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rsquared
Sweet P is here!
Member since 4/11 2026 total posts
Name:
R
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Re: Need advice (touchy subject)
Can you find a way to work from home or supplement your income? Also, I don't think you can hinge something as serious as terminating a pregnancy on the thoughts and feelings of a young child. Of course siblings get jealous of each other, its natural, and children don't have the ability to rationalize everything that happens to them, so they act out. But they will mature and grow relationships with their siblings. And I think your family and friends can just spend less on each kid....kids don't need that much stuff, and family shouldn't be resentful of having to buy gifts for children. If they are that resentful about it, tell them not to buy them gifts. They kids won't miss them. I grew up not having a lot, rarely taking vacations, etc. My mom raised three kids, one with a disability, as a single mom, and trust me, there was not extra anything, but we got by and out of all of my friends, I have the easiest time going without. I can live within my means easily and don't get hung up on material things. It was a good lesson to appreciate what you have, kwim?
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Posted 8/28/13 1:00 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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kahlua716
3 Girls for Me!
Member since 8/07 12475 total posts
Name:
Keri
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Re: Need advice (touchy subject)
Posted by EndlessSummer719
I'm so sorry you are going through this. Nothing anyone can say will help you make this decision. You have to do whatever you feel is best for you and your family.
I agree 
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| Posted 8/28/13 1:39 PM |
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MK2010
LIF Toddler
Member since 7/10 401 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need advice (touchy subject)
I'm sorry you are facing such a tough decision. I agree with what most (probably all of the previous posters) - but I wanted to point out - that you posted this on the pregnancy board - most of the people on here are either pregnant, just had a baby or they are TTC - so I think you are going to get very similar answers from everybody. Is it possible you posted here because you subconsiously want to hear what everyone is saying?
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| Posted 8/28/13 1:43 PM |
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MichLiz213
Life is Good!
Member since 7/07 7979 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need advice (touchy subject)
Posted by rsquared
Can you find a way to work from home or supplement your income? Also, I don't think you can hinge something as serious as terminating a pregnancy on the thoughts and feelings of a young child. Of course siblings get jealous of each other, its natural, and children don't have the ability to rationalize everything that happens to them, so they act out. But they will mature and grow relationships with their siblings. And I think your family and friends can just spend less on each kid....kids don't need that much stuff, and family shouldn't be resentful of having to buy gifts for children. If they are that resentful about it, tell them not to buy them gifts. They kids won't miss them. I grew up not having a lot, rarely taking vacations, etc. My mom raised three kids, one with a disability, as a single mom, and trust me, there was not extra anything, but we got by and out of all of my friends, I have the easiest time going without. I can live within my means easily and don't get hung up on material things. It was a good lesson to appreciate what you have, kwim?
I completely agree with all of this.
It was rough for my parents financially with three kids on one income (until we were in school full-time. My mom has actually been a medical transcriptionist from home for almost 20 years), one with a disability. But I attribute my values and work ethic to how I was raised. My parents couldn't afford dance classes or karate or expensive clothes and vacations. But my mom was creative as hell and found ways to give us a wonderful childhood and I loved my life. And it is tough having to share with two others. But children mature. I fought with my brothers as much as any siblings fight, but I'm close to both of them now.
It is absolutely a personal decision. But just because things are difficult now doesn't mean they will be down the road.
Good luck to you!
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| Posted 8/28/13 2:04 PM |
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Nic1229
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/13 639 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: Need advice (touchy subject)
I think becoming pregnant is scary and overwhelming. After ttc for close to a year, it was still scary when i had a positive test. I thought about how much life would change, and worried about money.
I can't imagine how scary it is when the pregnancy was completely unexpected. But it will work itself out. You already said you can't terminate, so start getting excited. It will work out. And congratulations.
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| Posted 8/28/13 2:19 PM |
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dimples
LIF Infant
Member since 5/12 274 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need advice (touchy subject)
I agree too. Just lots of support--you have to make whatever decision is best for you. People have strong feelings about this one way or the other. Whatever you decide, I hope it's best for you and your family. I know people on both sides of the spectrum and both have had struggles in their own ways. Perhaps try talking with a counselor to get those emotions out and talk it through  .
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| Posted 8/28/13 2:52 PM |
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dlj97
LIF Adult
Member since 7/10 4399 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need advice (touchy subject)
Posted by unknown123
thank you for all your feed back ladies.
adoption would never be an option because if i was to be pregnant giving it up at the end would just kill me even more.
my fear is money. we are a one salary family and doing ok for now. i feel that if another child was in the mix it would take away from my other children and then maybe put us in a situation we can not handle. i also do feel that maybe family/friends would complain thinking that a nother child would be an inconvience for them. more gifts more things ect.
i noticed over the past few months that my oldest has shown a lot of jealousy when it comes to my younger child and also feel that maybe my oldest would then need more attention?>???
and my little one not being able to be the baby anymore.. or am i just crazy and thinking way too much >
I'm sorry, but IMO these are not reasons to terminate a pregnancy. If you didn't know how you would feed and clothe the third child, then I kind of get it, but it sounds like you are not in that situation.
Who the he!! cares what anyone thinks about the number of kids you have?! It is absolutely beyond not anyone's business but you and DH's.
You never know how kids will react - they might love the baby - my DD certainly loves being a big sister and has since the minute DD2 was born. And like a pp said, you can't let a child make that kind of decision for you.
I also think if you really absolutely did not want to get pregnant than you should have been preventing it. Again, this is all just my opinion, but you asked.
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| Posted 8/28/13 3:09 PM |
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LovinLife37
LIF Zygote
Member since 8/13 37 total posts
Name:
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Need advice (touchy subject)
I do. It envy what you are going through, I will share a few thoughts and hope it can help.
At 16 I had an abortion, I still think of the child I had to give back to God. At the time I wasn't a mother and am now. I wonder often how old he would have been and if God has forgiven me.
I also work in a field that allows me to see children who receive everything we parents believe they deserve do not appreciate what they get or have.
I have a 10 year old and she still acts jealous at times, she doesn't get to do everything her friends do but she is loved, and that is truly priceless.
I would also worry about what would happen to you and your hubby after this. Take time to weigh out all the pros and cons- then speak to him and decide together.
I am pregnant right now and honestly scared like I never have imagined but I have faith that it will be ok.
In the end you coule try to build a a business to work while your home with the children. I work full time but sell pampered chef and it helps supplement our families needs.
I will keep you in my thoughts and if I can help please fm me.
Xo
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| Posted 8/28/13 3:15 PM |
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AllyMally
LIF Adolescent
Member since 1/13 881 total posts
Name:
Alyson
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Re: Need advice (touchy subject)
Posted by unknown123
thank you for all your feed back ladies.
adoption would never be an option because if i was to be pregnant giving it up at the end would just kill me even more.
my fear is money. we are a one salary family and doing ok for now. i feel that if another child was in the mix it would take away from my other children and then maybe put us in a situation we can not handle. i also do feel that maybe family/friends would complain thinking that a nother child would be an inconvience for them. more gifts more things ect.
i noticed over the past few months that my oldest has shown a lot of jealousy when it comes to my younger child and also feel that maybe my oldest would then need more attention?>???
and my little one not being able to be the baby anymore.. or am i just crazy and thinking way too much >
You are crazy
Honestly though you need to put everyone else aside and think about YOUR family. I really feel like no matter how long you have TTC or if it's a surprise there is always a part of you that shitts your pants when you see teh test. My family will be negative about us having another baby, money will be tight, and it will be hard. I get it I do. I am right there with you in that boat, but at the end of the day I would rather have my kids play 1 sport each and have 3 or 4 of them to shuttle then have my 2 do 5 each. You need to figure out what YOU and your dh want and go from there. This isn't about other people, or gifts, or any of that. Hugs Mama!
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| Posted 8/28/13 3:21 PM |
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AugustMom
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/11 743 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Re: Need advice (touchy subject)
Message edited 8/28/2013 3:57:24 PM.
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| Posted 8/28/13 3:56 PM |
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Wishes1111
LIF Adolescent
Member since 12/10 853 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need advice (touchy subject)
Posted by dlj97
I'm sorry, but IMO these are not reasons to terminate a pregnancy. If you didn't know how you would feed and clothe the third child, then I kind of get it, but it sounds like you are not in that situation.
Who the he!! cares what anyone thinks about the number of kids you have?! It is absolutely beyond not anyone's business but you and DH's.
You never know how kids will react - they might love the baby - my DD certainly loves being a big sister and has since the minute DD2 was born. And like a pp said, you can't let a child make that kind of decision for you.
I also think if you really absolutely did not want to get pregnant than you should have been preventing it. Again, this is all just my opinion, but you asked.
 ITA with the points made here. I think even with a bad financial situation you can make things work and it sounds more like you don't know how you will balance another child which IMO is no reason to terminate.
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| Posted 8/28/13 4:03 PM |
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bettybcafe
Big brother in the making
Member since 7/07 8611 total posts
Name:
M
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Need advice (touchy subject)
This might be a long shot but would you qualify for public assistance, WIC etc?
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| Posted 8/28/13 4:47 PM |
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stargazerlily
LIF Adolescent
Member since 12/11 706 total posts
Name:
Lara
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Re: Need advice (touchy subject)
Posted by Bearcat
imo... once the child is here, you wouldn't regret having the child. but if you choose not to have the child, you might regret it. that's how i would look at it. think about how you would feel with both outcomes. good luck with your decision.
I would have said the same thing
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| Posted 8/28/13 4:55 PM |
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meloyellow
LIF Adult
Member since 3/13 1843 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need advice (touchy subject)
Not judging you bc i can understand being afraid for the future and the financial aspect of it. but I can tell you 2 things.
#1...some people are already judging me for being pg with #2 bc my DH is currently laid off and we've had financial struggles recently. But you know what? I cannot base my entire life on a temporary moment in time. My husband will get back to work and we have gotten through everything that has been thrown at us. We still have a roof over our head and food in our bellies. My son is well cared for and happy. That's ALL that matters. Sure I can't keep up with my friends who all want to go out to dinner and drink and party and shop $$$ ...but I'm ok wit that. If it means downsizing...then that is what we will do. People have much larger families with far less than we have and they are happy loving families.
#2 I know someone who did terminate for much the same reason as you...not ready financially...and they have not gotten over it. It almost tore their marriage apart. It's a very permanent decision (so is having the child). Can your relationship withstand the possible resentment that might come up if you down the road look back and realize you DID want that child? That is something only the two of you can answer. But know that even if you THINK you can withstand it...you NEVER know how it will affect you emotionally over time until it's too late.
Message edited 8/28/2013 6:25:42 PM.
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| Posted 8/28/13 6:17 PM |
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maybebaby
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 6870 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: Need advice (touchy subject)
You make it work. Not all things in life are easy..and not all things are planned but a baby is a huge blessing-you've already raised two, you can handle a third. No one is saying it'll always be easy but take what has been given to you and embrace it. I just look at our third sweet son right now and cannot imagine not having him. I bet you'll feel the same way, and your children will adore their sibling.
The fact that you said you couldn't bear to terminate leads me to think that if you DID terminate it's something that would eat at you forever. I understand in some situations why someone would have to make that awful choice, but in your situation I think you just have to go forth and make the best.
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| Posted 8/29/13 7:46 AM |
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sweetpea
xoxo
Member since 7/06 2467 total posts
Name:
Donna
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Re: Need advice (touchy subject)
Posted by maybebaby
You make it work. Not all things in life are easy..and not all things are planned but a baby is a huge blessing-you've already raised two, you can handle a third. No one is saying it'll always be easy but take what has been given to you and embrace it. I just look at our third sweet son right now and cannot imagine not having him. I bet you'll feel the same way, and your children will adore their sibling.
The fact that you said you couldn't bear to terminate leads me to think that if you DID terminate it's something that would eat at you forever. I understand in some situations why someone would have to make that awful choice, but in your situation I think you just have to go forth and make the best.
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| Posted 8/29/13 9:03 AM |
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angnick
Life is So Wonderful!
Member since 8/06 6663 total posts
Name:
Angela
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Re: Need advice (touchy subject)
This is how I feel... Let me also add... We toyed with having a third for almost 2 years. WHen we finally made the decision and I got pregnant it was the BEST feeling in the world.. Life may not be easy for a while, but so what!
i already decided when we had the 2nd child that we wouldnt be able to pay for college, so what does a third matter! I dont need as much stuff this time around, so in the beginning my costs will be a LOT less.
I believe everything happens for a reason.. You were blessed...
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| Posted 8/29/13 1:33 PM |
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MrsT809
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 12167 total posts
Name:
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Need advice (touchy subject)
As the youngest of three, I am the one who didn't get to do activities, sports, religion classes, etc because by the time I was old enough it was too much for my mom to shuttle us all or too expensive. I assure you my siblings and I all still had a great childhood. I wouldn't trade my siblings for those experiences and I'm sure there were times they were jealous or wanted more attention than they got but I'm pretty sure they'd take a little sister over the attention any day. You have to do what's best for you and your family but imo a sibling is a better gift than money can buy.
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| Posted 8/29/13 1:56 PM |
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Leb
LIF Adult
Member since 12/09 4166 total posts
Name:
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Need advice (touchy subject)
My mom says her one regret was having only two children when she wanted three. But she held back for financial reasons. Now she says those reasons were silly. They would have had the money, made the money. Her sisters had no money and each had more than two and everyone is fine now. They all made it work.
I have one sibling, but would have loved another. It's a gift for your other two children.
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| Posted 8/29/13 1:58 PM |
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allIwant
Love my crazy life!
Member since 1/10 9170 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need advice (touchy subject)
I had a surprise 3rd pregnancy!
I was shocked, scared and afraid of what others would think.
Finances will be an issue for us when we have to have 3 kids in daycare.
I have never once regretted having my 3rd. He makes our family complete and brings so much joy and love to our family.
I know I would regret NOT having him.
I grew up with little, my parents struggled here And there but I think I had an amazing childhood.
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| Posted 8/29/13 3:55 PM |
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AScottWolf
I <3 our squish!
Member since 11/10 2237 total posts
Name:
Adriana
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Re: Need advice (touchy subject)
As others have said, you and DH are the only ones who can make this decision for you. Not family (including your kids) or friends.
I know your venting and probably feel as if your in between a rock and a hard place. Terminating isn't something you could live with and adoption would be just as hard. As others have said, whether you know it or not, it sounds like you've already have made your decision.
Financially, when there's a will there's a way.
Emotionally, that's a little harder and it's something that might need more thought and explaination (for you, not us).
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| Posted 8/30/13 7:48 AM |
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marycpa
LIF Adolescent
Member since 7/07 635 total posts
Name:
Mary
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Re: Need advice (touchy subject)
My 4th child was a surprise. I had a 5 year old and twin 2 year old boys. When I found out, my husband and I decided that we could not handle a 4th...we didn't have the energy, the money and there wasn't anyone to help us care for so many little kids.
When I saw her heart beat At 6 weeks..i just couldn't do it.
She is by far THE BEST thing that ever happened to me.
I had so much anxiety during the pregnancy,
cried pretty much every day. It didn't even matter she was a girl. I was exhausted..I didn't want any more babies.
I didn't think we could do it but we are doing ok. some how it all worked out and I am very grateful I was given this beautiful gift.
At the end of the day...it's a very personal decision.
Good luck to you..whatever you decide to do.
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| Posted 8/30/13 10:20 PM |
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IVFmiracle
Complete
Member since 12/12 4088 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need advice (touchy subject)
Posted by mrsanonymous
Have you considered adoption? There are so many loving families out there that would be so grateful to welcome that baby. GL with your decision.
This was my thought as well. You are a perfect candidate. Having 2 children already means you understand the importance of proper prenatal care and taking care of yourself. Best way you can provide it with everything you have provided for your other 2.
Like a pp said, having lived with IF terminating to me would be heartbreaking..
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| Posted 8/31/13 3:35 AM |
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jactan813
LIF Infant
Member since 5/11 136 total posts
Name:
Jaclyn
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Re: Need advice (touchy subject)
Posted by dlj97
Posted by unknown123
thank you for all your feed back ladies.
adoption would never be an option because if i was to be pregnant giving it up at the end would just kill me even more.
my fear is money. we are a one salary family and doing ok for now. i feel that if another child was in the mix it would take away from my other children and then maybe put us in a situation we can not handle. i also do feel that maybe family/friends would complain thinking that a nother child would be an inconvience for them. more gifts more things ect.
i noticed over the past few months that my oldest has shown a lot of jealousy when it comes to my younger child and also feel that maybe my oldest would then need more attention?>???
and my little one not being able to be the baby anymore.. or am i just crazy and thinking way too much >
I'm sorry, but IMO these are not reasons to terminate a pregnancy. If you didn't know how you would feed and clothe the third child, then I kind of get it, but it sounds like you are not in that situation.
Who the he!! cares what anyone thinks about the number of kids you have?! It is absolutely beyond not anyone's business but you and DH's.
You never know how kids will react - they might love the baby - my DD certainly loves being a big sister and has since the minute DD2 was born. And like a pp said, you can't let a child make that kind of decision for you.
I also think if you really absolutely did not want to get pregnant than you should have been preventing it. Again, this is all just my opinion, but you asked.
Agree!!!
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| Posted 8/31/13 10:05 PM |
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atitus724
LIF Infant
Member since 12/10 245 total posts
Name:
Amanda
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Re: Need advice (touchy subject)
A friend of mine found out she was pregnant after she lost her job and they were very nervous about financials but I can tell you that where there's a will there's a way. It will work out it may be hard but IMO its absolutely worth it. Each child is a gift from god
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| Posted 9/2/13 10:50 AM |
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