that they arent here. I am forced to rely on the memories to carry on and it is very hard. Each and every time one of my children reach a milestone, I cannot share it with them.


Im sorry that your father is not well and the sadness you must be feeling.

Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?

OMG. I have no advice, only

Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?

Lots of