Re: Motherhood...is it harder than you thought?

Posted by JennZ

Well aside from the leaking boobs, I could have written this myslef. Im SHOT. Im tired all the time. I need a complete do-over, from hair to thighs. I love this kid more then anything, but there are days that I wish I could lay on my bed all day and not move. I sit and count down til bed. How sad. I know my relationship with DH has paid the price. But, he is a charm (most days) and trys to pick up the slack when he is here on the weekends. Its hard. I finally understand my mom now. I would give my left boob, to have ONE night of FULL sleep, with no one waking me up and pooping on my hand. ONE NIGHT, One day.

Re: Motherhood...is it harder than you thought?

Sometimes.

Re: Motherhood...is it harder than you thought?

Oh hell yeah, I think this all the time. It never seemed that hard watching my sisters go through it...I still feel like no one can ever prepare you for motherhood. I don't know what I was expecting...maybe I was expecting that I would be stronger and be able to handle it better. Funny, cuz DH expected it to be a lot harder! Easy for him to say!

I never thought I'd have such a hard time giving up myself completely. I'm disappointed in myself for feeling that way. I guess it's just a huge adjustment....I really thought I'd adjust better than this! I hate feeling/looking like a slob too and feeling like I can't get anything done!

It's a cliche - but she is SO worth it. When she smiles and coos...hell, when she just looks at me...man, I can't get enough of her.

Re: Motherhood...is it harder than you thought?

I felt that way when Alex was born - my whole world was turned upside down. One second I'm living MY life, going out to dinner, taking long walks in the park, meeting friends for dinner, taking vacations to exotic places, and just going wherever I wanted, whenever I wanted.

And the next I have this strange little creature in my arms screaming 20 hours a day. I doubted every second of motherhood those first few months - I couldn't figure out how to soothe my collicky baby, let alone attempt to get her to sleep. I was a walking zombie, dressed in PJ's 24/7 for 3 months straight. Damn straight my looks fell apart for a good year.

And then I adjusted. Alex became a little more manageable, we got a routine going, and she started sleeping 11 hours a night. I could start focusing again on myself, on my needs, and on my marriage. I lost the weight, and started taking care of myself. At the end of the day I felt like my world fell apart for a year, but what was rebuilt was even more magnificent, once it all came together.

Now that I have a new baby, honestly, it's not nearly as hard as I imagined. BUT, that's because Yael is the easiest baby alive, and because ANYTHING after Alex will seem like cake. It's a lot different when you're first is a complete and total devil

Re: Motherhood...is it harder than you thought?

It is so much more in every way that I thought it was. It is harder and it is so much more amazing than I ever thought it would be.

I had relatively easy babies who made it up with difficult pre-school and/or elementary school stages. I think the best way to describe my maternity leave was I was adrift. I knew it was temporary & while I was enjoying being home with my children, I was waiting for my normal life to start again (even though it was still going on as my baby was growing into a 3 month old).

It was only in the past few years that I started getting those pieces of myself that I was missing in those early years of babyhood. Although, I'm still a bit dumpy & certainly not nearly as fashionable as I was once. So it's harder in the sense that I come last in the pecking order, but better in the sense that I think I'm a better person for them. It's one of those parts that I think having kids is about. Becoming a better you for them.

Also I still think you're d@mn cute!

Re: Motherhood...is it harder than you thought?

I could have written that myself when DS#2 was born and I was home with him and my crazy 2 year old.

It does get better!! When DS#2 started sleeping at night I saw a difference in how I felt. Please take few hrs and go out for a mani/pedi or eyebrow wax or run to the store w/o the kids. you will feel better!!

It is much harder than any other job I have had--and I am a lawyer---but its the most rewarding!!!

Re: Motherhood...is it harder than you thought?

It is much easier than I thought because I can be the ultimate pessimist with certain things. Before I had her, I would think of motherhood as a death sentence. But, somehow I knew I wanted kids...go figure.

Anyway, I think because I went into it expecting to NEVER sleep again, to be changing diapers CONSTANTLY and to be puked on all day, I was pleasantly surprised because my DD is a very easy baby.

I also give myself me time and conveniences to my life to keep myself sane.

I am VERY SCARED to think of having another one because I know I will be expecting the worst again. (I also have some health concerns.)

I guess all of my negative thinking paid off for once. In all seriousness, I think I will be a mess when she's a teenager. I see myself worrying myself sick then.

Re: Motherhood...is it harder than you thought?

I only have 1 2 yr old... but it has its moments

Re: Motherhood...is it harder than you thought?

I could have written this too. I should be overjoyed but instead I feel so overwhelmed. I am very frustrated that I feel the way i do, and I am not happy with myself lately at all. I never knew it would feel this isolating and overwhelming. I am with you, the worrying is going to be the death of me, vaccines and doing the right thing for my DD is at the top of my list.

I am sooo with you. It is much much harder than I every imagined. I feel exhausted every am, and every pm (and in between). I can't even imagine another child right now...don't know how people have multiple kids. Hoping it gets better in time, you are not alone!

Re: Motherhood...is it harder than you thought?

being a mother is by far, the hardest thing I have ever done

it is also the most rewarding

Re: Motherhood...is it harder than you thought?

I really thought I prepared myself for it -- I expected the worst. And yet I STILL couldnt prepare myself for how difficult it would be. DS is 8 weeks old and with DH gone for this year I'm basically a single mother. I have the help of family and friends and I'm so lucky to have that, but at times its just so overwhelming.

I absolutely adore my son, but being a mom is so hard. I feel terrible saying this, but many times I miss my old life. I miss having time to do my hair and makeup, go to the gym, go shopping, go out with friends. Heck...I miss having time to pee without him screaming for me to pick him up

Re: Motherhood...is it harder than you thought?

I actually am finding being a working mother to easier than I ever thought it would be. I love working, and sometimes fantasize about being a SAHM, but really, I find the balance of work and motherhood to be just right for me. I work 4 days a week, 9.30 to 5.30 and I have just what I want. I take Noah to school in the mornings and the childminder picks him up in the afternoon. Perfect for me! Part of my finding this so agreeable is that I have a wonderful husband, and a really great, easygoing child. I also have a new childcare situation that seems to be going really well, and that also makes my life a lot easier. Yes, I am exhausted at the end of the day, yes, I wish I worked slightly less hours, but I really enjoy this lifestyle. I am looking forward to having this new baby, and going on maternity leave, and I don’t really know what the future holds in terms of my working or maybe being a SAHM, but I shall enjoy it all!!!

I have to admit, pregnancy at 37 is hard, very hard.

Re: Motherhood...is it harder than you thought?

to be honest, i never thought it would be so exhausting and trying.. i always look forward to the random shift i would pick up from work to get a break... but with the mandation of flu and swine flu shots now my dh has decided that i am going on an early maternity leave until #2 is born in january... so now i am really going to have no mental stimulation....

every once in a while i get to the end of my rope and i end up going and walking the mall with ds just to give my patience a rest

Re: Motherhood...is it harder than you thought?

Yes and no.

I have days when I have no patience whatsoever. And I have days where I don't want to put her down.

I have days where my hair is blown out and I have decent looking clothes on. And I have days where my hair is in a ponytail and I'm still in my pj's.

But I wouldn't trade the worst day for anything. She is the greatest little girl in the world.

Re: Motherhood...is it harder than you thought?

Posted by nrthshgrl

It is so much more in every way that I thought it was. It is harder and it is so much more amazing than I ever thought it would be.

I had relatively easy babies who made it up with difficult pre-school and/or elementary school stages. I think the best way to describe my maternity leave was I was adrift. I knew it was temporary & while I was enjoying being home with my children, I was waiting for my normal life to start again (even though it was still going on as my baby was growing into a 3 month old).

It was only in the past few years that I started getting those pieces of myself that I was missing in those early years of babyhood. Although, I'm still a bit dumpy & certainly not nearly as fashionable as I was once. So it's harder in the sense that I come last in the pecking order, but better in the sense that I think I'm a better person for them. It's one of those parts that I think having kids is about. Becoming a better you for them.

Also I still think you're d@mn cute!

Re: Motherhood...is it harder than you thought?

For the most part - its much easier than I thought it would be. I have (usualy) very good and easygoing children.

Re: Motherhood...is it harder than you thought?

Pregnancy kicked my butt, a c-section kicked my butt, a colicky baby did not help. Now with a special need child schedule, it's not easier.

So yes, I would say it's MUCH harder than I thought.

Turning 40 yesterday.... yes, I feel old too!!

Re: Motherhood...is it harder than you thought?

Posted by ME75

thanks all for your responses! interesting to see how it affects people differently.
i think adding my new baby into the mix with a toddler is just awfully hard these days! i know it's going to take some time,,,

Re: Motherhood...is it harder than you thought?

Posted by HomeIsWithU

I really thought I prepared myself for it -- I expected the worst. And yet I STILL couldnt prepare myself for how difficult it would be. DS is 8 weeks old and with DH gone for this year I'm basically a single mother. I have the help of family and friends and I'm so lucky to have that, but at times its just so overwhelming.

I absolutely adore my son, but being a mom is so hard. I feel terrible saying this, but many times I miss my old life. I miss having time to do my hair and makeup, go to the gym, go shopping, go out with friends. Heck...I miss having time to pee without him screaming for me to pick him up

Re: Motherhood...is it harder than you thought?

Not really harder, just a lot more stressful and not as "fun" as I thought it would be. I dont mean it in a bad way, but a 3 and 5 year old can really put a damper on your personal style.

Mine are old enough now to understand my routine where I DO take time for myself. Every morning after I get up, the first thing I do is take a shower. Its then or never. The kids know they can go downstairs, play or whatever, but Mommy gets her shower, then breakfast and the day begins.

I'm a firm believer that if you look nice and take even 10 minutes for yourself in the am, then the day is one million times better and you don't feel like a slave to your kids all day.

Your kids are still very young and that stage is very hard. I remember not going out at all just because of the sheer hassle dealing with diaper bags, tantrum prone toddler, etc. Hang in there...it gets easier.

There is nothing wrong with putting a video on for your 2 year old while the baby naps and take some time for yourself. Sometimes I just sneak away with my laptop for 15 minutes while dora is on and I feel human again.

Re: Motherhood...is it harder than you thought?

I have a wonderful daughter who is 18 months and while she is a great sleeper, happy and content baby, I've never been more tired in my entire life! And she's a total doll 90% of the time!

I don't sleep like I used to (not as soundly I guess), I'm tired all the time and I also feel more sensitive about things. My body aches (especially my back) and come 8pm, I'm ready to hit the hay! I feel bad, because I feel like DH and I don't make enough time for each other.

Don't get me wrong, being a mom is the greatest thing in the world, but it is really tough! My mom's response to this? She said, that's why babies are given to the young! Well, maybe I should have started this when I was 20, because at 33, I certainly don't feel young anymore!

Re: Motherhood...is it harder than you thought?

Yes, but I think this is because I had myself so prepared for the worst since I was having twins. While I was pregnant, everyone told me it was going to be so hard. The first 4 months were really difficult because DS was very needy. But then, he mellowed out, and now I am blessed with two amazing, easy-going babies.
Of course, I have my moments where I feel completely overwhelmed. But for the most part, I think I manage things pretty well.
I work at home, which is tough at times because I don't really get much time to myself.
I just got a great hair cut and color the other day and plan to really keep on top of it this time instead of letting it get out of control and doing the ponytail every day. I try to put on makeup when I go out, even if I am wearing sweats. It makes me feel better about myself.

ETA: I am ALWAYS tired. DS doesn't consistently STTN, so even the nights that he does, I am up a million times. I haven't gotten a solid night's sleep in 9 months.

Message edited 9/30/2009 10:01:22 AM.

Re: Motherhood...is it harder than you thought?

Posted by DRMom

Posted by ME75

thanks all for your responses! interesting to see how it affects people differently.
i think adding my new baby into the mix with a toddler is just awfully hard these days! i know it's going to take some time,,,

I wonder if you have PPD? The anxiety you are feeling especially made me think that...



yeah..it's possible. going to see the dr. tomorrow actually-thanks!

Re: Motherhood...is it harder than you thought?

Re: Motherhood...is it harder than you thought?

Being a full-time working mom is harder than I thought. When I was home with DD for 9 months it was wonderful. Since returning to work...I had no idea it would be this hard.