Re: How often do you & DH go out?

Posted by nrthshgrl

I don't think it's necessary to go out with your DH if that's not your thing. Am I the only one thinking you can "date" your spouse without leaving the house? And now that I typed that I'm wondering if that's a euphemism for

Message edited 6/7/2011 11:33:06 AM.

Re: How often do you & DH go out?

We don't go out on "date" nights at all. When DS goes to bed that's our alone time together. I'm a FTWM and DH is a FTWD, so the time we get with DS is only in the evening. There have been a a few times since DS was born that we've gone out to celebrate birthdays, anniversary or we had a function to go to that DS couldn't be there. But for the most part there isnt a set schedule every week for us to have alone time. If we do get time alone most of the time we're running errands just because it's easier without DS.

Re: How often do you & DH go out?

Posted by nov04libride

Posted by Janice

well...i will say it.
just read thread...

sometimes it is nice to be alone in car with dh because, well...what guy doesn't appreciate the passenger holding onto the stick while he drives?

Janice, isn't that the reason for backwards facing til they are 10?

Re: How often do you & DH go out?

Before DC we went out alone or with friends every single weekend. Post DC, its about 1-2 times a month. We do go out with friends usually at least once a month for a birthday or happy hour or whatever. 99% of the time it's after 7pm and we've already put them to bed so obviously they don't even know we're gone. We enjoy it and I personally feel that sitting home and watching the monitor or having someone else watch it once in a while is not a big deal. Sometimes ILs stay or we hire a sitter which I know is a luxury but it's one that we can afford and we don't consider it a "waste." When they are older and more cognizant of when we are there things may change but for now this works for us.

ETA: We have plenty of "date nights" at home as well. Usually at least one weekend night we'll order in, have a drink, make a fire and hang out together.

Message edited 6/7/2011 11:37:11 AM.

Re: How often do you & DH go out?

Posted by StayForever

Posted by nrthshgrl

I don't think it's necessary to go out with your DH if that's not your thing. Am I the only one thinking you can "date" your spouse without leaving the house? And now that I typed that I'm wondering if that's a euphemism for

My DH and I have date nights at home a lot. We drink, eat some good takeout or sushi, watch TV, laugh at stupid stuff. We don't need to leave house and get a babysitter for that.

We connect with each other, we make each other feel important. My husband does not feel neglected; we are a priority to each other. I do not need to get dressed up, sit in a crowded, noisy restaurant and eat mediocre food at an inflated price just to rekindle the romance with my husband.

There are two main things keeping my DH from going "out" alone more often: getting a babysitter I trust and finances. Since those two thing aren't readily available in abundance, we stay home and work on us and our marriage there.

If someone insisted that it's not healthy for my marriage to never, or hardly ever, go out alone with my DH, then I could tell them to take a closer look at my marriage. Just don't go peeking through my windows after dark.

Re: How often do you & DH go out?

I agree with others who say they have "date" nights at home too.

My dh spend most evenings together at home together and are able to talk after the kids go to bed.

I don't think you NEED to go out to connect with one another but just as when you were dating and did things together out, it is nice to continue doing those things after you have kids.

We have been married 18 years and still enjoy doing the things we did when we first met almost 23 years ago. Those are the things that bonded us when we first met and still do to this day.

Our children are the extra "bonus" to our relationship and marriage and we spend a lot of time with them but we also enjoy our adult time alone and with other friends.

Re: How often do you & DH go out?

Dh and I go out maybe once every other month. We don't feel deprived of our time. RIght now we have one child and when she goes to bed we have a nice dinner every night and maybe some wine. We sit out on our deck, go in our pool, do things around the house. During the holidays we decorate and shop online. In the dead of winter we cuddle by the fire place.

Re: How often do you & DH go out?

Message edited 6/7/2011 1:02:40 PM.

Re: How often do you & DH go out?

Posted by pnbplus1

Posted by Goobster

Posted by sleepie76
I think you have to keep that relationship alive, the spark going.
I hear too many stories of couples that had kids, then a few years later get divorced because they grew apart.

I think the larger issue when couples wind up in divorce is too many people rush into having a child before they have really spent enough time with their partner to develop bonds that will stand the test of time, the stress of a raising and having a child who will naturally have needs that will HAVE to come first, come above your partner.

You can't compare someone who needs a date night to keep the marriage alive, with people who don't feel they need a date night b/c their marriage/relationship has been through thick and thin already that they are so bonded that they don't feel the need for a "date night" to keep the love alive.

I agree with the above. So many times people have kids shortly after getting married and so of course having a child turns your world upside down. You crave the date nights, feel that you need them. DH and I were married over 7 years before we had our DS, we had over 2500 child-free date nights before DS came along. I don't need to leave my child every month to add to that total.

We have our time alone - every night after our son goes to bed. Our relationship has grown immensely since we became parents. Sure their have been challenges, it comes naturally with change.

Our marriage is strong and we are now going on 9 years. We don't need date nights and going out without the child we chose to have together. For those who need to go out and on vacation without their kids, fine, so be it if you feel that for some reason you need that for your marriage to be stronger.

To those who disagree with my stance on this, who said your way is better or healthier for a marriage? My parents did it this way and they have been married 37 years. I'd say not many couples today can say they have been happily married that long, date nights and all.

ETA: I was only through page 3 when I posted this. AND, I did not marry my DH JUST to have a child - I could have used a sperm donor for that.

Re: How often do you & DH go out?

Posted by StayForever

Posted by nrthshgrl

I don't think it's necessary to go out with your DH if that's not your thing. Am I the only one thinking you can "date" your spouse without leaving the house? And now that I typed that I'm wondering if that's a euphemism for

My DH and I have date nights at home a lot. We drink, eat some good takeout or sushi, watch TV, laugh at stupid stuff. We don't need to leave house and get a babysitter for that.

We connect with each other, we make each other feel important. My husband does not feel neglected; we are a priority to each other. I do not need to get dressed up, sit in a crowded, noisy restaurant and eat mediocre food at an inflated price just to rekindle the romance with my husband.

There are two main things keeping my DH from going "out" alone more often: getting a babysitter I trust and finances. Since those two thing aren't readily available in abundance, we stay home and work on us and our marriage there.

If someone insisted that it's not healthy for my marriage to never, or hardly ever, go out alone with my DH, then I could tell them to take a closer look at my marriage. Just don't go peeking through my windows after dark.

Re: How often do you & DH go out?

Posted by BellaRock

You just described how DH and I do things. Our marriage is solid w.o. having "date night" outside the house. When the kids go to bed (by 8-8:30 the latest) we take that time to connect. Talk about our day, watch our shows, or just cuddle on the couch. On the weekends we buy a bottle of wine and some yummy desert and we sit out on the patio at night relaxing. Best time ever. I wouldn't trade that for any crowded restaurant.EVER!

Re: How often do you & DH go out?

Re: How often do you & DH go out?

Posted by hazeleyes33



We were together 5 years before we got married and 5 years after we got married before having children. We STILL like our date nights-lol!!
We have been married 18 years

Re: How often do you & DH go out?

Posted by pnbplus1

Posted by hazeleyes33



We were together 5 years before we got married and 5 years after we got married before having children. We STILL like our date nights-lol!!
We have been married 18 years

A. What's your point?
B. Why do you feel the need to reply to any post that disagrees with your view? You are not right.

Re: How often do you & DH go out?

We don't. My DH has a horrible work schedule and I use all my babysitting points with afterschool care.

We make sure to spend quality time together after the kids go to bed and it works just fine for us

Re: How often do you & DH go out?

Posted by pnbplus1

Posted by Goobster

Posted by sleepie76
I think you have to keep that relationship alive, the spark going.
I hear too many stories of couples that had kids, then a few years later get divorced because they grew apart.

I think the larger issue when couples wind up in divorce is too many people rush into having a child before they have really spent enough time with their partner to develop bonds that will stand the test of time, the stress of a raising and having a child who will naturally have needs that will HAVE to come first, come above your partner.

You can't compare someone who needs a date night to keep the marriage alive, with people who don't feel they need a date night b/c their marriage/relationship has been through thick and thin already that they are so bonded that they don't feel the need for a "date night" to keep the love alive.

I agree with the above. So many times people have kids shortly after getting married and so of course having a child turns your world upside down. You crave the date nights, feel that you need them. DH and I were married over 7 years before we had our DS, we had over 2500 child-free date nights before DS came along. I don't need to leave my child every month to add to that total.

We have our time alone - every night after our son goes to bed. Our relationship has grown immensely since we became parents. Sure their have been challenges, it comes naturally with change.

Our marriage is strong and we are now going on 9 years. We don't need date nights and going out without the child we chose to have together. For those who need to go out and on vacation without their kids, fine, so be it if you feel that for some reason you need that for your marriage to be stronger.

To those who disagree with my stance on this, who said your way is better or healthier for a marriage? My parents did it this way and they have been married 37 years. I'd say not many couples today can say they have been happily married that long, date nights and all.

ETA: I was only through page 3 when I posted this. AND, I did not marry my DH JUST to have a child - I could have used a sperm donor for that.

Message edited 7/8/2011 11:16:22 PM.

Re: How often do you & DH go out?

Posted by hazeleyes33

Posted by pnbplus1

Posted by hazeleyes33



We were together 5 years before we got married and 5 years after we got married before having children. We STILL like our date nights-lol!!
We have been married 18 years

A. What's your point?
B. Why do you feel the need to reply to any post that disagrees with your view? You are not right.

Speaking from experience

Re: How often do you & DH go out?

We go out at least once every two weeks.

Re: How often do you & DH go out?

And for Hazel who asked above, yes, my DH agrees. And my DH and I are very attracted to each other and always were. But there is NOTHING out there that we need to go do, no restaurant, no trip to take, that is so important we would need to do it once a month or so. Nothing in the world. Again that's us.



I don't think anyone said that there was anything sooo important that they need to do it once a month or so. I think your experience with parents who want to "party" instead of raise their children outweighs what the moms on this board have said.
Yes, everyone does things differently and I am WELL aware of that. I am almost 40 years old-lol!!

Re: How often do you & DH go out?

Posted by headoverheels

Posted by hazeleyes33

Posted by pnbplus1

Posted by hazeleyes33



We were together 5 years before we got married and 5 years after we got married before having children. We STILL like our date nights-lol!!
We have been married 18 years

A. What's your point?
B. Why do you feel the need to reply to any post that disagrees with your view? You are not right.

Speaking from experience

Right. Of course because you've been married longer that means your opinion counts more I am sorry but you are just making yourself look ridiculous and ignorant at this point. Again.

Re: How often do you & DH go out?

Posted by hazeleyes33

Posted by pnbplus1

Posted by hazeleyes33



We were together 5 years before we got married and 5 years after we got married before having children. We STILL like our date nights-lol!!
We have been married 18 years

A. What's your point?
B. Why do you feel the need to reply to any post that disagrees with your view? You are not right.

Speaking from experience

Re: How often do you & DH go out?

Message edited 6/7/2011 2:36:42 PM.

Re: How often do you & DH go out?

No need to argue ladies....Do what is best for you and your family. If you are happy and content with your situation then no need to be defensive or having to explain yourself to anyone.

Re: How often do you & DH go out?

as often as we want to - we're very fortunate in that regard in that MIL is available and more than willing any time we want to do something.

We don't take advantage, but we have our share of fun.

Re: How often do you & DH go out?