Need advice (touchy subject)

First off I want to say PLEASE DO NOT JUDGE,this is a very very hard decision and touchy subject for me to talk about as it is and i do not need anyone to be harsh.i just need some outside advice and didnt know where else to turn.

I had just recently found out that I was pregnant, this was not planned nor was this expected at all.. we do have 2 children which we are so blessed to have . but we both feel at this time it is not right for another child,emotionally or finacially . money plays a huge role in this and feel that if we were to have a third it would put us in such a rut. i think about the furture and feel that i wont be able to do as much for 3 as i would be able to do for 2 and i want to give me kids the world and more.
but then looking at our children i couldnt bare the thought of a termination.

now i know this is only a decision that my husband and i can make , but any words , advice or someone who had this situation can please just help me make a decision

Re: Need advice (touchy subject)

I cant really give you any adivse
just that coming from me, who was TTC for over 2 years and have fertility issues would be so greatful to have a baby. We spent so much money ttc with RE's and Meds and getting preg that if we ended up w multiples we wouldnt think twice

sorry i am the wrong person to ask, but wanted to add my opinion

Re: Need advice (touchy subject)

imo... once the child is here, you wouldn't regret having the child. but if you choose not to have the child, you might regret it. that's how i would look at it. think about how you would feel with both outcomes. good luck with your decision.

Need advice (touchy subject)

I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you that I personally would not be able to terminate. I don't know your situation, but I would find a way to make it work. Children don't need material things or fancy dinners or vacations to be happy - a sibling is a far better gift than anything else you could give them. GL to you whatever you decide.

Re: Need advice (touchy subject)

Have you considered adoption? There are so many loving families out there that would be so grateful to welcome that baby. GL with your decision.

Re: Need advice (touchy subject)

Need advice (touchy subject)

My sister had two sons, ages 5 and 8 when she found out she was pregnant at 40. At first, she was devastated. They had financial difficulties, she was very high risk, and truthfully at 40 she didn't want to.start over again. But she did. From the second she had my niece, she knew she had made the right decision for them. 3 years later, my niece is just a ball of energy and we couldn't imagine life without her. Only you can make the decision for yourself. Think about all of the factors involved and how you would feel either way. Good luck

Need advice (touchy subject)

Every baby is a gift and I think you would regret it terribly if you terminated. IMO.

Need advice (touchy subject)

If you cannot bear the thought of termination then I think you have your answer right there.

Re: Need advice (touchy subject)

Re: Need advice (touchy subject)

Personally, I don't think that you would ever regret a child but I do think you would regret making it so you don't have a child. I personally could never live with myself if I terminated a child regardless of my financial situation and I would always resent my spouse for supporting that situation. Your financial position will change over time and most likely will get better even if it's a struggle for awhile

Re: Need advice (touchy subject)

Sorry you are going through a difficult time. I'm sure it's not easy. I have a friend from college that was in a similar situation. Have you considered adoption? It may be the best alternative.

Re: Need advice (touchy subject)

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Nothing anyone can say will help you make this decision. You have to do whatever you feel is best for you and your family.

Re: Need advice (touchy subject)

Re: Need advice (touchy subject)

After going through 2+ years of secondary infertility(have DC but have tube issues) and my journey of IVF I can't imagine termination.

You mentioned financial issue which I totally understand, but things usually work itself out and I'm quite sure you will have some form of a support system. Once your is here you will feel totally different.

Re: Need advice (touchy subject)

I personally would never think about terminating a pregnancy. A baby is a gift from God. I'm sorry you are in this situation but there are so many other alternatives:
Adoption, public assistance, help from family etc.
In the end everything happens for a reason and would always work out

Re: Need advice (touchy subject)

My parents found themselves in this situation with my mom's pregnancy with my youngest sister. I was 2 1/2 yrs old, my middle sister was about 4 months old and they didn't know how they would be able to provide for 3. At the end of the day they chose to move forward with the pregnancy and my mom says all the time that all the struggle and stress was more than worth it to have her THREE girls.

The way I see it (with absolutely no judgement, I promise!!) is that you could possibly regret terminating this pregnancy but you will never regret having another child and adding to your family.

Good luck

Re: Need advice (touchy subject)

Need advice (touchy subject)

I think this is a very personal decision. Regardless of what you do people (I dont mean the ladies here since everyone has been respectful) will judge you.

With that said maybe you can look into adoption. I have been obsessed with the show "I am having their baby" and htink it's wonderful when the adoptive family gets a child they have alwasy wanted.

Good luck in whatever decision you make.

Re: Need advice (touchy subject)

I don't have any advice except consider going to see a counselor with your DH, since it really is a decision between the two if you. ultimately, whatever you decide - have the baby, adoption, termination, etc - it will be something you have to live with and come to
peace with. it could help you to truly get in touch with how every option will affect your future.

sometimes struggle is a gift in disguise... good luck in this challenging time.

Re: Need advice (touchy subject)

Re: Need advice (touchy subject)

thank you for all your feed back ladies.
adoption would never be an option because if i was to be pregnant giving it up at the end would just kill me even more.

my fear is money. we are a one salary family and doing ok for now. i feel that if another child was in the mix it would take away from my other children and then maybe put us in a situation we can not handle. i also do feel that maybe family/friends would complain thinking that a nother child would be an inconvience for them. more gifts more things ect.

i noticed over the past few months that my oldest has shown a lot of jealousy when it comes to my younger child and also feel that maybe my oldest would then need more attention?>???
and my little one not being able to be the baby anymore.. or am i just crazy and thinking way too much >

Re: Need advice (touchy subject)

Posted by babymill13

I personally would never think about terminating a pregnancy. A baby is a gift from God. I'm sorry you are in this situation but there are so many other alternatives:
Adoption, public assistance, help from family etc.
In the end everything happens for a reason and would always work out

Need advice (touchy subject)

I think you expressed your feelings when you said you couldn't bear to terminate.

Re: Need advice (touchy subject)

Posted by TyReseGreen

After going through 2+ years of secondary infertility(have DC but have tube issues) and my journey of IVF I can't imagine termination.

You mentioned financial issue which I totally understand, but things usually work itself out and I'm quite sure you will have some form of a support system. Once your is here you will feel totally different.