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rebeccamol
LIF Adult
Member since 10/13 975 total posts
Name:
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Making your child get a job
I am really upset and trying to do the right thing. I have been dreading giving my daughter my car because As a mom I wasnt ready but our deal was she needed to have a job by today. August 15th, She had the time of her life this summer. She went away twice, and went on a cruise and said when she gets back from Georgia from a wedding three weeks ago she will get a job. She just found out this past Thursday she needs working papers. She should have done this three weeks ago when she got home.She then went to the city twice, and went pokomon hunting and some other various things, I warned her through the week her time was coming up. She got the papers Thursday and I texted her, Did you do the papers, she said I am going in the back to get a tan. I lost it!! I said your now cut off, no car, no highlights no extras.
I feel like she should have done this weeks ago or have been earning money this summer. she said she couldnt because of all of her trips.
I think that its unfair that I would have to pay the insurance which is insane , a new car for me as my car is older and paid off, she would have got that.I dont trust she will keep the job once she even gets it.
She will be going to a school after this year that is upstate for college so she wont need a car but I was going to give her mine for her senior year. Am I crazy!! Also my husband has been practicing driving with her and parking as she still needs parking help and she always says shes "to tired".
I need to keep my ground on this but is this what you would do. If I firmly say no car, I have to stick with it. What if she gets a job in a few weeks, do I just give her the car?because if it doesn't last then She still has a car.She will be 18 in December,I will admit she has a free ride not working for a long time. She sleeps till 12 and goes to bed at 3am.
I have been very very lienent in the past few months as her dad died end of March, I gave her alot of things she asked for but I feel like I am being taken advantage of now.
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Posted 8/15/16 1:23 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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evrythng4areason
And then there were 4
Member since 1/10 5224 total posts
Name:
Kayla
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Making your child get a job
I would only let her use the car if/when she has a job. If she loses the job, she loses the car unless she has money saved up to pay for gas, insurance, etc
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| Posted 8/15/16 1:27 PM |
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klingklang77
kraftwerk!
Member since 7/06 11487 total posts
Name:
Völlig losgelöst
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Re: Making your child get a job
Posted by evrythng4areason
I would only let her use the car if/when she has a job. If she loses the job, she loses the car unless she has money saved up to pay for gas, insurance, etc
Yes, this. And stop giving her any money, paying her cell, etc.
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| Posted 8/15/16 1:29 PM |
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KarenK122
The Journey is the Destination
Member since 5/05 4431 total posts
Name:
Karen
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Making your child get a job
My parents made me get a job the day after I turned 16. The summers during college I worked two jobs and that money was my spending money for the year. Stop giving her the car unless she is going to work and stop giving her money to do all the things she is doing including her cell phone. My parents also made me pay "rent" once I turned 18. It was minimal like $100 a month and they actually saved that money and gave it to me when I moved out but it instills responsibility and I learned how to budget my money and live within my means.
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| Posted 8/15/16 1:37 PM |
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chilltocam
LIF Adult
Member since 11/11 9141 total posts
Name:
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Making your child get a job
Nope, no car. My SS knew that if he wanted a car, he had to have a job - and he did (he leaves for college this weekend and Friday was his last day of work. On top of that he also volunteered all summer). If you give in, she will know that there are no consequences and she can do whatever she wants and still get her way. Sounds like it's time for her to learn that to have nice/fun things, you have to work for them - or at least live up to your word. The "real world" will not treat her like family and it will be a rude awakening if she never has to learn that lesson until after college. Better to let her "suffer" now and maybe do a little growing up before being handed something she knew she had to meet certain expectations before she could have what she wants.
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| Posted 8/15/16 1:40 PM |
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rebeccamol
LIF Adult
Member since 10/13 975 total posts
Name:
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Making your child get a job
I was the same, I worked since I was 13(delivering newspapers) and at times I had 2 jobs sometimes 3. The decision I need to make is getting her the car then I have to get myself a new one as we cant share the car because of school and my job. I just told her NO car. I also cancelled her highlights appointment(3 days before picture retakes,shes livid). I am cutting her off today. Her telling me she is going to tan was the last straw and I also thinks he needs to hold a job for a certain amount of time before getting the car. I dont trust she will keep the job.
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| Posted 8/15/16 1:42 PM |
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jlm2008
LIF Adult
Member since 1/10 5092 total posts
Name:
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Re: Making your child get a job
Posted by evrythng4areason
I would only let her use the car if/when she has a job. If she loses the job, she loses the car unless she has money saved up to pay for gas, insurance, etc
Exactly this. I bought, actually leased, my fist car myself. I also carried my OWN insurance. I also bought my first cell phone. You don't work, thrn you don't get anything. That's the wasy life works!
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| Posted 8/15/16 1:43 PM |
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chilltocam
LIF Adult
Member since 11/11 9141 total posts
Name:
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Re: Making your child get a job
Posted by klingklang77
Posted by evrythng4areason
I would only let her use the car if/when she has a job. If she loses the job, she loses the car unless she has money saved up to pay for gas, insurance, etc
Yes, this. And stop giving her any money, paying her cell, etc.
But it sound like the OP was going to buy herself a new car and give her old car to her daughter, so there won't be a car available and if OP does buy a new car, and then her daughter quits/loses her job, OP is stuck with 2 cars. In my opinion, the daughter knew the deadline was coming up and didn't live up to her side of the deal - so no car. MAYBE if she got a job and kept it for 6 months I would revisit the situation. But sounds to me like the daughter is expecting that even though she didn't get a job, she thought she'd just be handed the car anyway. Sounds to me like it's time to learn there are consequences to not doing what you have to do.
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| Posted 8/15/16 1:44 PM |
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jlm2008
LIF Adult
Member since 1/10 5092 total posts
Name:
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Re: Making your child get a job
Posted by rebeccamol
I was the same, I worked since I was 13(delivering newspapers) and at times I had 2 jobs sometimes 3. The decision I need to make is getting her the car then I have to get myself a new one as we cant share the car because of school and my job. I just told her NO car. I also cancelled her highlights appointment(3 days before picture retakes,shes livid). I am cutting her off today. Her telling me she is going to tan was the last straw and I also thinks he needs to hold a job for a certain amount of time before getting the car. I dont trust she will keep the job.
You pay for her highlights??? I'm sorry, not trying to be a b@tch, but I can't remember the last time my mother paid for a haircut...probably not since I was 13 at least!
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| Posted 8/15/16 1:45 PM |
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HomeIsWithU
Baby #2 on the way!
Member since 9/07 7816 total posts
Name:
Jenn
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Re: Making your child get a job
Posted by klingklang77
Posted by evrythng4areason
I would only let her use the car if/when she has a job. If she loses the job, she loses the car unless she has money saved up to pay for gas, insurance, etc
Yes, this. And stop giving her any money, paying her cell, etc.
All of this exactly. By 15 I had my working papers and had a job (both during the school year AND all summer long), was paying for my own cell phone and all my own clothes. When I got my first car at 17, I paid for insurance/gas/upkeep, etc. If I lost my job I would have had to find a way to get a new one or else my car would have sat in the driveway un-used. Considering she's off to college next year, I'm assuming she's around 17/18. She's more than old enough right now that she should have already had a job for the summer and be paying for as much as she can. She's an adult now. It's not your job to be paying for all of her stuff. Things like her highlights? If she doesnt want her hair to look like sh!t when they grow out, she should probably get a job to pay for them. She's old enough at this point to know that mommy isn't an interest free bank anymore. I think you were more than fair to give her some time this summer to enjoy herself and go on some trips, etc. But it sounds like now she's being lazy and taking advantage.
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| Posted 8/15/16 1:46 PM |
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MsSissy
xoxoxo
Member since 3/07 39159 total posts
Name:
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Re: Making your child get a job
You are not wrong!
I agree with letting her use the car if/when she gets a job. If she loses the job she loses the car. She has no incentive right now and it seems she needs one.
I wouldn't take away the cell, only for my own peace of mind.
Posted by rebeccamol
She sleeps till 12 and goes to bed at 3am.
And this would not fly with me. If she's not working she needs to be up actively looking or at least doing stuff around the house.
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| Posted 8/15/16 1:47 PM |
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MarathonKnitter
HAPPY
Member since 2/07 17374 total posts
Name:
EMBRACING CHANGE
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Re: Making your child get a job
i would have lost it too.
you're right to feel the way you feel. i also understand how you got a little lax because of the death of her father.
now, it's time for her to put her big girl pants. i'm a firm believer of natural consequences. no job=no money.
like others have said, she can have the when she has a job and for as long as she has a job. no job, no car. period. no need to fight. the keys just disappear.
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| Posted 8/15/16 1:47 PM |
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rebeccamol
LIF Adult
Member since 10/13 975 total posts
Name:
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Re: Making your child get a job
Posted by chilltocam
Posted by klingklang77
Posted by evrythng4areason
I would only let her use the car if/when she has a job. If she loses the job, she loses the car unless she has money saved up to pay for gas, insurance, etc
Yes, this. And stop giving her any money, paying her cell, etc.
But it sound like the OP was going to buy herself a new car and give her old car to her daughter, so there won't be a car available and if OP does buy a new car, and then her daughter quits/loses her job, OP is stuck with 2 cars. In my opinion, the daughter knew the deadline was coming up and didn't live up to her side of the deal - so no car. MAYBE if she got a job and kept it for 6 months I would revisit the situation. But sounds to me like the daughter is expecting that even though she didn't get a job, she thought she'd just be handed the car anyway. Sounds to me like it's time to learn there are consequences to not doing what you have to do.
Yes exactly... school starts in three weeks, so would get my self a car and she would have it for her senior year. Her friends all are getting cars(some work some dont) but yes I would be stuck with two cars and a car payment and insurance payment if I get the car now. In 6 months I would revisit this. She should have thought about this prior. Hope she had a fun summer!!!
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| Posted 8/15/16 1:47 PM |
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rebeccamol
LIF Adult
Member since 10/13 975 total posts
Name:
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Re: Making your child get a job
Posted by jlm2008
Posted by rebeccamol
I was the same, I worked since I was 13(delivering newspapers) and at times I had 2 jobs sometimes 3. The decision I need to make is getting her the car then I have to get myself a new one as we cant share the car because of school and my job. I just told her NO car. I also cancelled her highlights appointment(3 days before picture retakes,shes livid). I am cutting her off today. Her telling me she is going to tan was the last straw and I also thinks he needs to hold a job for a certain amount of time before getting the car. I dont trust she will keep the job.
You pay for her highlights??? I'm sorry, not trying to be a b@tch, but I can't remember the last time my mother paid for a haircut...probably not since I was 13 at least!
You are so right. I need tough love.
Message edited 8/15/2016 3:28:21 PM.
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| Posted 8/15/16 1:49 PM |
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busymomonli
Resident Insomniac
Member since 4/13 2050 total posts
Name:
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Making your child get a job
I have a sixteen year old. Our agreement is I will pay for necessities, anything above and beyond that is her responsibility. At 15, she had a job at McDonalds. If she wanted acrylic nails, she paid for them, concert tickets, she paid for them. She stayed at that job for about a year before she decided to quit (became too much for her with honors classes), but she had managed to save $1000 before quitting. She still dips into it for concerts or whatever. She is so much more hesitant to spend when its her money that she worked for!
No way in he!! I would pay for tanning or highlights. Those are luxuries you work for in this house. I wouldn't give her the car unless she has a job to help at least pay for part of the insurance.
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| Posted 8/15/16 1:50 PM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: Making your child get a job
Does she do anything at all to earn money? Babysit? I only babysat until after I graduated high school but I babysat A LOT. I also had a lot of activities and no car which would have made it hard to get a job. I think that I would prefer my kids to be dedicated to after school activities over getting a job.
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| Posted 8/15/16 1:50 PM |
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rebeccamol
LIF Adult
Member since 10/13 975 total posts
Name:
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Re: Making your child get a job
Posted by HomeIsWithU
Posted by klingklang77
Posted by evrythng4areason
I would only let her use the car if/when she has a job. If she loses the job, she loses the car unless she has money saved up to pay for gas, insurance, etc
Yes, this. And stop giving her any money, paying her cell, etc.
All of this exactly. By 15 I had my working papers and had a job (both during the school year AND all summer long), was paying for my own cell phone and all my own clothes. When I got my first car at 17, I paid for insurance/gas/upkeep, etc. If I lost my job I would have had to find a way to get a new one or else my car would have sat in the driveway un-used. Considering she's off to college next year, I'm assuming she's around 17/18. She's more than old enough right now that she should have already had a job for the summer and be paying for as much as she can. She's an adult now. It's not your job to be paying for all of her stuff. Things like her highlights? If she doesnt want her hair to look like sh!t when they grow out, she should probably get a job to pay for them. She's old enough at this point to know that mommy isn't an interest free bank anymore. I think you were more than fair to give her some time this summer to enjoy herself and go on some trips, etc. But it sounds like now she's being lazy and taking advantage.
Yes agree completely. Told her to enjoy her non highlighted hair at school pictures next week(im really mad today!)
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| Posted 8/15/16 1:51 PM |
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rebeccamol
LIF Adult
Member since 10/13 975 total posts
Name:
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Making your child get a job
I actually told her a few months ago this would be the last hair thing forever from me(the one coming up this weekend) so she was aware after this highlight it was not going to be paid for agian,
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| Posted 8/15/16 1:52 PM |
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rebeccamol
LIF Adult
Member since 10/13 975 total posts
Name:
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Re: Making your child get a job
Posted by lululu
Does she do anything at all to earn money? Babysit? I only babysat until after I graduated high school but I babysat A LOT. I also had a lot of activities and no car which would have made it hard to get a job. I think that I would prefer my kids to be dedicated to after school activities over getting a job.
she does not. she does have some after school activities so baby sitting would be perfect for her. She said she hates kids. Really??
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| Posted 8/15/16 1:53 PM |
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rebeccamol
LIF Adult
Member since 10/13 975 total posts
Name:
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Re: Making your child get a job
Posted by busymomonli
I have a sixteen year old. Our agreement is I will pay for necessities, anything above and beyond that is her responsibility. At 15, she had a job at McDonalds. If she wanted acrylic nails, she paid for them, concert tickets, she paid for them. She stayed at that job for about a year before she decided to quit (became too much for her with honors classes), but she had managed to save $1000 before quitting. She still dips into it for concerts or whatever. She is so much more hesitant to spend when its her money that she worked for!
No way in he!! I would pay for tanning or highlights. Those are luxuries you work for in this house. I wouldn't give her the car unless she has a job to help at least pay for part of the insurance.
not that highlights is better but tanning(at a tanning salon) she isn't allowed to do. and that I wouldn't pay for. This is the kick in the pants I needed to try and be stricter.
My ex when he was alive used to curse all the time that she needs a job.
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| Posted 8/15/16 1:54 PM |
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chilltocam
LIF Adult
Member since 11/11 9141 total posts
Name:
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Re: Making your child get a job
Posted by rebeccamol
Posted by jlm2008
Posted by rebeccamol
I was the same, I worked since I was 13(delivering newspapers) and at times I had 2 jobs sometimes 3. The decision I need to make is getting her the car then I have to get myself a new one as we cant share the car because of school and my job. I just told her NO car. I also cancelled her highlights appointment(3 days before picture retakes,shes livid). I am cutting her off today. Her telling me she is going to tan was the last straw and I also thinks he needs to hold a job for a certain amount of time before getting the car. I dont trust she will keep the job.
You pay for her highlights??? I'm sorry, not trying to be a b@tch, but I can't remember the last time my mother paid for a haircut...probably not since I was 13 at least!
You are so right. I need tough love. She gets money from her dad passing away so I do take it from that(which I think she got to used to). Her money from her dad though stops in 9 months though, so thats the only reason she is able to get it .
Sorry, but that should not be money to spend on highlights or other luxuries. It should be saved for college or grad school or other expenses that she will have in the future. Maybe she should have been given a little bit of it, to do something she wanted, but I don't think it should be seen by her as a never ending pool to take from whenever she wants something. I don't care how well off a family is, I think every kid needs to learn to appreciate the value of a dollar and to learn that hard work is required to get anything you want. Sounds like it's time for you (OP) to stand up to her and make good on your ultimatum
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| Posted 8/15/16 2:38 PM |
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JDubs
different, not less
Member since 7/09 13160 total posts
Name:
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Re: Making your child get a job
Posted by chilltocam
Posted by rebeccamol
Posted by jlm2008
Posted by rebeccamol
I was the same, I worked since I was 13(delivering newspapers) and at times I had 2 jobs sometimes 3. The decision I need to make is getting her the car then I have to get myself a new one as we cant share the car because of school and my job. I just told her NO car. I also cancelled her highlights appointment(3 days before picture retakes,shes livid). I am cutting her off today. Her telling me she is going to tan was the last straw and I also thinks he needs to hold a job for a certain amount of time before getting the car. I dont trust she will keep the job.
You pay for her highlights??? I'm sorry, not trying to be a b@tch, but I can't remember the last time my mother paid for a haircut...probably not since I was 13 at least!
You are so right. I need tough love. She gets money from her dad passing away so I do take it from that(which I think she got to used to). Her money from her dad though stops in 9 months though, so thats the only reason she is able to get it .
Sorry, but that should not be money to spend on highlights or other luxuries. It should be saved for college or grad school or other expenses that she will have in the future. Maybe she should have been given a little bit of it, to do something she wanted, but I don't think it should be seen by her as a never ending pool to take from whenever she wants something. I don't care how well off a family is, I think every kid needs to learn to appreciate the value of a dollar and to learn that hard work is required to get anything you want. Sounds like it's time for you (OP) to stand up to her and make good on your ultimatum
This.
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| Posted 8/15/16 3:06 PM |
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Dolphinsbaby
My 3 little guys!
Member since 12/10 2943 total posts
Name:
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Re: Making your child get a job
Posted by KarenK122
My parents made me get a job the day after I turned 16. The summers during college I worked two jobs and that money was my spending money for the year. Stop giving her the car unless she is going to work and stop giving her money to do all the things she is doing including her cell phone. My parents also made me pay "rent" once I turned 18. It was minimal like $100 a month and they actually saved that money and gave it to me when I moved out but it instills responsibility and I learned how to budget my money and live within my means.
Same for me. My car was my expense. My parents paid nothing. I was told a car is a luxury. I didn't 'need' a car (although I thought I did). My dad said the bus works just fine and he didn't own his first car (which was a used piece of junk) until he was 27! My parents bought their first new car ever in their late 30s after saving for years for it. I worked full time and went to school full time on a scholarship and maintained a 3.8 gpa. I paid for everything myself (not books). But if I wanted a new pair of Levi's, I was told to go out and buy them with my own money. I was so angry about it when I was younger but it taught me so much about money. I learned to write and balance a checkbook at 18. I learned about savings and check on and the difference and so much more.
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| Posted 8/15/16 3:11 PM |
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Making your child get a job
I didn't read all the comments but I will say to stick to your guns. I didn't have a car getting me to and from work for my first job. I walked or I took the bus to Roosevelt Field Mall from Floral Park. If she wants the responsibility of a car, then she has to earn it. A car, used unresponsibly, can be REALLY dangerous. She needs to earn it.
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| Posted 8/15/16 3:14 PM |
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MrsM429
Mama x2 <3
Member since 12/10 4946 total posts
Name:
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Re: Making your child get a job
Posted by jlm2008
Posted by evrythng4areason
I would only let her use the car if/when she has a job. If she loses the job, she loses the car unless she has money saved up to pay for gas, insurance, etc
Exactly this. I bought, actually leased, my fist car myself. I also carried my OWN insurance. I also bought my first cell phone. You don't work, thrn you don't get anything. That's the wasy life works!
I did the same thing when I was 16. Looking back, I feel that it helped me in the long run, because I have been used to having to work for the things I want. Taught me responsibility.
I also agree with the PP, you have her a deadline and she failed to meet it, so when she gets a job and has the money for gas/insurance/incidentals, then she can use it.
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| Posted 8/15/16 3:16 PM |
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