Motherhood...is it harder than you thought?

let me start this out by honestly stating that i love and adore my children. i chose to have children and have been doubly blessed with a healthy girl and boy. i am fortunate beyond belief....but there is something nagging me and i just want to know if it's normal. i am not complaining-more amazed that i am having these feelings!
DD is 2 and DS is 10 wks. i am 34 yrs old and i literally feel like a old dish rag at the beginning and end of each day...in short, motherhood has kicked my azz and honestly,i NEVER pictured it this way. knew it would be hard with sacrifice but just not to this degree.
i am carrying extra weight and need to get my hair, eye brows, and everything else done...i wear old yoga pants and a T shirt EVERY day. there is almost NO time to really take care of me. i am a sleep deprived zombie. my breasts are leaking milk and after DS feeds i smell like old milk all day long til i shower.
i used to look "cute" and i was in shape. i had some sort of control of my life. but now...God, i am a disgusting mess. this post doesn't even address all the emotional stuff that i worry about too-and all the worry that i have about doing the right things for my kids and family. i mean from worrying about CIO, naps, eating, potty training, vaccines, you know the list is ENDLESS! i feel that in a way this is truly the hardest time of my life and i know i shouldn't feel this way. before i know it, my kids will be grown and gone and then i'll really feel bad!

Re: Motherhood...is it harder than you thought?

Well aside from the leaking boobs, I could have written this myslef. Im SHOT. Im tired all the time. I need a complete do-over, from hair to thighs. I love this kid more then anything, but there are days that I wish I could lay on my bed all day and not move. I sit and count down til bed. How sad. I know my relationship with DH has paid the price. But, he is a charm (most days) and trys to pick up the slack when he is here on the weekends. Its hard. I finally understand my mom now. I would give my left boob, to have ONE night of FULL sleep, with no one waking me up and pooping on my hand. ONE NIGHT, One day.

Re: Motherhood...is it harder than you thought?

So far (my oldest is 3 years old) I have actually found it was easier than I imagined. With that being said I am only 24 and by the end of most days I am exhausted. They do wear me out, but I am still amazed at how naturally motherhood has come for me.

Re: Motherhood...is it harder than you thought?

I think you are still learning phase 2 of your motherhood adventure. Your son is only 10 weeks, I can't imagine have it all together at that point with 2 kids.

I feel like I JUST got part of my life back since having my DS 3 years ago. My hair looks good, my weight was great (though increasing now), my prof career is back on track, the house is sometimes clean and I am finally ok with that, I got daycare drop off/pickup down, DS finally eats so we are on track with meals, my dog finally has his shots, my car just got reregistered, the bills are paid, can i breathe yet OH...oh wait... I am DUE Again!! In about 6 months I will be fming you for emotional support. I know I will have moments like these but I think that with time you will have it all down and your kids won't grow up and be gone. Some days are harder then others so just hug them harder and make a day to yourself. Even just a few uninterrupted thoughtless hours.

Re: Motherhood...is it harder than you thought?

i love being home w/ ds, and i don't mind being exhausted being home w/ him. it's the going back to work, working 2 jobs that i am dreading. i know i wont be doing ANYTHING well, and it kills me. so motherhood is as hard as i imagined, but juggling it w/ everything else is worse.

Re: Motherhood...is it harder than you thought?

It's been much easier than i thought so far, but i always feel like i'm waiting for the other shoe to drop and sometimes dont know how we got so lucky. DD (6 weeks old) has slept 6-9hours every night since she was born. She only cries when she's hungry (and now that she's actually put herself kind of on a schedule, i can tell shes getting hungry and give her the bottle before shes crying). She's just a good, happy baby and i feel like she already has so much personality- i love just hanging out with her all day.

Now, that being said, I only have 1 child and i'm also still on maternity leave- i think that makes a big difference. Today, i didnt take a shower until DH got home at 4pm- so it was a PJs day today. And i'm sure i could probably use a make-over, but that couldve been said about me way before DD came along and i lost all my baby weight, but i was a chunk before i got PG, so that made that easier too lol Still, for the most part, i usually get us up and dressed everyday- even if we dont go anywhere... i really think it makes a big difference in your outlook. Even just putting on jeans and a nicer t-shirt makes me feel more accomplished for the day.

But yeah, i think motherhood has been a surprisingly easy adjustment <knock on wood> but i'm not looking forward to adding everything else to the mix soon

Re: Motherhood...is it harder than you thought?

You know I am right around the corner! Come ring my bell and vent away.
I rarely leave the house on T/Thurs because of E.I. sessions.
The greatest thing I did was put DS in school. A few hours a week, 3x a week.
I still have DD with me at home while he's there, but, with some luck she naps. I use that time to "clean up" or just do nothing.
I won't lie. Before I got pregnant with DS I remember counting down the days until my last day of work and becoming a SAHM...Boy oh Boy I really didn't know what I was in for.
Now, with 2, its harder. My sanity=I joined a Mom's group and I LOVE it! It gets us all out of the house. I do have my days where I just want to sit down and do nothing, but, that doesn't happen.
I need to lose weight. I need to organize ( I have a kitchen counter that is in deperate need of a paper shredder). We need to move DS into a big boy room (you guessed it, still not done as you know DD came quite unexpectedly early) and shes just about ready for the crib

I give all working moms soooooooo much credit for doing it all! I'm home and stuff is still not done and I feel it will never get done! Oh well, one day at a time is my motto!

I'm offering you and a GTG!
We need to work something out!!!

Re: Motherhood...is it harder than you thought?

Posted by neenie

It's been much easier than i thought so far, but i always feel like i'm waiting for the other shoe to drop and sometimes dont know how we got so lucky. DD (6 weeks old) has slept 6-9hours every night since she was born. She only cries when she's hungry (and now that she's actually put herself kind of on a schedule, i can tell shes getting hungry and give her the bottle before shes crying). She's just a good, happy baby and i feel like she already has so much personality- i love just hanging out with her all day.

Now, that being said, I only have 1 child and i'm also still on maternity leave- i think that makes a big difference. Today, i didnt take a shower until DH got home at 4pm- so it was a PJs day today. And i'm sure i could probably use a make-over, but that couldve been said about me way before DD came along and i lost all my baby weight, but i was a chunk before i got PG, so that made that easier too lol Still, for the most part, i usually get us up and dressed everyday- even if we dont go anywhere... i really think it makes a big difference in your outlook. Even just putting on jeans and a nicer t-shirt makes me feel more accomplished for the day.

But yeah, i think motherhood has been a surprisingly easy adjustment <knock on wood> but i'm not looking forward to adding everything else to the mix soon

Re: Motherhood...is it harder than you thought?

Yes and no.

I definitely could look better, but that is me being a lazyarse really.

But at the same time, I found the transition to having DS not horrible really. I had such a horrible pregnancy that I felt (and still feel like) that if I am not pregnant, then life is good

Although, I am a SAHM right now and I am SHOCKED at how exhausted I am. WAY more tired than when I was working

Re: Motherhood...is it harder than you thought?

Re: Motherhood...is it harder than you thought?

I have to completely agree with. I have twin boys that just turned 2. I work full time and I am 13wks preggo. I have to say that my days run into each other. My hair is always in a pony, my nails that used to get done every 2-3 weeks are the shortest and worst they have ever been. I use my lunch times to run errands because I know that my nights are a nightmare. I am lucky enough to work from home 2x a week and those are my hardest days. The boys have been sick for the last 2 weeks and the crying and whining that is going on is making me out of mind, to the point that I dont even want to be home. I am finding that my patinece is at wits end and I feel horrible about it.

Not only do I feel a mess I feel like my house looks like a sh$thole. There are toys and crumbs everywhere. The laundry is sky high to be cleaned in addition to the folding and ironing pile.

Did I think is was going to be this hard no but when I dreamed of motherhood I never thought of work to be involved.

Sorry for my rant but it has been one of those days or weeks here..

Feel better

Re: Motherhood...is it harder than you thought?

Posted by KateDevine

Posted by usuk2004
It's crazy to think it's been 9 weeks since I've had a night of uninterrupted sleep!

Its been 2.5 years since I've had that

Re: Motherhood...is it harder than you thought?

I wouldn't say its harder than I thought but definitely more exhausting.

I keep saying the last time I got a good nights sleep was 2/13/2009. Especially with going back to work this September...it's been a lot of my plate. I have to learn to let things go but it feels like the weekends are even more exhausting because I'm trying to do fun things with DS and DH and my friends and alos having to do shopping, cleaning, etc.

I have never been this tired in my entire life.

Re: Motherhood...is it harder than you thought?

Posted by usuk2004

Posted by KateDevine

Posted by usuk2004
It's crazy to think it's been 9 weeks since I've had a night of uninterrupted sleep!

Its been 2.5 years since I've had that

Oh HUSH!!!! Let me think it's going to get better, okay!?!?

Re: Motherhood...is it harder than you thought?

Posted by KateDevine

Posted by usuk2004
It's crazy to think it's been 9 weeks since I've had a night of uninterrupted sleep!

Its been 2.5 years since I've had that

Re: Motherhood...is it harder than you thought?

I truly think at one point or another every mother feels this way.

We have some amazing days....and some amazingly hard days. You just never know what you're going to get when you wake up that morning.

I try to get out as much as possible, always like to keep us busy, otherwise we go stir crazy.

I'm sure I will be posting a similar post once DS #2 gets here in two weeks!

Re: Motherhood...is it harder than you thought?

It is harder at times, and I am with you, I am a mess and yes, other than the leaky boobs I'm about the same as you. Between caring for DS and the house, it's so hard to fit in time for pampering of any kind, and when I have a spare half hour, I like to do exercise or work on my garden. But it is what it is, there are many wonderful parts to motherhood. I just didn't anticipate being sooo exhausted.

But the last two years have been hard on my family in many respects, and we have had a lot to deal with, so that could have a lot to do with my feelings also.

I would never want to not have DS in my life, just sometimes I wish I had a little more time for me.

Re: Motherhood...is it harder than you thought?

Umm actually.. it's not for me.

The first 6 weeks were AWFUL cause she screamed constantly, but I knew that it would pass. I got up every day showered, got dressed and put maleup on.

I really dont think my life is all that much different except that I literally do not sit down from the time i get up in the morning, until the time I put her to bed.

The working thing is tough. I definitely feel like I work two jobs.

It is EXHAUSTING, but not harder.

Re: Motherhood...is it harder than you thought?

Posted by JennZ

Well aside from the leaking boobs, I could have written this myslef. Im SHOT. Im tired all the time. I need a complete do-over, from hair to thighs. I love this kid more then anything, but there are days that I wish I could lay on my bed all day and not move. I sit and count down til bed. How sad. I know my relationship with DH has paid the price. But, he is a charm (most days) and trys to pick up the slack when he is here on the weekends. Its hard. I finally understand my mom now. I would give my left boob, to have ONE night of FULL sleep, with no one waking me up and pooping on my hand. ONE NIGHT, One day.

Re: Motherhood...is it harder than you thought?

yup it's very hard, and tiring. I miss just getting up and going !

Re: Motherhood...is it harder than you thought?

Yeah...I knew it would be hard, but some days like today, are harder than I thought

Other days are good

Overall I think its the toughest job, but I thought that before....but now I'm learning yes, its pretty tough

Re: Motherhood...is it harder than you thought?

thanks all for your responses! interesting to see how it affects people differently.
i think adding my new baby into the mix with a toddler is just awfully hard these days! i know it's going to take some time,,,

Re: Motherhood...is it harder than you thought?

I don't think it's hard and I think it's better than before. I used to sleep in late, now i'm on a strict schedule and don't have as much time for myself but I feel better all around. The boys are getting bigger and starting to throw fits and move all around, and I still don't think it's that bad. I have lots of patience so I guess that helps, but I just think I was meant to be a Mommy and all the stress that comes along with it doesn't really get to me. If i'm crazy enough to be pregnant again I guess that means i'm handling it well! I've never been happier than I am now.

Message edited 9/29/2009 7:58:44 PM.

Re: Motherhood...is it harder than you thought?

some days....it is must harder than I thought it would be.


and...


some days its much easier than I thought it would be.

Re: Motherhood...is it harder than you thought?

Yes and No.

When he was a baby... he was very difficult and high maintenance for months and months (probably until 12 months). It was definitely harder than i thought it would be.

Now at 15 months, i absolutely love it. It's still quite hard because he's a horrible night time sleeper, but everything else has gotten easier thank god. Otherwise i'd be ready to jump off a bridge by now.

I think my health also adds to it. I have lymes so i'm tired all the time and his bad sleeping doesn't help. I also get constant sinus infections and my body is just falling apart.

I wouldnt' say motherhood is harder than i thought. I would say that my son is harder than i thought, if that make sense. Hence why we won't be having a #2 for another 2 years. Quite honestly i couldn't handle him and a newborn right now.

Message edited 9/29/2009 8:08:36 PM.