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TheDivineMrsM
2 girls 4 me!
Member since 8/08 7878 total posts
Name:
Mama mama mama....
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Re: How often do you & DH go out?
Not often enough, but it'll probably get more frequent. DD is EBF and has been refusing bottles, so it's kind of challenging to go out w/o her. Now that she started solids and we're working on sippy cups, I can leave her with my parents and stop worrying that she's going to starve.
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Posted 6/7/11 9:18 AM  |
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hazeleyes33
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 13060 total posts
Name:
Ginger
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Re: How often do you & DH go out?
Posted by Goobster
Posted by hazeleyes33
Posted by Goobster
Never. DD is 2.5.
I don't have a babysitter, only person would be my mom and I just don't feel date nights are something that I am entitled to, that I would make my mom watch my DD for that. If it was a wedding or something big, sure I would ask. I do ask my mom to watch my DD for important things like if I have a dr appt or buying my home related issues. But to just go out alone with DH, I have never done that.
Personally I always expected once I had a child, that was the last of Dh and I being alone. And honestly leaving my DD feels odd to me to go out alone with DH. DH works all week so when he is home we enjoy going out with DD together, and taking her places. That is our priority, doing things with DD< not doing things alone. We had many years alone before DD.
I understand wanting to do things with your child but why do you feel you shouldn't have alone time with your dh anymore?
I think your child needs to see that you are making their father a priority also in your life.
I don't think that a child should be left constantly just so the parents can go out but I do think that a marriage suffers when parents don't take the time to do things alone.
DH and I feel once we had a child, spending time with them together is the MOST important thing. My DD doesn't need to see me making her father a priority by us leaving her with a sitter, as you put it. She sees we love each other, love being with each other and HER as well, all doing things together. When DH is home and I go to feed DD< she calls daddy in to come eat. She expects when we are all home, we are all doing things together. Nothing can be more beneficial, IMO, than a child being with both their parents doing loads of things together(we got out to dinner with her, take her places, nothing we want to do can't involve her re going out). Sure she sometimes makes it a bit difficult as she is 2.5 but she is often great and we feel it's just all we could ask for, all of us doing these things together.
That is not to say we would not enjoy ALONE time. We absolutely would but our marriage is at a very solid point that we both enjoy our time with DD and we don't require date nights in our marriage. We have time alone at night when she goes to bed and that is enough for us. I could not see dropping her off once a week or even once a month so we can go eat a steak and have some wine. Just not necessary now. Been there done that. Down the line, she will get older and need us less and less. And we will once again have plenty of free time to be together alone and I bet you we might long for the days when our baby was little and needed us (or a sitter) so much. Nothing is more valuable than us doing things with our DD when we have time together when DH isnt working. No offense to anyone else, this is what we feel and works for us.
I totally agree with you about spending time with the children. We spend a lot of time with ours and we do not go out alone a lot but again, life is short and I don't feel a reason to have to wait 18 or 20 years to go out with my dh. We waited 5 years to have kids so we did have plenty of alone time. That does not mean that we don't still enjoy it now though. We enjoy going to dinner and a movie together, concerts, dinner parties with friends, happy hours with friends.
As long as it is working for you and your marriage. For me, not ever going out would not make me happy as we have plenty of time after the kids go to bed too but it is different going out and being "adults".
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| Posted 6/7/11 9:41 AM |
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hazeleyes33
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 13060 total posts
Name:
Ginger
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Re: How often do you & DH go out?
Posted by Goobster
Posted by pnbplus1
Posted by Goobster
Personally I always expected once I had a child, that was the last of Dh and I being alone. And honestly leaving my DD feels odd to me to go out alone with DH. DH works all week so when he is home we enjoy going out with DD together, and taking her places. That is our priority, doing things with DD< not doing things alone. We had many years alone before DD and we will have many years in the future when she no longer needs a babysitter.
This is how I feel too. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to go out and I really do miss the time DH and I used to spend together but when we had DS we knew that our lives would be changing and that it would be all about our DS. The way I look at it, he won't be little forever so we'll have plenty of time 20 yrs from now to go out alone (and at that point we'll probably be missing him and wishing he wanted to spend time with us).
Growing up my parents rarely went out without me so that's probably where my thinking/feelings come from. My mom has always told me that she'd babysit for me to do certain things but that she'd dedicated her life to me growing up and made sacrifices and not to think that she was going to babysit so me and DH could go out and party.
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ITA. My mom is there for us and she loves DD so much BUT she would find it odd if we had a desire to go out on the town too much after having DD. And I would find it odd too if DH and I still had desires to go out often without DD since we have been there done that. For us also...DH and I also grew up with our moms being SAHMS and our parents never went on date nights. When both parents were home, it was family time, not date night for our parents. I had a very close relationship with my grandmother and she would have loved watching us. But aside from our parents having a weddding or something big that we had to be watched, we were never with a sitter (grandma, family or nonfamily). So it's what we are used to and are happy with it like that.
Do you only use your mother as a sitter?
How much do you consider "too much" to go out?
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| Posted 6/7/11 9:42 AM |
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hazeleyes33
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 13060 total posts
Name:
Ginger
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Re: How often do you & DH go out?
Posted by sleepie76
Posted by Goobster
Guess it's just difference of opinion. I find it extravagent to ask my mom to watch my DD so DH and I can go eat a steak and drink some wine. JMO. Just not a necessity and I don't ask for my mom to watch my DD unless I really need it. Not for any other reason than just not where my mindset is.
Also, I didn't marry my DH just to have a child. No way. I was married a long long time before DD came along. But now that we have a child, we enjoy spending any time with DD together, vs without her. It's just what we enjoy most and value most. Not just going to eat some dinner and have a drink without our child. Just not important to us in the big scheme of things. It has no bearing on our feelings towards each other. It actually IMO shows our marriage is rock solid that our DD has just strengthened that, and spending time with her just enhances that, not hinders it in anyway. Having her with us is not the foundation of our marriage, she purely enhances what we already had and if it ain't broke don't fix it. JMO for me.
a steak and some wine sounds like heaven to me 
we never get out alone, probably twice in the last year. We take our daughter out to restaurants ALL the time.
BUT I think it would be great to go out for an adult dinner and reconnect/recharge the romance between us more often.
I think you have to keep that relationship alive, the spark going.
I hear too many stories of couples that had kids, then a few years later get divorced because they grew apart.
My marriage is strong, 8 years strong and still going. But there was a relationship there before sippy cups & diapers. I dont think there is anything wrong with taking an hour out of every week to enjoy that relationship again.
It's fine if you dont need it/want it. But it's fine if people do. To say it is extravagent is a bit much to me.
You took the words out of my mouth---
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| Posted 6/7/11 9:43 AM |
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hazeleyes33
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 13060 total posts
Name:
Ginger
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Re: How often do you & DH go out?
Posted by Goobster
Posted by sleepie76
It's fine if you dont need it/want it. But it's fine if people do. To say it is extravagent is a bit much to me.
You may feel extravagent is a bit much to say. I spoke for myself and for me, based on my life, I find it extravagent FOR me to ask my mom to watch my DD so I can go out to eat. I find that extremely unnecessary honestly, at this point in my life. DH and I had loads and loads of time prior to DD to go to restaurants, go away, etc. Been there done that. For me, when I ask for help, it's for a need, vs a want. When DH and I go out, there is nothing we want to do so badly that DD can't come. Sure I would love to eat alone once in a while, but if my biggest problem is going out to eat alone with my DH, then I got it easy.
As NBC said above, there isn't much we want to do that our DD can't come with us. Nothing better than the 3 of us together.
Are you ever invited to just "adult" things, like dinner parties or out to dinner and drinks with friends?
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| Posted 6/7/11 9:45 AM |
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brownie
Baby #1 is here!
Member since 11/08 13903 total posts
Name:
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Re: How often do you & DH go out?
Posted by hazeleyes33
Are you ever invited to just "adult" things, like dinner parties or out to dinner and drinks with friends?
I know...For ME I couldn't imagine never going to the movies, certain weddings etc
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| Posted 6/7/11 9:47 AM |
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Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: How often do you & DH go out?
Posted by hazeleyes33
Posted by Goobster
Posted by sleepie76
It's fine if you dont need it/want it. But it's fine if people do. To say it is extravagent is a bit much to me.
You may feel extravagent is a bit much to say. I spoke for myself and for me, based on my life, I find it extravagent FOR me to ask my mom to watch my DD so I can go out to eat. I find that extremely unnecessary honestly, at this point in my life. DH and I had loads and loads of time prior to DD to go to restaurants, go away, etc. Been there done that. For me, when I ask for help, it's for a need, vs a want. When DH and I go out, there is nothing we want to do so badly that DD can't come. Sure I would love to eat alone once in a while, but if my biggest problem is going out to eat alone with my DH, then I got it easy.
As NBC said above, there isn't much we want to do that our DD can't come with us. Nothing better than the 3 of us together.
Are you ever invited to just "adult" things, like dinner parties or out to dinner and drinks with friends?
Everyone we associate with has children and they really don't do anything without their children aside from weddings, etc. Like us, they don't go out for dinner and drinks just because and we don't have any single friends so that isn't where we are at in our lives. Therefore there is no need or desire. Been there done that years ago, not the stage that us or any of our family/friends with children are at.
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| Posted 6/7/11 9:49 AM |
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headoverheels
s'il vous plaît
Member since 6/07 42079 total posts
Name:
LB
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Re: How often do you & DH go out?
I don't understand the need to question someone else's choices  Just because you don't agree with it, what's with the constant needling? Are you trying to prove a point? Make them see it your way? Change their mind?
I swear didn't we just do this like a week or two ago? 
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| Posted 6/7/11 9:57 AM |
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4PsInaPod
My Loves <3
Member since 7/07 10079 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: How often do you & DH go out?
Posted by headoverheels
I swear didn't we just do this like a week or two ago?
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I posted that a few posts back too!!! Literally, the same EXACT argument. It's tiring.
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| Posted 6/7/11 10:02 AM |
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hazeleyes33
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 13060 total posts
Name:
Ginger
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Re: How often do you & DH go out?
Posted by Goobster
Posted by sleepie76
I think you have to keep that relationship alive, the spark going.
I hear too many stories of couples that had kids, then a few years later get divorced because they grew apart.
I think the larger issue when couples wind up in divorce is too many people rush into having a child before they have really spent enough time with their partner to develop bonds that will stand the test of time, the stress of a raising and having a child who will naturally have needs that will HAVE to come first, come above your partner.
You can't compare someone who needs a date night to keep the marriage alive, with people who don't feel they need a date night b/c their marriage/relationship has been through thick and thin already that they are so bonded that they don't feel the need for a "date night" to keep the love alive. Nothing can solidify a great marriage more than having a beautiful and wonderful child you enjoy spending time with. No steak and wine dinner can be better than that, speaking for myself.
I really have to disagree with this. My dh and I were married 5 years before we had our 1st child and 5 years before we had our 2nd. We were together 5 years before we even got married.
We still enjoy our time out alone and feel we do need it. We go out alone and with friends. It enhances our marriage as while our children's needs DO come first, we are not forgetting about our own because of them. As long as my children's needs are taken care of and they are (and know they are) loved, I don't see a problem with spending time alone with my dh to make my marriage even stronger than it is.
Children are hard on a marriage and I personally (again, I might be alone on this) think that you just can not put it aside for many years without any affects on it.
I also wonder how the dh's feel (posters who say that their dh's do not come first or even come AFTER their family members) about being last (or almost last) on their priority list. THAT I don't think is healthy at all.
Again, my 2 cents.
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| Posted 6/7/11 10:13 AM |
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hazeleyes33
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 13060 total posts
Name:
Ginger
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Re: How often do you & DH go out?
Posted by brownie
Posted by hazeleyes33
Are you ever invited to just "adult" things, like dinner parties or out to dinner and drinks with friends?
I know...For ME I couldn't imagine never going to the movies, certain weddings etc
Me too. While I am a mother, I am still a woman, a wife, a sister, a daughter, a friend....etc.
I truly think (and while I might be alone in this on this board it has been said by others, Dr. Oz was one recently) that you still need to do things for yourself.
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| Posted 6/7/11 10:16 AM |
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hazeleyes33
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 13060 total posts
Name:
Ginger
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Re: How often do you & DH go out?
Posted by Goobster
Posted by hazeleyes33
Posted by Goobster
Posted by sleepie76
It's fine if you dont need it/want it. But it's fine if people do. To say it is extravagent is a bit much to me.
You may feel extravagent is a bit much to say. I spoke for myself and for me, based on my life, I find it extravagent FOR me to ask my mom to watch my DD so I can go out to eat. I find that extremely unnecessary honestly, at this point in my life. DH and I had loads and loads of time prior to DD to go to restaurants, go away, etc. Been there done that. For me, when I ask for help, it's for a need, vs a want. When DH and I go out, there is nothing we want to do so badly that DD can't come. Sure I would love to eat alone once in a while, but if my biggest problem is going out to eat alone with my DH, then I got it easy.
As NBC said above, there isn't much we want to do that our DD can't come with us. Nothing better than the 3 of us together.
Are you ever invited to just "adult" things, like dinner parties or out to dinner and drinks with friends?
Everyone we associate with has children and they really don't do anything without their children aside from weddings, etc. Like us, they don't go out for dinner and drinks just because and we don't have any single friends so that isn't where we are at in our lives. Therefore there is no need or desire. Been there done that years ago, not the stage that us or any of our family/friends with children are at.
So none of your friends go out either? None of them ever want to just do things together without kids?
The majority of our friends have children and we still have dinner parties, happy hours, etc. Of course we do, do things with all of the kids but we all try and find time to do things just as adults.
We actually go out and do more things with our married couples who have children than ones without children or single people.
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| Posted 6/7/11 10:19 AM |
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HeathKernandez
Our Ron is an awesome Ron
Member since 4/07 9091 total posts
Name:
baby fish mouth
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Re: How often do you & DH go out?
not so much since we moved and my parents moved out east, but we try to as much as possible.
DH & I met when DS turned 5 (I was a single mom) so we were never just a "COUPLE." Now that DS is pretty independent, we try to make more alone time.
We do LOTS of family things... but DH & I never took a honeymoon, never went on vacation together (without DS) so it's important that we try to connect as a couple and not just "as parents."
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| Posted 6/7/11 10:20 AM |
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BeachMom
Love my 4 kiddos!
Member since 11/08 8346 total posts
Name:
Kristie
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Re: How often do you & DH go out?
So far It's been about 1x per year on our anniversary, and we go out for a quick dinner and are home within 1.5 hours.
We have family who would watch them only "if" they had the time. They always offer and when we decide to take them up on the offer, they're usually busy so we stopped taking them up on the offer.
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| Posted 6/7/11 10:20 AM |
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Linda1003
love my 2 boys
Member since 8/08 10923 total posts
Name:
Linda
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Re: How often do you & DH go out?
Just jumping in here .. Goobster is NOT saying that she is right and you are wrong.. this works for HER MARRIAGE.. what you do works for YOURS!! Different people....different wants and needs in life..
no need to try and get her on your side or convince her she's wrong...
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| Posted 6/7/11 10:20 AM |
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HeathKernandez
Our Ron is an awesome Ron
Member since 4/07 9091 total posts
Name:
baby fish mouth
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Re: How often do you & DH go out?
just want to add... it is VERY important to DATE YOUR SPOUSE...
Many marriages fall apart when the kids are "grown & gone" because couples do not take the time out to DATE each other...
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| Posted 6/7/11 10:21 AM |
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2PreciousBlessings
The Perfect Pair
Member since 5/06 19861 total posts
Name:
Best Wife & Mommy
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Re: How often do you & DH go out?
Posted by HeathKernandez
just want to add... it is VERY important to DATE YOUR SPOUSE...
Many marriages fall apart when the kids are "grown & gone" because couples do not take the time out to DATE each other...
THIS!!!!!
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| Posted 6/7/11 10:23 AM |
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headoverheels
s'il vous plaît
Member since 6/07 42079 total posts
Name:
LB
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Re: How often do you & DH go out?
Posted by Linda1003
Just jumping in here .. Goobster is NOT saying that she is right and you are wrong.. this works for HER MARRIAGE.. what you do works for YOURS!! Different people....different wants and needs in life..
no need to try and get her on your side or convince her she's wrong...
That's what I am trying to say. It's fine to disagree with her but it's not necessary to try and "convert" her or anyone else.
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| Posted 6/7/11 10:24 AM |
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Little-J-Mommy
I'm a Big Brother
Member since 5/06 8041 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: How often do you & DH go out?
People do what they are comfortable with.
Just because you go out on dates with your DH doesn't mean you don't care about and aren't committed to your kids. It does not make you any better or worse of a mother or wife.
Just because you don't go on alone dates with your DH doesn't mean he is not a priority in your life. It does not make you any better or worse of a mother or wife.
It's one thing to express your opinion and it's another to try to brow beat the masses to see it your way. Accept that you both value your children and your relationship but have different ways of showing it.
For me personally, we do have occasional dates but for the most part don't leave the house until the kids are in bed and then my parents listen to a quiet monitor until we get back In between that, we try to hang out after the kids go to bed every night. I'm not a fan of watching TV's in different rooms and I try to step away from the computer at night. You CAN have quality alone time without leaving the home. 
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| Posted 6/7/11 10:25 AM |
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Re: How often do you & DH go out?
Date whats a date??
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| Posted 6/7/11 10:25 AM |
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HeathKernandez
Our Ron is an awesome Ron
Member since 4/07 9091 total posts
Name:
baby fish mouth
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Re: How often do you & DH go out?
DH & I only go out if something is being held at an actual restaurant or catering hall and not someone's backyard. Our time is more important that way.
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| Posted 6/7/11 10:25 AM |
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Little-J-Mommy
I'm a Big Brother
Member since 5/06 8041 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: How often do you & DH go out?
Posted by headoverheels
Posted by Linda1003
Just jumping in here .. Goobster is NOT saying that she is right and you are wrong.. this works for HER MARRIAGE.. what you do works for YOURS!! Different people....different wants and needs in life..
no need to try and get her on your side or convince her she's wrong...
That's what I am trying to say. It's fine to disagree with her but it's not necessary to try and "convert" her or anyone else.
you beat me to it
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| Posted 6/7/11 10:26 AM |
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brownie
Baby #1 is here!
Member since 11/08 13903 total posts
Name:
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Re: How often do you & DH go out?
Posted by HeathKernandez
DH & I only go out if something is being held at an actual restaurant or catering hall and not someone's backyard. Our time is more important that way.
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| Posted 6/7/11 10:26 AM |
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Little-J-Mommy
I'm a Big Brother
Member since 5/06 8041 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: How often do you & DH go out?
Posted by HeathKernandez
DH & I only go out if something is being held at an actual restaurant or catering hall and not someone's backyard. Our time is more important that way.
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| Posted 6/7/11 10:27 AM |
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Linda1003
love my 2 boys
Member since 8/08 10923 total posts
Name:
Linda
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Re: How often do you & DH go out?
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| Posted 6/7/11 10:27 AM |
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