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Lara&Aidansmommy
For mom i miss u ETC ILOVEU
Member since 3/07 13921 total posts
Name:
ETC I LOVE YOU
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Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?
I lost my mom to breast cancer 15 years ago ( I was 20 at the time) she got diagnosed when I was 16. She was in remission for 4 years than it came back and my family knew that was the beginning of the end. I dont think you can prepare even though my family knew she wouldnt survive the pain is like nothing you will ever experience.BUT it does lessen with time. I will pray for you and your family 
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Posted 10/15/10 11:42 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
LulaBell
:)
Member since 1/06 3508 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?
My prayers are with you and him. I have no advice.
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| Posted 10/15/10 11:52 AM |
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MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!
Member since 5/06 14562 total posts
Name:
Marisa
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Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?
No advice, b/c I honestly don't think you can prepare for something like that - Just to you and for your Dad.
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| Posted 10/15/10 12:19 PM |
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BMonster
:)
Member since 2/06 2959 total posts
Name:
Denise
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Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?
I'm not sure, but I just wanted to send you some I really hope he's okay and you get many many more years with him
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| Posted 10/15/10 12:20 PM |
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2girlsforme
LIF Adult
Member since 8/06 3071 total posts
Name:
XXXXXXXXX
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Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?
Posted by DancinBarefoot
I lost my mom 6 months ago. She was supposed to still be with us right now. Even the doctors said so. But circumstances intervened and she had to stop her chemo and well, she just went downhill.
All I can say, is treat every single day that you spend with him as if it's the last time you will see him. Make sure you tell him you love him. Make sure you have pictures of you & him & your DC altogether. Make sure you have pics of him and your DC together. And unless you or your DC is sick and contagious, never turn down an invitation. While you are doing all this - don't show him any pity, or treat him like he is dying.
Wow I couldn't agree more. I lost my father seven months ago. He had been in failing health for about 18 months, really sick for the last 4 montsh of his life. I honestly don't think you can ever really be prepared.
Last New Years Eve I changed my plans to spend the night with my family and my parents. We spent the night playing games and looking at old family phots. My father spent hours telling my kids about his relatives. Throughout the entire evening, I just had a sinking feeling that I would never have this opportunity again. Even though I spoke to my father daily, and saw him 3-4 times a week, I can't tell you how much comfort that night brought and continues to bring me. My father, in so many ways, made me the woman I am today. I miss him every day.
Use this time wisely, I promise you will never regret it.
I am so very, very sorry for what you are going through. 
Message edited 10/15/2010 12:33:45 PM.
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| Posted 10/15/10 12:26 PM |
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bicosi
life is a carousel
Member since 7/07 14956 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?
I wanted to send you tons of hugs and kisses.
I don't know how to answer but you are in my thoughts and prayers.
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| Posted 10/15/10 12:58 PM |
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neener1211
:-)
Member since 4/07 22952 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?
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| Posted 10/15/10 12:59 PM |
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stickydust
Now a mommy of 2!!!
Member since 4/06 3164 total posts
Name:
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Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?
I do not hink you ever truly prepare. My father died 3 years ago after being sick for a few years - it was still a surprise when it happened. Even now - there are times that I forget he is no longer around.
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| Posted 10/15/10 1:04 PM |
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trnity44
I hope you stay beautiful baby
Member since 5/05 8356 total posts
Name:
Liz
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Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?
First of all- I am so so so sorry, Christine. I cannot even begin to imagine.
Mentally, I don't think you can prepare. A good friend of mine's mother has been very sick for a long time- and sad to say, but it is terminal. Obviously, she knew that her mother would pass away from this disease. Recently, her mother took a turn for the worse, and my friend is a wreck. She said that nothing in the world would have prepared her for this.
Aside from the mental part of it- I think what I would do is spend as much time with my father as I could- and have my children spend as much time as possible with him as well.
I'm here if you need to talk!
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| Posted 10/15/10 1:35 PM |
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sweetie101
you make me smile :o)
Member since 5/08 4419 total posts
Name:
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Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?
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| Posted 10/15/10 1:45 PM |
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CaseyGirl
Mommy to 3 Boys :)
Member since 5/05 19978 total posts
Name:
Jen - counting my blessings...
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Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?
I'm so sorry
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| Posted 10/15/10 1:46 PM |
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annienyc
LIF Adult
Member since 10/06 1347 total posts
Name:
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Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?
Christine - I am so terribly sorry to hear this! I too would be devastated even thinking of losing one of my parents....
As others have already said cherish the time he is here and allow your girls to know him and love him as you already do...
Sending you a million of these!!!
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| Posted 10/15/10 2:35 PM |
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juanvi
Get Out!
Member since 10/06 4463 total posts
Name:
Christina
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Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?
you poor thing. please try to think positive. for the both of you. he will be in my prayers
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| Posted 10/15/10 2:35 PM |
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Kelly9904
Mommy to 2 amazing little boys
Member since 5/05 9306 total posts
Name:
Kelly
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Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?
First lots of coming your way. I know how hard it is to feel the way you do right now.
My mom died at 63, 4.5 months after my wedding. At my wedding she was FINE. No cancer...she too had been experiencing some back pain but chalked it up to babysitting her grandkids and old age. Well after my wedding she wound up in the hospital where they diagnosed her with lung cancer the reason for the back pain was a tumor had spread to her spine and was pressing on a nerve.
There is no way to prepare for what may be in your father's future and yours. I held out hope (as did my family) until her last week of life. It wasnt until I finally had a clear moment, cornered a nice nurse and said I need you to give it to me straight...are we just keeping her comfortable or is she going to leave here (the hospital) one day. The nurse said, just keep her comfortable. I called my family to meet me at my dads and told them it was time to prepare for our goodbyes.
That moment didnt make it any easier. but at least I did have my time to start to accept what was happening.
I will say to you what I say to all my friends/coworkers etc dealing with parents with cancer.... Remember its not about YOU. what I mean is that I know too many people who say, I just need to know X, or I just feel like Y...when it comes to their parents treatment. Its not about what will make us happiest its about what they are choosing for their life. Its about how hard or little they want to fight, its about how much or little they want to disclose.
Be there, emotionally, as much as you can.; Let your dad know he doesnt have to be strong for you...that you are there for HIM.
The only thing I think in the end that "prepared" me for my mom's passing, was seeing the deteoriation and know thats not the life my mom would ever have wanted. So in ways I feel lucky (if thats the best word) that her disease took her more quickly than others because seeing her the last 3 weeks in pain and suffering was not fair for her. And at that point I realized that I had to let her go, because holding her here and holding on too tightly was about ME not about what was best for her!
Its been 6 years since my mom passed (well it will be in about 2.5 weeks) and I am at peace with what happened because my mom lived a great life, she gave herself fully to her family and friends. Her legacy is that her 3 kids are living their lives in her memory but not in grief.
I know you have alot of friends here as well I am sure you have a great support system IRL, but if you ever need to vent/talk or need anything please let me know!
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| Posted 10/15/10 2:44 PM |
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KangaMom
...
Member since 1/06 4593 total posts
Name:
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Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?
You Can't
We sure didn't
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| Posted 10/15/10 3:08 PM |
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adeline27
LIF Adult
Member since 5/06 3121 total posts
Name:
Angela
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Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?
I can't imagine the feelings you're going through right now. It's hard for me to even think about it happening to our family.
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| Posted 10/15/10 3:34 PM |
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Shorty
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Member since 5/05 30390 total posts
Name:
really
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Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?
i couldn't even read your whole post - tons of hugs and prayers to you
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| Posted 10/15/10 3:38 PM |
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MetsGirl07
LIF O2 Vendor
Member since 12/07 16202 total posts
Name:
Deanna
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Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?
just many prayers for you
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| Posted 10/15/10 3:43 PM |
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01ellie
LIF Adult
Member since 9/10 2245 total posts
Name:
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Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?
I dont think there is any way to prepare...just try to stay strong and spend lots of time with them...my mom was recently diagnosed with cancer and will be having surgery at MSKCC in Nov...its extremely hard to think of a life without her. And its even scarier when she talks about things she needs to get settled before anything happens....
i am cherishing every moment with her and my dad. And hopefully she will be around to see grandchildren
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| Posted 10/15/10 3:56 PM |
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Eireann
Two ladies and a gentleman!
Member since 5/05 12165 total posts
Name:
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Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?
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| Posted 10/15/10 4:19 PM |
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Rycois
Blessed with 2blue/2pink
Member since 12/05 13341 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?
Oh Christine. I'm so sorry to hear this and wish I had some advice. Just enjoy him and your time with him. I'll pray that it's a lot longer than you anticipate
Thinking of you and prayers for him
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| Posted 10/15/10 9:47 PM |
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RandiG
Love my Boys!
Member since 7/09 4440 total posts
Name:
Randi
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Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?
Many, many prayers to you!
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| Posted 10/15/10 10:05 PM |
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chikita315
Love
Member since 8/06 7945 total posts
Name:
M-lo
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Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?
I'm so sorry and just want to offer many
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| Posted 10/15/10 10:07 PM |
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Reese1106
Family of 4! :o)
Member since 8/06 6655 total posts
Name:
Theresa
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Re: How Do You Prepare for a Death of a Parent?
Posted by DancinBarefoot
All I can say, is treat every single day that you spend with him as if it's the last time you will see him. Make sure you tell him you love him. Make sure you have pictures of you & him & your DC altogether. Make sure you have pics of him and your DC together. And unless you or your DC is sick and contagious, never turn down an invitation. While you are doing all this - don't show him any pity, or treat him like he is dying.
It's not easy, and there really isn't a true way to prepare.
I could not have said it better if I tried. I lost my Mom almost 8 years ago after a many, many year battle with breast cancer. I had 6 months with her and I carry memories of those months with me to this day.
I am so sorry you are going through this. I wish there was something that could be said to make you feel better. Please know you'll be in my thoughts and prayers.
Message edited 10/15/2010 10:12:12 PM.
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| Posted 10/15/10 10:11 PM |
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