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Phyl
R.I.P. Sweet Mia ♥
Member since 5/06 28918 total posts
Name:
The Mystical Azzhorse! ™
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by HeathKernandez
Posted by MsKS511
Umm, Hazeleyes, before I commented I wanted to do a tiny bit of research on your post. I found one where you mentioned that your husband was working like 12-14 hours in a warehouse. So, if we all go by your theory and "opinion", your husband was not reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaly such an involved parent, now was he?
d h
I thought it was 12-14 hours per week?
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Posted 4/25/12 2:35 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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hazeleyes33
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 13060 total posts
Name:
Ginger
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by MsKS511
Umm, Hazeleyes, before I commented I wanted to do a tiny bit of research on your post. I found one where you mentioned that your husband was working like 12-14 hours in a warehouse. So, if we all go by your theory and "opinion", your husband was not reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaly such an involved parent, now was he?
Hmmmm...that must have been YEARS ago, I think like 2010? That was a temp job, yes the hours some days WERE 12-14 BUT he would be on the clock and was able to come back and forth at home and it was only 3 mins away from home. Since my kids are up early he saw them about 2-3 hours before he even left for work, he came home for dinner and then about an hour before bed.
I know this will come off as bad again, but I do feel the need to explain my posts that you felt the need to research myself on---
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| Posted 4/25/12 2:39 PM |
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DumpsterBaby
My compass when I'm lost
Member since 5/11 2210 total posts
Name:
My anchor when I get tossed
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by TessMike214
Posted by DumpsterBaby
Posted by TessMike214
I'll jump in on this post because this sounds like me.
I work 2 days a week; on Thursday nights, I waitress, & on Sundays, I bartend at a steakhouse. Fortunately, my husband works a "9-5" Monday-Friday, so he watches our 17 month old son when I work for the most part. (Unless he has OT, then it's either my parents or his). I am thinking of dropping my Thursdays just so I can say that I don't waitress anymore, but the extra $$$ is the best! I make around $100 on Thursdays, and $350 on Sundays, take home. SOOO if you do the math, I take home about $23,400/year.
I work to pay for my student loans which tally out to be $560 each month, and every 3 months, it's 680 a month, as well as a couple of credit card bills.
(I have a BA in psych, and I plan to go back to school after we have our kids and they get a little older, give or take 10 years.)
I don't HAVE to work, but If I didn't work, money would definitely be A LOT tighter!
I HATE being a waitress, been doing it for 10 years, my time IS coming to an end. I do eventually plan to drop my waitressing shift, (I'll keep the bartending shift), but as for now, I'm loving the extra money! (Even if the waitressing shift is only bringing in $400 a month, $4800 a year).
GIRLLL you know what I have to go through to make that money!!!
Oh I know!!! I used to do it side by side with you! Just think, all of Dom's drug money will someday be paying for DS's college tuition
The above statement probably sounds really bad
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| Posted 4/25/12 2:40 PM |
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KristenRSF
LIF Toddler
Member since 5/10 487 total posts
Name:
Kris
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by hazeleyes33
Posted by MsKS511
Umm, Hazeleyes, before I commented I wanted to do a tiny bit of research on your post. I found one where you mentioned that your husband was working like 12-14 hours in a warehouse. So, if we all go by your theory and "opinion", your husband was not reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaly such an involved parent, now was he?
Hmmmm...that must have been YEARS ago, I think like 2010? That was a temp job, yes the hours some days WERE 12-14 BUT he would be on the clock and was able to come back and forth at home and it was only 3 mins away from home. Since my kids are up early he saw them about 2-3 hours before he even left for work, he came home for dinner and then about an hour before bed.
I know this will come off as bad again, but I do feel the need to explain my posts that you felt the need to research myself on---
Then I must be mistaken. My computer almost short circuited when I searched your name and the search criteria "job" and "dh".
Carry on
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| Posted 4/25/12 2:43 PM |
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TessMike214
Gabriella Aubrey born 3/26!
Member since 5/10 2440 total posts
Name:
Tess
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by DumpsterBaby
Posted by TessMike214
Posted by DumpsterBaby
Posted by TessMike214
I'll jump in on this post because this sounds like me.
I work 2 days a week; on Thursday nights, I waitress, & on Sundays, I bartend at a steakhouse. Fortunately, my husband works a "9-5" Monday-Friday, so he watches our 17 month old son when I work for the most part. (Unless he has OT, then it's either my parents or his). I am thinking of dropping my Thursdays just so I can say that I don't waitress anymore, but the extra $$$ is the best! I make around $100 on Thursdays, and $350 on Sundays, take home. SOOO if you do the math, I take home about $23,400/year.
I work to pay for my student loans which tally out to be $560 each month, and every 3 months, it's 680 a month, as well as a couple of credit card bills.
(I have a BA in psych, and I plan to go back to school after we have our kids and they get a little older, give or take 10 years.)
I don't HAVE to work, but If I didn't work, money would definitely be A LOT tighter!
I HATE being a waitress, been doing it for 10 years, my time IS coming to an end. I do eventually plan to drop my waitressing shift, (I'll keep the bartending shift), but as for now, I'm loving the extra money! (Even if the waitressing shift is only bringing in $400 a month, $4800 a year).
GIRLLL you know what I have to go through to make that money!!!
Oh I know!!! I used to do it side by side with you! Just think, all of Dom's drug money will someday be paying for DS's college tuition
The above statement probably sounds really bad
hahaha YEAH it does sound pretty bad, hilarious thinking though!! 
Message edited 4/26/2012 10:52:17 AM.
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| Posted 4/25/12 2:45 PM |
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leighdvm
My golden boys!
Member since 3/06 4419 total posts
Name:
Michele
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by smdl
Posted by seaside
Here's what I'm wondering.
If you're lucky enough to be able to have arranged things so that you feel happy with what you're doing and the time you're putting in, why on earth would you even bother to say how unfortunate others are or how far short they fall against your standards?
If you recognize that not everyone has the same views, resources, or options, what do you get out of saying things like people are "raising" the kids of these unwiseunfortunate people? Or that you're lucky? Does that really need to be said?
It's like reading a post by a sick poster and taking the time to comment on how lucky you feel to have your health. Or like reading the post of someone in debt and taking the time to comment about how smart, lucky, and solvent you are.
Really?
Actually we DO have another poster who does that.
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| Posted 4/25/12 2:48 PM |
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hazeleyes33
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 13060 total posts
Name:
Ginger
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by MsKS511
Posted by hazeleyes33
Posted by MsKS511
Umm, Hazeleyes, before I commented I wanted to do a tiny bit of research on your post. I found one where you mentioned that your husband was working like 12-14 hours in a warehouse. So, if we all go by your theory and "opinion", your husband was not reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaly such an involved parent, now was he?
Hmmmm...that must have been YEARS ago, I think like 2010? That was a temp job, yes the hours some days WERE 12-14 BUT he would be on the clock and was able to come back and forth at home and it was only 3 mins away from home. Since my kids are up early he saw them about 2-3 hours before he even left for work, he came home for dinner and then about an hour before bed.
I know this will come off as bad again, but I do feel the need to explain my posts that you felt the need to research myself on---
Then I must be mistaken. My computer almost short circuited when I searched your name and the search criteria "job" and "dh".
Carry on
O.kay. I have been on this site a long time---
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| Posted 4/25/12 2:49 PM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: Not worth it to work?
maybebaby you never like the way I respond to posts and that is ok. to clarify I was actually responding to ONE poster who said "someone else raising kids" (which in case no one realized it IS insulting) and I know that her husband has her on an allowance. it was only to HER situation that I was responding to and not yours or any other SAHM.
actually, that is the point. every single household on here has a different sitch, whether we work or stay at home. my general feeling on the situation is that we are all doing what we want and have to do to make the best balance for our kid, whatever the uniqure formula we use to come with that balance is.
yes, I work and my MIL lives with me so it would be wholly stupid of me to stay home with her when my job is easy, it pays well, is close to home, and I have an awesome bond with my kid. it's hard on ME when I leave in the morning, but he is happy with his life. he knows who his mami is and that is all that matters to me.
I hope this clear up my thoughts and people can stop quoting and wondering.
I don't care what anyone thinks about my life decisions though..I don't care if Hazel thinks my husband works too much or whatever. I don't care that MrsBurtch or MrsA01283 thinks someone else is raising my kid.
I know what happens within my four walls and that is all that really matters to me.
but maybebaby, my posts are not your style. I am probably not a nice person to you or whatever or you think I can express myself in another way...fine...but I am almost 37 years old. I don't think you can help me better 
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| Posted 4/25/12 2:55 PM |
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Bops
My 3 wishes
Member since 12/07 13625 total posts
Name:
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Please stop
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| Posted 4/25/12 3:00 PM |
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Daisy32
Mommy
Member since 2/08 8081 total posts
Name:
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by Bops
Please stop
FTW!
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| Posted 4/25/12 3:09 PM |
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MrsC614
My little angel is here <3
Member since 7/09 2851 total posts
Name:
Gina
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by Bops
Please stop
perfect timing!!!
ok, back to raising my kid half assed, as today is my day off of work.
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| Posted 4/25/12 3:11 PM |
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Daisy32
Mommy
Member since 2/08 8081 total posts
Name:
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by MrsC614
ok, back to raising my kid half assed, as today is my day off of work.
Pffft! Lucky!!! I have to wait till the weekend like all the other FTWM's to start my half assed job of raising my kid. Boy i have some nerve procreating.
Message edited 4/25/2012 3:29:12 PM.
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| Posted 4/25/12 3:27 PM |
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JenandMikey
life is good =)
Member since 5/07 4216 total posts
Name:
We're so blessed!
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Re: Not worth it to work?
to the original question ....no I don't think that that money is worth it...before dh and i got married we discussed having children and i voiced my opinions about daycare, babysitters and strangers watching my children all day long......I am NOT ok with that AT ALL FOR MY CHILDREN IN MY LIFE (just to be clear)......its sad but because of things that have happened in my own past i have trust issues when it comes to people handling my children especially from 8wks old which is when i would have to leave them to go back to work and through the years where they will not be able to tell me if anyone harmed them in any sort of way.....i was a teacher before children and i will be when my children go off to school but for now i am the sole caregiver in this family because YES GASP my husband has to work 2 jobs (although he worked these jobs prior to having children) we do struggle horribly at certain times of the year (like right now we are in a bad financial state) and other times we do ok.....we have a house with a decent mortgage, we can go vacations and we can go to restaurants..... but sometimes when its really tough no we can't do those things BUT FOR US its MUCH MORE important to have one of us be there for our children during their very early years when they are the most vulnerable and innocent rather than 18,000 after taxes.....the fact is we struggle now and my dh sometimes doesn't get to see the kids for a day straight maybe two on a bad week and yes I get sad that he has to work like this when I have a masters degree and I could work BUT BOTH OF US FEEL that for us you can't put a price on these early years with our kids, some day when I'm working and making even more than the 18,000 after taxes I will look back on my days being home with my kids and say I'm so glad I have those times and piece of my mind that I was there for them 24/7 days a week
Message edited 4/25/2012 3:43:25 PM.
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| Posted 4/25/12 3:41 PM |
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BriBri2u
L'amore vince sempre
Member since 5/05 9320 total posts
Name:
Mrs. B
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by hazeleyes33
I just can not see how someone who is gone before their kids get up, come home after their kids go to bed is truly being an active parent.
How active are you being by spending the last 2 days posting your opinion on this thread?
I might only see my DS for a total of 2 hours today, but I'm making $ to out towards his life...you're just being annoying.
Message edited 4/25/2012 3:42:33 PM.
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| Posted 4/25/12 3:42 PM |
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maybebaby
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 6870 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by Ophelia
maybebaby you never like the way I respond to posts and that is ok. to clarify I was actually responding to ONE poster who said "someone else raising kids" (which in case no one realized it IS insulting) and I know that her husband has her on an allowance. it was only to HER situation that I was responding to and not yours or any other SAHM.
actually, that is the point. every single household on here has a different sitch, whether we work or stay at home. my general feeling on the situation is that we are all doing what we want and have to do to make the best balance for our kid, whatever the uniqure formula we use to come with that balance is.
yes, I work and my MIL lives with me so it would be wholly stupid of me to stay home with her when my job is easy, it pays well, is close to home, and I have an awesome bond with my kid. it's hard on ME when I leave in the morning, but he is happy with his life. he knows who his mami is and that is all that matters to me.
I hope this clear up my thoughts and people can stop quoting and wondering.
I don't care what anyone thinks about my life decisions though..I don't care if Hazel thinks my husband works too much or whatever. I don't care that MrsBurtch or MrsA01283 thinks someone else is raising my kid.
I know what happens within my four walls and that is all that really matters to me.
but maybebaby, my posts are not your style. I am probably not a nice person to you or whatever or you think I can express myself in another way...fine...but I am almost 37 years old. I don't think you can help me better
Whats funny is that I am probably one of the most sarcastic, easy going people in the world...but yes, a lot of your posts rub me the wrong way. I think sometimes you are crass and insulting. You ARE. There really is no way around it. I think you know that, and i think it is part of who you are. I actually respect and agree with a bunch of things you say. I actually think its DEPLORABLE for anyone to insinuate that a parent isn't raising their kids because they can't be there all the time. I actually agreed with a few things you wrote prior to what i read...but when i saw the terms that seemed like a general comment about SAHM's, it bothered me.
I DO think people (not just you, but LOTS of people) should choose their words wisely, thats all. Even if your words are directed at one person and no one else, your words can still be demeaning.
That is just how I feel.
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| Posted 4/25/12 3:43 PM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by maybebaby
I think sometimes you are crass and insulting. You ARE. There really is no way around it. I think you know that, and i think it is part of who you are.
you are absolutely right on all counts. I am crass and insulting sometimes. it is part of who I am. luckily I have other awesome qualities that make me tolerable to a few intrepid and saintly people.
I usually answer like that when I feel like no other way of getting across will do, or when I get bored of arguing the same point or defending myself ad nauseum.
the only issue I have about being "called out" on it is that it's almost ALWAYS in response to someone else's insulting comment...yet for whatever reason mine is the one that is terrible.
maybe I am just better at it.
anyway, no worries.
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| Posted 4/25/12 3:55 PM |
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MrsA1012
love my little girl !
Member since 9/10 5777 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by Ophelia
maybebaby you never like the way I respond to posts and that is ok. to clarify I was actually responding to ONE poster who said "someone else raising kids" (which in case no one realized it IS insulting) and I know that her husband has her on an allowance. it was only to HER situation that I was responding to and not yours or any other SAHM.
actually, that is the point. every single household on here has a different sitch, whether we work or stay at home. my general feeling on the situation is that we are all doing what we want and have to do to make the best balance for our kid, whatever the uniqure formula we use to come with that balance is.
yes, I work and my MIL lives with me so it would be wholly stupid of me to stay home with her when my job is easy, it pays well, is close to home, and I have an awesome bond with my kid. it's hard on ME when I leave in the morning, but he is happy with his life. he knows who his mami is and that is all that matters to me.
I hope this clear up my thoughts and people can stop quoting and wondering.
I don't care what anyone thinks about my life decisions though..I don't care if Hazel thinks my husband works too much or whatever. I don't care that MrsBurtch or MrsA01283 thinks someone else is raising my kid.
I know what happens within my four walls and that is all that really matters to me.
but maybebaby, my posts are not your style. I am probably not a nice person to you or whatever or you think I can express myself in another way...fine...but I am almost 37 years old. I don't think you can help me better
I was going to stay out of this thread, but I am really annoyed that my words were taken out of context and misunderstood. I want to clarify this one last time.
I do NOT think that working mothers are not raising their kids. If you read my posts, you will see that I NEVER said that. In fact, I said multiple times that families have to choose what is right for them and that we should not judge each other's choices etc
However, for ME, in my subjective realty, I would not be comfortable with someone else watching my child all day. I used the term raising, but really it was meant as having tons of time with/ influence over. Does that mean my position is right ? No. Does that mean that I think mothers' who have their children in full time care are bad parents? No. It only means that it is not something I would ever want to do. This position is no different that women who work full time and say they were not meant to stay home all day. These are all matters of personal belief and we ALL have a right to our own.
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| Posted 4/25/12 3:59 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Not worth it to work?
God have mercy.
I need some vodka.
(I saved up for vodka by using Generic formula when DD was young. All while her daycare teachers were raising her).
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| Posted 4/25/12 4:12 PM |
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MrsC614
My little angel is here <3
Member since 7/09 2851 total posts
Name:
Gina
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by ShaunsMommy
Posted by MrsC614
ok, back to raising my kid half assed, as today is my day off of work.
Pffft! Lucky!!! I have to wait till the weekend like all the other FTWM's to start my half assed job of raising my kid. Boy i have some nerve procreating.
ahhhhhh not so lucky, because i get to be an awesome parent and work the entire weekend my husband will be at school saturday, and then off sunday............so we will be leaving my sister in charge of raising my child saturday
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| Posted 4/25/12 4:14 PM |
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MrsC614
My little angel is here <3
Member since 7/09 2851 total posts
Name:
Gina
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by NervousNell
God have mercy.
I need some vodka.
(I saved up for vodka by using Generic formula when DD was young. All while her daycare teachers were raising her).
i just snarfed my wine 
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| Posted 4/25/12 4:17 PM |
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Tah-wee-ZAH
Kisses
Member since 5/05 15952 total posts
Name:
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by NervousNell
God have mercy.
I need some vodka.
(I saved up for vodka by using Generic formula when DD was young. All while her daycare teachers were raising her).
I think I love you
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| Posted 4/25/12 4:24 PM |
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by Janice
1. i "raised" someone else's child for 2 years. if that means listened to the parent's wishes, put him down for naps, and fed him what his mother packed for him.
at the same time i was raising my own child. blood, sweat and tears go into my child. to think i was raising the other boy is just not true. he had his own family...even though i was with him 8 hours a day, they had 75% more influence in his life then i did.
2. My dh LOATHES when I talk about working, side jobs, picking up bar shifts, taking classes.
he has picked up 2nd jobs. he would chose this any day over me working.
he doesn't not believe in it. call it a fairy tale, but he likes that when he is home, so am i. he likes that his day is predictable. that he is where he has to be and doesn't have to rush home to relieve me.
he does not like the pressure of entertaining kids and taking them places. he knows they will sit in front of TV with him. he will never consider his days off to be ones where i am gone and he has the kids.
3. Put the 2 previous points together. Fathers who work a lot are in their kids lives raising them.
what is the exact timeframe per day that is acceptable to be called an active parent???
thank God dads out there are willing to work long hours without seeing their kids. Not sure who would be fighting for your freedom.
A FREAKING MEN!!!!!!! And being the wife of a soldier who is AWAY more than he is home AND works a second job so my poorly adjusted clingy, non vacation taking, non eating out children and I can stay home all day and eat bon bon's. And damn proud of it.
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| Posted 4/25/12 6:08 PM |
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Lillykat
going along for the ride...
Member since 5/05 16253 total posts
Name:
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Re: Not worth it to work?
I wasn't going to bother saying anything but I couldn't resist.
I'm sure every person who has an MD, JD, etc or who serves our country in one way or another or who has to take a job with long hours is rolling in their graves to think that they aren't parenting but are just paychecks to the families that they have raised or are raising. I guess we should probably tell all of them to not bother to procreate or if they want to not to go into any professions that require long hours and hard work because doctors can't parent because they are too busy right? Maybe we could just take all the parents who work long hours (I'm not saying dads as was mentioned in the post but all parents because I know plenty of moms who work those long hours with demanding professional jobs) and house them together and they can just mail their paychecks to their families instead since they aren't needed.
Sorry but my father worked those type of hours - and you know what made sure that he ALWAYS called me at least 2 times a day to hear how school was. Came home early when he could to help me with home work, took us on several vacations a year so that we could spend quality time together. Always knew what was going on in my life and when he was home it was real quality time.
My DH works those type of hours now. He would hit the ceiling if I told him that he wasn't involved with parenting his children.
I'm sure there are people who don't work those hours who might be on their computers or blackberries - or going out a lot on the weekends - or taking vacations without their children. I'm sure most of the working moms would say it while some might love to spend every waking second with their children - it is the quality of that time not the quantity of that time that ultimately is the most important. I'm sure that there are many parents who are home who never read to their children, etc.
I have said it before and will say it again - everyone has a different view of what is good for their family and what works.
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| Posted 4/25/12 6:53 PM |
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Erica
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 11767 total posts
Name:
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Re: Not worth it to work?
eh...IMHO it takes a village. It's always been that way, just slightly different circumstances.
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| Posted 4/25/12 8:09 PM |
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Otherme
Square head cutie pants
Member since 3/06 6899 total posts
Name:
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Re: Not worth it to work?
I sat down on the 7:08 train home from work, already feeling sad that i was going to miss seeing my cutie DS tonight before he went to bed.
Then i read this thread..
Wow
Thanks HazelEyes for making me feel even worse than i already do for being away from him for ELEVEN HOURS every friggin day.
Thank you for opening my eyes to the truly close minded thoughts that some people have about what it's like to be a FTWM for some of us. What a sheltered existence you must lead.
I don't even have the energy right now to respond to this thread and some of the truly insulting things i've read in here, and frankly i doubt it would even be worth it as some people already have their minds made up about the horrible job we must be doing 'raising' our kids (wait, can i even call it that?)
Shame on you
god, where's the "flip you the bird" emoticon when you need it!!
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| Posted 4/25/12 8:11 PM |
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