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Budjeg11
LIF Adult
Member since 4/11 2644 total posts
Name:
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Re: Question for SAHM's...
Posted by LSP2005
Being a mom, managing everyone's schedules, making sure the house is running, and taking care of everything is difficult if you are a full time, part time, work from home, or stay at home mom.
I have worked full time, part time, and now I work from home, but occasionally have to drive to the office or to meet clients out of my home. Social planning, keeping the house, all of it falls to me as I am sure it does for most women.
No one person has it easy. Someone might have health problems, or family problems, or a special needs child.
I don't know any parent that has it all and certainly not all at the same time.
True, health problem, special needs and other extenuating circumstances certainly play a roll. However, all other things being the same.. assuming same child(ren), same spouse, same family, same spousal and outside help-- do you think that the SAHM has it just as hard as the Working mom, who has to work and then still has to do the keeping of the house, social planning, and the general mental and lets face of physical load of raising children?
Message edited 3/22/2018 3:43:03 PM.
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Posted 3/22/18 3:41 PM  |
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Laraaidan
LIF Toddler
Member since 6/17 450 total posts
Name:
Lara&aidansmommy
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Re: Question for SAHM's...
Ive been a sahm now for 4 years. What I love about it is IF i get a call from the school I dont have to ask permission from my boss , to leave. I can do my errands and whatever I need to get done before I have to get my kids from school. I can make morning appts for dr visits etc. I used to be so stressed out at work when I came home my patience was pretty much gone.
Now what I miss about working full time. My co workers, I loved them and the adult interaction. Sometimes I feel there are days I really want to go back to work. Im thinking of doing something part time. Its not so much that i need a paycheck just want to get back out there again.
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| Posted 3/22/18 3:50 PM |
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mommy2B3
2 boys 2 girls!!!!
Member since 7/08 3324 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: Question for SAHM's...
I’ve been a SAHM for 9 years now.. I love it, and I’m not forced to be a SAHM, but luckily my DH makes enough money where we are very comfortable without me working. I don’t actually know what will happen when my youngest goes to school full time ((he’s 2 right now)) but I couldn’t miss those years with them before fulltime school. We made huge sacrifices for me to SAH when we had our first, now the sacrifice is extra money, but we don’t need or think about the extra money.
I’m sorry your friend is so miserable being a SAHM, I find those that hate staying home either aren’t the nurturing type or their DHs never help. For me, I wouldn’t have kids unless we could make it work with one of us staying home, but that’s something we decided before kids, and it’s obviously not a one size fits all for everyone.
I will say not every day is a walk in the park, and I do complain. If I’m sick, I don’t get sick days or time off, and I certainly don’t get lunch breaks or any “me” time. Staying home is my job, and something that I’m passionate about, I love what I do, but that’s not to say I won’t have bad days, or that I don’t work hard. I also do more than clean the house, laundry and cook meals, that I hear all the time from working parents that it must be nice I have so much time to do all that, since they work all day and have to do that afterwards. But I’m not sure what they think my kids do all day if I’m able to do housework all day long.
I do find that I complain about working parents when they put me down ie. My neighbor who just assumes I can watch her kids bc I’m here or when she legit dropped her kid at my door this morning before school bc she had a hair appt and the kids step dad was “sleeping” even though he didn’t work yesterday bc of snow.. so those working parents who think I’m free childcare or pretend that their kid is “just one more” ohh I hate them, but I imagine I’d hate them even if they didn’t have kids 
Anyways, I find people who complain in general are just unhappy people, so the ones who complain staying home, would also complain if they were working or if they didn’t have kids etc..
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| Posted 3/22/18 3:54 PM |
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Budjeg11
LIF Adult
Member since 4/11 2644 total posts
Name:
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Re: Question for SAHM's...
Posted by Laraaidan
Ive been a sahm now for 4 years. What I love about it is IF i get a call from the school I dont have to ask permission from my boss , to leave. I can do my errands and whatever I need to get done before I have to get my kids from school. I can make morning appts for dr visits etc. I used to be so stressed out at work when I came home my patience was pretty much gone.
Now what I miss about working full time. My co workers, I loved them and the adult interaction. Sometimes I feel there are days I really want to go back to work. Im thinking of doing something part time. Its not so much that i need a paycheck just want to get back out there again.
Yes see, this is real! As a PT working mom, I completely get this!!! I'm guessing by your response that although you recognize what you are "giving up' in choosing to stay home, you don't complain incessantly about making that choice.
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| Posted 3/22/18 3:55 PM |
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Laraaidan
LIF Toddler
Member since 6/17 450 total posts
Name:
Lara&aidansmommy
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Re: Question for SAHM's...
Posted by Budjeg11
Posted by Laraaidan
Ive been a sahm now for 4 years. What I love about it is IF i get a call from the school I dont have to ask permission from my boss , to leave. I can do my errands and whatever I need to get done before I have to get my kids from school. I can make morning appts for dr visits etc. I used to be so stressed out at work when I came home my patience was pretty much gone.
Now what I miss about working full time. My co workers, I loved them and the adult interaction. Sometimes I feel there are days I really want to go back to work. Im thinking of doing something part time. Its not so much that i need a paycheck just want to get back out there again.
Yes see, this is real! As a PT working mom, I completely get this!!! I'm guessing by your response that although you recognize what you are "giving up' in choosing to stay home, you don't complain incessantly about making that choice.
You're correct!
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| Posted 3/22/18 3:59 PM |
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Budjeg11
LIF Adult
Member since 4/11 2644 total posts
Name:
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Re: Question for SAHM's...
Posted by gina409
I also want to add
I have a friend who always talks about the luxury of staying home and yes sometimes it is
But forgets about the luxury of having help when needed for whatever reason
Nobody cares when you’re a sahm and you have the flu and still have kids to care for
Kwim. It’s not a black and white situation. It varies so much and everyone is always going to want what someone else has
Agreed it depends on circumstances not limited to SAHM v. working mom. Lots of sahm do have outside help and lots of working moms are limited with help aside from the hours they work. So that SAHM with the flu may have a friend or family member who can come over to help her but that same working mom may be able to take a day off of work but she still has that same child to take care of --and may not have help in the evenings or mornings or weekends when the child is not in daycare or the child may be too sick for day care
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| Posted 3/22/18 3:59 PM |
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mommy2B3
2 boys 2 girls!!!!
Member since 7/08 3324 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: Question for SAHM's...
Posted by Budjeg11
Posted by LSP2005
Being a mom, managing everyone's schedules, making sure the house is running, and taking care of everything is difficult if you are a full time, part time, work from home, or stay at home mom.
I have worked full time, part time, and now I work from home, but occasionally have to drive to the office or to meet clients out of my home. Social planning, keeping the house, all of it falls to me as I am sure it does for most women.
No one person has it easy. Someone might have health problems, or family problems, or a special needs child.
I don't know any parent that has it all and certainly not all at the same time.
True, health problem, special needs and other extenuating circumstances certainly play a roll. However, all other things being the same.. assuming same child(ren), same spouse, same family, same spousal and outside help-- do you think that the SAHM has it just as hard as the Working mom, who has to work and then still has to do the keeping of the house, social planning, and the general mental and lets face of physical load of raising children?
I always love when people say this.. that working parents work, but what do you think I do as a stay at home mom? Are your daycare people or whoever are with your kids while your working, not working?
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| Posted 3/22/18 4:07 PM |
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LuckyStar
LIF Adult
Member since 7/14 7274 total posts
Name:
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Re: Question for SAHM's...
Posted by mommy2B3
I’m sorry your friend is so miserable being a SAHM, I find those that hate staying home either aren’t the nurturing type or their DHs never help. For me, I wouldn’t have kids unless we could make it work with one of us staying home, but that’s something we decided before kids, and it’s obviously not a one size fits all for everyone.
Or maybe she would just prefer working. To say a woman who would rather have a job than be home isn’t nurturing is absurd and insulting.
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| Posted 3/22/18 4:27 PM |
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Budjeg11
LIF Adult
Member since 4/11 2644 total posts
Name:
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Re: Question for SAHM's...
Posted by mommy2B3
Posted by Budjeg11
Posted by LSP2005
Being a mom, managing everyone's schedules, making sure the house is running, and taking care of everything is difficult if you are a full time, part time, work from home, or stay at home mom.
I have worked full time, part time, and now I work from home, but occasionally have to drive to the office or to meet clients out of my home. Social planning, keeping the house, all of it falls to me as I am sure it does for most women.
No one person has it easy. Someone might have health problems, or family problems, or a special needs child.
I don't know any parent that has it all and certainly not all at the same time.
True, health problem, special needs and other extenuating circumstances certainly play a roll. However, all other things being the same.. assuming same child(ren), same spouse, same family, same spousal and outside help-- do you think that the SAHM has it just as hard as the Working mom, who has to work and then still has to do the keeping of the house, social planning, and the general mental and lets face of physical load of raising children?
I always love when people say this.. that working parents work, but what do you think I do as a stay at home mom? Are your daycare people or whoever are with your kids while your working, not working?
Yes, a day care workers job is to take care of your kids. I have family watching my kids. I know that its not easy. At all. I work part time and there are days when I am home with my kids all day and I wish I were at work lol. That being said sorry not sorry but yes, It would be easier for me to do homework with my daughter at 3:30 when she gets home rather than at 8pm at night when I get home after working at commuting a total of 12 hours a day. It would be easier for me to have a few hours at home during the day when my kids are playing to make dinner, rather than stay up till 11pm the days I work to make dinner for them for the next day. It would be easier for me to go to my kids holiday play and then take her to lunch afterwards rather than race out of there like a bat out of hell bc I have to run for an important work appointment that could not be rescheduled, yes it would be easier if I were home and didn't have to get to work when my child wakes up sick and cant go to school and my child care provider is not available at a moments notice. So yes, I find the days I am home it is easier to manage the other tasks expected of me because I have more time to do so. So unless you are spending 24/7 doting on, teaching, and /or homeschool your kids , which for your sake and your kids I hope is not the case, you have more time during the day to take care of the things that working moms take care of AFTER they work all day. BUt again my OP is about complaining about choices we make not about staying home vs. working.
Message edited 3/22/2018 4:37:52 PM.
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| Posted 3/22/18 4:27 PM |
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stinger
LIF Adult
Member since 11/11 4971 total posts
Name:
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Re: Question for SAHM's...
Posted by mommy2B3
Posted by Budjeg11
Posted by LSP2005
Being a mom, managing everyone's schedules, making sure the house is running, and taking care of everything is difficult if you are a full time, part time, work from home, or stay at home mom.
I have worked full time, part time, and now I work from home, but occasionally have to drive to the office or to meet clients out of my home. Social planning, keeping the house, all of it falls to me as I am sure it does for most women.
No one person has it easy. Someone might have health problems, or family problems, or a special needs child.
I don't know any parent that has it all and certainly not all at the same time.
True, health problem, special needs and other extenuating circumstances certainly play a roll. However, all other things being the same.. assuming same child(ren), same spouse, same family, same spousal and outside help-- do you think that the SAHM has it just as hard as the Working mom, who has to work and then still has to do the keeping of the house, social planning, and the general mental and lets face of physical load of raising children?
I always love when people say this.. that working parents work, but what do you think I do as a stay at home mom? Are your daycare people or whoever are with your kids while your working, not working?
I see what she is saying. It depends on the kid: how old, do they nap, how long do they nap, are they rambunctious, how much tv zoning out time do they have, how many activities do they have, how independent are they, how many other kids do they have etc etc. And depends on other factors like how much spouse works or does around house. If you think of it simply yes if all else is quite easy (1 kid in school only in 1 activity and does hw independently, spouse comes home for dinner and takes over) of course the SAHM will have way more time to cook dinner than another SAHM.
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| Posted 3/22/18 4:32 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Question for SAHM's...
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by mommy2B3
I’m sorry your friend is so miserable being a SAHM, I find those that hate staying home either aren’t the nurturing type or their DHs never help. For me, I wouldn’t have kids unless we could make it work with one of us staying home, but that’s something we decided before kids, and it’s obviously not a one size fits all for everyone.
Or maybe she would just prefer working. To say a woman who would rather have a job than be home isn’t nurturing is absurd and insulting.
Yeah I was going to say something about this but stopped myself. But since you did....
Yeah.
Wow, talk about offensive,.
I am VERY nurturing. I love my daughter more than anything on the planet. When I am with her, we are thick as thieves and I dote on her. You'd be hard pressed to find a better mom than me. This child is 'nurtured' to the 9th degree. Almost too much sometimes.
But I worked my ass off to get where I am and I wasn't about to give it up just because I gave birth.
Staying at home isn't for me. By a long shot.
Not because I'm not nurturing but because I enjoy my career. And my daughter.
And I can have both- go figure. Great country, this America!
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| Posted 3/22/18 4:35 PM |
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LuckyStar
LIF Adult
Member since 7/14 7274 total posts
Name:
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Question for SAHM's...
OP, I get what you’re saying about the complaining and I agree with you. They’re complaining about a problem that doesn’t exist. This isn’t a situation where childcare would cause a financial hardship. These women can go back to work if they want to. Nothing is stopping them. I can see how it would be irritating to have to listen to someone complain about an easily fixable problem.
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| Posted 3/22/18 4:35 PM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: Question for SAHM's...
I was mostly a SAHM for the past ten years. I did briefly own and operate my own business for a couple of years but I try to block that time out to be completely honest. I think it has been very rare for me to complain about being a SAHM for the exact reasons that you said. No one was stopping me from going back to work. The thing that I did complain about was the fact that if I was sick I had to suck it up and take care of my kids. If I had a job I would already have child care lined up and I would be able to actually be sick in peace. But I had full on vomiting stomach viruses and I had to take care of kids who had stomach viruses at the same time! Those days absolutely suck. But it's worth it for the chance to stay home with my kids.
Now that my youngest is in kindergarten I started working part time from home while they are at school. It helps to know that I can go back to work full time if I need to now without having a ten year gap on my resume.
As for your friends, are their children very young? I found that I felt really isolated when my first was a baby and I hadn't made any friends yet. Now, even if I didn't work I have a ton of things to keep me busy so socially it's similar to working
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| Posted 3/22/18 4:38 PM |
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MrsT809
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 12167 total posts
Name:
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Re: Question for SAHM's...
Posted by Budjeg11
Posted by mommy2B3
Posted by Budjeg11
Posted by LSP2005
Being a mom, managing everyone's schedules, making sure the house is running, and taking care of everything is difficult if you are a full time, part time, work from home, or stay at home mom.
I have worked full time, part time, and now I work from home, but occasionally have to drive to the office or to meet clients out of my home. Social planning, keeping the house, all of it falls to me as I am sure it does for most women.
No one person has it easy. Someone might have health problems, or family problems, or a special needs child.
I don't know any parent that has it all and certainly not all at the same time.
True, health problem, special needs and other extenuating circumstances certainly play a roll. However, all other things being the same.. assuming same child(ren), same spouse, same family, same spousal and outside help-- do you think that the SAHM has it just as hard as the Working mom, who has to work and then still has to do the keeping of the house, social planning, and the general mental and lets face of physical load of raising children?
I always love when people say this.. that working parents work, but what do you think I do as a stay at home mom? Are your daycare people or whoever are with your kids while your working, not working?
Yes, a day care workers job is to take care of your kids. I have family watching my kids. I know that its not easy. At all. I work part time and there are days when I am home with my kids all day and I wish I were at work lol. That being said sorry not sorry but yes, It would be easier for me to do homework with my daughter at 3:30 when she gets home rather than at 8pm at night when I get home after working at commuting a total of 12 hours a day. It would be easier for me to have a few hours at home during the day when my kids are playing to make dinner, rather than stay up till 11pm the days I work to make dinner for them for the next day. It would be easier for me to go to my kids holiday play and then take her to lunch afterwards rather than race out of there like a bat out of hell and make sure that I made other arrangements to get her home bc I have to run for an important work appointment that could not be rescheduled. So yes, I find the days I am home it is easier to manage the other tasks expected of me because I have more time to do so. So unless you are spending 24/7 doting on, teaching, and /or homeschool your kids , which for your sake and your kids I hope is not the case, you have more time during the day to take care of the things that working moms take care of AFTER they work all day. BUt again my OP is about complaining about choices we make not about staying home vs. working.
Yes, of course these things are easier when you stay home. I'm not sure you're point. These are the reasons why I stay home. I could make a list of all the things I can't do bc I gave up a good paying job. I could compare when I'll get to retire bc I'll need to make up the time. Everyone makes sacrifices. If it would be so much easier, why not go for it? If there are too many drawbacks you'll have you're answer as to which things are not easier.
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| Posted 3/22/18 4:39 PM |
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Budjeg11
LIF Adult
Member since 4/11 2644 total posts
Name:
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Re: Question for SAHM's...
Posted by MrsT809
Posted by Budjeg11
Posted by mommy2B3
Posted by Budjeg11
Posted by LSP2005
Being a mom, managing everyone's schedules, making sure the house is running, and taking care of everything is difficult if you are a full time, part time, work from home, or stay at home mom.
I have worked full time, part time, and now I work from home, but occasionally have to drive to the office or to meet clients out of my home. Social planning, keeping the house, all of it falls to me as I am sure it does for most women.
No one person has it easy. Someone might have health problems, or family problems, or a special needs child.
I don't know any parent that has it all and certainly not all at the same time.
True, health problem, special needs and other extenuating circumstances certainly play a roll. However, all other things being the same.. assuming same child(ren), same spouse, same family, same spousal and outside help-- do you think that the SAHM has it just as hard as the Working mom, who has to work and then still has to do the keeping of the house, social planning, and the general mental and lets face of physical load of raising children?
I always love when people say this.. that working parents work, but what do you think I do as a stay at home mom? Are your daycare people or whoever are with your kids while your working, not working?
Yes, a day care workers job is to take care of your kids. I have family watching my kids. I know that its not easy. At all. I work part time and there are days when I am home with my kids all day and I wish I were at work lol. That being said sorry not sorry but yes, It would be easier for me to do homework with my daughter at 3:30 when she gets home rather than at 8pm at night when I get home after working at commuting a total of 12 hours a day. It would be easier for me to have a few hours at home during the day when my kids are playing to make dinner, rather than stay up till 11pm the days I work to make dinner for them for the next day. It would be easier for me to go to my kids holiday play and then take her to lunch afterwards rather than race out of there like a bat out of hell and make sure that I made other arrangements to get her home bc I have to run for an important work appointment that could not be rescheduled. So yes, I find the days I am home it is easier to manage the other tasks expected of me because I have more time to do so. So unless you are spending 24/7 doting on, teaching, and /or homeschool your kids , which for your sake and your kids I hope is not the case, you have more time during the day to take care of the things that working moms take care of AFTER they work all day. BUt again my OP is about complaining about choices we make not about staying home vs. working.
Yes, of course these things are easier when you stay home. I'm not sure you're point. These are the reasons why I stay home. I could make a list of all the things I can't do bc I gave up a good paying job. I could compare when I'll get to retire bc I'll need to make up the time. Everyone makes sacrifices. If it would be so much easier, why not go for it? If there are too many drawbacks you'll have you're answer as to which things are not easier.
My point was to respond to the person who posted that no one person has it easy whether they work or not. My point is that all things being equal it is easier to be a mom and do the things expected with that role when you are not working. My point is that I choose to go to work bc if I didn't I would have to sacrifice things that I am not willing to sacrifice yet I don't complain about it. My point is that if you choose to stay home, and be a sahm , don't complain about what you are giving up, because you made that choice.
My point is exactly what you are saying -- to those people who complain that you gave up your carreer, if you think the otherside is so much better, then go back to work!
Message edited 3/22/2018 4:47:33 PM.
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| Posted 3/22/18 4:42 PM |
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PitterPatter11
Baby Boy is Here!
Member since 5/11 7619 total posts
Name:
Momma <3
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Re: Question for SAHM's...
I teach so over breaks and the summer, I stay home. I honestly LOVE it. I regularly schedule play dates and activities for him. It’s amazing how much free stuff there is to do if you look hard enough. During the summer, I wake up early and work out before my DH leaves for work so I still have me time. Plus my DS is at the age where I can pretty much bring him anywhere without an issue.
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| Posted 3/22/18 4:43 PM |
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MrsT809
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 12167 total posts
Name:
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Re: Question for SAHM's...
Posted by Budjeg11
Posted by MrsT809
Posted by Budjeg11
Posted by mommy2B3
Posted by Budjeg11
Posted by LSP2005
Being a mom, managing everyone's schedules, making sure the house is running, and taking care of everything is difficult if you are a full time, part time, work from home, or stay at home mom.
I have worked full time, part time, and now I work from home, but occasionally have to drive to the office or to meet clients out of my home. Social planning, keeping the house, all of it falls to me as I am sure it does for most women.
No one person has it easy. Someone might have health problems, or family problems, or a special needs child.
I don't know any parent that has it all and certainly not all at the same time.
True, health problem, special needs and other extenuating circumstances certainly play a roll. However, all other things being the same.. assuming same child(ren), same spouse, same family, same spousal and outside help-- do you think that the SAHM has it just as hard as the Working mom, who has to work and then still has to do the keeping of the house, social planning, and the general mental and lets face of physical load of raising children?
I always love when people say this.. that working parents work, but what do you think I do as a stay at home mom? Are your daycare people or whoever are with your kids while your working, not working?
Yes, a day care workers job is to take care of your kids. I have family watching my kids. I know that its not easy. At all. I work part time and there are days when I am home with my kids all day and I wish I were at work lol. That being said sorry not sorry but yes, It would be easier for me to do homework with my daughter at 3:30 when she gets home rather than at 8pm at night when I get home after working at commuting a total of 12 hours a day. It would be easier for me to have a few hours at home during the day when my kids are playing to make dinner, rather than stay up till 11pm the days I work to make dinner for them for the next day. It would be easier for me to go to my kids holiday play and then take her to lunch afterwards rather than race out of there like a bat out of hell and make sure that I made other arrangements to get her home bc I have to run for an important work appointment that could not be rescheduled. So yes, I find the days I am home it is easier to manage the other tasks expected of me because I have more time to do so. So unless you are spending 24/7 doting on, teaching, and /or homeschool your kids , which for your sake and your kids I hope is not the case, you have more time during the day to take care of the things that working moms take care of AFTER they work all day. BUt again my OP is about complaining about choices we make not about staying home vs. working.
Yes, of course these things are easier when you stay home. I'm not sure you're point. These are the reasons why I stay home. I could make a list of all the things I can't do bc I gave up a good paying job. I could compare when I'll get to retire bc I'll need to make up the time. Everyone makes sacrifices. If it would be so much easier, why not go for it? If there are too many drawbacks you'll have you're answer as to which things are not easier.
My point was to respond to the person who posted that no one person has it easy whether they work or not. My point is that all things being equal it is easier to be a mom and do the things expected with that role when you are not working. My point is that I choose to go to work bc if I didn't I would have to sacrifice things that I am not willing to sacrifice yet I don't complain about it. My point is that if you choose to stay home, and be a sahm , don't complain about what you are giving up, because you made that choice.
Gotcha. I do agree that complaining about the consequences of your own decisions is silly and I can see it being pretty annoying if it's a frequent thing. In that case, I think I'd be making the choice not to spend much time with that person. 
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| Posted 3/22/18 4:48 PM |
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Budjeg11
LIF Adult
Member since 4/11 2644 total posts
Name:
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Re: Question for SAHM's...
Posted by MrsT809
Posted by Budjeg11
Posted by MrsT809
Posted by Budjeg11
Posted by mommy2B3
Posted by Budjeg11
Posted by LSP2005
Being a mom, managing everyone's schedules, making sure the house is running, and taking care of everything is difficult if you are a full time, part time, work from home, or stay at home mom.
I have worked full time, part time, and now I work from home, but occasionally have to drive to the office or to meet clients out of my home. Social planning, keeping the house, all of it falls to me as I am sure it does for most women.
No one person has it easy. Someone might have health problems, or family problems, or a special needs child.
I don't know any parent that has it all and certainly not all at the same time.
True, health problem, special needs and other extenuating circumstances certainly play a roll. However, all other things being the same.. assuming same child(ren), same spouse, same family, same spousal and outside help-- do you think that the SAHM has it just as hard as the Working mom, who has to work and then still has to do the keeping of the house, social planning, and the general mental and lets face of physical load of raising children?
I always love when people say this.. that working parents work, but what do you think I do as a stay at home mom? Are your daycare people or whoever are with your kids while your working, not working?
Yes, a day care workers job is to take care of your kids. I have family watching my kids. I know that its not easy. At all. I work part time and there are days when I am home with my kids all day and I wish I were at work lol. That being said sorry not sorry but yes, It would be easier for me to do homework with my daughter at 3:30 when she gets home rather than at 8pm at night when I get home after working at commuting a total of 12 hours a day. It would be easier for me to have a few hours at home during the day when my kids are playing to make dinner, rather than stay up till 11pm the days I work to make dinner for them for the next day. It would be easier for me to go to my kids holiday play and then take her to lunch afterwards rather than race out of there like a bat out of hell and make sure that I made other arrangements to get her home bc I have to run for an important work appointment that could not be rescheduled. So yes, I find the days I am home it is easier to manage the other tasks expected of me because I have more time to do so. So unless you are spending 24/7 doting on, teaching, and /or homeschool your kids , which for your sake and your kids I hope is not the case, you have more time during the day to take care of the things that working moms take care of AFTER they work all day. BUt again my OP is about complaining about choices we make not about staying home vs. working.
Yes, of course these things are easier when you stay home. I'm not sure you're point. These are the reasons why I stay home. I could make a list of all the things I can't do bc I gave up a good paying job. I could compare when I'll get to retire bc I'll need to make up the time. Everyone makes sacrifices. If it would be so much easier, why not go for it? If there are too many drawbacks you'll have you're answer as to which things are not easier.
My point was to respond to the person who posted that no one person has it easy whether they work or not. My point is that all things being equal it is easier to be a mom and do the things expected with that role when you are not working. My point is that I choose to go to work bc if I didn't I would have to sacrifice things that I am not willing to sacrifice yet I don't complain about it. My point is that if you choose to stay home, and be a sahm , don't complain about what you are giving up, because you made that choice.
Gotcha. I do agree that complaining about the consequences of your own decisions is silly and I can see it being pretty annoying if it's a frequent thing. In that case, I think I'd be making the choice not to spend much time with that person.
ahahah unfortunately I love both friends dearly its just getting annoying to listen to when I am juggling my own work /life balance. I try to help them through it and encourage them to go back to work if they feel strongly about it and it will make them happy and just get excuses thrown back like-- well I want to be there for my kids or I don't trust nannies etc.. and its like ok well then that's why you chose to stay home, that's the choice you made so now quit ******** about something you can change but choose not to!
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| Posted 3/22/18 4:51 PM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: Question for SAHM's...
Posted by Budjeg11
So unless you are spending 24/7 doting on, teaching, and /or homeschool your kids , which for your sake and your kids I hope is not the case, you have more time during the day to take care of the things that working moms take care of AFTER they work all day. BUt again my OP is about complaining about choices we make not about staying home vs. working.
Not necessarily true. In my household my husband does almost NOTHING except go to work. I take care of EVERYTHING. I am responsible for landscaping, taking care of our two cars, grocery shopping, cooking, paying all of our bills and managing all of our finances, planning vacations, scheduling all of our children's activities and finding transportation for them etc. If something in our house breaks, either I fix it or find someone to fix it. I make repairs around the house myself, hang pictures, curtains, you name it. My husband does not lift a finger. And up until recently he was gone from 7am to 8pm so I pretty much had the entire day with no help. I see my friends who work - even part time jobs or teach and have summer and holidays off - and their husbands all do SOMETHING. Most of them pitch in significantly actually. But, this is my job and so I do it. But yeah, of course while my kids were little and I had three kids at home and I was still doing all of this stuff on my own with no help, I might have been exhausted and thought to myself, hmmmm it would be nice to not have to worry about all of this stuff even if it meant going back to work. It can get overwhelming.
But, then I also have friends that work and their husbands don't do their fair share and I think I'm better off in my situation.
My point is, it really all depends on the family dynamic. It depends how many kids you have, how old they are, how difficult they are, how much your husband helps out, if you have family around to help out. Etc, etc, etc. Just because you are a SAHM doesn't mean you have more time to get all this stuff done.
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| Posted 3/22/18 4:55 PM |
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Aries14
Can't plan life...
Member since 8/08 2860 total posts
Name:
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Question for SAHM's...
OP - I know exactly what you are saying and I too find it annoying. I have the same situation but opposite with my best friend. Her husband makes A LOT of money... more than most couples make in 3 years - he makes in one year. She still works. not full time but a little more than half. ALL she does is complain about working. Its hard to listen too because she has the choice. She doesn't have to work and she complains about working lol. I work full time. I like working so I get that some woman need too or enjoy it. The annoying part is that that is 100% her choice to continue working and its all I hear about.
So I get what you are saying.
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| Posted 3/22/18 4:56 PM |
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Budjeg11
LIF Adult
Member since 4/11 2644 total posts
Name:
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Re: Question for SAHM's...
Posted by lululu
Posted by Budjeg11
So unless you are spending 24/7 doting on, teaching, and /or homeschool your kids , which for your sake and your kids I hope is not the case, you have more time during the day to take care of the things that working moms take care of AFTER they work all day. BUt again my OP is about complaining about choices we make not about staying home vs. working.
Not necessarily true. In my household my husband does almost NOTHING except go to work. I take care of EVERYTHING. I am responsible for landscaping, taking care of our two cars, grocery shopping, cooking, paying all of our bills and managing all of our finances, planning vacations, scheduling all of our children's activities and finding transportation for them etc. If something in our house breaks, either I fix it or find someone to fix it. I make repairs around the house myself, hang pictures, curtains, you name it. My husband does not lift a finger. And up until recently he was gone from 7am to 8pm so I pretty much had the entire day with no help. I see my friends who work - even part time jobs or teach and have summer and holidays off - and their husbands all do SOMETHING. Most of them pitch in significantly actually. But, this is my job and so I do it. But yeah, of course while my kids were little and I had three kids at home and I was still doing all of this stuff on my own with no help, I might have been exhausted and thought to myself, hmmmm it would be nice to not have to worry about all of this stuff even if it meant going back to work. It can get overwhelming.
But, then I also have friends that work and their husbands don't do their fair share and I think I'm better off in my situation.
My point is, it really all depends on the family dynamic. It depends how many kids you have, how old they are, how difficult they are, how much your husband helps out, if you have family around to help out. Etc, etc, etc. Just because you are a SAHM doesn't mean you have more time to get all this stuff done.
Again you may have missed the premise--- ALL THINGS BEING the same. Of course every situation /family dynamic is different which is why this is premised on all things being the same. You can have a SAHM whose husband does all of what you describe or a Working mom whose husband does not of it. In my house my husband would do all of what you describe regardless of how often I worked and I would do all fo the child related stuff regardless of how often I worked. Just because he is old school like that =)
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| Posted 3/22/18 4:59 PM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: Question for SAHM's...
Posted by Budjeg11
ahahah unfortunately I love both friends dearly its just getting annoying to listen to when I am juggling my own work /life balance. I try to help them through it and encourage them to go back to work if they feel strongly about it and it will make them happy and just get excuses thrown back like-- well I want to be there for my kids or I don't trust nannies etc.. and its like ok well then that's why you chose to stay home, that's the choice you made so now quit ******** about something you can change but choose not to!
I completely get what you are saying but are they really complaining as much as you think they are? I can see myself having a conversation with someone about the hardships of staying home, venting about the sacrifices I've made, but still never wanting to give up what I have gotten in return. I can see the perception being that I am complaining even though I am not complaining about being a SAHM but more complaining about some of the sacrifices that I've made - and there is a subtle difference.
It's kind of like when I complain to my mom about ANYTHING her response is always "Well there's someone that has it a lot worse off than you." Well thanks Captain Obvious, there's pretty much someone worse off than everyone - does that mean no one should ever complain or vent? Complaining (within reason) is human. Sometimes people just need to let off a little steam....
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| Posted 3/22/18 5:01 PM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: Question for SAHM's...
Posted by Budjeg11
Posted by lululu
Posted by Budjeg11
So unless you are spending 24/7 doting on, teaching, and /or homeschool your kids , which for your sake and your kids I hope is not the case, you have more time during the day to take care of the things that working moms take care of AFTER they work all day. BUt again my OP is about complaining about choices we make not about staying home vs. working.
Not necessarily true. In my household my husband does almost NOTHING except go to work. I take care of EVERYTHING. I am responsible for landscaping, taking care of our two cars, grocery shopping, cooking, paying all of our bills and managing all of our finances, planning vacations, scheduling all of our children's activities and finding transportation for them etc. If something in our house breaks, either I fix it or find someone to fix it. I make repairs around the house myself, hang pictures, curtains, you name it. My husband does not lift a finger. And up until recently he was gone from 7am to 8pm so I pretty much had the entire day with no help. I see my friends who work - even part time jobs or teach and have summer and holidays off - and their husbands all do SOMETHING. Most of them pitch in significantly actually. But, this is my job and so I do it. But yeah, of course while my kids were little and I had three kids at home and I was still doing all of this stuff on my own with no help, I might have been exhausted and thought to myself, hmmmm it would be nice to not have to worry about all of this stuff even if it meant going back to work. It can get overwhelming.
But, then I also have friends that work and their husbands don't do their fair share and I think I'm better off in my situation.
My point is, it really all depends on the family dynamic. It depends how many kids you have, how old they are, how difficult they are, how much your husband helps out, if you have family around to help out. Etc, etc, etc. Just because you are a SAHM doesn't mean you have more time to get all this stuff done.
Again you may have missed the premise--- ALL THINGS BEING the same. Of course every situation /family dynamic is different which is why this is premised on all things being the same. You can have a SAHM whose husband does all of what you describe or a Working mom whose husband does not of it. In my house my husband would do all of what you describe regardless of how often I worked and I would do all fo the child related stuff regardless of how often I worked. Just because he is old school like that =)
Okay I guess I missed the premise because in my experience, husbands of working moms seem to pitch in a lot more than husbands of SAHMs. That's just my experience though.
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| Posted 3/22/18 5:03 PM |
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Budjeg11
LIF Adult
Member since 4/11 2644 total posts
Name:
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Re: Question for SAHM's...
Posted by lululu
Posted by Budjeg11
ahahah unfortunately I love both friends dearly its just getting annoying to listen to when I am juggling my own work /life balance. I try to help them through it and encourage them to go back to work if they feel strongly about it and it will make them happy and just get excuses thrown back like-- well I want to be there for my kids or I don't trust nannies etc.. and its like ok well then that's why you chose to stay home, that's the choice you made so now quit ******** about something you can change but choose not to!
I completely get what you are saying but are they really complaining as much as you think they are? I can see myself having a conversation with someone about the hardships of staying home, venting about the sacrifices I've made, but still never wanting to give up what I have gotten in return. I can see the perception being that I am complaining even though I am not complaining about being a SAHM but more complaining about some of the sacrifices that I've made - and there is a subtle difference.
It's kind of like when I complain to my mom about ANYTHING her response is always "Well there's someone that has it a lot worse off than you." Well thanks Captain Obvious, there's pretty much someone worse off than everyone - does that mean no one should ever complain or vent? Complaining (within reason) is human. Sometimes people just need to let off a little steam....
I totally understand. And you're right - everyone needs to vent- which is why I listen to them because even though I made a choice to work I still complain about how hard it is to manage work and mom. But I think what I grapple with is yes with one friend its all the time and her insistence that they don't have a choice when indeed they do. Its like do you really think one side is so much better? you must realize that each side has its pros and cons which is why you chose one sidoe over the other-- not bc you didn't have a choice. I get that you don't want "strangers " watching your son-- but it is an option- I mean millions of other people do it!
Message edited 3/22/2018 5:08:07 PM.
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| Posted 3/22/18 5:06 PM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
Name:
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Re: Question for SAHM's...
I've been a SAHM since my DD was born in 2008. I enjoy it very much even though it has its moments. lol I'm much happier at home than I ever was at work so even though there are days where I am exhausted or never sit down I am still glad to be home and not work.
For me, being a SAHM is a choice and I could back to work if I wanted to as DS is starting Kindergarten in the fall however, my kids still need me around and DH's job is demanding so for us, it's better for me to continue to be home. I'm 100% cool with that, for me going back to F/T teaching would mean going back into the city and I have ZERO interest in that commute or chaos ever again.
Parenting is hard for every mom, working or SAHM. Working parents get a "break" but then they have work stress. As a SAHM mom I don't have "work stress" but I have other things that keep me running all day and exhausted. I don't think it needs to be a competition, everyone makes their choice one way or the other and in the end, everyone is working hard at being a parent and doing the best they can!
I'm very thankful to be able to stay at home with my kids and for me and our family, it's the right decision. It's certainly not for everyone but it works well for me. 
Message edited 3/22/2018 5:12:23 PM.
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| Posted 3/22/18 5:07 PM |
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