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jerseypanda
Life is good.
Member since 1/07 9164 total posts
Name:
Amanda
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Re: Not worth it to work?
If the cost of daycare was equal to what I was bringing home, it would not be worth it for me to work. It would not be worth it for me to work because at the end of the day, if I'm not making any money, I would rather be with my DC. It has nothing to do with someone else "raising" my child because I don't believe that is what child care is all about.
My DC are at daycare from 8:30 in the morning until 5:30 in the evening. And no, I do not believe anyone else is "raising" them. I raise our DC. My DH raises our DC. The daycare employees who are like extended family to us, watch our DC, they teach our DC and they support the values that DH and I instill in our DC. At the end of the day, after my DC have spent 9 hours with people other than myself and will spend the next 2 hours with me before they go to bed, my DC will always run to me when they are hurt, scared, sad, upset. They will be excited to tell me stories or ask for me to play with them.
Every single day I see evidence that I raise my DC. For example, when my DS holds the doors for other people when we go to stores because I taught him that is what a gentleman does. It makes me proud because I am helping to shape the person he will grow up to be.
This is what works for my family. Under different circumstances, maybe I could be a SAHM and that would work too. Either way, whatever your situation, we are all raising our DC. And we will always be the most important people in their lives.
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Posted 4/25/12 1:54 PM  |
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hazeleyes33
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 13060 total posts
Name:
Ginger
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by maybesoon
Hazel I just wonder, where do you live that you do not know any moms that work long hours or in NYC? Do you live on long island where property taxes are 12 k a year and houses are a half million dollars for a full renovation? these things need to be payed for somehow.
Yes I do.
I didn't realize that the only homes on LI cost $500,000 and have taxes of 12 k a year on LI. 
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| Posted 4/25/12 1:54 PM |
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MrsRbk
<3 <3 <3 <3
Member since 1/06 19197 total posts
Name:
Michelle
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Re: Not worth it to work?
I'll be sure to tell my husband that because he sees the kids for a few minutes in the morning and at night, (or sometimes not at all)and then only on the weekends, that he is not helping to raise his children.
I almost liken that to when I'm out without the kids and get asked if daddy's babysitting. No, daddy is not babysitting, he's being a parent.
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| Posted 4/25/12 1:55 PM |
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AngnShaun
Sisters
Member since 1/10 21015 total posts
Name:
Ang
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by jerseypanda
If the cost of daycare was equal to what I was bringing home, it would not be worth it for me to work. It would not be worth it for me to work because at the end of the day, if I'm not making any money, I would rather be with my DC. It has nothing to do with someone else "raising" my child because I don't believe that is what child care is all about.
My DC are at daycare from 8:30 in the morning until 5:30 in the evening. And no, I do not believe anyone else is "raising" them. I raise our DC. My DH raises our DC. The daycare employees who are like extended family to us, watch our DC, they teach our DC and they support the values that DH and I instill in our DC. At the end of the day, after my DC have spent 9 hours with people other than myself and will spend the next 2 hours with me before they go to bed, my DC will always run to me when they are hurt, scared, sad, upset. They will be excited to tell me stories or ask for me to play with them.
Every single day I see evidence that I raise my DC. For example, when my DS holds the doors for other people when we go to stores because I taught him that is what a gentleman does. It makes me proud because I am helping to shape the person he will grow up to be.
This is what works for my family. Under different circumstances, maybe I could be a SAHM and that would work too. Either way, whatever your situation, we are all raising our DC. And we will always be the most important people in their lives.
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| Posted 4/25/12 1:56 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by jerseypanda
And we will always be the most important people in their lives.
until they marry that bitchy daughter in law or jerk of a son in law.
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| Posted 4/25/12 1:57 PM |
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hazeleyes33
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 13060 total posts
Name:
Ginger
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Message edited 4/25/2012 1:58:23 PM.
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| Posted 4/25/12 1:58 PM |
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hazeleyes33
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 13060 total posts
Name:
Ginger
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by colette
This is me not quoting Hazeleyes.
But in MY PERSONAL YET VERY STRONGLY HELD AND YOU WON'T SWAY ME ONE IOTA FROM IT OPINION....
If you live and work within "5 minutes" of your children's school/daycare...
you need to realize you are ATYPICAL.
you need to realize that what you view as an ideal setup for yourself, would drive me and probably a few others berserk after 1 week if not sooner.
you need to make more FTWM friends.
The world beyond your 5 minute radius is wonderful, come, join us, won't you?
What ideal set up would drive you berserk? Being able to be home longer with your children?
I do have many FTWM friends, thanks. They have all types of schedules but for the majority, they either did work long hours and quit when they had kids or work closer to home or do not work long hours after they have kids. They have sacrificed other things to be home longer with their children.
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| Posted 4/25/12 1:58 PM |
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SweetTooth
I'm a tired mommy!
Member since 12/05 20105 total posts
Name:
Lauren
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Re: Not worth it to work?
I work at home. I don't know how I fit into this debacle.
I am glad I can be home with the kids, but my work day starts at 8pm when they go to sleep, and goes until 2am when I am busy, so I don't get any time off.
The field I am in doesn't have very high salaries and the only work is in Manhattan, so I'd have to commute if I had an out of home job. My husband also works in Manhattan, so we'd have to pay for before and after care too and I'd probably wind up taking home nothing after all is said and done with 3 kids in daycare. In fact I'd probably still owe money.
I think that it is horrible that families have to even make this decision - that daycare is so expensive. Maybe we should be focusing on that, rather than arguing who is a better parent. If a mother, father, or both parents want to work out of the home then they shouldn't be impeded by daycare costs.
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| Posted 4/25/12 2:01 PM |
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DirtyBlonde
*****
Member since 11/07 7344 total posts
Name:
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by HeathKernandez
Posted by Bearcat
Posted by HeathKernandez
last word.
WHY?
listen you little ****
hyperventilating
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| Posted 4/25/12 2:01 PM |
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hopingforbaby
We made a wish & you came true
Member since 2/10 2695 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by jerseypanda
If the cost of daycare was equal to what I was bringing home, it would not be worth it for me to work. It would not be worth it for me to work because at the end of the day, if I'm not making any money, I would rather be with my DC. It has nothing to do with someone else "raising" my child because I don't believe that is what child care is all about.
My DC are at daycare from 8:30 in the morning until 5:30 in the evening. And no, I do not believe anyone else is "raising" them. I raise our DC. My DH raises our DC. The daycare employees who are like extended family to us, watch our DC, they teach our DC and they support the values that DH and I instill in our DC. At the end of the day, after my DC have spent 9 hours with people other than myself and will spend the next 2 hours with me before they go to bed, my DC will always run to me when they are hurt, scared, sad, upset. They will be excited to tell me stories or ask for me to play with them.
Every single day I see evidence that I raise my DC. For example, when my DS holds the doors for other people when we go to stores because I taught him that is what a gentleman does. It makes me proud because I am helping to shape the person he will grow up to be.
This is what works for my family. Under different circumstances, maybe I could be a SAHM and that would work too. Either way, whatever your situation, we are all raising our DC. And we will always be the most important people in their lives.
Thank you for this. My maternity leave is ending in 6 weeks and I am going back to work because I HAVE to in order to provide for my DS. I am already feeling horrible and guilty about it as it is and some of the comments on this thread have made me sick to read.
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| Posted 4/25/12 2:03 PM |
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maybesoon
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 5981 total posts
Name:
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by hazeleyes33
Posted by maybesoon
Hazel I just wonder, where do you live that you do not know any moms that work long hours or in NYC? Do you live on long island where property taxes are 12 k a year and houses are a half million dollars for a full renovation? these things need to be payed for somehow.
Yes I do.
I didn't realize that the only homes on LI cost $500,000 and have taxes of 12 k a year on LI.
In my area yes absolutely , and most people are working in the city. That's why I asked where do you live that you don't know any moms that work long hours.
Message edited 4/25/2012 2:11:43 PM.
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| Posted 4/25/12 2:09 PM |
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Jax430
Hi!
Member since 5/05 18919 total posts
Name:
Jackie
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by jerseypanda
If the cost of daycare was equal to what I was bringing home, it would not be worth it for me to work. It would not be worth it for me to work because at the end of the day, if I'm not making any money, I would rather be with my DC. It has nothing to do with someone else "raising" my child because I don't believe that is what child care is all about.
My DC are at daycare from 8:30 in the morning until 5:30 in the evening. And no, I do not believe anyone else is "raising" them. I raise our DC. My DH raises our DC. The daycare employees who are like extended family to us, watch our DC, they teach our DC and they support the values that DH and I instill in our DC. At the end of the day, after my DC have spent 9 hours with people other than myself and will spend the next 2 hours with me before they go to bed, my DC will always run to me when they are hurt, scared, sad, upset. They will be excited to tell me stories or ask for me to play with them.
Every single day I see evidence that I raise my DC. For example, when my DS holds the doors for other people when we go to stores because I taught him that is what a gentleman does. It makes me proud because I am helping to shape the person he will grow up to be.
This is what works for my family. Under different circumstances, maybe I could be a SAHM and that would work too. Either way, whatever your situation, we are all raising our DC. And we will always be the most important people in their lives.
As someone who is currently expecting and who will be a FTWM by the time my son or daughter is 3 months old, this is very comforting to read.
My DH and I will be raising our child. Our daycare providers will be helping us to take care of him/her. I have no worry that my child will be any less attached to me because I will be working full-time. It's about the quality of time you spend together, not the quantity.
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| Posted 4/25/12 2:09 PM |
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rojerono
Happiest.
Member since 8/06 13803 total posts
Name:
Jeannie
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by hazeleyes33
I just can not see how someone who is gone before their kids get up, come home after their kids go to bed is truly being an active parent.
You can't see it and maybe you never will. But I'm saying it exists. People live it. Children grow up safe and happy and comfortable and loved in a variety of situations that may NEVER work for YOU. But it happens. You can question to death HOW .. but unless you are really willing to open your heart and your mind to the possibility that what works for you in YOUR experience is not the only way and not even the best way for others, you will wind up just asking the same question over and again.
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| Posted 4/25/12 2:10 PM |
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seaside
LIF Adult
Member since 6/08 3101 total posts
Name:
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Here's what I'm wondering.
If you're lucky enough to be able to have arranged things so that you feel happy with what you're doing and the time you're putting in, why on earth would you even bother to say how unfortunate others are or how far short they fall against your standards?
If you recognize that not everyone has the same views, resources, or options, what do you get out of saying things like people are "raising" the kids of these unwiseunfortunate people? Or that you're lucky? Does that really need to be said?
It's like reading a post by a sick poster and taking the time to comment on how lucky you feel to have your health. Or like reading the post of someone in debt and taking the time to comment about how smart, lucky, and solvent you are.
Really?
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| Posted 4/25/12 2:17 PM |
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KristenRSF
LIF Toddler
Member since 5/10 487 total posts
Name:
Kris
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Umm, Hazeleyes, before I commented I wanted to do a tiny bit of research on your post. I found one where you mentioned that your husband was working like 12-14 hours in a warehouse. So, if we all go by your theory and "opinion", your husband was not reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaly such an involved parent, now was he?
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| Posted 4/25/12 2:19 PM |
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smdl
I love Gary too..on a plate!
Member since 5/06 32461 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by seaside
Here's what I'm wondering.
If you're lucky enough to be able to have arranged things so that you feel happy with what you're doing and the time you're putting in, why on earth would you even bother to say how unfortunate others are or how far short they fall against your standards?
If you recognize that not everyone has the same views, resources, or options, what do you get out of saying things like people are "raising" the kids of these unwiseunfortunate people? Or that you're lucky? Does that really need to be said?
It's like reading a post by a sick poster and taking the time to comment on how lucky you feel to have your health. Or like reading the post of someone in debt and taking the time to comment about how smart, lucky, and solvent you are.
Really?
Actually we DO have another poster who does that.
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| Posted 4/25/12 2:20 PM |
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HeathKernandez
Our Ron is an awesome Ron
Member since 4/07 9091 total posts
Name:
baby fish mouth
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by maybebaby
Posted by HeathKernandez
Posted by maybebaby
Posted by Ophelia
I would rather work than be on a budget set by my husband. I would rather have respect love and freedom to do whatever the **** I want whenever I want. I would rather have a brain that thinks for itself and can look out into the world, see that there can be more than one way to skin a cat or raise a child that be stuck in a very tiny dark and sad existence.
Before I reply....because maybe i am misinterpreting....are you saying that this is how you view moms that stay home? Meaning we don't think for ourselves, nor have respect , love freedom to do what we want etc...?
I feel that THESE are the reasons why these posts always go horrible awry.
Why does anyone have to point fingers and say mean things??? I don't get it.
I've said this before, but there are so many other ways for intelligent women to get their points across than using generalized insults and name calling. It's out of hand and very insulting 
I think she's saying that FOR HER the experience would be like that.
I know I would feel the same way if I were to stay home... BUT ONLY BECAUSE my husband and I would be VERY STRAPPED if we didn't pull in 2 incomes.
If my husband made enough to cover both of our incomes, then I would ABSOLUTELY want to be home with my kids... but as things are now, it would be a tough experience.
That's fine that someone would feel that way. But you don't think there are different ways to express an opinion without it coming off as completely insulting?
I don't begin to think that all women would want to be home. Hell, some days I wish I could trade places with my husband and have some "me" time b/c quite honestly I loved to work, and i do miss it once in a while. To not have to account for another little being every minute would be occasionally nice!!
But i would never insult a working woman because I would maybe feel a particular way about it if I had to work.
I just feel like the pot always has to be stirred by some people, and I'm sorry, opinion may be just that...opinions...but they can HURT even if they aren't true.
I stand corrected. I think Ophelia was trying to say THATS HOW the OP is...
I'm a ****.
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| Posted 4/25/12 2:20 PM |
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computergirl
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 3118 total posts
Name:
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Re: Not worth it to work?
I would rather work than be on a budget set by my husband. I would rather have respect love and freedom to do whatever the **** I want whenever I want. I would rather have a brain that thinks for itself and can look out into the world, see that there can be more than one way to skin a cat or raise a child that be stuck in a very tiny dark and sad existence.
I was going to add my two cents on this, but then I checked the budget my husband set for me and realized two cents wasn't allocated for this
Besides, my brain stopped thinking for itself several years ago, when I entered this dark and sad existence.
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| Posted 4/25/12 2:22 PM |
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TessMike214
Gabriella Aubrey born 3/26!
Member since 5/10 2440 total posts
Name:
Tess
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Re: Not worth it to work?
I'll jump in on this post because this sounds like me.
I work 2 days a week; on Thursday nights, I waitress, & on Sundays, I bartend at a steakhouse. Fortunately, my husband works a "9-5" Monday-Friday, so he watches our 17 month old son when I work for the most part. (Unless he has OT, then it's either my parents or his). I am thinking of dropping my Thursdays just so I can say that I don't waitress anymore, but the extra $$$ is the best! I make around $100 on Thursdays, and $350 on Sundays, take home. SOOO if you do the math, I take home about $23,400/year.
I work to pay for my student loans which tally out to be $560 each month, and every 3 months, it's 680 a month, as well as a couple of credit card bills.
(I have a BA in psych, and I plan to go back to school after we have our kids and they get a little older, give or take 10 years.)
I don't HAVE to work, but If I didn't work, money would definitely be A LOT tighter!
I HATE being a waitress, been doing it for 10 years, my time IS coming to an end. I do eventually plan to drop my waitressing shift, (I'll keep the bartending shift), but as for now, I'm loving the extra money! (Even if the waitressing shift is only bringing in $400 a month, $4800 a year).
Message edited 4/25/2012 2:28:15 PM.
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| Posted 4/25/12 2:23 PM |
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jerseypanda
Life is good.
Member since 1/07 9164 total posts
Name:
Amanda
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by hopingforbaby
Posted by jerseypanda
If the cost of daycare was equal to what I was bringing home, it would not be worth it for me to work. It would not be worth it for me to work because at the end of the day, if I'm not making any money, I would rather be with my DC. It has nothing to do with someone else "raising" my child because I don't believe that is what child care is all about.
My DC are at daycare from 8:30 in the morning until 5:30 in the evening. And no, I do not believe anyone else is "raising" them. I raise our DC. My DH raises our DC. The daycare employees who are like extended family to us, watch our DC, they teach our DC and they support the values that DH and I instill in our DC. At the end of the day, after my DC have spent 9 hours with people other than myself and will spend the next 2 hours with me before they go to bed, my DC will always run to me when they are hurt, scared, sad, upset. They will be excited to tell me stories or ask for me to play with them.
Every single day I see evidence that I raise my DC. For example, when my DS holds the doors for other people when we go to stores because I taught him that is what a gentleman does. It makes me proud because I am helping to shape the person he will grow up to be.
This is what works for my family. Under different circumstances, maybe I could be a SAHM and that would work too. Either way, whatever your situation, we are all raising our DC. And we will always be the most important people in their lives.
Thank you for this. My maternity leave is ending in 6 weeks and I am going back to work because I HAVE to in order to provide for my DS. I am already feeling horrible and guilty about it as it is and some of the comments on this thread have made me sick to read.
 There is no way to avoid FTWM guilt. I am confident that every single one of us feels it on a daily basis.
I am convinced that at one point or another every FTWM wishes to be a SAHM and every SAHM wishes to be a FTWM. Maybe not every day, but there are moments we all want what the other has.
For me what I try to do is make the most of the time I have with my DC, even when they make me want to rip my hair out. And there are times after a full day of working when I haven't seen my DC all day and they come home and whine and throw tantrums that I can't wait for bedtime. But I am still their mom.
I feel as women we should respect each other's situations because we are all just trying to raise good, smart, well adjusted children and want the best for them.
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| Posted 4/25/12 2:24 PM |
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HeathKernandez
Our Ron is an awesome Ron
Member since 4/07 9091 total posts
Name:
baby fish mouth
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by MsKS511
Umm, Hazeleyes, before I commented I wanted to do a tiny bit of research on your post. I found one where you mentioned that your husband was working like 12-14 hours in a warehouse. So, if we all go by your theory and "opinion", your husband was not reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaly such an involved parent, now was he?
d h
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| Posted 4/25/12 2:27 PM |
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MrsA1012
love my little girl !
Member since 9/10 5777 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by TessMike214
I'll jump in on this post because this sounds like me.
I work 2 days a week; on Thursday nights, I waitress, & on Sundays, I bartend at a steakhouse. Fortunately, my husband works a "9-5" Monday-Friday, so he watches our 17 month old son when I work for the most part. (Unless he has OT, then it's either my parents or his). I am thinking of dropping my Thursdays just so I can say that I don't waitress anymore, but the extra $$$ is the best! I make around $100 on Thursdays, and $350 on Sundays, take home. SOOO if you do the math, I take home about $23,400/year.
I work to pay for my student loans which tally out to be $560 each month, and every 3 months, it's 680 a month, as well as a couple of credit card bills.
(I have a BA in psych, and I plan to go back to school after we have our kids and they get a little older, give or take 10 years.)
I don't HAVE to work, but If I didn't work, money would definitely be A LOT tighter!
I HATE being a waitress, been doing it for 10 years, my time IS coming to an end. I do eventually plan to drop my waitressing shift, but as for now, I'm loving the extra money!
That sounds like a great situation. 
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| Posted 4/25/12 2:27 PM |
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TessMike214
Gabriella Aubrey born 3/26!
Member since 5/10 2440 total posts
Name:
Tess
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by MrsA1012
Posted by TessMike214
I'll jump in on this post because this sounds like me.
I work 2 days a week; on Thursday nights, I waitress, & on Sundays, I bartend at a steakhouse. Fortunately, my husband works a "9-5" Monday-Friday, so he watches our 17 month old son when I work for the most part. (Unless he has OT, then it's either my parents or his). I am thinking of dropping my Thursdays just so I can say that I don't waitress anymore, but the extra $$$ is the best! I make around $100 on Thursdays, and $350 on Sundays, take home. SOOO if you do the math, I take home about $23,400/year.
I work to pay for my student loans which tally out to be $560 each month, and every 3 months, it's 680 a month, as well as a couple of credit card bills.
(I have a BA in psych, and I plan to go back to school after we have our kids and they get a little older, give or take 10 years.)
I don't HAVE to work, but If I didn't work, money would definitely be A LOT tighter!
I HATE being a waitress, been doing it for 10 years, my time IS coming to an end. I do eventually plan to drop my waitressing shift, but as for now, I'm loving the extra money!
That sounds like a great situation.
Thanks It truly is, I feel very fortunate (even if I have to waitress!)
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| Posted 4/25/12 2:30 PM |
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DumpsterBaby
My compass when I'm lost
Member since 5/11 2210 total posts
Name:
My anchor when I get tossed
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by TessMike214
I'll jump in on this post because this sounds like me.
I work 2 days a week; on Thursday nights, I waitress, & on Sundays, I bartend at a steakhouse. Fortunately, my husband works a "9-5" Monday-Friday, so he watches our 17 month old son when I work for the most part. (Unless he has OT, then it's either my parents or his). I am thinking of dropping my Thursdays just so I can say that I don't waitress anymore, but the extra $$$ is the best! I make around $100 on Thursdays, and $350 on Sundays, take home. SOOO if you do the math, I take home about $23,400/year.
I work to pay for my student loans which tally out to be $560 each month, and every 3 months, it's 680 a month, as well as a couple of credit card bills.
(I have a BA in psych, and I plan to go back to school after we have our kids and they get a little older, give or take 10 years.)
I don't HAVE to work, but If I didn't work, money would definitely be A LOT tighter!
I HATE being a waitress, been doing it for 10 years, my time IS coming to an end. I do eventually plan to drop my waitressing shift, (I'll keep the bartending shift), but as for now, I'm loving the extra money! (Even if the waitressing shift is only bringing in $400 a month, $4800 a year).
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| Posted 4/25/12 2:31 PM |
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TessMike214
Gabriella Aubrey born 3/26!
Member since 5/10 2440 total posts
Name:
Tess
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by DumpsterBaby
Posted by TessMike214
I'll jump in on this post because this sounds like me.
I work 2 days a week; on Thursday nights, I waitress, & on Sundays, I bartend at a steakhouse. Fortunately, my husband works a "9-5" Monday-Friday, so he watches our 17 month old son when I work for the most part. (Unless he has OT, then it's either my parents or his). I am thinking of dropping my Thursdays just so I can say that I don't waitress anymore, but the extra $$$ is the best! I make around $100 on Thursdays, and $350 on Sundays, take home. SOOO if you do the math, I take home about $23,400/year.
I work to pay for my student loans which tally out to be $560 each month, and every 3 months, it's 680 a month, as well as a couple of credit card bills.
(I have a BA in psych, and I plan to go back to school after we have our kids and they get a little older, give or take 10 years.)
I don't HAVE to work, but If I didn't work, money would definitely be A LOT tighter!
I HATE being a waitress, been doing it for 10 years, my time IS coming to an end. I do eventually plan to drop my waitressing shift, (I'll keep the bartending shift), but as for now, I'm loving the extra money! (Even if the waitressing shift is only bringing in $400 a month, $4800 a year).
GIRLLL you know what I have to go through to make that money!!!
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| Posted 4/25/12 2:32 PM |
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